Looking at the prices he’s charging for the statues, their dimensions, and his shipping costs, I am going to guess that when he says “bronze,” he means “cold-cast bronze” (otherwise known as ‘plastic’).
But at least now I know where to get my relatively inexpensive erotic statues for when I’m entertaining Leon Phelps.
Nah, all the person in back can see is your back – the rest is dangling out of sight. Way better than when you lay on your back with your tits in your armpits….
#75 – sit on out-of-scale, but happy elephants. So she has to wait until the husband is out of town, but not until the elephant is out of town? Funny, I never thought of lesbians that way.
I don’t understand why this woman is a lesbian. Do I just know weird lesbians who are not sexually aroused by pachyderms? Or is every woman who doesn’t necessarily need a penis considered a lesbian these days?
One might argue she has a level of physical attractiveness that effectively excludes the author from the list of possible partners. Therefore, by the power of rationalization and butt-soothing, she must be a lesbian.
#1 – Have sex with men.
#2 – Have sex with women but exactly like heteroes do.
#3 – Have gay sex accidentally, while trying to accomplish something else, like bathe or try on clothes or clean a toilet.
And I think this guy really into his elephants. Take this description:
THIS HAPPY ELEPHANT LIFTS HER TRUNK AND SWINGS HER TAIL LETTING YOU KNOW SHE IS IN A BLISSFUL MOOD. SHE LIFTS HER TRUNK AND EXPOSES THE UNDERSIDE WHICH IS ADORNED IN A GORGEOUS SHINY GOLD PATINA. SHE IS AN INNOCENT LITTLE THING WITH SMALL BEADY EYES AND A SWEET FACE. SHE IS YOUNG AND CURIOUS AND HER TUSKS ARE JUST COMING IN.
Exactly why a female Dr. is never employed to perform my colonoscopies! First it’s an earring, next thing you know, it’s a necklace…………Colon polyps my ass!
Whoever is buying this is not looking for real handmade, they’re not looking into supporting an artist or a crafter; they’re looking to be the third party to the little scene displayed here…
I would actually be into bronze sex statues if they were a) bronze b) showed something I recognize as a Thing Lesbians Actually Do and c) had more body type options so I could find something pitched in my direction.
Huge props for the “Wonderfalls” reference…one of my all-time favorites – thought I was the only one who loved/remembered it. Also, I do NOT want to see that episode.
October 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm
“When did we have corn for dinner?”
October 9, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Hello, Hellooo, Helllloooooo
Anyone in there, in there, in there, inthere?
October 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm
They had her car keys at the gift shop…
October 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm
Does this faux wood flooring make my ass look big?
October 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Clearly too classy for barn wood. SACRIFICES in the name of fashion need to be made here! It’s not all about your ass!
October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm
As statues, I’m not interested.
Salt and pepper shakers? Hell, yes!
October 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm
I was thinking more for my desk at work. Lost earring girl for my paper clips and unicorn penis-head lesbian for the important post-it notes.
October 10, 2012 at 1:57 am
Thumb me down all you like, but I sitll try to understand if this comment was a joke or not. The unicorn head part specifically.
October 10, 2012 at 5:14 am
Most of us know our asses from our elbows, but still confuse our elbows with unicorn horns.
October 10, 2012 at 9:52 am
Something about the girl on the left screams “tape dispenser” to me.
October 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I insist that my kitschy non-nutritive erotica have a functional value. Damn it.
October 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm
That ain’t barnwood. The standards are slipping . . .
October 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm
http://img2.etsystatic.com/008/0/7181783/il_570xN.377204938_hm05.jpg
WAIT! How could you have passed this up?
October 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm
I was JUST going to link that. Holy schlong!
Can I borrow the ladder?
October 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm
I like his dandy hat!
October 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Well THAT is clearly not barnwood.
October 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Why am I hearing the lines of the dad in A Christmas Story, when they’re at the Chinese restaurant?
‘!It’s a beautiful duck. It really is. But you see….. it’s…. smiling at me.’
October 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm
OSHA does not approve.
October 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm
Looks like my husband.
October 10, 2012 at 1:59 am
One of the hidden gifts coming with regretsy is the featured shops. The wtf item is almost always in good company.
October 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Click on the picture and get even more of a surprise!
October 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm
that’s what led me to the aforementioned! Many other options to choose from. Perfect gift for any Grad, Dad or Lad!
October 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm
It looks more like someone got volunteered to help her friend Shelly pass the “Asshole Bleaching” part of her cosmetology exam.
Shelly is all, “I swear to god I have no idea why it turned yellow.”
October 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm
She forgot to use the toner.
October 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Didn’t use enough peroxide lol
October 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I can imagine the conversation that thing would start.
“What the HELL are those naked women doing on your coffee table?!”
“Well, one of them lost her earrings.”
“WHICH one, and WHERE are the earrings?”
“That’s probably for them to figure out.”
“Do you think she really wants them BACK?”
“It could be worse, the guy version of this piece dropped the soap.”
October 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Looking at the prices he’s charging for the statues, their dimensions, and his shipping costs, I am going to guess that when he says “bronze,” he means “cold-cast bronze” (otherwise known as ‘plastic’).
But at least now I know where to get my relatively inexpensive erotic statues for when I’m entertaining Leon Phelps.
October 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Is this what having smoke blown up your ass looks like?
October 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Statue #1: “Oh my, I must tell you that your wedding ring is very cold.”
Statue #2: “I’m not wearing a wedding ring. That’s my wristwatch.”
October 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm
It’s so distressing when one loses an earring just as Playful Lesbian Night is getting interesting.
