Thank you so much for that, Crafy. I literally bark-laughed.
I think what really made it effective was the length and size (that’s what she said) of the picture. You had to scroll a bit, knowing it was some sort of beverage/liquid, before you knew just what the zinger was. Perfect delivery 10/10.
Housewife of Facepalm Co
October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm
No way in hell I’m using a straw. If I’m drinking out of a flask shaped like that, I’m sticking my face full on into it. At Thanksgiving Dinner! With the in-laws! Making loud slurpy noises and asking the kids to refill it for me.
Can you please come to my house for the holidon’ts with the rels? Please, Gawd I beg of you to show up? Does it count if one of them is a booser already? Bonus points maybe… I <3 you!
I thought i was so clever to tie the miny vulvas from last week in with the giant one today.
Remember when Alice drank from the bottle “drink me” and she grew so big she busted through the house?
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure Crochet added the NSFW bar and caption across the image… unfortunately I can’t get back to the original etsy listing (not properly linked?) in order to verify the wild claims I am making. So… I could just be talking out of my ass…
Wait, what are we talking about? Oh yeah! Sipping juice out of vulvas! Easy to see where I got side-tracked.
There is the original etsy listing. Etsy used a vertical rather than horizontal censor bar and only on the first of the photos, so Crochet added the horizontal bar. Personally, I like the close-up before it was glazed.
Holds 14 oz, but only put 8 oz in it? So those are “internet ounces”? FINALLY, ads related to size of female genitalia attain parity with the lying done on behalf of male genital size. GENDER EQUITY ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.
AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! I wasn’t prepared for the ass! I need to get this for my boyfriend. Get him used to applying his mouth there……hmmm..Christmas isn’t far off!
It’s a good point. Also: Vulva Parts would make a pretty cool name for an indie band. They could tour with Frenulum, which would be a band of musicians of several possible genders and bodily constructions.
English isn’t carved in stone, it’s barely penciled on paper. Common usage of the word vagina covers the entire female genitals.
Also, there’s no commonly used term that covers that vulva, vagina, and the anus, all of which is pictured here. If the bit you’re sticking the straw is internal, and therefore vagina even in the stricter sense of the word.
Those flaps on the side make it look like a disturbing sting ray. I don’t believe I’ve had enough to drink yet. I’m going to go finish off my rum and come back to this later.
As someone too easily amused by blowing across the tops of bottles to make a sound, I’m having very disturbing thoughts about this. I wonder if you could get a slide-whistle effect by sliding fingers in and out of the top?
How can someone named Irma make things like this? I love it! I picture Irmas being big in the quilling circles, but Irma George… you have out done yourself!
October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm
At least the seller didn’t call it a “hoo-haw”.
October 11, 2012 at 4:53 pm
That would have opened up the possibility of “hootch-haw”, and where’s the maturity in that? That makes “Schnapps Snatch” seem refined.
October 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Wooo … say THAT three times fast! “Schnapps Snatch” … could be a new drinking game!
Screw it up and have to take another swig o’schnapps outta the snatch and try again!
October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm
So this is supposed to be “mature” but they use the term “VA-JJ.”
October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm
HEY. We’re hanging on to our last vestiges of humanity here. We can’t be slinging the V-word around like the liberal media.
October 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm
…I read that as labia media.
The real question is do I need more alcohol or more sleep?
October 11, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Why not both?
October 11, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Get buzzzzzzed!
October 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Sigh, at least it wasn’t “cooter.”
October 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm
“cooter” Isn’t that the greasy mechanic from the Dukes of Hazard?
October 12, 2012 at 9:55 am
Exactly! One of the last things that I’d want between my legs!
October 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Hey! if it was insulated it could have been a “coolter”. Squandered opportunity.
October 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
… think I’d get away with putting that on a vanity license plate?
Not for long, I’m guessing
October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm
I’m trying to think of what I would drink from this. Milk? No. Lemonade? No. Hawaiian Punch? No.
October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Why did I think of chocolate milk?
October 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I’m thinking red wine.
October 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm
You have to get that around the corner, where fudge is made.
October 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm
If one makes a ass flask does that make your cocktail a gin & colonic?
October 11, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Ass flask? That reminds me, I need insurance.
October 12, 2012 at 5:28 am
I wonder, can you only drink from this during that “special time” of the month?
October 12, 2012 at 5:43 am
Not if she’s one of those rare, mythologic “squirters.” Then you just have to push the right buttons.
