Etsy or Regretsy? Your Guesses and Answers
Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones we made up. As always, we have thoroughly enjoyed your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve used to make your decisions.
Here are your best guesses, and the correct answers.
1. REPURPOSED UPCYCLED RECYCLED BIRD FEEDER
YOUR GUESSES:
“Regretsy. Etsy sellers are too cheap to include bird seed with an overpriced dustpan.”
“‘Regretsy. The barn wood just puts this one over the edge for me. It has to be fake.”
“If the Coffeemate bird feeder is Etsy, I lose my faith in humanity.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
2. JEMIMA BUTTERWORTH MAMMY DOLL
YOUR GUESSES:
“If that Jemima one is real, I will dump out the sand and fill it with my tears.”
“Regretsy because it’s only $12, If it was Etsy, it would be at least $24.”
“I think, no matter what, worlds will be shattered on this day.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
3. RECYCLED PLASTIC COFFEE-MATE HUMMINGBIRD FEEDER
YOUR GUESSES:
“I’m pretty sure the hummingbird feeder is what happened after Helen got drunk watching Craft Wars on TLC.”
“That’s actually too shitty for HK to have dreamed up.”
“I’m torn on the coffemate hummingbird feeder. That’s easily up to Etsy standards.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
4. WORDS ON PAPER (ART)
YOUR GUESSES:
“Regretsy. The photography is too good.”
“Etsy. This is stupid shit some hipster asshole scribbled in ‘Contemporary Native Poetry’ class, and thought was brilliant.”
“I can’t even respond. I’m suddenly feeling suicidal.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
5. COOL VINTAGE INDUSTRIAL BLENDER BASE
YOUR GUESSES:
“Mint Condition but Nonworking. Etsy”
“Etsy, home of filling shit with more shit and selling it for $45.”
“Etsy. Even if you guys made this up, I’m sure someone is selling it.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
Thanks for playing!
September 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Oh, these games hurt me. Deep in my soul.
September 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm
I got one wrong. I thought the blender was etsy. I love this game.
September 27, 2012 at 3:44 pm
I’m surprised that so many people believed it was broken!
September 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm
It said so in the description! That makes it 100% undeniable truth.
September 27, 2012 at 7:28 pm
I totally believe in everything the internet tells me. The internet would not lie to me. I must obey the internet. All glory to the internet.
September 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
September 27, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Wow, I DO feel more relaxed now.
September 28, 2012 at 10:18 am
Awesome!
September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am
I <3 the Hypnotoad…I could sit here and stare at it all day
Thanks for this piece of awesomeness
September 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm
I knew it wasn’t broken because it looks too pristine- Waring builds solid stuff. Besides, Etsy would have painted the thing or glued something to it, since there’s no rust.
September 27, 2012 at 4:20 pm
We took your word for it…
September 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm
If it was broken the cord would have been cut off and made into some other piece of crap.
September 28, 2012 at 12:26 am
Like a belt for Jimbo?
September 27, 2012 at 3:44 pm
“Cool”. I got only the “art” right. I’m getting “better and better” at this.
September 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm
Btw “Etsy. Even if you guys made this up, I’m sure someone is selling it” was terrific.
There are no winners here.
September 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm
A non-porn Rule 32.
September 27, 2012 at 9:06 pm
34.
September 27, 2012 at 11:52 pm
I don’t know. I think rule 32 could work for “Etsy or Regretsy” too:
Rule 32. Pics or Didn’t Happen.
September 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm
“There are 4 holes for your little hummer to suckle out of.” Sold!
September 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm
The Bad News: The (artist) of the tragically daydreamless (art) has removed all his work.
The Good News: This experience may have singed his heart so much that he’ll have lots of inspiration for many, many new pieces of (art).
September 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Whoops you beat me to it! You can almost smell the butthurt burning from here..
September 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Looking at that shops’ “admirers,” I have a sneaking suspicion that one of those users went through and “liked” all the stuff we made fun of today. Which is a strange way to spend your afternoon.
September 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm
I tried to load the original page, and the header said “things similar to words on paper”. Had me wondering for a second what things can be similar to words on paper, and whether the person is making that now.
September 28, 2012 at 5:18 am
Things similar to words on paper:
Scribbles on paper
Muddy dog footprints on paper
Words on plastic wrap
September 28, 2012 at 5:43 am
The very best part is that when you click to get the answer, it redirects you to a cache’s image of the item, with a big, blue, distressed banner that proudly states:
“Welcome to Etsy, where you can buy over 10 million unique handmade and vintage items from over 800,000 independent, creative business owners from over 150 countries.”
