Okay, maybe it’s a little dry, but that happens to all of us.
So is that dollar for scale purposes or just a picture of what the seller would like for this piece of shit? I thought I was sure, but then the wood was sitting ON the dollar in the one picture.
Showed this to the fetish group I’m presently hanging out with, and there was much laughter.
Meant to post this in the general thread…
It’s called ‘the Money Shot’!!
AHA! I live on the banks of a river that feeds into the Atlantic. Millions of this shit litter the shore! Finally, I can quit my day job!
I was actually kinda thinking the exact same thing, only I have the Pacific ocean variant. I wonder if there’s any difference in going rates…
I would never buy anything that wasn’t from the great Pacific garbage patch.
Well damn. There goes my latest get-rich-quick scheme.
So… used dildos, then?
Atlantic driftwood is pretty much saturated with Kennedy semen after all these years.
All natural, repurposed, steampunk butt plugs? I’ve got some 7 footers out here, just sayin’ ……
Talk about your vintage double dildo. Thank heavens we evolved.
You mean double dildont?
PS – speaking of “vintage” you may want to google “scimshaw dildo”. ARRGGHH, matey!
Ladywood? wouldn’t you get splinters? Splinters in the bajingo doesn’t sound like a good thing. At least it has a handle.
I don’t think the wood is the only thing that was baked.
Actually I think that the seller is just half baked if they expect $16 for that.
What does the Y30 stand for?
I think I saw this on an episode of The Flintstones. All it’s missing is the woodpecker that sits on the end.
I believe that is a wood pecker.
I, uh…think I have an idea for a “project” that I need 13 inches of wood for…
I do love a good naughty pine.
I used to work for a newspaper in the classified advertising department. One day a customer called in requesting a correction of their ad – a coworker had listed a “naughty pine bedroom set” for sale. Thankfully the caller had a sense of humour, and laughter was had.
I would think a naughty bedroom set would sell quicker…
Rubbing the Burly wood.. I’ll be in my bunk.
One with a pair of chestnuts?
13 inches… so they SAY…
What’s all the buzz about?
Why does she feel the need to key word spam her location?
“NYC, USA, United States, New York, NY, Brooklyn, Staten Island, United States”
It’s illegal to sell two pronged driftwood dildos to people in Jersey.
Shhh – Snooki will hear you!
She’s grandfathered in.
She does old guys too?!
Yeah, they’re really not into self-service at all over there, are they?
Gee, I thought that is was only the gas stations that didn’t let you pump for yourself. So where do I find the “service” stations for my needs?
Gee, it looks like something I’d want in my bajingo, but my bajingo is recoiling in horror at the thought.
That driftwood is not working hard enough for that dollar. I am going to need more shaking in this hipster porno.
Oh, that would be cute, a little stop-motion tract about driftwood dildoes a la Moral Orel.
Wow… Every single thing in this seller’s store is stuff that washed up on shore, much of it way grosser than an unfortunately shaped piece of drift wood… and it sells.
I noticed that too. This person is definitely a douche but they are douching it up right to the bank apparently. I don’t want to live on this planet any longer…
How does that stuff qualify as handcrafted? Etsy, I am clearly doing it wrong.
It qualifies as… supplies.
Maybe it’s “supplies.”
My dear, if you are (1) actually using your hands to (2) actually make something that is (3) actually useful, what the hell are you doing on Etsy?
Well, I’m not sure how useful my stuff is but I’m on Etsy because so far there is nothing better.
It’s Schechter’s “None From Boats” division.
Can also be used as an effective visual for women considering labiaplasty surgery.
Gosh…I always wanted to bake chemical slurry in my cunt. Thanks Staten Island driftwood! Because of you my bajango will have that “Gasoline Sheen.”
Even that is preferable to that “Charlie Sheen.”
Better than Charlie Sheen.
Gives a whole new meaning to wood pecker.
Just attach a bullet vibe and you’ve got yourself a jack rabbit!
Or if you’re the old fashioned type, just sit on the washer while it’s on spin cycle.
And people wonder why my clothes are so clean :)
You’d have to be baked to use that thing.
When I worked in the fish store they used to sell this stuff by the pound for twice as much. And people REALLY bought it. Something about cichlids blah blah. I thought it was crazy then and I think its still crazy now.
sometimes they would even be conveniently attached to a rock for you, too.
Just one rock? Did they label it the Richard Belzer model?
Thank you! I’m here all week! Please tip your waitress and then return her to her original upright position!
Did they warn people not to take the rock outside?
Ooh Baby come surf my long board.
Aye it be plungin’ inta th’ briney deep, ARRR!
May have already been said, but this is so reminiscent of the Rabbit Vibrators – and so scares me really bad. D:
This is a fossil. Back in olden times they had to shake the stick really fast to make it vibrate.
Hence the expression from the guy with tired arms, “more bajingos that you can shake a stick at(in?)”
i’d bet a buck that thing’ll give you splinters
I can promise you it will never give me splinters.
You owe me a dollar.
I’m petrified of this wood.
Nice job everyone! It sold!!! Yes, I had to look.
Good God, $16 for Staten Island flotsam. I should get twice that for stuff from the North Shore; if take my lazy ass across the island and out to the Hamptons to collect & add a good Revenge/Emily Thorn back-story to the shit I bring home, I can retire in 5 years! Any FJLs up for a road trip after the next nor’easter?
Sadly I’m in Cali…
*raises hand, moves it side-to-side, Horshack style*
Oooh, ooh, ooh, miz Aliceblue, I am. I’m in Queens. Meet you on the service road at Maurice Avenue?
Well, there’s another one. But it looks like the lady it’s intended for might need to be a little more…accommodating.
That scream everyone just heard was my bajingo fleeing from the room.
Mine’s mute with shock and bumping into things as it runs. Save a place in the corner for me, okay?
How about this one?
Polish the knob a bit and you are good to go!
I just cannot figure out why she uses the dollar in every listing!
It’s party time!
That is not a dildo. Anything that size made out of hard wood qualifies as a blunt instrument. So it could be useful for knocking people out and stealing their money, but there’s no way it’s getting anywhere near my lady bits.
I’ll buy this if you can throw in some clothes pin nipple clamps.
I have some ladywood of my own, but it only has one prong.
(On the up side, no splinters.)
If this wasn’t on Regretsy I would have just looked at it any thought “Oh, just a boring piece of driftwood” but no… that is the power of Regretsyvision…
You underestimate the power of Etsy Crapfts…
To truly be a first rate Crapfter you need to look at a huge dildo and think “Hey, that kind of looks like a piece of driftwood”.
I’m sure a short search would turn up all sorts of Crapfts made from old Dildos.
Did I use the word “Dildo” enough in this reply?
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