It fits(*) PERFECTLY the idea I have of Christmas cards. I can’t count exactly how many acquaintances had a crush on me and how many stopped talking to me because of my earnest season greetings.
Creationists generally do not believe that dinosaurs were wandering the Earth a mere 2,000 years ago. They definitely don’t believe dinosaurs and camels are the same thing.
There’s 4000-some years total before for dinosaurs, erosion, Noah, Australian Aboriginals, pyramids, glaciers, beaver dams creating the Great Lakes and all that stuff to have happened.
I should e-mail my sister—when she was first married in 1972, her husband had to go out of town on business and I stayed over and we watched “The Valley of Gwangi.” I’d completely (and mercifully) forgotten about it until now. Maybe she had, too, but I’ll rectify that quickly. Thanks?
‘We will be delivered in 2 days’ is the time it takes the Chinese factory to send the earrings to Singapore, I think. This shop appears to be selling factory assembled jewelry from China.
Obviously, it would need some writing on the inside – here are a few suggestions (for either or both creationists and whimsicalists)
-Merry…REALLY?
-They both have one hump, so what’s the difference? Merry Christmas!
-Where did you think the Jews got all the dinosaur bones they buried?
-My humps, my humps, my lovely Mary humps!
-DinoALMIGHTY!
I’ve told this story to my children many times. It usually starts with: “Back in my day, we walked to school. Uphill. In the snow, year-round. Barefoot. And when we went on a family outing, we’d hitch the brontosaurus to the wagon and away we’d go…”
It was the year-round snow that killed off our dinostock.
What they mean is THEY will actually show up at your house in 2 days, however, it will take about two weeks for the earrings to ship from China. Lock your doors and close the blinds!
You also get to pay 2.99 shipping for an item that costs .99 and is probably worth .05 and which you will receive in 2days. Or 10. Or 25. But notify us if that should happen. Reseller? Nah.
As part of my last job, I regularly bought items from Asian suppliers. They consider “delivered” to be when it is dropped off at the broker’s place. It may take up to six weeks before it gets on a boat and that boat finally makes it to the US.
Fun triceratops fact: fossil records suggest that baby triceratopses had the big googly eyes and tiny chubby features typical to mammalian infants in order to make their mommies love them even more.
Are you suggesting that a boat half the size of the Queen Mary wasn’t large enough to fit between four and six MILLION species all by itself?! BLASPHEMY.
The dinosaurs and about 99% of the other extinct animals were actually on Noah’s brothers, Shnoah, ark. Unfortunately, Shnoah wasn’t as good as a boat captain as Noah.
Now you’re gettin’ it, lettucego! The tri-town area of Noah, Scrotum and Shitpile is a wonderful place to stay away from just for the weekend, or forever.
I actually tried to change it. Unfortunately it appears that things like this require a consensus vote, and there was no consensus that the brontosaurus, was in fact, a camel.
Life During Wartime
September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am
A lot of the listings in that shop are unintentally funny due to the languge barrier added to the seller’s seeming random selection of occasions when it might be appropriate to give their items as a gift. Like this skeleton rib cage ring suggested as a Hanukkah gift for a boy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/108387976/handmade-ring-personality-jewelry-copper#
WTF? What every teen boy wants is a ‘cottage chic’ rib cage ring?
The language barrier makes the shipping confirmation creepy rather than charming:
Hello, my friend.
Now we have sent you a parcel.
This is an international transaction.
Transportation need some time.
The usual transport needs 9-25 days.
According to different places, transportation time is different.
We will ensure that you can get the parcel.
if you have any questions,please e-mail me.I can reply you in time!
When you receive the package, please tell me.
Best regards.
Keep in touch.
I just feel like somehow I’ve been threatened with an international package.
“I just LOVE my camel earrings! But when I wore them to school a bunch of stupid kids said they were dinosaurs. Imagine that! They can’t tell the difference! The principal got annoyed with me for no reason; I was just trying to teach them the truth about dinosaurs by beating them over the head with my Bible. And then when my science teacher said they were dinosaurs I lost it and blew up in class. Now I’m in trouble and school and have to take remedial biology. I’m trying to talk my mom into homeschooling me but she just looks and me and pours another drink.”
yesssh…chillren, the three wyeeeeze men were Jimmy, Jack, and Jose. ‘vvve been hangin’ wiff Jose tonight. yuhsee. and they came to the Jeezy Babus…the Baby Jesus…on a dinosaur.
