What’s disturbing to me is that the photo is photoshopped to be more…whatever.
The other photos in the listing don’t show the same, um, assortment of facial parts.
Like making photoshopped landscape design renderings to convince clients, when in fact those street trees and shrubs will never attain any of the proposed qualities?
I picture you singing softly, gently brushing out the snarls in her brambles, and then I get scared of myself and just want to order shoes on line like all the other girls.
Right. I still don’t see the joke. (Yeah, I get it. Misheard song lyrics. Mondegreens.) I still don’t see the post where it started though… *scratches head*
Yes, it might be human – “Schutzmarke Germany” (two words, not three) is the trademark found on old dolls of the German “Schildkröt” brand (think 1900), and if this were listed with an anywhere near Google-able description, some doll clinic might actually be interested in the parts. But given that the seller hasn’t bothered to accurately copy, leave alone research the imprint on the doll, it’s very improbable that any doll doctor will find this listing. Unless, of course, doll doctors read Regretsy.
… and it’s really spelled “Schutz-Marke” on the doll, which is several German spelling reforms ago, making this a real antiquity. Yes, some doll clinic might definitely want this. While I will go boost my brain with more beer to prepare for zombie attack.
I decided to retreat to the woods when the government wouldn’t let me claim my pinecone n’ brambles girlfriend as a dependent at tax time. Don’t they realize that she costs me a small fortune in brambles?
Neither tin foil nor mirrored boxes reflect well on either of you. Unlike today’s comments.
+9
CommonDefiance
October 16, 2012 at 10:24 am
I don’t know whether to take comfort in the smashed skull or allowing my mind to integrate it into the horrifying nightmares that’s currently brewing in my brain.
I think at one point there is melting eyeball. It’s the new version I’m thinking of, not the old one. That’s… actually I’m torn as to which is more creepy. One has the added weight of treasured childhood memories tainted by adulthood, the other I was just kinda baked.
The only thing about this that makes me at all happy is that I never saw it as a child. I was no huge fan of dolls anyway (they creeped me out) but if I had sen this i would have woken up gibbering in terror most nights.
I’m gonna have to put my crawlspace-trailer up on monster-truck tires to keep the demons away. Can Freddy Krueger climb ladders? It seems to me that his skin condition would inhibit his climbing abilities…
Excuse me for not reading all the posts. Someone may have pointed this out: I’m not a dollmaker, but isn’t it pretty cheap to buy doll parts? Like, cheaper than 20.00? Isn’t a ready made doll about 20.00?
It’s hard to find authentic antique and/or vintage doll parts. Many doll restorers actually re-make parts themselves. We had 3 dolls from my great-grandma that were badly stored, and the dollmaker who fixed them hand-carved the arms and legs on two from pictures in a book to make it as authentic as possible, and cheaper, surprisingly, than finding the parts from other dolls.
Wow, thanks for all the views! Yeah, she is creepy, I agree.
By the way, Etsy doesn’t allow hyphens in their titles, so I couldn’t spell it correctly. No photoshopping either–her face shifted every time she was moved.
Oh, and she sold a few days ago, so thanks for that too.
October 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
Parts is parts…..
October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am
Unlike her old brother, Chucky, Lucy was a relatively easy to ‘deal’ with…..
October 16, 2012 at 9:44 am
And here’s her younger brother!
October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am
Aaaaand there’s tonight’s nightmare all taken care of. At least until the debate.
October 16, 2012 at 10:21 am
October 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm
What the fucking fuck IS THAT OH GOD HELP US ALL
February 15, 2013 at 5:50 pm
HAAAAAAY! That’s my doll! I made him (and love him and squeeze him and call him George)…
Who the hell is Sodahead? Totally not affiliated with that site. Anyway, thanks for posting. Glad I could freak some of you out.
October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am
one word: zombies!
October 16, 2012 at 9:36 am
Naked and battered. I’ve seen this on Lifetime…or maybe in Florida.
October 16, 2012 at 9:44 am
Find a new hobby, naked face-eating guy!
