THE OFFICIAL UNIFORM OF ETSY
What the hell is it with hipsters and sweets? Why does everything have to look like a fucking cookie, or have Skittles glued all over it?
I’m convinced everyone on Etsy is either 12 or a heroin addict.
UPDATE:
133 comments on THE OFFICIAL UNIFORM OF ETSY
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September 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm
It’s a Onesie! A giant, god damned adult Onesie!
September 28, 2012 at 12:05 pm
In colors that make my eyes hurt….to say nothing of my teeth!
September 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Onesie = trademark infringement. Knock it off!
September 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Take it off!
September 28, 2012 at 12:04 pm
But it will hide the muffin top, if necessary.
September 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I’m not sure it would. It’s sort of half-baked, don’t you think?
September 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Zippy sugar-coats everything.
September 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Are you trying to get a rise out of me with your leaven-ity?
September 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I didn’t expect that frosty response.
September 28, 2012 at 1:30 pm
I still feel kind of battered over Helen taking off to have her cake and eat it, too.
September 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm
Yes, we can tell that you were deeply stirred by the announcement.
September 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm
I’d be afraid to wear it; might get a yeast infection.
September 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Of all the chit UO has perpetrated, this really takes the cake!
September 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm
Kindly read chit as shit – clearly it is past my bedtime.
September 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I’m pretty sure this outfit could hide a few bundt cake tops as well…
September 28, 2012 at 1:52 pm
It pretty much hides the whole bakery.
September 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm
I heard that an infestation of hipsters order a baker’s dozen of those them for holiday gifts.
September 28, 2012 at 12:04 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Yeah, we got it.
September 28, 2012 at 12:06 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Um…gosh, I’ve never been minused before. Trying to understand why [sob]…
September 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm
They might all think it’s a stem instead of a wick but that’s no reason for them all to bust your cherry.
September 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Thanks, Zippy…either way, I’m sure it’s the perfect outfit for those moments when you don’t want to set the world on fire…just your head.
September 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 12:07 pm
The draggy sack on the bottom really ruins it. Otherwise it’d look… sorta Asian… or something.
I think what I’m getting at is, there’s much better ways to do this. For example, instead of having the cherry as a hood, have it be a red beret.
This looks like the parka of a crazy person.
September 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I know- it doesn’t even look like a cupcake at all. If it didn’t say “cupcake”, I would not know what it’s supposed to be at all.
September 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I know, right? I thought it may be an ice cream cone at first. Hideous, but still an ice cream cone.
September 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm
It’s not just poorly executed, it’s a stupid concept. I don’t think there is any way to make that cute.
September 28, 2012 at 12:50 pm
I think it looks like the house went on fire while you were showering and you only had time to wrap yourself in the ugly ass shower curtain your senile aunt bought you 25 years ago.And they only want $89.00 for this atrocity.
September 28, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I’d like a rain poncho that would be a complete washer and dryer load by itself every time it was used. I hate umbrellas AND the environment!
September 28, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Snuggie + Frosting = HEAVEN
September 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Just what I want see- a skinny girl dressed as Mama Cass…
September 28, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Also, it really doesn’t help that the model is posed like the Abu Ghraib prisoner who had electrodes attached to his genitals or whatever.
September 28, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Just in case the site I hotlinked that from doesn’t like the traffic:
September 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm
September 28, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Nailed it.
September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I knew it would be good, but this…Yowzer!
Thanks!!!
September 28, 2012 at 2:30 pm
I say, this is currently the best, watt?
September 28, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Good one, Zappy!
September 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm
You are such a joule!
September 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm
The seller should be subjected to this torture, not the model. I hope she was paid handsomely!
September 28, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I have zero skills, so I must beg – nay demand! – that someone who knows what they’re doing photoshop to put cupcake girl in this.
Please!
September 28, 2012 at 12:56 pm
With Lynndie England pointing at her!
September 28, 2012 at 1:33 pm
“Close you eyes and try not to think of England.”
September 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Amy Poehler would be funnier
September 28, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Why either/or? 12-year-old heroin addict sounds about right.
September 28, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Give the lady some ropes and tent pegs, she’s ready to camp out for the night!
September 28, 2012 at 1:30 pm
It’s multipurpose!
September 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm
The circus is in town! I wonder how many more clowns are under that.
September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Someone notify Omar and tell him one of his tents has gone missing!
September 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm
It’s a tarp!
September 28, 2012 at 12:14 pm
I guess this is one way to avoid a pervert on the bus with a cell phone taped to his shoe from taking an upskirt shot.
September 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I…I never ride the #44 bus and when I do, I never wear shoes!
September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Okay, I believe you. You seem pretty classy so i assume you just hang out at Target.
September 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Looks like the time I accidentally stepped on a cupcake.