Seahorses are from the genus Hippocampus, which comes from the name of an ancient Greek monster who was half horse, half fish. The -al ending suggests that they were trying to say that it’s related to Hippocampus species.
So basically what we’re looking at is related to a seahorse, but isn’t actually a seahorse. Maybe the elusive Singaporean Wafflefish?
I find it offensive that a leash and collar are use with the dinosaur. He is no less a creature of God than are we. If he is cut, will he not bleed? And stomp on people? If he is tickled, will he not giggle? And stomp on people? If he is hungry, will his stomach not growl? No, because he’s been snacking on soft, chewy stomped people.
I find that part of the Bible offensive where they’re freezing at night in the desert and have to slice open the dinosaur and stay inside it for warmth.
Bill Hicks: You know, the world’s twelve-thousand years old, and dinosaurs existed in that time, you’d think it would’ve been mentioned in the fucking bible at some point. “And o, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And o, the disciples did run a-shrieking ‘What a big fucking lizard, Lord.’ But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus’ paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a Loch for oh so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. And O Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you, Lord.”
Dinosaurs existed sixty-five million years ago. I know I’ll get thumbed-down for this, but at least mammoths existed within the twelve-thousand year time frame?
OMG, the fleur de pus earrings are a suggested gift for baby girls! For the toddler on your gift list? I think not…. This whole shop has got to be a huge joke!
And I know I’ll get voted down for this, but I have to announce that the Brontosaurus didn’t exist – the original skeleton had the head of an apatasaurus on the body of a different long-neck dinosaur. Once that was discovered, they stripped Brontosaurus of its legitimacy, much like the demotion of Pluto from planet to Oort Cloud object.
I DO. It upsets me a great deal. both the brontosaurus and the pluto things. I got all mad and threw things. really. I’m that emotional. i go to the trouble of learning things and then all the things i learned are wrong. When I think of all the trouble I had in school memorising all the countries and their capitals… omfg. Not many of THOSE stayed the same. And they were different from the ones my parents learned.
stupid progression of human intelligence and the chaotic nature of border disputes/political regimes
i spell checked nothing it’s 5:30am and i’m running wild!
It just occurred to me. Helen, if you start putting numbered signed copies of the regretsy ‘shops on the regretsy shop, the proceed are going to multiply like rabbits.
The wise man pic should be turned into regretsy xmas cards and all the proceeds could go to a charity around the holidays! I would buy ‘em for a good cause!
September 25, 2012 at 9:34 am
Was that second picture stolen directly from a creationist website?
September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
No, I cobbled it together yesterday. Could not be prouder.
September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am
We Three Kings of Mesozoic.
Oh, Come All Ye Wholesalers.
I see Christmas Cards. Mass produced by children.
September 25, 2012 at 10:09 am
I think you should send it to a creationist website. In solidarity with their beliefs, and stuff.
September 25, 2012 at 11:18 am
You spelled “sell” wrong.
September 25, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Please tell me you are offering this for Holiday cards. I need 25.
September 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Ooh yeah, it should totally read “Happy holidays” and not “Merry Christmas”. That would be so perfect.
September 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm
It fits(*) PERFECTLY the idea I have of Christmas cards. I can’t count exactly how many acquaintances had a crush on me and how many stopped talking to me because of my earnest season greetings.
(*) and exceeds by far
September 25, 2012 at 11:44 pm
I’d love to have this as this year’s cards.
September 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm
You definitely need to make it into cards and sell them.
September 25, 2012 at 10:08 am
it will be stolen BY a creationist website by tonight, I’ll bet.
September 25, 2012 at 11:00 am
You bet Jurassic will!
September 25, 2012 at 11:46 am
Zippy, I want to have your internet babbies.
