So is that dollar for scale purposes or just a picture of what the seller would like for this piece of shit? I thought I was sure, but then the wood was sitting ON the dollar in the one picture.
I used to work for a newspaper in the classified advertising department. One day a customer called in requesting a correction of their ad – a coworker had listed a “naughty pine bedroom set” for sale. Thankfully the caller had a sense of humour, and laughter was had.
Wow… Every single thing in this seller’s store is stuff that washed up on shore, much of it way grosser than an unfortunately shaped piece of drift wood… and it sells.
I noticed that too. This person is definitely a douche but they are douching it up right to the bank apparently. I don’t want to live on this planet any longer…
When I worked in the fish store they used to sell this stuff by the pound for twice as much. And people REALLY bought it. Something about cichlids blah blah. I thought it was crazy then and I think its still crazy now.
Good God, $16 for Staten Island flotsam. I should get twice that for stuff from the North Shore; if take my lazy ass across the island and out to the Hamptons to collect & add a good Revenge/Emily Thorn back-story to the shit I bring home, I can retire in 5 years! Any FJLs up for a road trip after the next nor’easter?
That is not a dildo. Anything that size made out of hard wood qualifies as a blunt instrument. So it could be useful for knocking people out and stealing their money, but there’s no way it’s getting anywhere near my lady bits.
If this wasn’t on Regretsy I would have just looked at it any thought “Oh, just a boring piece of driftwood” but no… that is the power of Regretsyvision…
September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm
So is that dollar for scale purposes or just a picture of what the seller would like for this piece of shit? I thought I was sure, but then the wood was sitting ON the dollar in the one picture.
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Showed this to the fetish group I’m presently hanging out with, and there was much laughter.
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Meant to post this in the general thread…
September 26, 2012 at 5:04 am
It’s called ‘the Money Shot’!!
September 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm
AHA! I live on the banks of a river that feeds into the Atlantic. Millions of this shit litter the shore! Finally, I can quit my day job!
September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I was actually kinda thinking the exact same thing, only I have the Pacific ocean variant. I wonder if there’s any difference in going rates…
September 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I would never buy anything that wasn’t from the great Pacific garbage patch.
September 25, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Well damn. There goes my latest get-rich-quick scheme.
September 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm
So… used dildos, then?
September 25, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Atlantic driftwood is pretty much saturated with Kennedy semen after all these years.
September 26, 2012 at 6:36 am
All natural, repurposed, steampunk butt plugs? I’ve got some 7 footers out here, just sayin’ ……
September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Talk about your vintage double dildo. Thank heavens we evolved.
September 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm
You mean double dildont?
PS – speaking of “vintage” you may want to google “scimshaw dildo”. ARRGGHH, matey!
September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Ladywood? wouldn’t you get splinters? Splinters in the bajingo doesn’t sound like a good thing. At least it has a handle.
September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I don’t think the wood is the only thing that was baked.
September 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Actually I think that the seller is just half baked if they expect $16 for that.
September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm
What does the Y30 stand for?
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
30 Yuan?
September 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm
30 Yen?
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I think I saw this on an episode of The Flintstones. All it’s missing is the woodpecker that sits on the end.
September 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm
I believe that is a wood pecker.
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I, uh…think I have an idea for a “project” that I need 13 inches of wood for…
September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I do love a good naughty pine.
September 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm
I used to work for a newspaper in the classified advertising department. One day a customer called in requesting a correction of their ad – a coworker had listed a “naughty pine bedroom set” for sale. Thankfully the caller had a sense of humour, and laughter was had.
September 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I would think a naughty bedroom set would sell quicker…
September 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Love it.
September 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Rubbing the Burly wood.. I’ll be in my bunk.
September 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm
One with a pair of chestnuts?
September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
13 inches… so they SAY…
September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm
What’s all the buzz about?
September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm
The SHOCKER!
September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Why does she feel the need to key word spam her location?
“NYC, USA, United States, New York, NY, Brooklyn, Staten Island, United States”
September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm
It’s illegal to sell two pronged driftwood dildos to people in Jersey.
September 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Shhh – Snooki will hear you!
September 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm
She’s grandfathered in.
September 25, 2012 at 8:15 pm
She does old guys too?!
September 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Yeah, they’re really not into self-service at all over there, are they?
September 25, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Gee, I thought that is was only the gas stations that didn’t let you pump for yourself. So where do I find the “service” stations for my needs?
September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Gee, it looks like something I’d want in my bajingo, but my bajingo is recoiling in horror at the thought.
September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm
That driftwood is not working hard enough for that dollar. I am going to need more shaking in this hipster porno.
September 26, 2012 at 7:27 am
Oh, that would be cute, a little stop-motion tract about driftwood dildoes a la Moral Orel.
September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Wow… Every single thing in this seller’s store is stuff that washed up on shore, much of it way grosser than an unfortunately shaped piece of drift wood… and it sells.