September 28, 2012 at 12:17 pm
OMG I remember the “pretend you are a cupcake” thread, where a member suggested everyone pretend to be one so there wouldn’t be anyone one lashing out at each other, or etsy, for whatever the latest fucking PR nightmare they threw up on people.
That quickly became the names of the “pro-etsy or else” crowd – “cupcakes”.
I haven’t sold on etsy since 2009 – nice to see nothing changes.
September 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Just a second.
Before reading your last sentence I thought this was happening on regretsy forums, ironically.
…I don’t want to know, ok?
September 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm
I always like learning origins of terms like this, but for the months now that I’ve been actively keeping up with Regretsy, but “cupcakes” has always been a term that just fits to me, and I never questioned it.
It likens Etsy well to a bake sale: the cupcakes laboriously frosted over five hours only to be eaten because no1curr; the cupcakes with beautiful gumpaste and fondant work that are inedible; the cupcakes that look and taste cheap because they are; the cupcakes so bad you can’t get the paper off; the cupcakes pretentiously labeled “mini torts”; the Hostess cupcakes unwrapped on a crystal cake stand; the cupcakes lost beneath Mount Frosting; and the rare cupcake that’s actually simple, creative, fucking delicious and always sold out.
September 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Ok, I have a friend who might flip her lid over this and buy it just to humor her son.
I, on the other hand, feel a sudden sweet tooth coming on. Anyone else going to the bakery now?
September 28, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Just because you put frosting on your muffin top, it doesn’t make you a cupcake…or does it?
September 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Duh. Obviously we didn’t ALL get to do heroin when we were 12.
September 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Speak for yourself, Angel.
September 28, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I was more of a Hooked on Phonics kid.
September 28, 2012 at 1:30 pm
I was more of a Hooked on Heroin, Barbiturates, Meth and Huffing Glue out of a Tube Sock kid.
September 28, 2012 at 1:36 pm
That explains a lot, dear.
September 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Like that time I came home early and caught you sniffing my socks. I thought you had some sort of strange foot fetish, but now I realize it goes deeper. I guess I can go back to wearing toe socks now.
September 28, 2012 at 1:38 pm
I was hooked on my heroine, Helen. *sob*
September 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Zippy- I never knew you had such a flair for the dramatic!
September 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Right, it’s such a surprise! Just when I managed to pull myself together after today’s shock — who can stay calm when even Zippy melts?
September 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm
AC-TING! *arm flourish*
September 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Angel, I can help you with my 8 part DVD series “Breaking the Phonics Habit” convo me
September 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm
A Cupcake Caftan–ftlog, it makes the Snuggie look Red Carpet worthy.
On the other hand, I could use this idea for Halloween Costumes, interesting.
September 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Seriously? Isn’t this just a kid’s bedsheet?!?
September 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Why is it called a “booty buddy”? God, these hipsters confuse the hell out of me.
September 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm
That’s exactly what I was going to ask. I guess they don’t have any marketing skills. Or they have too many marketing skills.
September 28, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Because sex sells, even if the product is designed to make it terribly uncomfortable.
September 28, 2012 at 1:27 pm
If my “booty” needed this much fabric to cover it up, they would have to demolish a wall to get me out of the house! It’s an abomination (as it is an overpriced nightmare)!
September 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Why can’t it be both?
September 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm
You know those fake fruit you can buy to put in a bowl on your coffee table? Surely there’s hipsters out there making fake cupcakes doing the same. If not, someone needs to get in on that.
September 28, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Closest I’ve seen was a cupcake bath bomb. I used it so it wouldn’t take up space anymore. Damned thing stained my tub blue for a week.
September 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm
So “bath bomb” wasn’t just a clever name.
September 28, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Well, there’s all these:
http://www.etsy.com/search?q=cupcake%20amigurumi&view_type=gallery&ship_to=ZZ&min=0&max=0
And these:
http://www.etsy.com/search?q=fake%20cupcake&view_type=gallery&ship_to=ZZ&min=0&max=0
September 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm
A local store is selling “cupcakes” that are lawn ornaments on stakes. Will try to get a picture to prove it.
September 28, 2012 at 12:35 pm
This would be really cute if it were, you know, one of those wearable beach towels for small children. My nephew and niece each have one that make them look like a dinosaur. But for an adult to wear it is just… well, there are so many adjectives to describe it, so I’ll just stick with the good ol’ standby of “sad”.
September 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Sad cupcake is sad and dancing.
(Wish there were a few more views of the product…)
September 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm
So that’s being sold at Urban Outfitters? Trust me- if you showed up in any urban area in that stupid thing (and it wasn’t Halloween), you’d immediately get the shit beat out of you.
September 28, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Or you’d quickly have the whole subway car to yourself.
September 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm
So you’re saying it’s a good idea.
September 28, 2012 at 1:19 pm
That’s exactly what I’m saying. You go first.
