I should know better than to read the comments here when I am at work. Good thing I know better than to eat or drink while doing so. I am honestly laughing out loud at these.
I lurk, waiting for chances to post my favourite limerick, which I wrote and in which I take great pride…..you do have cast your minds back a few years to that “Chant” recording by the Spanish monks, and think of the old Latin mass…well, heck, here we go:
(clears throat)
There was a young monk of Madrid
Who had trouble controlling his id
In chapel while chanting
He found himself panting
And when they sang “et cum”….he did.
If they spell out the number 6 and use an E instead of an I, and the slogan is “We’ll leave the black light off for you” it isn’t Motel 6. Don’t stay there.
Can’t see what people are complaining about. It is about time we had more truth in advertising. That being said, anyone in a market for a stick cum dildo? If so, do I have a shop for you!
Leather sofa cum bed for sale, as seen in the films “Romancing the Bone”, “Full Metal Jackoff”, “Das Butt” and “Forrest Hump”. In great shape, except for high-heel dents and some mottled color. Own a piece of film history!
I teach Middle School Latin. They love this shit. They also love the verb that means “he does”: facit. Or its imperative form, which is simply, “Fac!” And let’s not forget the hours of entertainment provided by the imperative form of the verb which means “to lead”: “Dic!” It never gets old (yes it does).
Oh, come on. Elanor would be cute with tassels on her nipples. Especially when she’s throwing scrap cloth over her shoulder. (yes, I’ve seen her videos)
by “have spy cameras throughout her house and workplace”, do you mean “keep her in a basement well and starve her to loosen her skin and use it as a vest”?
If you sit in Starbucks all day writing your “novel” while nursing a single cup of coffee…you might be a douchebag.
If you insist on dressing up your tiny dog in elaborate, expensive outfits and then exclaim “look, he likes it!” while it bites at it, desperately trying to rip it off itself…you might be a douchebag.
If you use Latin in your Craigslist ad…you might be a douchebag. In this case an unintentionally hilarious douchebag.
Reminds me of the track Electric Relaxation Thing by A Tribe Called Quest. Phife has a lyric that goes ” Let me hit it from the back, girl I won’t catch a hernia
Bust off on your couch, now you got Seaman’s Furniture”
September 26, 2012 at 9:26 am
HARDLY used. Bwahahahaa!
September 26, 2012 at 9:26 am
HARDLY used?
September 26, 2012 at 9:33 am
Yeah, how do they know it’s sturdy?
September 26, 2012 at 9:38 am
Believe me, it’s VERY easy to tell. You know a well-worn one the second you sit down on it. Wait, are we still talking about sofas?
September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Every time I hear that *squish*
I know I’m home.
September 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm
That’s not all that was hidden between the seat cushions!
September 26, 2012 at 10:19 am
Yeah, I wouldn’t be bragging about that!!
September 26, 2012 at 9:27 am
perhaps they meant it to be pronounced coom, like cum laude? rather than cum, as in cum loudly.
September 26, 2012 at 9:29 am
Give this one the prize!
September 26, 2012 at 10:09 am
Oooooooooooh! Thanks so much for clarifying. NOW we get it!!!!
September 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I thought they were both pronounced the same. Maybe that’s why people giggle when I brag about my brother’s degree…
September 26, 2012 at 9:27 am
I’ll take “oddly immature pretentious people who’ll use any excuse to use the word ‘cum’” for $500, Alex.
September 26, 2012 at 9:35 am
Hell, that’s enough for two and a half sofa cum beds!
September 26, 2012 at 9:35 am
Answer: This British pop group may have had ulterior motives by suggesting the title of their hit song be “Come on Eileen”.
September 26, 2012 at 11:35 am
What is Dexy and the Midnight Runners.
I’ll Take “Whimsicle Fuckery” for $800.
September 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm
He said: “Govern Yourself According;y”
September 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Who is some underpaid bench builder in Bali pretending to be a collective?
I’ll take “Tampons and Ironic Owls” for 1000 Alex
September 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm
I should know better than to read the comments here when I am at work. Good thing I know better than to eat or drink while doing so. I am honestly laughing out loud at these.
