How to Respond to Neutral Feedback and Keep a Customer for Life
This post first appeared on Regretsy in October of 2011
UPDATE: Bonus brilliance left in the comments
114 comments on How to Respond to Neutral Feedback and Keep a Customer for Life
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September 23, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Mmm, just the thought of the according self-governance is getting me all creamy and whimsicle…
September 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm
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September 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm
This takes me back to a crazy/brilliant/frustrating/entertaining incident I had with a person on ebay…It’s so easy to get caught up in these ridiculous things! I felt myself puffing up like a damn puffer fish every time the loony toon emailed me, it was nuts. It was like I was possessed.
Thanks for the memories!!!
September 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm
I have a friend who does a great deal of furniture selling on eBay who got a bit of negative feedback (privately) from a purchaser. It was the typical delusional, “ever since I bought from you my farts don’t smell like raspberry sherbert, anymore, and it’s your fault” garbage, but it was still irritating so my friend checked out what else this person bought and found that they – an older married midwestern businessman – had a habit of not only buying porn video tapes (yes, video tapes) but going as far as to review and comment on his purchases.
So in his final reply to the gentleman my friend worked in partial and complete titles of said porn tapes, including ‘It’s so Hot in California…” and “Sorry for the delay; I was at the cheerleader’s car wash…”, etc.
The dispute was resolved.
September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am
THANK YOU for this hilarious story!
September 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm
If you want to convince someone that you are not condescending, I would recommend you not use the word “Nonsense” when replying to them.
September 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Nonsense!
September 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Heaven forfend!
September 23, 2012 at 4:45 pm
indubitably!
September 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm
I can just see a portrait of Queen Victoria captioned “We are not condescending at all.”
September 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm
September 23, 2012 at 4:09 pm
That’s the one! Thanks for making it happen in your artistic ability!
September 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I agree. Poppycock is much more suitable.
September 23, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I prefer “balderdash” myself.
September 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm
And toss in a “people like you” for variety.
September 24, 2012 at 5:54 am
What the hey? Go all European on them and toss in the occasional “Bollocks” just to see if they get it.
September 26, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Is balderdash actually a term that gets used? To me, it is strictly the boardgame.
September 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm
A yup!
September 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm
If this is considered harassment, what do they call the actions of everyone here?
Maybe we are assaulting their good name?
September 23, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Why would you buy from someone with 23 negatives?
September 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm
To develop into 23 photos?
September 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Seems valid.
September 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm
23 negs in 12,200 transactions actually isn’t bad.
(Not that I’m defending the seller or anything. Just sayin’. )
September 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Very true. And I always read into the negative reviews when I see them, because some people will give a negative review if they order the wrong item or don’t read the description properly, if they make mistakes when using it, if it doesn’t magically create peace on earth, etc.
As a seller, I hated it when someone made no attempt to contact me before leaving a negative review. Of course, when I saw it and wrote the buyer, it was to offer a refund or replacement rather than condescending assholery.
September 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Most negative feedback are basically just tiny easily resolvable problems that are blown totally out of proportion.
I can see why the seller got rubbed all wrong over what is essentially a petty neutral, but yeah… the weirdly long and condescending response is just unprofessional and odd.
September 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm
We saw your nuetral and raise it by five.
September 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm
But has anyone seen my nutria?
September 23, 2012 at 4:01 pm
and why am I having Bob Barker in my head saying “spay and nueter” your animals?
September 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm
September 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Dear ________,
My name is B. Jones and I am the lawyer for ________.
This is to notify you that you are being charged with harassment, for replying to my clients’ harassing emails after they suggested you not reply.
We will be serving you with the papers on Monday. In the meantime, I suggest you do not reply to this email. OR ELSE.
Regards,
B. Jones, Attorney At Law
September 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm
I’m amazed at how many etsy sellers seem to have lawyers on retainers!
September 24, 2012 at 4:25 am
I think it’s only a matter of time before someone opens a Law Firm “shop” on etsy.
The feedback thing could get even worse, because you know, lawyers. But at least there wouldn’t be any neutral.