October 16, 2012 at 10:46 am
Things you say to dump your zombie boyfriend!
October 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
Just be careful how you phrase “Eat me” to the zombie boyfriend.
October 16, 2012 at 11:07 am
Yeah, he’d probably wind up giving you a little head by accident.
October 16, 2012 at 9:39 am
I love where the mouth is!!
October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
YOU SAW IT TOO!!!
October 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
Is that her little mouth up by her right unblinking eye? Twisted upside down in a neverending scream?
Sweet baby(doll) Jesus, that is disturbing…
October 16, 2012 at 10:16 am
What’s disturbing to me is that the photo is photoshopped to be more…whatever.
The other photos in the listing don’t show the same, um, assortment of facial parts.
October 16, 2012 at 10:25 am
Photoshop is not always used for the powers of good, melagrana. There is a dark side.
October 16, 2012 at 10:32 am
Like making photoshopped landscape design renderings to convince clients, when in fact those street trees and shrubs will never attain any of the proposed qualities?
Oh, oops. Forget I said that.
October 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Said what?
October 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Not only that, but so subtle and skilled is the average real estate use of the clone tool that a client will NEVER detect it.
Assuming they were buying houses sight unseen. Which is what I think most of us do.
October 16, 2012 at 10:29 am
The photoshopped one is like an entirely different shattered-head baby doll. As if one wasn’t all we need.
October 16, 2012 at 10:38 am
Make that head into a Pshop stamp tool and it can go with you everywhere!
October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
You can hardly notice the damage.
October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am
“Gently loved” vintage condition.
October 16, 2012 at 9:52 am
“Lenny-loved” would be my take.
October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
“Her eye(s) are realistic”
Lord save me :S
October 16, 2012 at 10:09 am
“So realistic, in fact, that they really emotionally convey the absolute horror inflicted on her. What fun.”
October 16, 2012 at 9:43 am
Just the thing for Lil’ MD’s “Coma Patient Organ Bank”!
October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am
Don’t be a dummy. Assist your sitting dolls.
October 16, 2012 at 9:51 am
I wonder if there was a prize inside.
October 16, 2012 at 9:52 am
Braaaiiins?
October 16, 2012 at 9:55 am
Coupon for 2 hrs of free anger management counseling?
October 16, 2012 at 10:19 am
Athena?
October 16, 2012 at 10:37 am
Athena’s heard that one before, she Zeus’d to it.
October 16, 2012 at 10:41 am
Well, I won’t Apollo-gise for it.
October 16, 2012 at 10:54 am
I Hera ya.
October 16, 2012 at 11:00 am
Hey, what’s your sign, Zippy? Is it Ares?
October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
Nope. It’s the Feb-March one, as in “Pie sees, pie eats.”
October 16, 2012 at 11:22 am
No lie about the pie. Even Matt’s windowsill pie.
October 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
Someday you will Achilles like I Achilles.
October 16, 2012 at 11:36 am
Is your sign “Tore us” (up)?
October 16, 2012 at 11:38 am
I’m a taurus. No bull.
October 16, 2012 at 11:48 am
Who me? I’m a Gemini. And so am I.
October 16, 2012 at 12:10 pm
How about Melagrana? She started it.
October 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Started it? You started it! I just punned on Ares/Aries.
Sorry. Just sensitive. I’m a Scorpio and my birthday’s coming up in a couple weeks.
October 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I thought you were coming on to me with the whole “What’s your sign?” thing! I’m fishy like that.
October 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Well, as you can see, there are many sides to me.
But my comments are not as acute as you triangles’ are.
October 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
No, YOU’RE a cute! I think if Helen were still moderating, she would have told us to get a room. *sniff*
October 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm
GET A ROOM!
(I know, it’s just not the same)
October 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Perhaps someone else can suggest it?
It IS almost my birthday, after all.
October 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Matt! Always one step ahead of me.
October 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm
It’s probably because I’m in the Eastern time zone.
October 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Were you a “Hallow wean”, Melagrana? I’m asking in Scottish accent.
October 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Mom held off till the next morning!
