I am not alone!
Short story-a snippet if you will from work.
Had to tell our insurance person our bank info.
My voice apparently quivered when I said Big Beaver road.(I tried really hard to keep it together)
Insurance person noticed and luckily we had a laugh.
I simply cannot use muff in the traditional sense anymore.
OMG, you must be a Michigander! I remember always thinking that the civil engineers must have been a humorous bunch. The 75 takes some pretty wide curves to make sure that the exit to Big Beaver Rd is exit 69. (Seriously!)
We named our cat Muff. After a kitty in a children’s book. I never put two and two together until just now and realized that we named out pussy Muff. And the cat is 9 years old.
Yikes! It was a “bait and swoosh – I mean switch”! I just heard it’s not starting next week after all. It might start later but for now, the search continues…
I’ve lost count of how many times the “bait and switch” has happened to me in the job hunt. Shitty times, indeed. People (employers) just don’t give a shit anymore. One company strung me along for 4 months, then just stopped communication out of nowhere. No reason, just vanished.
You are all some really thoughtful fuckers. May we all find fulfilling methods of generating income that is commiserate with our aptitudes or at least has unrestricted internet access.
Sadly I didn’t know the slang term “beaver” until college… I grew up in Hillsboro (OR) and had friends who lived in Beaverton… and attended Beaverton HS, whose mascot was… the Beavers. We would’ve had a heyday making fun of them, if only we’d known.
This gay man in you has way too many things on his mind, babe. He needs to pay attention to YOU. I hear an attack of “you go girl” music coming on, starting with Des’ree …
What’s scary are the ones that are also furries we had one at the bar last party they threw. oddly his furry persona is not a bear… and yes he came to the bar in full costume with access flaps
I know for a fact I have never had my hands in a beaver muff.
Wait…nevermind. There was that experimental phase in college.
Well, I retract my first statement.
Been hanging around with politicians too much, sorry!
I stayed at this wild game ranch in West Texas one time, and they had a HERD of Capybaras. They came over this hill to go to a watering hole, and scared the shit out of me. I had no idea what they were. I could’ve ridden one they were so big.
We call a woman’s private area a “beaver” and also sometimes a “muff”. Dirty minded people also, whenever we hear the word “strap”, think of the dildos women (mostly lesbians) strap on to the front of their pelvis to fuck someone with.
We call the pussy “mirri”, which means the (young) cat.
Well… I have a long-length winter gloves, and have cat fur on the inside.
I sometimes ask guys, put these in your hand.
Then I take a photo.
- “Ok. Now I have a photograph that you’re putting your hand (in gloves),
 have both hands on the forearm unfamiliar mirri! ‘
Finnish it may also comprise that you have found the hand work, both hands inside pussy.
It was on this day that the beavers who lived in the Dam found out what the White Queen meant when she threated to Muff up their lives for helping the Sons of Adam and daughters of Eve escape…
Once, an older male acquaintance of mine tried to convince me to go on a beaver safari after having attended a particularly successful one himself. I got to put all of my smile suppression practice to good use.
Also, I resisted the temptation to tell him I can see a beaver anytime I want.
Reminds me of when I was around 11-years old and got taken to the doctors with a sick stomach, only to be diagnosed with what’s commonly known as Beaver Fever.
In the car on the way home, I expressed my excitement about having such a funny named bug, “I can’t wait to go back to school and tell all my friends that I have beaver fever!!”
As if my dad’s relationship with his budding pubescent daughter weren’t awkward enough, he then had to try and explain to me in such an intensely uncomfortable way that only a dad can, why this wasn’t such a great idea…
“Uhmm… ‘beaver’ is another name for a woman’s… uhhm… reproductive – uhm – her vagina, that is to say… just… don’t tell people you’ve got beaver fever…”
Longest, most painful car ride of my life. I’ve never been so grateful for 3AW (Australian talk-back radio program which helped fill the agonising silence) as I was that day…
Since I’m a lazy fuck and didn’t bother to read the other comments, this might have already been addressed: these things are a great place to hide a switch blade or brass knuckles. Just sayin’
October 4, 2012 at 10:02 am
They’ve been writing themselves for centuries
October 4, 2012 at 10:09 am
you are getting me in trouble at work!
October 4, 2012 at 10:28 am
DAMN!! You beat me to it!
I chose Robbie Burns as my poet for a poetry unit in high school just so I could stand up and read this poem outloud in class.