September 24, 2012 at 8:52 am
Pissen & Mohnen – Attorneys at Law “There, there, there, we will make the bad person leave you alone.”
September 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Maybe they just have retainers and got confused?
September 25, 2012 at 11:11 am
Given the number of unemployed law-school grads, I am not suprised that some of them are friends with the unemployed Art History grads.
September 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm
“We saw your nuetral” = my new name for my wifi connection.
September 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm
What deliciously bumptious butthurt.
September 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Speaking as someone who IS a “professional picture framer”?
Look, I agree and approve of the idea of “leaving room” around the margins so it can be matted when the piece is done on paper – leaving the print pressed up against the glass is not good for it, it can trap humidity right against the print and cause ink transfer or worse, mold/mildew growth, etc.
So, they’re not full of bs on that point – it’s a good idea to leave a little extra room. It’s a good idea to mat it to a larger frame size.
BUT… don’t claim the “print size” is 8×10! Measure the damn paper AND the image size, you lazy fucks. And if the paper size varies because it’s only on “antique paper” but a regular print… then say “image size # x #, paper size varies”.
I mean seriously. Am I the only person who was always taught that you make a listing with as much accurate detail as possible?
September 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm
no, but you’re probably one of the few who actually does it correctly.
September 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm
What a PSYCHOTIC BITCH. I really hope she saw this post, and I WELCOME her to have her lawyer contact.
I hate bad customer service more than I dislike crap that is being sold. If I had money to shit on, I’d probably buy some of her junk just with the sole purpose of leaving a negative comment, but alas, I’d rather buy painted rocks from another seller who would at least have a better attitude.
September 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm
And when will these schizoids learn to shut the fuck up about neutral feedback and just be happy the person didn’t ask for their money back?
September 24, 2012 at 9:02 am
That is how I see it too. “Neutral” just means “meh”, it is neither a surprisingly bad transaction nor a surprisingly good one, just ok, as anticipated, average… but the cupcakes are so used to each other’s “omg you are soooo talented!” bs that they think “neutral” is a bad thing.
September 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm
In both of their replies, I see where one of them should have ceased to reply to the other’s reply. Which is the wrong reply, and which is the right reply? If I Should reply, and then you reply to my reply, garnering another reply, do we all then open ourselves to further replies? When is a reply not reply, but a response? And does a response warrant a reaction or a retort?
Please, Someone respond to my reply in a reasonable way.
September 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Depends on your POV. I think the seller initial response wasn’t just condescending but incredibly rude and bitchy. The buyers response to that was measured and apropriate. The seller’s response to that was very nasty. Seller escalated to calling the buyer names and was abusive to her. Did the seller think she could just figuratively tell the buyer to fuck off and shut up? The seller just wanted to have the last word.
September 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm
I really like your shop, Mr Potter.
September 23, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Me, too. The okra mug is fantastic!
September 23, 2012 at 6:49 pm
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September 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm
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September 23, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Oh honey, there is no shortage of fuckery or stupid shit on Etsy. HK could post all day if she didn’t have a life. I used to half expect a feature myself.
September 24, 2012 at 8:39 am
Wickedheart – You do deserve to be featured. Under ‘freakin awesome’. I need me some of those cupcake lady-part coverings!
September 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Thank you. The “pastries” are one of my personal favorites.
September 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm
September 23, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Truer gifs have never been posted, Mystic.
September 24, 2012 at 12:28 am
Perfect.
September 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm
It’s the weekend.
September 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm
It’s called the weekend, sweetheart. Do YOU work every day of the week?
September 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Dammit, Bronc beat me to it.
September 24, 2012 at 12:24 am
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September 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Like, what will happen when we run out of sun?
September 24, 2012 at 12:29 am
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September 24, 2012 at 10:52 am
I’m banking on the geothermal death of the planet, myself…
September 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm
This is why it’s a bad idea to give anything away for free. Someone will always get their panties in a bunch as though they had paid extra for it and you did them wrong. It’s the reason why I never expedite, do not change the price for large bulk orders, and very rarely will do a special order.