September 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Uploading now…
September 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Ewwwwwwwwwww.
September 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm
It was all done by key-strokes. Not the other kind.
September 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Ohhhhhh. I pictured something way grosser.
September 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm
No matte what they say, it’s not a series of tubes. That would be so unhygienic.
September 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm
And restored by a lovely old lady by next morning.
September 25, 2012 at 11:48 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm
So they believe that dinosaurs existed before anything existed? I don’t follow your/their logic.
September 25, 2012 at 12:12 pm
There’s 4000-some years total before for dinosaurs, erosion, Noah, Australian Aboriginals, pyramids, glaciers, beaver dams creating the Great Lakes and all that stuff to have happened.
September 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Oh, now it makes sense.
On what day did God create that show Cop Rock? Couldn’t he have rested on that day instead?
September 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I think God was busy the week that was on fixing the World Series for the Reds. There’s no other way either thing could have happened.
September 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Are you trying to tell me that Pete Rose is God? My mind is currently blown.
September 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Can’t be. God hates bowl haircuts:
“Leviticus 19:27 reads ‘You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.’”
So, no Van Dykes, either.
September 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I’m from Cincinnati. Pete Rose is not God, but he’s close.
September 25, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I beg to differ. There are a few old earth/ID creationist out there. But the vast majority are the young earthers.
src=”http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2463/3865256039_2582ddcd39_z.jpg”>
(I own this book, and surprisingly Dinosaurs on the ark isn’t the craziest thing in it. Did you know that dinosaurs breathed fire?
September 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm
September 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Ghost Fossils in the Sky
September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Them pterodactyls are some good eatin’.
September 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I’ve seen that movie. “The Vally of Gwangi” is the Fundamentalist version of “The Bible.”
September 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm
I should e-mail my sister—when she was first married in 1972, her husband had to go out of town on business and I stayed over and we watched “The Valley of Gwangi.” I’d completely (and mercifully) forgotten about it until now. Maybe she had, too, but I’ll rectify that quickly. Thanks?
September 25, 2012 at 5:44 pm
What book is that? I want it!
September 26, 2012 at 11:52 am
the book is called “Dinosaurs by Design.” by Gish.
September 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I beg to differ too.
humans-and-dinosaurs
September 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Oh my.
September 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm
You are right. Anticlimactic but totally right — several of the previous comments commit a logical mistake.
September 25, 2012 at 9:34 am
Heed my words! “It is easier to fit a brontosaurus through the eye of the needle than for a Chinese reseller to enter the kingdom, or something.”
September 25, 2012 at 9:52 am
Now now, it clearly states the item ships from Singapore. Let’s not give credit to the Chinese resellers for this!
September 25, 2012 at 9:59 am
‘We will be delivered in 2 days’ is the time it takes the Chinese factory to send the earrings to Singapore, I think. This shop appears to be selling factory assembled jewelry from China.
September 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The Etsy shop copied the title right from AliExpress
http://www.aliexpress.com/item/1-pair-Camel-Animal-earrings-girl-women-Antique-Bronze-ed48/612189652.html
Handmade on Etsy means assembled in a Chinese jewelry factory.
September 25, 2012 at 9:35 am
I don’t see a problem with this. We all know Jesus rode a dinosaur.
September 25, 2012 at 9:45 am
Google image search brings up a surprising number of pictures showing Jesus riding a Dinosaur. Is this some meme I’ve managed to miss?
Here are my favorites:
September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
HI-HO T-Rex…. AWAY!
September 25, 2012 at 11:21 am
Tiny T-Rex thinks it’s all about him. Rawr!! Pride goeth before an extinction.
September 25, 2012 at 11:30 am
If you’re happy and you know it clap your… Oh.
September 25, 2012 at 11:49 am
Sure, docleather, everybody’s having fun and then YOU have to go and remind poor T-rex of his skimpy, weak, and useless little arms!
September 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm
T-Rex would have grasped it eventu… oh.
September 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm
The idea certainly wasn’t beyond his reach…uhhh…oh.
September 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm
To think he could pray on it isn’t a stretch… ah, right.