October 4, 2012 at 11:44 am
I am not alone!
Short story-a snippet if you will from work.
Had to tell our insurance person our bank info.
My voice apparently quivered when I said Big Beaver road.(I tried really hard to keep it together)
Insurance person noticed and luckily we had a laugh.
I simply cannot use muff in the traditional sense anymore.
October 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm
OMG, you must be a Michigander! I remember always thinking that the civil engineers must have been a humorous bunch. The 75 takes some pretty wide curves to make sure that the exit to Big Beaver Rd is exit 69. (Seriously!)
October 4, 2012 at 7:51 pm
We named our cat Muff. After a kitty in a children’s book. I never put two and two together until just now and realized that we named out pussy Muff. And the cat is 9 years old.
October 5, 2012 at 8:19 am
You could also call your muff Pussy just to even things out.
October 4, 2012 at 11:29 am
See also: Beaver Dick Park in Madison County, Idaho.
It was quite fun attending BYU-I in Rexburg and having church parties at Beaver Dick park.
October 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm
ah, you’ve like driven the I-15 north through Utah through Fillmore->Virgin->Beaver All the way home to Provo!
October 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I start a new job at Nike next week in Beaverton Oregon. Also, Oregon State University – Go Beav’s!
Beavers heh-heh.
October 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm
My wife’s aunt lives on Beaver River Road, near us.
My Dad has an old sign for “Beaver Cherries”.
October 4, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Congrats on the job, Zip!
October 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Yikes! It was a “bait and swoosh – I mean switch”! I just heard it’s not starting next week after all. It might start later but for now, the search continues…
October 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm
That’s awful. On the bright side, at least you don’t have to live in Beaverton.
It’s funny because I’m from Bend.
October 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm
I wouldn’t move out there from Portland! Because http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yTgMf1cOcQ
October 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Portland is truly the capital of whimsicle fuckery.
October 4, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Come for the whimsical fuckery. Stay because you missed your flight.
October 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm
I’ve lost count of how many times the “bait and switch” has happened to me in the job hunt. Shitty times, indeed. People (employers) just don’t give a shit anymore. One company strung me along for 4 months, then just stopped communication out of nowhere. No reason, just vanished.
October 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Parents can be so mean!
October 4, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Yikes, that sucks ass.
I’m on the job hunt too. Know exactly what you mean!
October 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm
I will be on the job hunt shortly, when my seasonal job closes for the winter and early spring. I’m dreading it.
October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm
There seems to be a market for writing stupid shit on the internet but supply exceeds demand.
October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Best of luck!
The EI system is the most stressful for me right now (I’m in Canada.) It’s my first time on it. Scary like hell.
October 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Yikes. Best of luck to you too.
October 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm
You are all some really thoughtful fuckers. May we all find fulfilling methods of generating income that is commiserate with our aptitudes or at least has unrestricted internet access.
October 4, 2012 at 10:24 pm
I went from zero to 12 hours of work a day recently so congratulations and here’s hoping yours is an 8 hour a day job.
October 4, 2012 at 11:24 pm
You sound like you work in the culinary industry.
October 4, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Heh heh heh. You said Beaverton.
Congratulations!
October 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Hey, you live near me! Congrats on the new job.
October 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I go to Oregon State. In high school, we were the cougars. And now I’m a beaver.
There’s a sign near the school that advertises “bare beaver waxing”. It means exactly what it sounds like it means.
October 4, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Sadly I didn’t know the slang term “beaver” until college… I grew up in Hillsboro (OR) and had friends who lived in Beaverton… and attended Beaverton HS, whose mascot was… the Beavers. We would’ve had a heyday making fun of them, if only we’d known.
Ah, missed opportunities. *sniff*
October 5, 2012 at 12:26 am
“sniff” no pun intended?
(give me a break, it’s my birthday)
October 5, 2012 at 12:32 am
two of my nieces were born in Beaverton–you pass Dike access road on the way to Seattle.
October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Big Bone Lick state park, KY
(yes KY thats where Jellystone park is too)
October 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Mere miles away from Beaverlick, KY, where Beaver meets Dickerson.
October 4, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm
The botanical gardens at UC Santa Cruz have a very nice bench dedicated in the name of Harry Beaver. Everybody wants to pose there for pictures.
October 4, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I went to Arcadia University. Formerly Beaver College.