September 24, 2012 at 12:27 am
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September 24, 2012 at 3:23 am
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September 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm
“certain kinds of jokes”
You mean the kind that aren’t actually funny or even in any way clear that they ARE jokes?
September 24, 2012 at 7:36 am
As long as there are more new posts than reposts, the reposts will never “catch up.” Or… she can start over at the beginning and re-re-post.
Or… did you actually not want to know what would happen when Regretsy “runs out of things to repost?”
September 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Oh quit backpedaling and cop to it. And quit putting “lol” on the end of every line. That shit doesn’t even make sense.
September 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm
oops, that wasn’t meant for you, Shimmyya
December 17, 2012 at 10:40 pm
yeah i stopped doing custom orders long ago! lot less stress lol
you ask me for something custom, i send a picture, and you still leave negative feedback or bitchy emails. i fucking sent you a picture, and you agreed it looked good. why bitch once its in your hands?!
September 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm
The SNARKAPALYSPE! Pray you don’t live to see the day!
September 24, 2012 at 11:41 am
Ummm… I do. I want to see the four horsemen of the Snarkapalypse: Misunderstood Sarcasm, Whimsicle Fuckery, Butthurt, and People Covered in Fish (formerly Grievous Bodily Harm) I really, really do.
September 26, 2012 at 8:42 pm
You’re new, eh? April is entitled to weekends off, just like everyone else. Weekend Flashbacks are a staple around here. I mean… the woman *does* have a day job of voice acting awesomeness, plus running Regretsy. On top of that, one expects that she’s got a riveting social life us FJLs would envy.
September 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I had a buyer on eBay once leave me a neutral, because her bank didn’t want to play nice with my bank. Knowing my bank can be difficult, I sent the $5 pair of earrings to her anyway, because I felt bad she’d been messed around. Her response was to leave me neutral feedback and no thanks for the earrings. Some people suck.
But her feedback had nothing to do with my item or description, which was what shat me! lol! But I agree to make sure your listing has as much detail as possible, measure, measure and measure again.
September 23, 2012 at 6:37 pm
If any of this was forwarded to Etsy as threatened I am quite sure Etsy did absolutely nothing about it.
September 23, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Nothing says serious business like having an owl threatening legal action. I wonder if it’s “layer” has watch parts and glitter glues to him/her.
September 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Is the seller aware of this regretsy post? I sure hope so, I’d love to see her forward this to a lawyer and serve Helen papers “at her place of business.”
September 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Do I go with a “where she does her business” joke, or a “serve” joke?
Let’s just send the process server to a ladies’ room during happy hour and have both.
September 24, 2012 at 2:43 am
This sort of rudeness makes me MAD! I don’t think the buyer was unreasonable to ask for an accurate measurement, or even just a word in the description about variation on sizing. If I received that sort of customer service, why, I’d be donning my vigilante gear. Like, a ninja suit and some loo paper and maybe a picture of myself mooning to post through their letterbox or something.
I’D BRING EM DOWWWNNN
September 24, 2012 at 4:34 am
So why does the seller’s shop page say 100% feedback and when you actually go to the feedback page there is 23 negatives and 26 neutrals? Etsy math I guess!
September 24, 2012 at 5:06 am
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September 24, 2012 at 8:18 am
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September 24, 2012 at 8:24 am
Not Etsy math, just ordinary, correct math.
If the seller has 12200 sales and 49 non-positive feedbacks:
100*(23+26)/12200=0.402%
Which will round down to 0 because it is less than half a percent.
Yes, yes I am a pedantic math nerd. Etsy may be idiots, but their math is correct.
September 24, 2012 at 9:06 am
…and you were not conescending at all.
no, really, you weren’t
September 24, 2012 at 9:25 am
Being condescending is what I’m good at. If only I could sell it on Etsy.
September 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Nonsense!
September 24, 2012 at 10:33 am
Ok, I’m more and more curious and care less and less about thumbs.
Where can you people see the seller’s feedback? Please?
