Also, please, please someone write to this seller and ask if they know what year this “vintage” piece of rusted shit is from and if they can provide a certificate of authenticity before you consider adding it to your “collection?” I’d do it myself but I have to go to “class” and “pay attention” now.
It’s a Boyfriend Catcher, to go with your Dream Catcher iPhone case. You set it up outside a sports stadium just after a game and wait. Up to you if you want to cover it in hot glue.
I’m a bit confused by the 3rd photo down(next to the big photo in the listing). Is that a frog that jumped up there and got impaled on the rusty spring?
Free tetanus with every purchase! A great deterrent for houseguests. Get yours today!
. . .though I admit that if it were about $850 less, I’d buy it and use the springs to make the creepy dolls I love to make. Halloween’s a-coming, and those trick-or-treaters don’t scare themselves.
And to think, I’m buying a new mattress and happen to have a KING sized piece of shit to get rid of! I smell $1,000.00, a freshly striken match, and $500.00 shipping, CHA-CHING!!!
I don’t know how to express my gratitude. I will be having family over for the holidays. However, thanks to you and your wonderful artists, I’m confident that nce the family sees my newly decorated home, they will never come to visit again.
Glad you like it,feel free to send it to family members and represent it as yours.:)
Before Regretsy I had never used Photoshop so I’m pleased to have developed enough skills to add my own twist to the fuckery here.
It’s like a whimsicle fuckery-themed Saw trap. Now we just need a basement with the Green Statue Guy in it and cryptic clues on finding Hellephant’s missing ear or all the stock characters get torn apart by upcycled nightmares!
Way to go Portland. In addition to the terrible wedding suggestion, you also suggest we decorate some rusty mattress springs and hang them above our bed. BRILLIANT. SO META. NOT DANGEROUS AT ALL. Oh, and to top it of, just to make sure we knew these amazing ideas came Portland, they have decorated their website with a bird and the word “Portland” in the upper right corner.
The artist calls this “Featherbed”, which has an additional twist in German, where (coiled) “spring” and (bird’s) “feather” are the same word, so “spring bed” and “feather bed” (=duvet) would both be “Federbett”. But what’s the appeal of this title to an English speaking audience?
You can do all your decorating from this store! Along with your $900 junkyard springs, this seller will also provide you with two sticks tied together for $200!
Oh, wait, there are several choices for tied-together-sticks, ranging from $175 to $225.
No no no, my little art-misunderstanding-friend. The SHIPPING is $75, the twigs are $200. Surely you wouldn’t expect art of this brilliance and inspiration to go for under $100, would you? These are SPECIAL twigs!!!
October 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm
All I can see are the X’s and O’s, they must really love this piece of crap
October 8, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Tic Tac D’Oh!
October 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Anyone can see!
I wonder if it comes with a year’s supply of tetanus shots
October 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Perfect for a child’s room!
October 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm
That will keep the brats from jumping on the fucking bed.
October 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Yeah. Nothing screams “perfect wall art” like a 4′ x 6′ protruding tangle of sharp rusty metal.
October 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Also, please, please someone write to this seller and ask if they know what year this “vintage” piece of rusted shit is from and if they can provide a certificate of authenticity before you consider adding it to your “collection?” I’d do it myself but I have to go to “class” and “pay attention” now.
October 8, 2012 at 7:43 pm
It is “perfect wall art”, assuming you’re decorating the Berlin wall.
October 8, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Or your North Korean prison cell.
October 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
I just might spring for it…
October 8, 2012 at 3:18 pm
be sure your check doesn’t bounce.
October 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm
You might wanna sleep on it…
October 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I recoil leaving one of these by the road last week.
October 8, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 9, 2012 at 7:09 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 8, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I’d love to box this seller’s ears.
October 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Nothing really mattress
Anyone can’t sleep
Nothing really mattress
Nothing really mattress, fave me
October 8, 2012 at 5:33 pm
October 8, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Only minus half a funny for the missing ‘t’
October 9, 2012 at 7:11 am
Great. Now I have Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head.
October 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Regretsy Marth: 1 skanky matress left on the curb + 1 pint of diesel + 1 match=this wonderful work of art and $895 saved.