It was an all-girls school at the time, too.
October 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm
My aunt used to live in Beaver PA.
October 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm
See also: Dick Beaver Park in Washougal, Washington
October 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Next time you’re in Australia, come to see me in Tittybong. It’s not all that far from Delicate Knob but a fair drive from Mount Buggery.
October 5, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Is it true that people from Mt. Buggery tend to be a pain in the ass?
October 4, 2012 at 10:03 am
At least they photographed it with someone’s hands in it. That’s a roomy muff!
October 4, 2012 at 10:11 am
the gay man in me is like… “mmmm hand muff fabulosity…” then the gay man in me is like… “hands… in a beaver…” and then I have to vomit.
October 4, 2012 at 10:26 am
This gay man in you has way too many things on his mind, babe. He needs to pay attention to YOU. I hear an attack of “you go girl” music coming on, starting with Des’ree …
October 4, 2012 at 11:05 am
he’s kind of a multitasker like that… and no no… it’s the new P!nk album interspersed with Robyn and Boy George…
October 4, 2012 at 11:19 am
Yeah I can’t buy this I would loose my “Gold Star” staus and all my gay bear friends would shun me.
October 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm
When bears say they like furry things, they really need to be more specific.
October 4, 2012 at 12:04 pm
What’s scary are the ones that are also furries we had one at the bar last party they threw. oddly his furry persona is not a bear… and yes he came to the bar in full costume with access flaps
October 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm
LOL “some of my best friends” are bears who are also furries. And yup. Scary.
October 5, 2012 at 7:20 am
you had me at “Bear”…
October 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm
He said “hands… in a beaver…”
Don’t forget, BEAVERS HAVE TEETH! Quite dangerous, you know. Thankfully, they DO care more than Honey Badgers.
October 5, 2012 at 7:22 am
it’s like some god awful beaver dentata!… chomp chomp chomp
October 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm
But it has a buckle; that be dangerous on delicate parts.
October 4, 2012 at 10:03 am
the least hairy beaver muff I’ve seen on Etsy to date
October 5, 2012 at 7:22 am
and we’ve seen a few…
October 4, 2012 at 10:03 am
I heard beaver muffs are really warm. Never been inside one myself though.
October 4, 2012 at 10:12 am
Unless you were decanted from a test tube, I beg to differ.
October 4, 2012 at 11:17 am
I know for a fact I have never had my hands in a beaver muff.
Wait…nevermind. There was that experimental phase in college.
Well, I retract my first statement.
Been hanging around with politicians too much, sorry!
October 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Coming soon from Flesh Light the new furry beaver sleeve cover
October 4, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Chinesereseller was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped?
October 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm
*gasps* A man not of woman born! Beware, Mac*censored*!
October 5, 2012 at 12:28 am
You can’t tell he was born cesarean, until he leaves the room by climbing out the window.
October 4, 2012 at 10:05 am
Not a Brazilian beaver, I take it.
October 4, 2012 at 10:10 am
that would be a capybara, I believe.
October 4, 2012 at 10:15 am
Now THOSE are big beaver muffs.
October 4, 2012 at 10:23 am
I stayed at this wild game ranch in West Texas one time, and they had a HERD of Capybaras. They came over this hill to go to a watering hole, and scared the shit out of me. I had no idea what they were. I could’ve ridden one they were so big.
October 4, 2012 at 10:37 am
City Slicker! I bet they were buffalo. Or maybe snipe.
October 4, 2012 at 11:50 am
Googled it. Holy shit! Those things look like guinea pigs on steroids!
October 4, 2012 at 11:57 am
The world’s largest rodent. They’re crazy huge. No joke- I saw a herd of them.
October 4, 2012 at 12:58 pm
I believe a group of capybaras is called a “queraptan”. As in; “Now that is one queraptan of capys! We’re gonna need a bigger llama.”
October 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Went to look out for capybaras and found this beaut:
October 4, 2012 at 1:06 pm
http://bunkstrutts.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/capybara_picdump-147.jpg
October 4, 2012 at 1:09 pm
See??? Now picture like 35 of them running toward you. That was my experience.
October 4, 2012 at 1:22 pm
They’re good eatin’ too.
October 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Madre de Dios!
October 4, 2012 at 10:05 am
I would file this under dead things and/or vaginas.
October 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I’d rather be under a vagina than a dead thing. (Almost wrote “then’ by mistake, which would have altered the meaning.)