October 16, 2012 at 9:54 am
“Possibly Human” hair! I’d buy it just for the gamble!
October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am
My pinecones, brambles n’ tree sap “girlfriend” is so close to completion! This would make her REAL!
October 16, 2012 at 10:18 am
Oh Matt, now you know that only LOVE will make her real.
But some human hair would really help things along.
October 16, 2012 at 10:24 am
Oh, don’t worry. The love will be there.
I just kinda creeped myself out there a little bit.
October 16, 2012 at 10:26 am
Even the pinecones are scared right now.
October 16, 2012 at 10:27 am
That’s not sap, it’s tears.
October 16, 2012 at 10:36 am
It’s true. But they don’t want you to hold them right now.
October 16, 2012 at 10:38 am
I’ve just had an underbrush with death!
October 16, 2012 at 10:51 am
It resinates with all of us, Zip, but don’t bramble on about it.
October 16, 2012 at 10:57 am
I must ponderosa this fir a bit.
October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am
Oak-ay.
October 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
Firries. All of ya’s.
October 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I prefer the larch.
The larch.
October 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Ahh, Birchish humo(u)r.
October 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm
I tried to join the John Birch Society because I like trees, and boy was I in for a surprise!
October 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Sometimes life’s a birch, other times a beech, and still other times a botch. Whaddya gonna do?
October 16, 2012 at 10:36 am
I do wonder where the brambles go.
October 16, 2012 at 10:41 am
We all do.
October 16, 2012 at 10:45 am
I picture you singing softly, gently brushing out the snarls in her brambles, and then I get scared of myself and just want to order shoes on line like all the other girls.
October 16, 2012 at 11:41 am
On a side note- I’m almost done writing a piece on my views concerning government (a “manifesto”, if you will)- will you read it? I’ll mail it to you.
October 16, 2012 at 11:43 am
Um, I don’t have a mailbox. Anymore.
October 16, 2012 at 11:46 am
I’ll bet you say that to all the guys.
October 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Only an alarming majority of them.
October 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Excellent please do.
My address is S. Klawsse, 1 North Poule Road, Canada H0H 0H0. Make sure the letter is well wrapped in tin foil.
October 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I’m on the santa what you did there, like a bloodhound!
October 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm
You dog!
October 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm
I sing “Love Me Tender”, but in Don Knotts’ voice. It’s sweet.
October 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I was thinking “Eye of the Tiger” with harmonica.
October 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm
No, I play that with the hairy bagpipe, or possibly the prickolo.
You can’t skimp on Eye of the Tiger.
October 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Why do I feel weird now?
October 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Just now????????
October 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I give you credit for holding out this long! It got weird a long time ago!
October 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Well, I was multi-tasking. In hindsight, I see what you mean. We’re miles away from that doll’s head up at the top of the page.
October 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm
And thank God for that!
October 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I’m sure an accomplished pianist could shoot out Eye of the Tiger.
October 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm
It could be the hairy bagpipe. Or the prickolo.
October 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Do you need to wear a kilt to play the hairy bagpipe?
October 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Clothing is banned while playing the hairy bagpipe. It stifles the air flow.
October 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Nae talk aboot kilts. That’s a wee bit too personal. Everyone knows ya dinna weer ought under yer kilt.
October 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Nuthin’s worn under tha kilt! Everything’s in perfect workin’ order!
October 16, 2012 at 11:01 am
According to Led Zepplin they’re gonna bramble on, sing their song. And something about Gollum.
October 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
That song has been in my head since Matt’s intial post! But I only know the bramble part, so it’s just that, over and over.
October 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
Just like Steve Martin, you’re a “Bramblin’, bramblin’, bramblin’, bramblin’ *deep breath* GUUUUUUUUUUUUUY! (Only, you know, female.)
October 16, 2012 at 11:39 am
‘Cept I don’t iron kittens.
October 16, 2012 at 11:28 am
… I always thought the lyrics were ‘Ramble On’
Am I insane? Have I been singing it wrong my entire life?