September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I noticed that too. This person is definitely a douche but they are douching it up right to the bank apparently. I don’t want to live on this planet any longer…
September 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm
How does that stuff qualify as handcrafted? Etsy, I am clearly doing it wrong.
September 25, 2012 at 6:15 pm
It qualifies as… supplies.
September 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm
Maybe it’s “supplies.”
September 25, 2012 at 6:22 pm
My dear, if you are (1) actually using your hands to (2) actually make something that is (3) actually useful, what the hell are you doing on Etsy?
September 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Well, I’m not sure how useful my stuff is but I’m on Etsy because so far there is nothing better.
September 26, 2012 at 7:28 am
It’s Schechter’s “None From Boats” division.
September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Can also be used as an effective visual for women considering labiaplasty surgery.
September 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Gosh…I always wanted to bake chemical slurry in my cunt. Thanks Staten Island driftwood! Because of you my bajango will have that “Gasoline Sheen.”
September 25, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Even that is preferable to that “Charlie Sheen.”
September 25, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Better than Charlie Sheen.
September 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Gives a whole new meaning to wood pecker.
September 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Just attach a bullet vibe and you’ve got yourself a jack rabbit!
Or if you’re the old fashioned type, just sit on the washer while it’s on spin cycle.
September 25, 2012 at 7:47 pm
And people wonder why my clothes are so clean
:)
September 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm
You’d have to be baked to use that thing.
September 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm
When I worked in the fish store they used to sell this stuff by the pound for twice as much. And people REALLY bought it. Something about cichlids blah blah. I thought it was crazy then and I think its still crazy now.
September 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm
sometimes they would even be conveniently attached to a rock for you, too.
September 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Just one rock? Did they label it the Richard Belzer model?
Thank you! I’m here all week! Please tip your waitress and then return her to her original upright position!
September 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm
Did they warn people not to take the rock outside?
September 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Ooh Baby come surf my long board.
Aye it be plungin’ inta th’ briney deep, ARRR!
September 25, 2012 at 6:52 pm
May have already been said, but this is so reminiscent of the Rabbit Vibrators – and so scares me really bad. D:
September 25, 2012 at 7:08 pm
This is a fossil. Back in olden times they had to shake the stick really fast to make it vibrate.
September 25, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Hence the expression from the guy with tired arms, “more bajingos that you can shake a stick at(in?)”
September 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm
i’d bet a buck that thing’ll give you splinters
September 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I can promise you it will never give me splinters.
You owe me a dollar.
September 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I’m petrified of this wood.
September 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Nice job everyone! It sold!!! Yes, I had to look.
September 25, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Good God, $16 for Staten Island flotsam. I should get twice that for stuff from the North Shore; if take my lazy ass across the island and out to the Hamptons to collect & add a good Revenge/Emily Thorn back-story to the shit I bring home, I can retire in 5 years! Any FJLs up for a road trip after the next nor’easter?
September 25, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Sadly I’m in Cali…
September 26, 2012 at 2:17 pm
*raises hand, moves it side-to-side, Horshack style*
Oooh, ooh, ooh, miz Aliceblue, I am. I’m in Queens. Meet you on the service road at Maurice Avenue?
September 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Well, there’s another one. But it looks like the lady it’s intended for might need to be a little more…accommodating.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/89597252/165-inches-natural-driftwood-piece-of
September 26, 2012 at 10:42 am
That scream everyone just heard was my bajingo fleeing from the room.
September 26, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Mine’s mute with shock and bumping into things as it runs. Save a place in the corner for me, okay?
September 26, 2012 at 2:18 pm
How about this one?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/106664619/20-inches-natural-driftwood-piece-of
Polish the knob a bit and you are good to go!
September 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm
I just cannot figure out why she uses the dollar in every listing!
September 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm
It’s party time!
September 25, 2012 at 10:16 pm
That is not a dildo. Anything that size made out of hard wood qualifies as a blunt instrument. So it could be useful for knocking people out and stealing their money, but there’s no way it’s getting anywhere near my lady bits.
September 25, 2012 at 10:17 pm
I’ll buy this if you can throw in some clothes pin nipple clamps.
September 26, 2012 at 4:43 am
too easy
September 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I have some ladywood of my own, but it only has one prong.
(On the up side, no splinters.)
September 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm
If this wasn’t on Regretsy I would have just looked at it any thought “Oh, just a boring piece of driftwood” but no… that is the power of Regretsyvision…
September 26, 2012 at 4:13 pm
You underestimate the power of Etsy Crapfts…
To truly be a first rate Crapfter you need to look at a huge dildo and think “Hey, that kind of looks like a piece of driftwood”.
I’m sure a short search would turn up all sorts of Crapfts made from old Dildos.
Did I use the word “Dildo” enough in this reply?