October 4, 2012 at 10:06 am
Anyone getting Fran from American Dad in their heads? Who fired the Gardener?
October 4, 2012 at 10:08 am
Haven’t seen one like that since the late 70′s.
October 4, 2012 at 10:09 am
We can pelt this with criticism but let’s remember our dam manners.
October 4, 2012 at 10:13 am
Rudeness is hairily necessary.
October 4, 2012 at 10:16 am
But my sarcastic side is definitely gnawing at me.
October 4, 2012 at 10:16 am
I gnaw, right?
October 4, 2012 at 10:24 am
Which of our duplicate comments will they chews?
October 4, 2012 at 10:27 am
I’m stumped!
October 4, 2012 at 10:30 am
Wood it change your reaction?
October 4, 2012 at 10:30 am
Either way, we should always stick together. Solidarity, Zip.
October 4, 2012 at 10:35 am
I wish to lodge a complaint.
October 4, 2012 at 10:38 am
I’m sorry you fell that way.
October 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Stop your (beaver) dam arguing!
October 4, 2012 at 10:09 am
A Two Fisted Muff, no less!
October 4, 2012 at 10:11 am
always a day late and a dollar short. I need to be more original. Or faster.
October 4, 2012 at 10:18 am
PBCGE- it’s not about being the FIRST to have a two fisted muff. It’s an accomplishment just to have one.
October 4, 2012 at 10:23 am
The fleece lining seems to asking for trouble though. Fleas?
October 4, 2012 at 10:13 am
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was just another Etsy advertisement for a bracelet.
October 4, 2012 at 10:15 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg
October 4, 2012 at 10:15 am
I wonder if they will shave design in it for customers? You know, hearts or arrows or a little landing strip.
October 4, 2012 at 10:19 am
Maybe they could add a “tramp stamp” on the backside, too.
October 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Save money! Buy your own Swarovski crystals and vajazzle the stuffing out of it!
October 4, 2012 at 10:16 am
Just BARELY avoided spitting my tea all over my screen. Thanks a lot, Regretsy. /floooooounce
October 4, 2012 at 10:18 am
So?
October 4, 2012 at 10:32 am
Well, what kinds of furry things do you jam your hands in Finland? And do they have adjustable straps?
October 4, 2012 at 10:34 am
*…in, in Finland…* I’m a bad example of good English.
October 4, 2012 at 12:45 pm
We call a woman’s private area a “beaver” and also sometimes a “muff”. Dirty minded people also, whenever we hear the word “strap”, think of the dildos women (mostly lesbians) strap on to the front of their pelvis to fuck someone with.
October 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Mom! Ewww!
October 4, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Zip- can I have your Mom’s number? It’s for a friend.
October 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Whoops, sorry Kat. My mom’s handle is Kunt and there’s a pussy in the picture but…You know, never mind.
October 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Thanks for covering for me.
October 5, 2012 at 5:44 am
We call the pussy “mirri”, which means the (young) cat.
Well… I have a long-length winter gloves, and have cat fur on the inside.
I sometimes ask guys, put these in your hand.
Then I take a photo.
- “Ok. Now I have a photograph that you’re putting your hand (in gloves),
 have both hands on the forearm unfamiliar mirri! ‘
Finnish it may also comprise that you have found the hand work, both hands inside pussy.
October 4, 2012 at 10:22 am
The parachute buckle is definitely the most important part! .. No one should use their Beaver Muff without one. I should know.
October 4, 2012 at 10:25 am
A fall from great heights without a parachute is sure death for a beaver muff.
October 4, 2012 at 10:29 am
Again with the duplicates! That puts the whole “great minds think alike” crap to rest, doesn’t it.
October 4, 2012 at 10:32 am
Idiots like us think alike, too, I guess.
October 4, 2012 at 10:25 am
The parachute buckle is a critical feature for sky muff diving.
October 4, 2012 at 10:37 am
One, two, buckle your cooch
Three, four, don’t be a whore
Five, six, warm up your dicks
Seven, eight, as long as they’re straight …
October 5, 2012 at 10:35 pm
I’m just really upset that, as a muff owner for well over 40 years, this is the first I’ve discovered that I had the option to buckle it closed.
October 4, 2012 at 10:24 am
I’m not sure. I don’t trust etsy. Last time I bought a beaver muff, it turned out to be a muskrat gauntlet….