Isn’t that just the cherry on the sundae?!
September 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Seems poor Ms Skaggs’ soul was singed as her shop has emptied of all those lecture class doodles; guess she was unable to take this joke..
September 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm
I thought they were ALL Etsy.
If someone is selling the craptastic Coffeemate bird feeder and the ‘words on paper (art)- why not the Mammy doll or a mint (nonworking) blender base?
Well played Regretsy!
September 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Wow. Amazing fakes y’all. Cannot believe the blue feeder is real.
I am killing myself laughing at
“Your expectations
bug me”.
September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I still say that much barnwood has got to be hiding some sort of conspiracy…
I got 4 out of 5 right though
September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I’ve had a feeling of nausea haunting me all day. I’m going to chalk it up to the feeder having been a real item.
September 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I feel like April has used the Coffeemate containers so many times in other games that she decided to show us her inspiration. Also, the fact that feeder is a real listing is making me want to crawl under my rug and not come out until Armageddon or I melt into the floor from craft-shame. Whichever comes first.
September 27, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Nicely done April, or should I say; “Ms Direction”?
September 27, 2012 at 4:00 pm
OMG I am so relieved that the Aunt Jemima mammy doll is a fake. I was very, very afraid there for a while.
September 27, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Amen.
September 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Me too. So how much you want for it?
September 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm
MAKE ME AN OFFER
September 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I have some up-cycled ricotta containers and a ketchup bottle you could use for your hummers.
September 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Does hummer not mean the same thing in the US as it does here?
I keep seeing it used innocently and I just makes me confused.
September 27, 2012 at 7:32 pm
I have some hair from my hair brush…I can totally roll it into balls….put some glitter on it and maybe googley eyes.
50 cents plus $25 for S & H
September 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Can we take up a collection to have it destroyed by fire? Or would that set the precedent for an incredibly lucrative new profit center for April’s Army?
September 27, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Well as long as we don’t fill it with syrup. It is not food safe!
September 28, 2012 at 6:19 am
CONVO HER.
September 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Save those tears, LeeLoo. Regretsy will find a way to tear you up later.
September 28, 2012 at 6:46 am
I was sure it was Etsy – bad spelling and all. Helen, you’ve outdone yourself this time. I was really fooled except for the notebook paper “art”.
September 27, 2012 at 4:11 pm
I always miss these as they happen when I’m asleep. However, I did get 3 out 5 right – I was ambivalent about the doodle – should have guessed it was real.
September 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm
I am not shocked, however, to see that the lined paper artist has not sold any of his great works. You know when he dies they’ll be worth a fortune due to his undiscovered talent in life.
September 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Why does the stupid sheet of lined paper cost twice as much to ship as the stupid bird feeder?
September 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm
‘cuz it’s packed with luv
September 27, 2012 at 7:37 pm
How else are they gonna pay for supplies for future instilations of their
“Loose leaf and Sharpie” art work such as:
“He was unable to get into art school” or
“He was unable to sell his crappy artwork, even on Etsy”
September 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm
I wonder if that guy ever sold one of his word art drawings? For $350 a pop, I’ll dig out my old college notebooks. Might even be some nudes in there!
September 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm
If you click through to the Coffee Mate feeder, it says the dimensions are 12′ x 6′. That would be pretty impressive, actually.
September 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Kind of reminding me of the Stonehenge scene in This is Spinal Tap…
September 28, 2012 at 5:20 am
They have some BIG hummingbirds in Indiana.
September 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Regarding the artist who closed their shop: I figure that someone who has enough balls to charge $350 for some writing on a piece of crap notepaper (that is going to turn brown and brittle in a few decades) would have a thicker skin . . . but I guess not. Seriously, it was the notepaper that did it for me! If you want to charge that much for “art,” it should last for a while without deteriorating. Notepaper is just so damn cheap. At least spring for some real drawing paper, and go to the trouble of drawing neat little lines on there yourself. It will create the illusion that some effort and craftsmanship went into the artwork.
September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm
But then he couldn’t be a ~*~*~misunderstood~*~*~.
Although now I wonder if he’s wiping his ass with his pretentious “art”.
September 27, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Is the ‘artiste’ an adult? Because I swear to God, that sounds like the sort of pretentious crap I used to write in my notebook when I was in Junior High and firmly convinced the world didn’t understand my latent genius.