September 28, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Picture this guy in a cupcake suit and you have a pretty good idea of my glee: http://youtu.be/arFYc3H0AEQ
September 28, 2012 at 12:54 pm
It won’t be long after that before Urban Dictionary gives “cupcake party” yet another new meaning.
September 28, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I’ma throw a cupcake party on yo ass, son! You’d betta recognize!
September 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Oooh, creamy!
September 28, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I am picturing it strolling through South Bronx. Quickly.
September 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Oddly enough, I know someone who would absolutely LOVE this.
September 28, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Does this person you know wear a tinfoil hat to keep out the government’s mind-control waves?
September 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm
This is the costume of the really fat kid Strawberry Shortcake mercilessly teased when nobody was looking.
September 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Strawberry Shortcake was a hard-assed nasty bitch. There. I’ve said it.
September 28, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Somebody had to. You just had the guts to do it.
September 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm
I have so many problems with this. So many questions.
Why the everliving fuckmonkeys is it called a Booty Buddy? You are getting neither Booty nor a Buddy in that thing.
Why would you pose a thin model in what amounts to an over-sized tent?
Why wouldn’t you at least iron this product first to rid it of all the weird little wrinkles it has from being stuffed at the bottom of the clothing bag because all the models were hoping they’d forget to photograph anyone in it?
How did Urban Outfitters ever become a big enough company to be publicly traded if this is the kind of crap they produce?
September 28, 2012 at 3:56 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Why..Booty Buddy? – Because Slanket was taken.
September 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Pfft! Get back to me when you’ve invented “Croisskants”.
September 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Or “Crullots”.
September 28, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Here you go – just don’t ask about the origins of the “butter,” OK?
September 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Mmmmmmm – flaky!
September 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm
…looks like the Emperor got dressed-up for Darth Vader’s wedding…
September 28, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Actually, I kind of love it. It looks like one of those cute, character towels that I would get for my 8 year old daughter. Although, I wouldn’t pay $89 for a towel, even if it was handmade…
September 28, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Does this have anything to do with the subject, but there is still a lot of fun.
September 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Ah, the clown from CFFL visited her?
September 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Urban Outfitters are very clever in marketing this, it’s obviously a Mumu designed to celebrate diabetes. Calling it a Booty Buddy just makes grandma feel a little hip and sassy.
September 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I guess it is a sign that I have given up at life that I really want one of these. I am not going to pay 90 bucks for it though so I guess I will take a couple of paint pens and a bedazzler to my thrift store slanket (not to be confused with snuggie) and call it official. sigh….
September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Like a “snuggie,” “slanket,” or even a “forever lazy,” it’s something you bought super cheap or got as a gift, that you wear at home, filled with shame while eating leftover “birthday” cupcakes.
It’s not something you buy for 89 bucks – anywhere.
September 28, 2012 at 7:00 pm
PS:
Not that there’s anything wrong with shame snuggies. I sometimes wear my robe backwards, pretend it’s a snuggie and eat my “leftover” “birthday” cupcakes too.
September 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm
With the right choice of fabric patterns and some basic scissor and sewing skills, you could probably make one yourself for less than $40. I just don’t see this thing involving any tailored fittings beyond “the neck goes here, more or less”.
September 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Now I have that Velvet Underground song stuck in my head….heroin, it’s my life…..and I want a cupcake dammit.
September 28, 2012 at 2:51 pm
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September 28, 2012 at 3:05 pm
This is a duvet cover with a hole cut out for them to attach some crappy hood and 2 holes cut for the arms. The bottom is open until you button it up and just leave your feet showing. Now I know what I can do with all my old duvet covers, they are king size so I might have a bit of room for shoplifting while going to Walmart. Considering Walmart they wouldn’t look twice. Most of the people who go there seem to have no clothes on.
September 28, 2012 at 3:24 pm
i don’t care what you guys say, i would wear the everloving fuck out of that gigantic cupcake snuggie.
September 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Is this the new Cup Cake Clan meeting attire?
September 28, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Where they serve hot burning cross buns?
September 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Only if you don’t drink the coo aid.
September 28, 2012 at 4:10 pm
The KKK is updating its look to be more friendly, hate mongers. Because everything is better with sprinkles!
September 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Gah, that’s heinous.
Has Helen ever been approached to collaborate with SNL. There must be a skit in all this Etsy fuckery.
September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm
It’s like a gay Klucker uniform.
September 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I was fine with it….until I realized that it was not a child’s tent but an alleged garment.
September 29, 2012 at 7:04 am
George Clinton could wear the cupcake snuggie. He may be the only person alive who could.
September 29, 2012 at 11:57 am
*sigh*… I used to enjoy eating cupcakes. Just one more thing hipsters ruined for me.
September 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm
I’m very sure that’s actually a resell… Of a piece by the design duo known as Ruffio Hearts Little Snotty. Don’t ask me how i know this.
October 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Is it called a Booty Buddy because you don’t have to actually remove it to get some ass?