September 24, 2012 at 10:57 am
There is a link to the shop in the comments on the original 2011 post:
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/10/13/how-to-respond-to-neutral-feedback-and-keep-a-customer-for-life/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BlackBaroque
Apparently she’s made 18202 sales now she only has 0.269% non-positive feedback. My original data was out of date. Condescend at me accordingly.
September 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm
It wasn’t hard to find her – not too many people making what she’d made. I actually ordered something of hers for my grandson, and left harmlessly critical neutral feedback, hoping to hear from her lawyer (I have no social life). Alas..no reply.
Granted, by the time I wrote my reply, it was months later, time enough for her estrogen therapy treatments to have leveled. (did that not sound like a menopausal rant?)
September 24, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Lol!
Don’t be hard on menopause, we’ll all get there one day
September 24, 2012 at 5:44 pm
You lie! My dad never went through menopause!
September 29, 2012 at 8:26 am
I’m betting he did. Maybe not in his own body, but I’m sure the side effects and symptoms from the women in his life were plenty irritating for him.
September 24, 2012 at 8:32 am
I’m always delighted to read about the utter horseshit people inflict on total strangers when they can do so with complete and blissful anonymity – probably because my daily job consists of being hectored, cussed out, and screamed at for upward of 8 hours a day by phone. Oh, and sometimes in writing, leading to my proudly posted “Wall of Shame.” My favorite exchange happened a few years ago when a gentleman worked himself up into such a froth that he screamed, “Are you fucking retarded?!?!” (3…2…1) “Sir, is that a rhetorical question?” Next order of business? Get myself a layer on retainer.
September 24, 2012 at 9:07 am
Sounds like this seller could use a good layer.
September 24, 2012 at 9:07 am
You can borrow mine if you want, but he’ll make you show him on a doll of the internet where the bad man emailed you.
September 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I have such a hard time believing this is a real exchange, even though I’m sure it is. It still blows my mind a year later.
Why go into business selling shit to people if you’re an insecure, whiny bitch? Seriously?
If I were the respondent, I’d post the entire exchange in the feedback so people would know what to expect. This isn’t just a random negative… it was EARNED.
September 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I’ll see your Nuetral, and raise you a Neagtive!
September 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Did anyone notice that the positive reviews on the seller’s feedback page are all a bit… repetitive?
September 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm
And this is different from the rest of Etsy why?
September 25, 2012 at 9:47 am
How did we all miss the seller’s STEAMPUNK contribution?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69167355/upcycled-dictionary-page-upcycled-book
September 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm
Gah. I know better and … you made me look, curse you BillsB.
September 25, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Hmmm. Having an Etsy shop is cheaper than a therapist and anger management classes, cheaper than Paxil, cheaper than “acting out” at your favorite bar/club/sports event, cheaper than a trip to the ER when somebody else is more hostile than you are. Such a deal. Run out of pills? Just fling something misleading out there for sale and wait, like a black widow spider under the seat of an outhouse. The thought makes me want to heat up the ol’ glue gun and stick junk to trash.
September 26, 2012 at 9:15 pm
A year later and the seller still only says:
Print Size: The page size is 8 x 10 inches or 20.3 x 25.4 cm.
For the size.
September 26, 2012 at 10:06 pm
For the curious, I have compiled all of the Neutral Feedback:
x13
–
got an elephant instead! but my old granny loved it
–
The paper from the book was really cool, but my giraffe is pixeled…you can tell it was just printed on…but the concept and way it’s put togeather is really cool
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/53248775
–
I wanted the one with Australia map which showed on the picture, instead, I received the one with France being in the middle.
–
Pretty please specify that the printing is digital and done from a printer! I was under the impression it was going to be printed on using a different method, all in all, the art was beautiful and my mother loved it. The shipping took a long while, though.
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/49330180
–
Takes quite a while to have it delivered hope it arrives some day.
–
poor print quality, not very please with ship time at all for what I got
cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Bummed the print was poor quality. Not really worth $10. Not giving it as a gift now.
–
Bummed that the quality of the print was poor. Pixels!
–
Very cute, but very over priced for what it is…
–
I love this, but the printed image is a bit blurry. Still happy to own it!