September 27, 2012 at 11:57 pm
Long after Junior High, my genius is still latent.
September 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Goddammit, I missed Etsy or Regretsy! I knew I should have been slacking off on the internet instead of working this morning.
September 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Really? A “nice” tupperware tub, shitty coffeemate bottle and some jute?? Assembled un-ironically?? With “hummer” AND “suckle” in the description?? Dammit!
September 27, 2012 at 7:38 pm
It was that offer of the sweetened hummer that threw me off. Can you just imagine when someone has to sit the seller down and explain why all of us were snickering?
September 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Got this one right only because I’ve actually had to sit someone down and explain why everyone was laughing at her bird-lovin’ FB posts. How she stayed so touchingly naive after sitting next to me at work for a couple years is a mystery.
September 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I knew the decycled dustpan had to be real Etsy!
Etsy is the only site that has vintage where a ‘book piece’ would be considered destined for the landfill.
September 28, 2012 at 5:21 am
I was sure it was fake for the same reason as listed above — I didn’t believe any real Etsy seller would throw in a supply of premium birdseed.
September 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I literally laughed out loud when I saw the birdfeeder was real.
3 out of 5, not so bad.
September 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm
I’m so relieved the Jemima one is Regretsy.
September 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Me too, though I got terribly jealous of how fun it must have been to create something so awful. That description alone is one of the most perfect things I’ve ever read.
September 28, 2012 at 5:22 am
I was positive that one was real. Very happy to be wrong.
September 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Woo hoo – I actually got them all right for once!
September 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm
The fuckery is strong in this one.
September 27, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Me too, first time ever! Usually I only get 2 or 3 out of 5.
September 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Given its reputation for bad taste in the past, I honestly thought the ‘Mammy Doll’ was real. Etsy has officially destroyed my faith in humanity.
September 27, 2012 at 5:54 pm
OMG. I got every one of them wrong. Even if I had guessed randomly, I still should’ve gotten at least two correct.
I have lost my ability to discern reality from fantasy.
[cries]
September 27, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Etsy’s work here is done.
September 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm
The bird-feeder really got me. First of all, do they not have any sort of recycling programs in the seller’s area? Either pick-up or drop-off? Secondly, looking at their store, they have a variety of things that are look nice, and are pretty normal: hats, baby stuff, fabrics. And then there’s this bird-feeder. Selling for eleven bucks. And that’s the reduced price.
September 27, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Well, honestly, lots of people make bird feeders out of milk bottles and such. The description is really the best part of that one. I feel sure the author must be an older lady who has no idea of the other meanings of “hummer” or “suckle”. Of course, that’s no excuse for “very unique”, “colored water” or the random capitalization and excess exclamation marks…
September 27, 2012 at 6:15 pm
350.00 for that crap piece of ‘art’? He must be smoking premium rocks.
September 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm
He was unable to daydream but he could hallucinate like Hunter S. Thompson on an expense account.
September 29, 2012 at 7:33 am
I can not “thumbs up” this enough times. Thank you for the laugh, Zippy! I can’t wait until I have an excuse to use this line.
(random question: If I repeat a clever line learned here, but maybe add a word or two of my own, is that “upcycling”? And is there some way I can sell it on etsy?)
September 27, 2012 at 7:44 pm
I am frustrated and sad and I have no access to booze.
I love Etsy or Regretsy.
September 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm
PICK A SIDE! YOU’RE WITH US OR WITH AL CRAFTA!
September 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm
That was for my dear friend Finklefairy.
September 27, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Calm down, calm down. I didn’t mention any form of upcycling or creamy yumminess. My avatar is not looking off-frame in an artistic way. Clearly the Al Crafta and I would not mesh.
September 28, 2012 at 9:17 am
your avatar does appear to be trying to determine the correct spot to put the fake rhinestone on a hair crochet dream catcher though. I’m watching you.
September 27, 2012 at 8:58 pm
3 out of 5… and knowing now that the “art” was for real, I have lost the will to live.
September 27, 2012 at 9:01 pm
I learned a very valuable lesson today: that I suck at this game even worse than I thought.
September 27, 2012 at 11:59 pm
I learn that lesson on a multitude of things every day.
September 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm
3 out of 5. Not my best round, but I don’t even care. I’m too busy being relieved that the syrup bottle is fake.
September 29, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I got all five right for the first time ever!!! So proud.