September 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm
At least he can go home by himself and try relaxing by masturba…oh, right.
September 25, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Well, there’s always oral… oh, whoops.
September 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Great work,everybody! You all deserve to pat yourselves on… um…no, let’s all just stand up and put our ha…. whoops. Group huuuuuu -crap.
September 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Thank you all for making me laugh until I had an accident.
September 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm
It looks like Side-Saddle Jesus with Alligator up there was crudely cut and pasted from a chair onto his ride. Where do I send all my money?
September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am
What a perfect Christmas card for all your creationist friends and family.
September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am
If I sent out Christmas cards thaf would definatly be this year’s. Imagine the Nativity set that goes with it.
September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am
I was gonna say that!
September 25, 2012 at 10:28 am
Obviously, it would need some writing on the inside – here are a few suggestions (for either or both creationists and whimsicalists)
-Merry…REALLY?
-They both have one hump, so what’s the difference? Merry Christmas!
-Where did you think the Jews got all the dinosaur bones they buried?
-My humps, my humps, my lovely Mary humps!
-DinoALMIGHTY!
September 25, 2012 at 11:17 am
Gold, Frankincense and GRRRRRR!!!!!
September 25, 2012 at 11:48 am
Are you referencing Bottom? Because if you are, I love you.
September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am
I’ve told this story to my children many times. It usually starts with: “Back in my day, we walked to school. Uphill. In the snow, year-round. Barefoot. And when we went on a family outing, we’d hitch the brontosaurus to the wagon and away we’d go…”
It was the year-round snow that killed off our dinostock.
September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am
“We will be delivered in 2 days.
In general, the transportation time takes 7-19 days.”
DOES NOT COMPUTE.
September 25, 2012 at 9:39 am
Brontosaurus labor is especially rough on all involved.
September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am
What they mean is THEY will actually show up at your house in 2 days, however, it will take about two weeks for the earrings to ship from China. Lock your doors and close the blinds!
September 25, 2012 at 9:51 am
You also get to pay 2.99 shipping for an item that costs .99 and is probably worth .05 and which you will receive in 2days. Or 10. Or 25. But notify us if that should happen. Reseller? Nah.
September 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm
As part of my last job, I regularly bought items from Asian suppliers. They consider “delivered” to be when it is dropped off at the broker’s place. It may take up to six weeks before it gets on a boat and that boat finally makes it to the US.
September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am
I’m not fond of camels. Can I have a puppy instead?
September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am
Puppies are my favorite!
Fun triceratops fact: fossil records suggest that baby triceratopses had the big googly eyes and tiny chubby features typical to mammalian infants in order to make their mommies love them even more.
September 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Look, it comes with a windshield! Proof that it was intelligently designed as a transport system for the Messiah.
September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am
“we will be delivered in 2 days.”
you know, like, from our sins.
September 25, 2012 at 9:39 am
Beware yonder star! It’s a meteor coming to extinct you all.
September 25, 2012 at 9:40 am
GENIUS! That explains everything!
September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am
O-kaaay, so the men get to wear footcoverings but the women and kids have bare feet in the snow? Yeah, the crackpot fundies are at it again.
September 25, 2012 at 11:07 am
Oh little town of Bedrocklethem…
September 25, 2012 at 9:41 am
I’d walk a mile for a Brontosaur.
September 25, 2012 at 9:45 am
Helen, if you or Bronc made that image of the Three Wise Men and their brontosaur, I will happily pay money for a print to hang on my wall.
September 25, 2012 at 9:53 am
I made it yesterday! YAY ME
September 25, 2012 at 10:48 am
Now you have a head start on this year’s Christmas card design.
September 25, 2012 at 11:50 am
You also have a head start on that separatist cult you’ve been wanting to start. With that picture, the leaflets practically print themselves.
September 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Oh the cult’s been well-established for a couple of years now. But you haven’t been to the meetings, so I guess you didn’t know.
September 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm
That would be in keeping with how it goes for me around here. Always late to the party/cult meeting.
That must be why I don’t get most of the inside jokes here.
September 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I also notice from your bank account you haven’t been tithing 20% of your income on the 15th of every month. Aaaaaand… there, fixed it.
