How the hell would you insert that? I don’t think it would fit in my meat tunnel of pleasure, but maybe I’m on the small side. In fact, I don’t think I know a person outside the porn industry with ten inches of stretch.
This hipster porn is getting weirder and weirder. At least this one’s polished, unlike the driftwood…
Okay, I see the double-amputee with a hard-on. I even see the eagle, I guess. What I don’t see is justification for charging $169 for beach rubbish — even interesting beach rubbish.
It looks like the body modification of splitting a penis. You should leave it up to your imagination or Google Image “penis splitting” to see the real thing. After seeing it (again), I would think that there is no other sex but a hand job, because no sane woman would let one anywhere near her.
October 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm
So that’s what you look like. You know we’ve all been wondering, CG.
October 2, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Now I’m genuinely intrigued as to what those unfortunate souls without arms do when it comes time to polish the old driftwood, as it were.
October 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Based on dogs I’ve seen I think that pillows are involved. (or legs).
October 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Bonerific.
October 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm
If that’s a dick, I’m going to go hork.
October 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Oh Gumby.
October 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Hey, what’s he supposed to do when Pokey is on a business trip?
October 4, 2012 at 10:00 pm
October 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm
What sort of botched circumcision was that? To me it reminds me of the sandworms from DUNE
October 3, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I thought that he had spent so much time with it that it had started to fray.
October 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm
You can soar higher than an eagle.
You are the wind beneath my thing.
October 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm
October 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Eldritch masturbator.
October 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I trust your parents sued the Mohel.
October 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Aw… he’s pining for a little bush.
October 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm
I wooden have gone there, if I were him.
October 2, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Eh, his bark is worse than his bite. Unless you keep needling him.
October 3, 2012 at 6:38 am
Oh leaf the sap and his crotch alone, with a face like that you know he’s not getting any.
October 3, 2012 at 6:10 pm
you mean knot getting??
October 3, 2012 at 6:15 pm
You are probably right, I don’t imagine that he’s very poplar with the ladies.
October 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm
October 2, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Damned Harkonnens.
October 14, 2012 at 11:14 am
a wounded eagle
October 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm
10″ “high” is great, but I’m concerned about the 10″ wide.
October 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm
AND WHERE ARE THE GLITTER TEARS? HMM??
October 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm
You have to hand make those yourself.
October 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I loled so I had to go to your blog. Can I say I loved this line?
“The illusion of choice simply masked with a vote.”
October 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm
Thanks, I can’t believe somebody read it! Wheeeeee!
October 3, 2012 at 9:05 am
I read it to see what kind of writing style I’ve hitched my fuckery wagon to in the pursuit of erotic writing sexcellence. Like!
October 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Isn’t that Ang Lee’s next film?
Wounded Eagle, Choking Chicken?
October 2, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Ah Ah Ah Ah Stayin’ Alive Stayin’ Alive
Ah Ah Ah Ah Stayin’ A-liiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyiiiiyyyyiiyyyiiiiiiive….
October 3, 2012 at 8:06 am
Come on! It looks like it’s doing the Travolta dance from Saturday Night Fever. Fuck, I must be getting old…
October 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm
I see the eagle, I’m just wondering where the “sculpture” part comes in.
October 2, 2012 at 7:02 pm
I wondered that, too.
1. Find chunk of driftwood.
2. Rub with whatever oil is on hand. [I'm so punny today.]
3. Sell on Etsy for $169.
I really should visit the beach more often…
October 3, 2012 at 9:02 am
hahahaha
you said rub oil on the driftwood by hand
hahahaha
October 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Tung oil of course
October 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm
“See the determination in my face.” Determined to come to fruition?
October 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm
I don’t think you’re seeing this the way we all see it…
October 2, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Regretsy has warped my soul, what can I say.
October 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Hell no! Yer not jackin’ off your woody on any shelf of mine! I don’t give a damn HOW determined you are, ya pervert!!
October 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Okay, I see the double-amputee with a hard-on. I even see the eagle, I guess. What I don’t see is justification for charging $169 for beach rubbish — even interesting beach rubbish.
October 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm
It looks like the body modification of splitting a penis. You should leave it up to your imagination or Google Image “penis splitting” to see the real thing. After seeing it (again), I would think that there is no other sex but a hand job, because no sane woman would let one anywhere near her.
October 2, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Google Image “penis splitting”?
NO.
October 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm
I’m gonna add that to my list of things not to google (list so far consists of: blue waffle)
October 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Do not… I repeat, do NOT Google that. Certainly not just before dinner. It’s exactly what you think it will be.
Except even more gross than you imagine.
October 2, 2012 at 6:38 pm
It’s me watching any season of “Supernatural.”
October 2, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Patriotic wood. That gets my vote.
October 2, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Just thank your lucky stars they’re not trying to sell it as a natural tampon.
October 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm
DON’T GIVE THEM IDEAS!
October 2, 2012 at 7:15 pm
“See the determination on my face.”
DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD!
October 2, 2012 at 10:07 pm
You’re not the Balsa of me!
October 3, 2012 at 9:07 am
I don’t have to listen to yew!
October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am
I’m not oak-kay with being bossed around!
October 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm
FINE! Just go ahead and be an old stick in the beach
October 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm
ok if i look hard I see something bird like but where the beak is all I see is the bird puking up something ….
October 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Yeah, I see the eagle too but it looks like it’s throwing up.
October 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm
How about climaxing baby condor?
October 2, 2012 at 8:10 pm
That sperm whale is sporting craaaaaaazy wood. Or an Alien baby.
October 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Well what do you expect from a sperm whale? Horndogs of the animal kingdom. And don’t get me started on the narwhal…
October 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm
Hi, my name’s Betty and I’m a Regretsyholic…
October 2, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Is driftwood replacng barn wood on Etsy? Seems like we have had quite a few driftwood items on here recently…
October 2, 2012 at 10:02 pm
I wish my driftwood were 10″ high and polished.
October 3, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Am I the only one who is seeing Gumby polishing his knob? Maybe my kids are right after all, maybe I AM twisted LOL
October 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm
You’d know the answer if you had bothered to read the previous comments. Or searched for “Gumby”, as I did.