October 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm
I know, right? I HATE when that happens. My husband is out of town so rarely.
October 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm
“A nice conversation piece”? What ‘nice’ conversations could result from adult novelty decorations? XD
(pssst… Cro, “MNSFW” warning next time?
)
October 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm
My mother is coming to visit in two weeks… I may need to get these just in case there’s a lull in the conversation.
October 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Here I was thinking that when I looked in the freezer for my earrings I had looked EVERYWHERE.
October 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm
I always thought being a lesbian also meant never having to be in that position again.
I guess I need to rethink my future life choices, because “all fours and ass up” stops being attractive after gravity rears it’s ugly head,
October 10, 2012 at 4:39 am
Nah, all the person in back can see is your back – the rest is dangling out of sight. Way better than when you lay on your back with your tits in your armpits….
October 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Depends on how wide your rear is…
October 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm
We should make a comprehensive list of “Things The Internet Thinks Lesbians Do.” This can be #73 – Yell playfully into each other’s assholes.
October 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm
“Yo-do-lay-hee-hoooo…”
October 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm
“Can you hear me NOW?”
October 10, 2012 at 2:31 am
or #74 – “waiting for husbands to go out of town to have sex”
which raises the question – if you don’t have a husband, is he considered out of town for sex intents and purposes?
October 10, 2012 at 5:21 am
#75 – sit on out-of-scale, but happy elephants. So she has to wait until the husband is out of town, but not until the elephant is out of town? Funny, I never thought of lesbians that way.
October 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm
I don’t understand why this woman is a lesbian. Do I just know weird lesbians who are not sexually aroused by pachyderms? Or is every woman who doesn’t necessarily need a penis considered a lesbian these days?
October 11, 2012 at 2:59 am
One might argue she has a level of physical attractiveness that effectively excludes the author from the list of possible partners. Therefore, by the power of rationalization and butt-soothing, she must be a lesbian.
October 10, 2012 at 9:37 am
#76 – put vaginas and/or rainbows on ALL THE THINGS.
October 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Someone is mixing them up with 13 year old boys or 5 year old girls.
October 11, 2012 at 10:50 am
#1 – Have sex with men.
#2 – Have sex with women but exactly like heteroes do.
#3 – Have gay sex accidentally, while trying to accomplish something else, like bathe or try on clothes or clean a toilet.
October 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm
That looks more like naked Furries Off Leash Dog Park. Though the playbows usually come after the dominance humping.
October 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm
This guy has an interesting store. Erotoc nude statues and for some reason some elephants. Also nude.
October 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm
And I think this guy really into his elephants. Take this description:
THIS HAPPY ELEPHANT LIFTS HER TRUNK AND SWINGS HER TAIL LETTING YOU KNOW SHE IS IN A BLISSFUL MOOD. SHE LIFTS HER TRUNK AND EXPOSES THE UNDERSIDE WHICH IS ADORNED IN A GORGEOUS SHINY GOLD PATINA. SHE IS AN INNOCENT LITTLE THING WITH SMALL BEADY EYES AND A SWEET FACE. SHE IS YOUNG AND CURIOUS AND HER TUSKS ARE JUST COMING IN.
It’s okay to love your elephant, but…
October 10, 2012 at 11:34 am
That is apparently an elephant named Lolita.
October 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Duuuude! nsfw! NSFWWWWWW!
October 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm
I can really get behind this.
October 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm
The fact that I read that in William Shatner’s voice just made my night. Oh my.
October 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Exactly why a female Dr. is never employed to perform my colonoscopies! First it’s an earring, next thing you know, it’s a necklace…………Colon polyps my ass!
October 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm
This is clearly a reseller. Not this statue set in particular, but a bunch of them show up as being ebay and alibaba
October 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Whoever is buying this is not looking for real handmade, they’re not looking into supporting an artist or a crafter; they’re looking to be the third party to the little scene displayed here…
October 11, 2012 at 10:46 am
One can – and should- be looking for both.
I would actually be into bronze sex statues if they were a) bronze b) showed something I recognize as a Thing Lesbians Actually Do and c) had more body type options so I could find something pitched in my direction.
October 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Lost Earrings? I must be doing it wrong.
October 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Alternative (rejected) titles:
A: “Two Girls, Four C Cups”
B: “I Am Curious: Butthole”
C: “Vinyasa For Exhibitionists”
D: “Human Centipede 3: Lesbian Experimentation Divorce Court”
October 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm
And hey, who wants to write the episode of “Wonderfalls” where THESE little numbers start telling the gal what to do?
October 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Huge props for the “Wonderfalls” reference…one of my all-time favorites – thought I was the only one who loved/remembered it. Also, I do NOT want to see that episode.
October 9, 2012 at 8:03 pm
“I can see my reflection!”
October 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Does it bother anyone else that this guy is attempting to sell an item for $250 without including a full picture of the piece?
October 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm
They’re trying to comply with the law stating all ingredients must be clearly listed.
Girl 2: Damn it, Kelly. I told you I’m on a gluten-free diet!
October 10, 2012 at 7:04 am
I found this in the seller’s shop, and I think it’s an apt response to most of his work:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/109907440/salvador-dali-bronze-sculpture-the?ref=v1_other_1
I’m renaming it “The Facepalm” and will be using the picture whenever something…makes me make that face. Which is often, on the internet.
October 11, 2012 at 10:44 am
Oh damn…the shop is down. Why am I always a day late???
October 10, 2012 at 8:20 am
Where are the “Serious Lesbian” statues where the two women are looking for the lost standards in art?
October 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Goatse, anyone?
October 15, 2012 at 7:51 pm
Never put your earrings in my underwear ever again!