I came across one of these in a Minnesota bathroom years ago. But it was more of a wall than a table, and by wall I mean gloryhole.
Imagine calling the Fire Brigade to come and help you out of that!
Barnwood for your wood!
Driftwood phallus not included.
a hole for your ladywood?
It looks like it would tip right over. Also the top isn’t even level, so your drink would tip over too. So for $300 you’re not getting a “table” so much as a “random hunk of wood.”
….with a useful hole.
You forgot the useful hole!
It’s pretty small. I think it would only be useful to leprechauns.
It’s 11 x 11″, while it might be considered small by side table standards, that hole would still be about 1 1/4″. So either you think pretty *large* of yourself, or you have been fooled by the leprechauns.
I meant height, and I don’t have one personally. But the idea of being fooled by the wee folk is hilarious. Fool’s gold and large penises!
I’m concerned by the use of the word “playing” in the description. If I’m going to buy a glory-hole table, I don’t want anyone else to have been playing with it
The description on Etsy goes on to say “I love this little table.” Hmmm …
I think I saw this table once on “Weird Sex”. And I think it involved goatse, vaseline, and a useful tip on the best way to remove splinters. I’m guessing it was sanded smooth with another wood “instrument”? And, if you’ve been playing with it AT ALL, I wouldn’t touch it without gloves and a hazmat suit!
Well, I’d like to point out that on the up side, we now have yet another piece for our hipster barnwood porn prop collection.
Isn’t that just a sawn-off chunk of ’70s playground equipment?
It looks more like a salvaged telephone pole.
What I woodn’t do for a table like that!
Surely you’re knot serious.
No, I’m not. Whoever buys that is a sap.
I figured you were just joaking.
I can’t beleaf anyone woodn’t want a this! I’m totally pinning for one of these!
Maybe if the seller spruced it up a bit.
No, just selling it for a larch.
Probably hoping some dumb birch will buy it.
This is such acorny bunch of nonsense!
I’ve seen better pieces of ash.
Yew could do worse.
Support for this table concept is splintering
I’m serious, and don’t call me Shirley.
My question is, do you really want it if he’s already been “playing with it” for a month?
In woodworking circles that’s called a Patina.
Actually, in woodworking circles we would call it “terrible”.
This is just begging for a Photoshopped goatse! Anyone?
beat me to it, Babs, was going to say it looked like a wooden goatse!
I agree…the knot around the wood has a butt like appearance and the hole is just big enough for some amazing goatse!
Ribbed for your pleasure.
NEVER mistake a Gloryhole for a Peephole!
You could put an eye out like that!
Sorry, I’m not a firry.
How wood you be sure?
I could branch into firry. Or sprucey. Or piney.
Maple deep down in your roots you are.
So Yew are Chestnut into that?
Because of all these puns. I’m afraid I must close this thread. TIMBER!!!!!!
The OOOOOOOOOOOOOLD GLORY HOLE!
I’m actually quite impressed that he managed to gouge out such a sizeable hole after only a month ‘playing with’ this thing he claims is a table.
It’s like if The Shawshank Redemption were a porn!
(The ShawSKANK Redemption, obvs)
what I meant to say was
helluva splinter to get…
(11″ x 11″ 22″)
Assuming the seller means it’s 11″ square and 22″ high.
I’ve moved on from the soulsucking goatse hole to wondering if it’s a table or stool, really.
Dull comment is dull. This is what comes when you can’t have caffine for a week.
Admittedly, some of his other stuff seems pretty nice, but my thoughts about the “table” were pretty close.
That and “That’s just an old chunk of fencepost”
It’s too dreary our for me to snark I guess…
Arrr, how well I remember holes like these from me glory days as a buccaneer! Many’s the Pirate Party Night I spent near a certain spot in the bulkhead!
Arrr…me cannon balls would be ever so heavy without one!
Patina! It’s been a day or two since we saw that one, hasn’t it? Now if he would just use repurposed or upcycled instead of recycled, we’d be halfway to a bingo card.
Just what want for my home decor. Something that reminds me of random anonymous sex. Someone else ‘s random anonymous sexton.
Oobviously that was supposed to be sex not sexton. Stupid autocorrect.
I think it’s better as “sexton”.
This is not a table. This a is a baby girl Ent.
Does this mean they finally found the Entwives??
Not that I’m a size queen…but that hole looks a bit on the small size. How brave of our lonely woodsman so put himself out like that for our amusement!
Hi. Straight Guy here.
No. No I’m not going to stick my wang in/through that.
What if I sweeten the deal and throw in about 35 wang splinters?
Thank you for that.
No one has commented on the ninety dollar — NINETY DOLLAR — shipping charge. What does the seller do… take Greyhound to your town and hand-deliver it to your door?
He shows you how to play with it.
Eww. Just… EWWWWWWWW.
Ah don’t be so hard on the seller, this is just a prototype!
Is it wrong I want to buy this and send it to my ex? I heard his second marriage isn’t doing too well.
Probably not wrong to send it to him. Probably IS wrong if you want to spend that much to do so.
I came across one of these in a Minnesota bathroom
I see what you did there.
This table isn’t the only thing that’s knotty about his shop.
And this one is even knottier….
God bless you, citizen.
And by playing with it, he means “sticking my penis in it”. Just in case that wasn’t clear.
The last time I sepnt $300 on someone elses used glory hole I got dutch elm disease. No way I’m going through that again.
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