September 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Hey, if $10 is gonna help the cause, have at it.
September 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I would pay money for that image on a pack of Christmas cards. Just sayin’
September 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Me, too. Really.
September 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I never send out Christmas cards. And I would send them out just for this.
September 25, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Please let me give someone money for this!
September 25, 2012 at 9:46 am
Noah really needed to expand that Ark.
September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am
Are you suggesting that a boat half the size of the Queen Mary wasn’t large enough to fit between four and six MILLION species all by itself?! BLASPHEMY.
September 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm
The dinosaurs and about 99% of the other extinct animals were actually on Noah’s brothers, Shnoah, ark. Unfortunately, Shnoah wasn’t as good as a boat captain as Noah.
September 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Plus, about 5.5 million of those species were insects and bacteria, so that helped. Praise Jesus!
September 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Oh. I always thought they meant that all the animals were gathered in the town of Noah, Arkansas. That seemed more plausible to me.
September 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm
What a load of shit! (There was after the animals all left and before the town was built.)
September 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm
They pushed the pile west and built the town of Shitpile, Arkansas on the shit pile. Noah’s right next to it.
September 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Oh, that’s just south of Scrotum, Arkansas, isn’t it?
September 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Now you’re gettin’ it, lettucego! The tri-town area of Noah, Scrotum and Shitpile is a wonderful place to stay away from just for the weekend, or forever.
September 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Excellent! Staying away from the Tri-Shitty Area fits well with my current travel plans. ‘T’ain’t in the cards for me to go down there any time soon.
September 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm
But the fare is only $50 First Ass and $25 Gooch.
September 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm
How much for Doing Your Business class?
September 25, 2012 at 9:52 am
We three kings of orient are
traveling with a dinosaur
September 25, 2012 at 10:09 am
We three kings of Orient are
Traveling with a dinosaur
Brachiosaurus, walk before us
And follow yonder star
O Star of wonder, star of night
Guide thy Pterodactyl’s flight
Cerasinops and Triceratops
Are drawn to thy Perfect Light
September 25, 2012 at 11:34 am
This is beyond the Pale-ontogy!
September 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm
And the Regretsy Christmas card set is officially born! Place your orders now folks:-D
C’mon April, do a contest DOOO EEET! This needs to be a thing:)
September 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm
You need to make musical Christmas cards. Cause that would be awesome.
September 26, 2012 at 9:07 pm
And there’s the inside of the card. I’ll take 2 dozen.
September 25, 2012 at 10:00 am
That’s what you get when you use wikipedia!
September 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm
So… Who else checked to see if there was fuckery afoot on Wikipedia?
September 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm
I actually tried to change it. Unfortunately it appears that things like this require a consensus vote, and there was no consensus that the brontosaurus, was in fact, a camel.
September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm
That’s no fun. How do we vote?
September 25, 2012 at 10:00 am
I think that’s going to be my Christmas card this year.
September 25, 2012 at 10:02 am
I wish most of the art posted in the comments were available for sale on etsy because I would buy it.
September 25, 2012 at 10:02 am
[Insert Obligatory Camel-Toe Joke HERE]
September 25, 2012 at 10:03 am
September 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm
September 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm
DINOSAURS BUILT THE PYRAMIDS! It makes perfect sense!!!!
September 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Lock Ness is pretty close to Stonehenge, too…..it’s all coming together. Dinosaurs did it all.
September 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Dinosaurs put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp (obviously) but wool-bearing mammals put the ram in the rama llama ding dong.
September 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Space-faring Dinosaurs. They took over the rest of the universe after leaving our petri-dish.
September 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm
The Tooth is Out There.
September 25, 2012 at 10:10 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 25, 2012 at 10:49 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 25, 2012 at 11:06 am
Nah, we’re just trying to avoid a riot.
September 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm
We will mess with Christianity and other major religions without hesitation, but when it comes to breast-feeding and riling up Big Boob… *shudder*
September 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm
Seriously, it’s just not worth the shitstorm.
September 25, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Ya wean some, ya lose some but we’d all lose this one.