October 4, 2012 at 10:27 am
I bought one, and it ended up being faux-beaver. I think it came from Pamela Anderson originally.
October 4, 2012 at 10:28 am
Looks like Muskrat Hate.
October 4, 2012 at 10:30 am
I got a Nutria glove and it was fleas lined.
October 4, 2012 at 10:33 am
I would’ve been like “Rats!”.
October 4, 2012 at 10:37 am
Why you little minks!
October 4, 2012 at 10:42 am
Sorry, my Ferrets Syndrome is acting up.
October 4, 2012 at 10:50 am
It’s always the same mole excuses with you, isn’t it Zip?
October 4, 2012 at 11:28 am
Shrew you guys, I’m going home.
October 4, 2012 at 12:48 pm
You’d make quite the sight if you rodent-to town wearing this!
October 4, 2012 at 1:03 pm
You guys are posting on burrowed time!
October 4, 2012 at 1:12 pm
We’ll claw our way out of this. We always do.
October 6, 2012 at 4:30 am
Nutra gloves? I’ll just stick to my trusty feather jerboa.
October 6, 2012 at 4:31 am
*Nutria*
October 4, 2012 at 11:02 am
I understand the beaver muff but I’m a little confused by the beaver bag.
October 4, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I don’t know what social circles you run in, but it’s considered low-class to call a uterus a “beaver bag”. Especially on a first date.
October 4, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Damn, is that why people tell me they “can’t take me anywhere”? It was totally normal back home in the barn growing up.
October 4, 2012 at 11:31 am
October 4, 2012 at 11:44 am
Yak, yak, yak.
October 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm
It was on this day that the beavers who lived in the Dam found out what the White Queen meant when she threated to Muff up their lives for helping the Sons of Adam and daughters of Eve escape…
October 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Aww, quit your fauning over ~, Mr. Tumnus.
October 4, 2012 at 1:01 pm
You Mutton be caught without a pair of Satyr Skants…
October 7, 2012 at 2:56 am
Out of lurk mode to grab this fancy name. Wouldn’t have thought this would be my intro post but *shrugs* I can dive with some muff.
October 4, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I met a women dressed like that and said “What’s with the get-up, yak hunt?” and she slapped the shit out of me!!!
October 8, 2012 at 11:13 am
same thing happened to me in mexico hunting elk. talk about surprised!
October 4, 2012 at 11:39 am
Don’t search Google for Sheared Beaver with safe search off. Specially if you’re at work…
October 5, 2012 at 9:23 am
Well now I just have to.
October 4, 2012 at 11:59 am
I went to a store to buy one of these recently and the clerk insisted they just sell shoes.
October 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Beaver shoes?
October 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Prefer a Bald Eagle to a Beaver Muff.
October 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Once, an older male acquaintance of mine tried to convince me to go on a beaver safari after having attended a particularly successful one himself. I got to put all of my smile suppression practice to good use.
Also, I resisted the temptation to tell him I can see a beaver anytime I want.
October 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Reminds me of when I was around 11-years old and got taken to the doctors with a sick stomach, only to be diagnosed with what’s commonly known as Beaver Fever.
In the car on the way home, I expressed my excitement about having such a funny named bug, “I can’t wait to go back to school and tell all my friends that I have beaver fever!!”
As if my dad’s relationship with his budding pubescent daughter weren’t awkward enough, he then had to try and explain to me in such an intensely uncomfortable way that only a dad can, why this wasn’t such a great idea…
“Uhmm… ‘beaver’ is another name for a woman’s… uhhm… reproductive – uhm – her vagina, that is to say… just… don’t tell people you’ve got beaver fever…”
Longest, most painful car ride of my life. I’ve never been so grateful for 3AW (Australian talk-back radio program which helped fill the agonising silence) as I was that day…
October 4, 2012 at 9:44 pm
What happens ‘down under’ stays down under.
October 4, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Technically isn’t this listing redundant? Kind of like a phallic penis?
October 4, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Since I’m a lazy fuck and didn’t bother to read the other comments, this might have already been addressed: these things are a great place to hide a switch blade or brass knuckles. Just sayin’
October 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm
Get with the times! What about a Wifi hotspot and a battery backup? Talk about access!
October 4, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I’m a luddite.
October 4, 2012 at 10:34 pm
I was thinking formal wear tote for a burrito from La Cumbre…