October 16, 2012 at 11:35 am
We’re funnin’
October 16, 2012 at 11:35 am
This is a comedy site, Tursiart. There may be a few jokes amongst all the serious talk.
October 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Right. I still don’t see the joke. (Yeah, I get it. Misheard song lyrics. Mondegreens.) I still don’t see the post where it started though… *scratches head*
October 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm
I said something about my pinecone n’ brambles girlfriend, and the “brambles” part started melagrana singing “Bramble On” in her head.
October 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Pssst, Matt. Maybe we’re not really very funny?
October 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm
No, we are. Sometimes.
October 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Funny LIKE A CLOWN???
October 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Comment 12, second down.
October 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Oh, what a tangled web (of brambles etc.) we weave!
October 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm
When we practice to de-leave.
October 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Great Scott!
October 16, 2012 at 11:37 am
And, just to warn you in advance, it’s “‘scuse me while I kiss the sky”, not “‘scuse me while I kiss this guy”.
I made that mistake before, and it cost me dearly.
October 16, 2012 at 11:40 am
Also, it’s “love hurts” and not “Laaahh-verne”
October 16, 2012 at 11:57 am
And Creedence does not sing about a “bathroom on the right.”
October 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm
My friend in high school had another kid convinced that CCR stood for “Clarence Clearview Recital”. I always liked that.
October 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm
And ‘the chair’ isn’t what is not Michael Jackson’s son. (A ‘Blanket” is his son, but oddly that doesn’t come up in the song.)
October 18, 2012 at 6:45 am
That fact, added to the “Germany” in the title has me so squicked out right now.
October 16, 2012 at 9:56 am
Comes with her own theme song: Hole/Courtney Love’s “Doll Parts” as reinterpreted by Smash Mouth.
October 16, 2012 at 10:21 am
Now that’s a head-banger!
October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am
Actually, this was caused by an accident or neglect. This was a purposeful artistic statement by Salvador Dolly.
October 16, 2012 at 10:20 am
It’s Dali Dolly!
October 16, 2012 at 10:06 am
Yes, it might be human – “Schutzmarke Germany” (two words, not three) is the trademark found on old dolls of the German “Schildkröt” brand (think 1900), and if this were listed with an anywhere near Google-able description, some doll clinic might actually be interested in the parts. But given that the seller hasn’t bothered to accurately copy, leave alone research the imprint on the doll, it’s very improbable that any doll doctor will find this listing. Unless, of course, doll doctors read Regretsy.
October 16, 2012 at 10:07 am
This was supposed to be in response to #12 – more beer seems to be in order.
October 16, 2012 at 10:28 am
… and it’s really spelled “Schutz-Marke” on the doll, which is several German spelling reforms ago, making this a real antiquity. Yes, some doll clinic might definitely want this. While I will go boost my brain with more beer to prepare for zombie attack.
October 16, 2012 at 10:10 am
Can you put out an “Amber Alert” on dolls?
October 16, 2012 at 10:15 am
Do you want this printed on the back of your milk carton?
October 16, 2012 at 11:04 am
They just put out a “Bramble Alert” over in your neck of the woods, Matt.
October 16, 2012 at 11:44 am
The joke’s on them, though. My tar-paper shack in the woods doesn’t come up on google earth. I covered it in tinfoil.
October 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
I only walk around outside in a mirrored box. Take that, street view!
October 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I decided to retreat to the woods when the government wouldn’t let me claim my pinecone n’ brambles girlfriend as a dependent at tax time. Don’t they realize that she costs me a small fortune in brambles?
October 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm
In bandaids too, right?
October 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm
“Curses, foliaged again!”
- the IRS
October 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Only for half the year in a deciduous forest.
October 16, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Sorry. The real me just came out there for a moment.
October 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Put her away, please.
(joke)
October 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I try, believe me. It’s like having a second job.
October 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Am I correct in assuming you have a very weathered copy of “Walden” in your possession?
October 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm
No, I just live in a mailbox in the forest.
October 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Mom? Stop stalking me!
October 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Neither tin foil nor mirrored boxes reflect well on either of you. Unlike today’s comments.