October 12, 2012 at 6:38 am
Well, that’s when you fill it with a nice Bloody Mary.
October 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Mmm..are you German?
October 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm
October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm
I beleive Crafty wins the internet today.
October 11, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Kitty’s motion is seconded and carried. You win the internet and all associated peripherals. Congratulations and thank you.
October 11, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Why couldn’t the company have been named Midia?
October 11, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Snow reason.
October 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Thank you so much for that, Crafy. I literally bark-laughed.
I think what really made it effective was the length and size (that’s what she said) of the picture. You had to scroll a bit, knowing it was some sort of beverage/liquid, before you knew just what the zinger was. Perfect delivery 10/10.
October 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm
bloody mary.
October 11, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Bloody Mary?
October 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm
i had 30 seconds to snark. all i had time to type as to what should be in the flask.
October 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm
what you do is take this flask into the bathroom, turn off the lights, and chant ‘bloody mary’ three times
then bloody mary shows up and takes her vagina back
October 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm
The obvious choice for me would be to connect it up to a bladder (from a cheap wine cask).
October 11, 2012 at 11:03 pm
Cunny Sark?
October 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Clam juice?
October 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Dammit. Replied before I scrolled down. Please forgive me.
October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm
honest to god, I sat here for a good 30 seconds trying to figure out what a “Virginia JJ” was.
October 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm
New postal code?
October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm
New cocktail?
October 11, 2012 at 4:20 pm
I was trying to figure out the meaning of the letters, like NSFW…
Very Alarming… Jack Juice?
October 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm
“Both holes can be plugged with a cork…”
If this was true for the real thing, Maury Povich would be out of business.
October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm
The hooch cooch! Perfect for storing sacramental wine.
October 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm
This is just begging to be made into a bong.
October 11, 2012 at 4:20 pm
With a penis-shaped slide? Hawt.
October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Plugged and filled with vodka. Very relatable somehow.
October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm
No way in hell I’m using a straw. If I’m drinking out of a flask shaped like that, I’m sticking my face full on into it. At Thanksgiving Dinner! With the in-laws! Making loud slurpy noises and asking the kids to refill it for me.
October 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Can you please come to my house for the holidon’ts with the rels? Please, Gawd I beg of you to show up? Does it count if one of them is a booser already? Bonus points maybe… I <3 you!
October 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm
This is what happens when “pocket vaginas” drink from the same bottles Alice found down the rabbit hole.
October 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Is that a VA-JJ in UR pocket, or RU just happy 2C me?
October 11, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Really? Nuthin’.
I thought i was so clever to tie the miny vulvas from last week in with the giant one today.
Remember when Alice drank from the bottle “drink me” and she grew so big she busted through the house?
My Snark is off.
Okay. I go now.
October 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Why are you thumbs-downing me? I’M not embarrassed or disgusted. I would buy a full set of eight for my dining room.
October 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Because it was Crochet who put the “roll mouse” effect over it, I believe.
He was very kindly offering to shield some of the more delicate FJLs.
October 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Oh crap, I’m an idiot.
October 11, 2012 at 4:06 pm
April cashed out, didn’t she? This “vacation” is just her blowing her
fat jealous lossesfilthy lucre on male strippers and Vicodin, I imagine.October 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm
If I didn’t like things shaped like genitalia for no apparent practical reason I would really have to ask myself what I was doing on this site.
October 11, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Stated mathematically: Regretsy+Junk=Like
October 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure Crochet added the NSFW bar and caption across the image… unfortunately I can’t get back to the original etsy listing (not properly linked?) in order to verify the wild claims I am making. So… I could just be talking out of my ass…
Wait, what are we talking about? Oh yeah! Sipping juice out of vulvas! Easy to see where I got side-tracked.
October 11, 2012 at 6:11 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/106075139/mature-va-jj-cup-mug-flask?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=Va-JJ&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all
There is the original etsy listing. Etsy used a vertical rather than horizontal censor bar and only on the first of the photos, so Crochet added the horizontal bar. Personally, I like the close-up before it was glazed.
Awesome shop!
October 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm
holy shit! this version comes with a straw!! And then… i realized they have molds of these to make many! so many va-jjs!!