–
We like the print, but there is some minor pixelation in the elephant. It’s not noticeable from far off. The print was shipped nicely and came in great condition. It’s a cute picture and it’s neat having it on vintage book paper. : )
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/33940504
September 26, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Here is the Negative Feedback:
[no text]x5
–
disappointing quality
–
So rude when all I wanted was another print that wasn’t screwed up. Seller poorly and cheaply packages these prints and then gave me a 24 hour time limit to respond to them on labor day weekend. Didn’t work for me. Think I’ll make my own now. since i cant have the one i paid for. can’t be that hard right?
–
Damaged in the transport
cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:09 pm
BUYER BEWARE!! Print I bought was sloppily printed so that image is crooked and “floating” on the page, when it’s supposed to appear as though it extends beyond the frame. Also, was packed and shipped poorly so it arrived damaged. Contacted seller to organize replacement. They are the RUDEST, most DISGUSTING people I have every dealt with. On a $12 order that was damaged and printed badly at (admittedly) their fault, they refused to either replace or refund and then sent a nasty, threatening email. DO NOT BUY from them if you ever expect any kind of customer service. I’m sure all will be well if your order has no problems but if you go back and read comments from anyone who has had an issue with their order, all comments are the same — these people are TERRIBLE. STAY AWAY.
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/51956082
–
I never received it
x3
cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:10 pm
I received damaged product from this shop and they refused to replace the item or take responsibility to not appropriately protecting their product.
–
BEWARE!!!!! Extremely rude seller. I enquired about my missing parcel and was told it was my problem. They did not offer to help me in anyway whatsoever. I had asked for the parcel to be sent to my Mum’s address as she is home all the time to receive parcels. During checkout there is an option to choose the address the parcel is to be shipped so clearly within the rules of Etsy. The address I chose was my Mum’s address – the address was not some random stranger I could not trust. Regardless of whether the order was to be sent to my residence or my Mum’s, the fact remains it has not turned up at either address. Seller was extremely rude during each and every email and was not at all sympathetic to the situation.
this feedback cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:12 pm
I put in a paypal dispute and heard nothing from the seller nor have I ever received the order. An extremely negative experience and my first on Etsy. Thankfully sellers like this on Etsy are rare indeed.
x3
–
Print was great, but the sellers themselves were extremely rude throughout the process. I didn’t receive my package for over three weeks and whenever I would send them a message the overall tone was one of poor customer service and rude “bedside manner”. Although they did work with me, I always felt as if I were a bother to them and they constantly acted superior, using quotation marks to empthasize that I, the buyer, was wrong.
–
Unbelievably rude !!!
–
Incredibly rude!!!
cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Very grumpy lady ordered some prints and they where printed on questionable text of a book me tined it to her, and she kinda freaked out in an email baack to me. It’s a shame because the prints are lovely and would have ordered more. Butworried about having to deal with such a sour personality !
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/30459407
–
The topics on the book page were as follows revenge riches satire shame sin slander self denial Check to see what page she is printing on! It was a gift and was too embarressed to give it because of the subject matter of the vintage page
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/30459406
–
The owl is very pixelated and to be honest when I read that something is printed I think screen printed. So when I bought this to find out that this was computer printed, I was pretty bummed out. oh well.
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/31922434
cont.
September 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Very Rude. Will not work with customer over shipping misunderstanding.
–
Admittedly I neglected to thoroughly read the shipping policies, however when I contacted the seller, instead of politely pointing me to the page I had missed, I was told that “You probably should not have ordered through us” if I didnt agree with their policies. Don’t worry BlackBaroque, I won’t anymore! A simple misunderstanding ruined by a terrible response. Not impressed.
October 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm
What kills me about this exchange is that the seller initiated it–then has the nerve to say “Stop replying!!!11eleven” when they don’t immediately bend to their will.
November 8, 2012 at 9:06 am
Hmmm, BlackBaroque featured on a BBC news article today methinks….
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19599168
December 17, 2012 at 10:20 pm
can you pleaaaase show the shop names. please!! =)
December 17, 2012 at 10:35 pm
wonder what conversation went on with the negative reviewers lmao