September 26, 2012 at 9:28 am
It might have belonged to this guy: http://waukesha.patch.com/articles/waukesha-man-charged-after-having-sex-with-a-couch
September 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm
The old crotch-couch-crouch. Classic.
September 26, 2012 at 9:28 am
It’s always nice to have a dedicated piece of furniture for guests and special activities.
*wink wink nudge nudge*
September 26, 2012 at 9:33 am
Latin? I googled ‘cum’ and that’s not what I got.
September 26, 2012 at 10:09 am
Do a google image search. That should produce the results you’re looking for.
September 26, 2012 at 9:37 am
Nah, I won’t grow up… hee hee
September 26, 2012 at 9:43 am
For Sale, Cum bed, Hardly Used.
-Ernest Hemingway
September 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Hey I graduated college magna cum loudly!!
September 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Love the literary cum jokes.
September 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm
I’m dying, honestly, that was so funny I can’t breath.
September 26, 2012 at 9:43 am
It’s a sofa cum bed because you have to pull it out.
September 26, 2012 at 10:05 am
It’s weird, though, because you have to pull it out over and over before it actually pulls all the way out.
September 26, 2012 at 10:24 am
One of the usual bar trivia teams I play against around here is called “My Sofa Pulls Out But I Don’t”
September 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Best comment ever.
September 26, 2012 at 9:45 am
I lurk, waiting for chances to post my favourite limerick, which I wrote and in which I take great pride…..you do have cast your minds back a few years to that “Chant” recording by the Spanish monks, and think of the old Latin mass…well, heck, here we go:
(clears throat)
There was a young monk of Madrid
Who had trouble controlling his id
In chapel while chanting
He found himself panting
And when they sang “et cum”….he did.
September 26, 2012 at 9:46 am
It’s for dancing, Officer, I swear!
September 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm
horizontally, of course
September 26, 2012 at 9:49 am
This is part of the new line of bodily fluids furniture by Ickea.
September 26, 2012 at 10:28 am
Splöj Kräftet
September 26, 2012 at 9:49 am
I really like the 9 months bit. It adds that certain sumthing to the cum-thing, tee hee.
September 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I thought I was the only one who caught that. Makes you wonder if they are selling it to pay for the baby that’s on the way?
September 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Literally ON THE WAY, as in “Catch the placenta! We can sell it on Etsy as ‘supplies’!”
September 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Nice catch there! No pun intended. Honestly.
September 26, 2012 at 9:52 am
Just so long as it respects me in the morning.
September 26, 2012 at 9:57 am
I AM
SOFA KING
COME
INGALL
OAFER
YOUR NAUGAHYDE
“Say it faster. Faster. Wait, not so fast. Loses meaning that way.”
September 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Your reference makes me smile…I take it you are more comfortable with dead chicken?
September 26, 2012 at 10:00 am
I’ve certainly stayed in a few hotels that had cum beds. A black-light confirmed my suspicions.
September 26, 2012 at 10:17 am
If they spell out the number 6 and use an E instead of an I, and the slogan is “We’ll leave the black light off for you” it isn’t Motel 6. Don’t stay there.
September 26, 2012 at 10:24 am
The guy told me it was “Motel 8-1/2″, but I figured he was bragging and that it was really Motel 6. Turns out, it was Motel 3.
September 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm
When you pick up a model, always find out what scale they are!
September 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm
I stayed in “Motel 9-1/2 Weeks” – they rent the rooms by the hour.
September 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm
I’ve heard of them–don’t they also include a complimentary buffet right in the room?
September 26, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I stayed at Motel Se7en. They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed but are kind of judgmental. I still don’t know what’s in the box, though.
September 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Please, continue writing today. And find a way to make me forget this comment of yours.
September 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I really should’ve guessed what Motel 69 was going to be like before I stayed there. I can be so naive sometimes, you know?
September 26, 2012 at 10:02 am
Shit, I’d buy this if it’s still available. Couch sex = AWESOME. Besides, it looks like leather/vinyl. That’s pretty easy to clean. Lol
September 26, 2012 at 10:03 am
“As featured on Dateline, NBC.”