October 16, 2012 at 10:24 am
I don’t know whether to take comfort in the smashed skull or allowing my mind to integrate it into the horrifying nightmares that’s currently brewing in my brain.
October 16, 2012 at 10:42 am
Mommy did say no more wire hangers, ever…
October 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
Can’t sleep. Doll will eat me.
October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
She’s keeping an eye on you as it is
October 16, 2012 at 11:18 am
Are we sure she isn’t an extra from the Walking Dead?
October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
October 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
ALL BETTER!!!!!
October 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
That lady who ‘restores’ frescoes sure does get around.
October 16, 2012 at 11:42 am
Whew! Now I can get on with my life, free of fear! Thanks again, LB!
October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am
Don’t mind me, I’ll be in the corner. Sobbing in horror.
October 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I’m reminded of the burning doll scene from Charlie and the Chocolate factory.
Other people did see that part, right? I didn’t imagine it?
October 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Not sure – I only remember the Oompa-Loompas and the river of chocolate. Oh, and the giant floating bubbles. How did I forget a burning doll?
October 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I think at one point there is melting eyeball. It’s the new version I’m thinking of, not the old one. That’s… actually I’m torn as to which is more creepy. One has the added weight of treasured childhood memories tainted by adulthood, the other I was just kinda baked.
October 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I’m reminded of the burning doll scene from Reform School Girls, but I sometimes think I’m the only one who saw that quite underrated flick.
October 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Dr Google to the rescue!
October 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm
The only thing about this that makes me at all happy is that I never saw it as a child. I was no huge fan of dolls anyway (they creeped me out) but if I had sen this i would have woken up gibbering in terror most nights.
October 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm
October 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Thank you for posting this–LB’s image above brought it to mind.
October 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I wanted to post one without the mask, but this thread has enough Nightmare Fuel as it is.
October 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm
This day keeps getting better and better, I hope it never ends! Because then the night will come. The long, dark, night with what dreams may come.
October 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm
I’m gonna have to put my crawlspace-trailer up on monster-truck tires to keep the demons away. Can Freddy Krueger climb ladders? It seems to me that his skin condition would inhibit his climbing abilities…
October 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Suddenly I don’t like the idea of sleeping with the window open anymore.
October 16, 2012 at 1:47 pm
How long can humans go without sleep? Ima go out and buy some more coffee.
October 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I wonder if Felix is done with his balloon and capsule. 23 miles up seems just about right.
October 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I managed three days, but by the end of it I couldn’t stop hallucinating that I was covered in bugs.
October 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Really? Yikes. I think that might be worse than the doll…
Oh man, I just thought of the doll covered in bugs. I am so in trouble tonight!
October 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Eventually you just have to throw something away. Not just anyone can sell trash like a bank.
October 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 17, 2012 at 9:16 am
Because VINTAGE! Because ANTIQUE! Because SCHUTZ!!!!!
Yeah, I don’t know why, either.
October 18, 2012 at 6:50 am
It’s hard to find authentic antique and/or vintage doll parts. Many doll restorers actually re-make parts themselves. We had 3 dolls from my great-grandma that were badly stored, and the dollmaker who fixed them hand-carved the arms and legs on two from pictures in a book to make it as authentic as possible, and cheaper, surprisingly, than finding the parts from other dolls.
October 16, 2012 at 7:56 pm
“The eyes don’t blink.” ?? FUCK THAT I was sold until they told me the eyes don’t blink.
October 17, 2012 at 7:26 am
They don’t blink. They just STARE INTO YOUR SOUL.
October 17, 2012 at 10:21 am
If I had a spare $20 right now, she’d be coming to my house to be decapitated and recapitated with something a little less … smashed.
October 17, 2012 at 8:58 pm
She’s dead, Jim.
October 23, 2012 at 8:18 am
Wow, thanks for all the views! Yeah, she is creepy, I agree.
By the way, Etsy doesn’t allow hyphens in their titles, so I couldn’t spell it correctly. No photoshopping either–her face shifted every time she was moved.
Oh, and she sold a few days ago, so thanks for that too.