October 12, 2012 at 5:30 am
a whole room of forged bajingos, alas, the circle of life is now complete (in a Marlin Perkins, Mutual of Omaha wildlife special sort of voice)
October 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Holds 14 oz, but only put 8 oz in it? So those are “internet ounces”? FINALLY, ads related to size of female genitalia attain parity with the lying done on behalf of male genital size. GENDER EQUITY ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.
October 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm
“It’s a Flask!”
“It’s an Ashtray!”
“NO! IT’S BOTH!”
October 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Why is it shaped like a Ferengi head?
October 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm
I think your father and I are going to have to have a talk with you later about…the difference between girls and boys.
October 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Okay, that’s it, I’m just…not doing Regretsy so well tonight. I’m cutting myself off and sending myself to my room.
October 11, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Everyone’s had an off day at one time or another.
October 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm
That’s covered in the 69th Rule of Acquisition.
October 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm
AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! I wasn’t prepared for the ass! I need to get this for my boyfriend. Get him used to applying his mouth there……hmmm..Christmas isn’t far off!
October 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Now when you say “there”…
October 12, 2012 at 5:31 am
My ass is off limits Zippy! LOL!
October 15, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Practice makes perfect! Maybe I should buy one for the man in my life. Things can’t get any worse.
October 11, 2012 at 3:43 pm
For the love of perkele people, the OUTSIDE of the hooha is the vulva. The entire thing is not a vagina.
Barely concealing my seething rage that our culture expects us to know the names of all the male parts but glosses over all the icky female ones.
October 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm
In their defense, the drinking hole IS the vagina! Just call the whole shebang a bajingo!
October 11, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Somebody make that out of wood and put a neck with 4 strings on there and we’ll have us a bajingo banjo! (baginjo?)
October 12, 2012 at 9:53 am
Banjingo.
October 11, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Which part is the vuvuzela then? I get so confused.
October 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Don’t you mean a Vulvazela?
October 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm
This is a battle you will never win.
October 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm
It’s a good point. Also: Vulva Parts would make a pretty cool name for an indie band. They could tour with Frenulum, which would be a band of musicians of several possible genders and bodily constructions.
October 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Don’t forget to ask Pussy Riot along on the Genitalia Tour.
October 12, 2012 at 7:49 am
Alabama Thunderpussy might be a good act to round out the bill.
October 12, 2012 at 7:52 am
Butthole Surfers perhaps?
October 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 11, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Meanings fluctuate and change over time, but words do still have meaning. And “vagina” does NOT mean “vulva”.
October 11, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Don’t complain, ladies. Don’t you realize how big this means the clitoris and G-spot have become? Anyone could find them. You’re welcome!
October 12, 2012 at 11:50 am
“English isn’t carved in stone, it’s barely penciled on paper.”
I’m pretty sure they use ink when printing dictionaries. And anatomy textbooks.
October 12, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Crotch
October 11, 2012 at 4:09 pm
How do I tell how much is left without a urethra hole to sound?
October 12, 2012 at 10:03 am
There’s an optional dipstick that you can insert in the anus to check your fluid levels.
October 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Am I the only one that thinks that looks futa-tastic?
October 11, 2012 at 4:43 pm
It’s a decunter.
October 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm
October 11, 2012 at 5:26 pm
That took my breath away.
October 12, 2012 at 5:31 am
if they made this in black it would work wonders in any smokers house..
October 11, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Those flaps on the side make it look like a disturbing sting ray. I don’t believe I’ve had enough to drink yet. I’m going to go finish off my rum and come back to this later.
October 12, 2012 at 1:48 am
Plum wine, anyone?
October 12, 2012 at 4:27 am
Crochet, I can’t click on it to go to the actual listing
October 12, 2012 at 5:48 am
Gives new meaning to butt chugging.
October 12, 2012 at 6:18 am
At least this VA-JJ comes with instructions.
October 12, 2012 at 11:50 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/105671498/mature-light-marvin-man-jug-with-working?ref=v1_other_2
Im just thankful that this is also for sale.
October 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm
A new take on a Diva Cup, yeah?
October 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm
As someone too easily amused by blowing across the tops of bottles to make a sound, I’m having very disturbing thoughts about this. I wonder if you could get a slide-whistle effect by sliding fingers in and out of the top?
Pass the brain-bleach, please?
October 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm
How can someone named Irma make things like this? I love it! I picture Irmas being big in the quilling circles, but Irma George… you have out done yourself!
October 14, 2012 at 7:38 pm
October 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm
they also sell “pipes” through their website!