September 26, 2012 at 10:13 am
“I’m Chris Hansen. Have a seat.”
September 26, 2012 at 10:20 am
During college, my roommate and I agreed to ‘Keep to the futon a futon, not a fuck-ton’.
Seller does not seem to have had the same rule.
September 26, 2012 at 10:27 am
Maybe that’s the correct term for a “casting couch”.
September 26, 2012 at 10:32 am
My old roomate used to put candy wrappers inbetween the couch cushions. Does that mean I had a leather sofa cum dumpster?
September 26, 2012 at 10:39 am
Et tu, Booty-call?
September 26, 2012 at 11:16 am
This man has a lean and horny look.
September 26, 2012 at 10:40 am
Can’t see what people are complaining about. It is about time we had more truth in advertising. That being said, anyone in a market for a stick cum dildo? If so, do I have a shop for you!
September 26, 2012 at 10:51 am
Leather sofa cum bed for sale, as seen in the films “Romancing the Bone”, “Full Metal Jackoff”, “Das Butt” and “Forrest Hump”. In great shape, except for high-heel dents and some mottled color. Own a piece of film history!
September 26, 2012 at 11:18 am
Not featured in such films as “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Couch”, “The Impotence of Being Ernest” and, of course, “Porn Free”.
September 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm
It also wan’t in “Lord of the G-String” and “Planet of the Babes”
September 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm
It wasn’t featured in those but might have had a wank-on role.
September 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm
It was more of a sit-part actor, really.
September 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm
You mean like an XXXtra?
September 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I believe it also had a part in Octopussy, Acockolypse Now, and Frisky Business.
September 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Just the fact that it says 9 months old makes me wonder…
September 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I teach Middle School Latin. They love this shit. They also love the verb that means “he does”: facit. Or its imperative form, which is simply, “Fac!” And let’s not forget the hours of entertainment provided by the imperative form of the verb which means “to lead”: “Dic!” It never gets old (yes it does).
September 26, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I work at an antique restoration place called The Strip Joint. That joke never gets old, either (yes it does).
September 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Eleanor Burns has published a few books with the running joke “Still Stripping!” She makes quilts and I never want to see her in pasties.
September 26, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Oh, come on. Elanor would be cute with tassels on her nipples. Especially when she’s throwing scrap cloth over her shoulder. (yes, I’ve seen her videos)
September 26, 2012 at 1:28 pm
By “seen her videos”, do you mean “own her entire video collection”?
September 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm
By “own her entire video collection” do you mean “have spy cameras throughout her house and workplace”?
September 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm
by “have spy cameras throughout her house and workplace”, do you mean “keep her in a basement well and starve her to loosen her skin and use it as a vest”?
September 26, 2012 at 4:12 pm
If by “keep her in a basement and starve her to loosen her skin and use it in a vest” do you mean you are the new designer at Bohemian Smiles?
September 26, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I always preferred facio, myself.
September 26, 2012 at 1:29 pm
If you sit in Starbucks all day writing your “novel” while nursing a single cup of coffee…you might be a douchebag.
If you insist on dressing up your tiny dog in elaborate, expensive outfits and then exclaim “look, he likes it!” while it bites at it, desperately trying to rip it off itself…you might be a douchebag.
If you use Latin in your Craigslist ad…you might be a douchebag. In this case an unintentionally hilarious douchebag.
September 26, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Hyphens would have helped: sofa-cum-bed. Not what i’d've put, but then I’m fluent in vernacular as well as Latin.
September 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm
My well-thought out and classy comment about my reaction to this post’s title follows below:
HHAHAHAHHHAABWAHAHAHARRHAHA!!!
September 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Reminds me of the track Electric Relaxation Thing by A Tribe Called Quest. Phife has a lyric that goes ” Let me hit it from the back, girl I won’t catch a hernia
Bust off on your couch, now you got Seaman’s Furniture”
Seaman’s was a New York furniture chain.
September 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Just 9 months old…
Apparently someone didn’t pull out as successfully as the sofa bed.
September 26, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Oh hey, I had one of those in college! It’s very convenient for sleepovers.
September 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm
No thanks. I slept on enough cum sofas when I was in college.