October 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
*math
October 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm
More like Regretsy meth.
October 9, 2012 at 4:36 am
I think “marth” is appropriate here. It’s like “math” + “derp.”
October 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm
working at the local dump $4.00 an hour
Selling the trash in an etsy shop…….
Priceless
October 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Damn, if only I’d thought to do that with my old mattress and sell it for $900, I wouldn’t still be paying off my new one!
October 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Tetanus again… How many of these shots can I get in 1 year?
October 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Don’t worry. Someone’s probably selling them in bulk on etsy.
October 8, 2012 at 7:38 pm
In “steampunk” syringes with watch parts glued onto them.
October 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Remember the Tetanus Offensive!
October 9, 2012 at 7:19 am
I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this snarky website!
October 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Maybe a Tenanus shot comes with it!
For that much money, I want’d want an entire round of booster shots included.
October 8, 2012 at 5:46 pm
I’m beginning to suspect they intend to replace the Art category with Tetanus.
October 8, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Murphy bed: You’re doing it wrong.
October 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm
But it is just right for a Murphy’s Law bed
October 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Perfect for insomniacs who want to count impaled sheep.
October 8, 2012 at 3:17 pm
But… Rust never sleeps!?!
October 8, 2012 at 3:24 pm
And this is why..
October 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Hey hey, bye bye
October 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Hope springs internal!
October 9, 2012 at 7:22 am
And blood gushes forth.
October 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm
So this is what happens when Goodwill stops accepting them.
October 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Although those rusty springs has me boxed in, I’m still trying to unravel the Mystery of the Sweater.
October 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm
It’s a Boyfriend Catcher, to go with your Dream Catcher iPhone case. You set it up outside a sports stadium just after a game and wait. Up to you if you want to cover it in hot glue.
October 9, 2012 at 8:44 am
In that case, I’m going to head down to the river and see if there are any old mattresses laying about… WAY cheaper than Match.com!
October 9, 2012 at 2:34 am
Crochet, is that a pic of you?
October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Or, is that Daniel Tosh? Looks alot like him. Could it be that… Crochet IS Daniel Tosh??
October 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Perfect seasonal decor:
But where to store it until Spring?
October 8, 2012 at 9:11 pm
It’s Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. Bring it with you on the plane!
October 8, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I’m a bit confused by the 3rd photo down(next to the big photo in the listing). Is that a frog that jumped up there and got impaled on the rusty spring?
October 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm
It’s $150 to ship this wonderment!
Cause you know you don’t want it to arrive damaged…
October 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Aren’t these things usually carried on the top of a rusted out Ford Pinto tied with twine? Oh, the $150 must be for the car.
October 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I don’t even think my real mattress cost $900. Well, maybe after you factor in the cost of the male hookers to keep me warm at night.
October 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm
This will keep out of town relatives from crashing at my house.
October 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm
This would be great combined with the ‘heart-shaped’ placenta stain mattress!
October 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Free tetanus with every purchase! A great deterrent for houseguests. Get yours today!
. . .though I admit that if it were about $850 less, I’d buy it and use the springs to make the creepy dolls I love to make. Halloween’s a-coming, and those trick-or-treaters don’t scare themselves.
October 8, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Just wondering, when does it go from “perfectly aged” $900 art work to nasty, rust piece of garbage that you have to pay someone to take away?
October 9, 2012 at 9:06 am
There is another theory which states this has already happened.
October 8, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Wow, a giant back scratcher! the perfect gift for my pet Yeti!
October 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Sasquitch!
October 8, 2012 at 6:47 pm
I wonder if they’d give me a bulk discount if I also purchase one of those driftwood crosses.
October 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm
And to think, I’m buying a new mattress and happen to have a KING sized piece of shit to get rid of! I smell $1,000.00, a freshly striken match, and $500.00 shipping, CHA-CHING!!!
October 8, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Hubby and I always exclaim, “OOOH, a TETANUS!” when we see a dangerously-placed, rusty item.
This may be the world’s largest tetanus. Someone call Guiness.
October 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Rather drink one.