September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am
A lot of the listings in that shop are unintentally funny due to the languge barrier added to the seller’s seeming random selection of occasions when it might be appropriate to give their items as a gift. Like this skeleton rib cage ring suggested as a Hanukkah gift for a boy:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/108387976/handmade-ring-personality-jewelry-copper#
WTF? What every teen boy wants is a ‘cottage chic’ rib cage ring?
September 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Not to mention, the seller needs an anatomy lesson. Or at least a picture of which direction ribs go in.
September 26, 2012 at 9:18 am
The language barrier makes the shipping confirmation creepy rather than charming:
Hello, my friend.
Now we have sent you a parcel.
This is an international transaction.
Transportation need some time.
The usual transport needs 9-25 days.
According to different places, transportation time is different.
We will ensure that you can get the parcel.
if you have any questions,please e-mail me.I can reply you in time!
When you receive the package, please tell me.
Best regards.
Keep in touch.
I just feel like somehow I’ve been threatened with an international package.
September 25, 2012 at 10:15 am
I’m not ashamed to say I bought these instantly.
September 25, 2012 at 10:29 am
Awesome Customer Review:
“I just LOVE my camel earrings! But when I wore them to school a bunch of stupid kids said they were dinosaurs. Imagine that! They can’t tell the difference! The principal got annoyed with me for no reason; I was just trying to teach them the truth about dinosaurs by beating them over the head with my Bible. And then when my science teacher said they were dinosaurs I lost it and blew up in class. Now I’m in trouble and school and have to take remedial biology. I’m trying to talk my mom into homeschooling me but she just looks and me and pours another drink.”
September 25, 2012 at 10:31 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 25, 2012 at 11:07 am
Should be Gaspar, Melchior and Tyrannosaur, because he’s a Rex.
September 25, 2012 at 11:31 am
Whereas we are wrecks.
September 25, 2012 at 11:12 am
Did you see this one? Sweater chain necklace pendant jewelry gift hippocampal hollowed-out animal retro silver bronze lovely A39
Hippocampal?
September 25, 2012 at 11:37 am
I’d actually pay good money for a hippocampus, because I am nerdy like that.
September 25, 2012 at 11:37 am
honestly, looks nothing like a Hippocampus. The hippocampus (in zombie voice “braiinzzz”)looks better than this bad seahorse.
September 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm
just be glad they didn’t call it a giraffe.
September 25, 2012 at 11:40 am
Seahorses are from the genus Hippocampus, which comes from the name of an ancient Greek monster who was half horse, half fish. The -al ending suggests that they were trying to say that it’s related to Hippocampus species.
So basically what we’re looking at is related to a seahorse, but isn’t actually a seahorse. Maybe the elusive Singaporean Wafflefish?
September 25, 2012 at 11:56 am
Does it come in blue?
September 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Only the kinky ones.
September 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm
The listing recommends this ‘hippocampal’ as a get well gift for little boys. A sweater chain is an extra long necklace, def not for children to wear.
September 25, 2012 at 11:15 am
“we will be delivered in 2 days.”
That’s great! It took the wise men 12 days to get to Bethlehem by camel.
September 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm
You go faster by dinosaur.
September 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I find it offensive that a leash and collar are use with the dinosaur. He is no less a creature of God than are we. If he is cut, will he not bleed? And stomp on people? If he is tickled, will he not giggle? And stomp on people? If he is hungry, will his stomach not growl? No, because he’s been snacking on soft, chewy stomped people.
September 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I find that part of the Bible offensive where they’re freezing at night in the desert and have to slice open the dinosaur and stay inside it for warmth.
September 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I thought there wasn’t any room for them in the innards.
September 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm
They just told everybody that because they had spent all their gold on drugs in the town of Methlehem.
September 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm
No, not ALL their money. They used some on that skank Crystal.
September 25, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I hear she’s so skanky she even accepts myrrh as payment.
September 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Mo’ myrrh, mo’ tribulations.
September 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Ain’t no cense in frankencense.
September 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm
At least we’re not bowing down to false idols. Wait, what’s that on TV? Uh-oh.
