- Submitted by Emily
All I can see are the X’s and O’s, they must really love this piece of crap
Tic Tac D’Oh!
Anyone can see!
I wonder if it comes with a year’s supply of tetanus shots
Perfect for a child’s room!
That will keep the brats from jumping on the fucking bed.
Yeah. Nothing screams “perfect wall art” like a 4′ x 6′ protruding tangle of sharp rusty metal.
Also, please, please someone write to this seller and ask if they know what year this “vintage” piece of rusted shit is from and if they can provide a certificate of authenticity before you consider adding it to your “collection?” I’d do it myself but I have to go to “class” and “pay attention” now.
It is “perfect wall art”, assuming you’re decorating the Berlin wall.
Or your North Korean prison cell.
I just might spring for it…
be sure your check doesn’t bounce.
You might wanna sleep on it…
I recoil leaving one of these by the road last week.
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I just might spring for it!
I’d love to box this seller’s ears.
Nothing really mattress
Anyone can’t sleep
Nothing really mattress
Nothing really mattress, fave me
Only minus half a funny for the missing ‘t’
Great. Now I have Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head.
Regretsy Marth: 1 skanky matress left on the curb + 1 pint of diesel + 1 match=this wonderful work of art and $895 saved.
More like Regretsy meth.
I think “marth” is appropriate here. It’s like “math” + “derp.”
working at the local dump $4.00 an hour
Selling the trash in an etsy shop…….
Damn, if only I’d thought to do that with my old mattress and sell it for $900, I wouldn’t still be paying off my new one!
Tetanus again… How many of these shots can I get in 1 year?
Don’t worry. Someone’s probably selling them in bulk on etsy.
In “steampunk” syringes with watch parts glued onto them.
Remember the Tetanus Offensive!
I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this snarky website!
Maybe a Tenanus shot comes with it!
For that much money, I want’d want an entire round of booster shots included.
I’m beginning to suspect they intend to replace the Art category with Tetanus.
Murphy bed: You’re doing it wrong.
But it is just right for a Murphy’s Law bed
Perfect for insomniacs who want to count impaled sheep.
But… Rust never sleeps!?!
And this is why..
Hey hey, bye bye
Hope springs internal!
And blood gushes forth.
So this is what happens when Goodwill stops accepting them.
Although those rusty springs has me boxed in, I’m still trying to unravel the Mystery of the Sweater.
It’s a Boyfriend Catcher, to go with your Dream Catcher iPhone case. You set it up outside a sports stadium just after a game and wait. Up to you if you want to cover it in hot glue.
In that case, I’m going to head down to the river and see if there are any old mattresses laying about… WAY cheaper than Match.com!
Crochet, is that a pic of you?
Or, is that Daniel Tosh? Looks alot like him. Could it be that… Crochet IS Daniel Tosh??
Perfect seasonal decor:
But where to store it until Spring?
It’s Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. Bring it with you on the plane!
I’m a bit confused by the 3rd photo down(next to the big photo in the listing). Is that a frog that jumped up there and got impaled on the rusty spring?
It’s $150 to ship this wonderment!
Cause you know you don’t want it to arrive damaged…
Aren’t these things usually carried on the top of a rusted out Ford Pinto tied with twine? Oh, the $150 must be for the car.
I don’t even think my real mattress cost $900. Well, maybe after you factor in the cost of the male hookers to keep me warm at night.
This will keep out of town relatives from crashing at my house.
This would be great combined with the ‘heart-shaped’ placenta stain mattress!
Free tetanus with every purchase! A great deterrent for houseguests. Get yours today!
. . .though I admit that if it were about $850 less, I’d buy it and use the springs to make the creepy dolls I love to make. Halloween’s a-coming, and those trick-or-treaters don’t scare themselves.
Just wondering, when does it go from “perfectly aged” $900 art work to nasty, rust piece of garbage that you have to pay someone to take away?
There is another theory which states this has already happened.
Wow, a giant back scratcher! the perfect gift for my pet Yeti!
I wonder if they’d give me a bulk discount if I also purchase one of those driftwood crosses.
And to think, I’m buying a new mattress and happen to have a KING sized piece of shit to get rid of! I smell $1,000.00, a freshly striken match, and $500.00 shipping, CHA-CHING!!!
Hubby and I always exclaim, “OOOH, a TETANUS!” when we see a dangerously-placed, rusty item.
This may be the world’s largest tetanus. Someone call Guiness.
Rather drink one.
Letterman has his Stupid Human Tricks with the Velcro wall and suit? I’m picturing this installation at Rob Zombie’s preschool. Fling the toddler …
I don’t know how to express my gratitude. I will be having family over for the holidays. However, thanks to you and your wonderful artists, I’m confident that nce the family sees my newly decorated home, they will never come to visit again.
It’s like the mattress is there to make sure that NOTHING STAYS IN THE ROOM AND LIVES.
Hotel Blue – you can check in but you can never leave?
Alice, you ROCK! Can I rent your cozy abode when my family comes to visit? That should remind them why we live in different states.
Glad you like it,feel free to send it to family members and represent it as yours.:)
Before Regretsy I had never used Photoshop so I’m pleased to have developed enough skills to add my own twist to the fuckery here.
It’s like a whimsicle fuckery-themed Saw trap. Now we just need a basement with the Green Statue Guy in it and cryptic clues on finding Hellephant’s missing ear or all the stock characters get torn apart by upcycled nightmares!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?
Etsy or Regresty.
When I was planning our wedding some wedding blog suggested using rusty mattress springs as site decor. For fuck’s sake.
Wow. I am all out of words. Wait, except for, what the hell is an “escort card”?
Your username is from Baman and Piderman, isn’t it?
Red squib or green squib?
Are that many hobos getting married?
Wow. Put wedding stuff on the mattress springs to draw the guests CLOSER to the rusty sharp tenticles… and also, you should hang one over your bed.
Way to go Portland. In addition to the terrible wedding suggestion, you also suggest we decorate some rusty mattress springs and hang them above our bed. BRILLIANT. SO META. NOT DANGEROUS AT ALL. Oh, and to top it of, just to make sure we knew these amazing ideas came Portland, they have decorated their website with a bird and the word “Portland” in the upper right corner.
The artist calls this “Featherbed”, which has an additional twist in German, where (coiled) “spring” and (bird’s) “feather” are the same word, so “spring bed” and “feather bed” (=duvet) would both be “Federbett”. But what’s the appeal of this title to an English speaking audience?
If I’ve counted correctly, you could hang about 90 sheep fetuses on that thing. What fun.
I can’t believe, after that title, no one has asked if the mattress is Queen sized.
It’s not very useful. How the hell are you supposed to hide the dead hooker under that?
That purchase is Serta set you back a few bills (dollar ones and medical ones.)
the Sleep number for this is -90
Perfect gift for the hobo wedding.
You can do all your decorating from this store! Along with your $900 junkyard springs, this seller will also provide you with two sticks tied together for $200!
Oh, wait, there are several choices for tied-together-sticks, ranging from $175 to $225.
I have to go walk into the ocean now.
I am sensing a theme of muppetfuckery to the tenth degree…I don’t know if anyone else saw this jewel in the seller’s shop:
It is only $75 and quite a steal. I mean it is not like I could walk outside my fucking house and tie some twigs together with yarn, right?
No no no, my little art-misunderstanding-friend. The SHIPPING is $75, the twigs are $200. Surely you wouldn’t expect art of this brilliance and inspiration to go for under $100, would you? These are SPECIAL twigs!!!
this is more of a found art.
Well, now that we’ve found it, can we lose it again?
For an extra $900 we will turn it back into a sleep-able mattress!
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