October 8, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Letterman has his Stupid Human Tricks with the Velcro wall and suit? I’m picturing this installation at Rob Zombie’s preschool. Fling the toddler …
October 8, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Dear Etsy,
I don’t know how to express my gratitude. I will be having family over for the holidays. However, thanks to you and your wonderful artists, I’m confident that nce the family sees my newly decorated home, they will never come to visit again.
October 8, 2012 at 7:59 pm
It’s like the mattress is there to make sure that NOTHING STAYS IN THE ROOM AND LIVES.
October 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Hotel Blue – you can check in but you can never leave?
October 8, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Alice, you ROCK! Can I rent your cozy abode when my family comes to visit? That should remind them why we live in different states.
October 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Glad you like it,feel free to send it to family members and represent it as yours.:)
Before Regretsy I had never used Photoshop so I’m pleased to have developed enough skills to add my own twist to the fuckery here.
October 8, 2012 at 9:59 pm
It’s like a whimsicle fuckery-themed Saw trap. Now we just need a basement with the Green Statue Guy in it and cryptic clues on finding Hellephant’s missing ear or all the stock characters get torn apart by upcycled nightmares!
October 9, 2012 at 9:32 am
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?
Etsy or Regresty.
October 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm
When I was planning our wedding some wedding blog suggested using rusty mattress springs as site decor. For fuck’s sake.
October 9, 2012 at 10:37 am
Wow. I am all out of words. Wait, except for, what the hell is an “escort card”?
October 9, 2012 at 11:09 am
Your username is from Baman and Piderman, isn’t it?
Red squib or green squib?
October 9, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Are that many hobos getting married?
October 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Wow. Put wedding stuff on the mattress springs to draw the guests CLOSER to the rusty sharp tenticles… and also, you should hang one over your bed.
October 11, 2012 at 10:38 am
Way to go Portland. In addition to the terrible wedding suggestion, you also suggest we decorate some rusty mattress springs and hang them above our bed. BRILLIANT. SO META. NOT DANGEROUS AT ALL. Oh, and to top it of, just to make sure we knew these amazing ideas came Portland, they have decorated their website with a bird and the word “Portland” in the upper right corner.
GAH.
October 9, 2012 at 2:39 am
The artist calls this “Featherbed”, which has an additional twist in German, where (coiled) “spring” and (bird’s) “feather” are the same word, so “spring bed” and “feather bed” (=duvet) would both be “Federbett”. But what’s the appeal of this title to an English speaking audience?
October 9, 2012 at 7:43 am
If I’ve counted correctly, you could hang about 90 sheep fetuses on that thing. What fun.
October 9, 2012 at 9:09 am
I can’t believe, after that title, no one has asked if the mattress is Queen sized.
October 9, 2012 at 9:15 am
It’s not very useful. How the hell are you supposed to hide the dead hooker under that?
October 9, 2012 at 9:18 am
That purchase is Serta set you back a few bills (dollar ones and medical ones.)
October 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm
the Sleep number for this is -90
October 9, 2012 at 9:59 am
Perfect gift for the hobo wedding.
October 9, 2012 at 10:33 am
You can do all your decorating from this store! Along with your $900 junkyard springs, this seller will also provide you with two sticks tied together for $200!
Oh, wait, there are several choices for tied-together-sticks, ranging from $175 to $225.
I have to go walk into the ocean now.
October 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm
I am sensing a theme of muppetfuckery to the tenth degree…I don’t know if anyone else saw this jewel in the seller’s shop:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/103207228/large-driftwood-cross-wrope-center?ref=correlated_featured
It is only $75 and quite a steal. I mean it is not like I could walk outside my fucking house and tie some twigs together with yarn, right?
October 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm
No no no, my little art-misunderstanding-friend. The SHIPPING is $75, the twigs are $200. Surely you wouldn’t expect art of this brilliance and inspiration to go for under $100, would you? These are SPECIAL twigs!!!
October 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm
this is more of a found art.
October 12, 2012 at 2:25 am
Well, now that we’ve found it, can we lose it again?
October 15, 2012 at 7:56 pm
For an extra $900 we will turn it back into a sleep-able mattress!