September 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Bill Hicks: You know, the world’s twelve-thousand years old, and dinosaurs existed in that time, you’d think it would’ve been mentioned in the fucking bible at some point. “And o, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And o, the disciples did run a-shrieking ‘What a big fucking lizard, Lord.’ But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus’ paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a Loch for oh so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. And O Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you, Lord.”
September 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Seriously, my favorite quote ever – “What a big fucking lizard, Lord!”
September 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm
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September 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Hey! If we wanted peer-reviewed, widely-held scientific theories with overwhelming proof, why would we even be ON the internet?
September 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I know! We’d be at the Church of Scientology!
September 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm
What part of the comedian’s quote says, “Gee, this sounds plausible.”????
September 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm
No mention of dinosaurs, you say? You might try Job 40:15-24.
September 25, 2012 at 7:36 pm
What part of that passage leads you to brontosauri??
September 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Behemoth was just God smack-talking Satan’s mama.
September 26, 2012 at 11:57 am
There are unicorns mentioned, though. For real.
September 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Quick Question.
How the fuck are these “1 pair Twilight cross Octopus earrings girl women Antique Bronze ed35″?
September 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I know. I only count 6 legs on each octopus.
September 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm
They chopped two off as punishment for predicting Spain’s bizarre “win”.
September 25, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Then that would be a Steampunk Octopus.
September 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm
They’re not an octopus – they’re Squid de Lis.
September 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm
OMG, the fleur de pus earrings are a suggested gift for baby girls! For the toddler on your gift list? I think not…. This whole shop has got to be a huge joke!
September 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Fleur-de-LIES!
September 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm
And I know I’ll get voted down for this, but I have to announce that the Brontosaurus didn’t exist – the original skeleton had the head of an apatasaurus on the body of a different long-neck dinosaur. Once that was discovered, they stripped Brontosaurus of its legitimacy, much like the demotion of Pluto from planet to Oort Cloud object.
No one weeps for the Brontosaurus.
September 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm
I do. I weep for the Brontosaurus. All my childhood memories of The Flintstones and Sinclair Oil are besmirched.
September 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Meanie.
September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I know, right? I HATE EAGLES!
Eagles are so speciest! *ducks under rock when hungry eagle dive bombs*
September 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Why do you think they call me BUZZKILL??!!
September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm
There’s a vibrator joke in there somewhere, but I know better than to find it.
September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm
“It’s ok brontosaurus.
I’m not a dinosaur either.”
September 25, 2012 at 6:47 pm
I heard the same thing about the Brontesisters.
September 27, 2012 at 9:29 pm
I DO. It upsets me a great deal. both the brontosaurus and the pluto things. I got all mad and threw things. really. I’m that emotional. i go to the trouble of learning things and then all the things i learned are wrong. When I think of all the trouble I had in school memorising all the countries and their capitals… omfg. Not many of THOSE stayed the same. And they were different from the ones my parents learned.
stupid progression of human intelligence and the chaotic nature of border disputes/political regimes
i spell checked nothing it’s 5:30am and i’m running wild!
September 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Best regretsy ‘shop ever?
September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm
It just occurred to me. Helen, if you start putting numbered signed copies of the regretsy ‘shops on the regretsy shop, the proceed are going to multiply like rabbits.
September 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm
If you’re happy and you know it clamp your hams.
September 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm
That last Wise Man misread the memo. The requested gifts were
Gold
Frankincense
Myrrh
NOT
Gold
Frankincense
Murray
So, he brought his pet dinosaur.
September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Just look at the brontosaurus’ head! That’s definitely a camel toe if I ever saw one!! Freudian slip maybe?
September 25, 2012 at 8:30 pm
I submitted this, and the picture and comment thread totally made my day. I almost shat myself laughing. Thank you, Regretsians.
September 26, 2012 at 10:39 am
The wise man pic should be turned into regretsy xmas cards and all the proceeds could go to a charity around the holidays! I would buy ‘em for a good cause!
October 25, 2012 at 9:27 am
OMG I laughed so hard at this one I fell off my chair and hurt myself!!