Diamonds of the Sea
This post first appeared on Regretsy in October of 2011
“Our mission at DiamondsoftheSea.com is to become your most trusted source for Aquatic & Nautical Themed Gift Collections.”
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
See all the mermen here, Mary
September 22, 2012 at 9:31 am
Perfect for your Village People themed Christmas tree.
September 22, 2012 at 9:53 am
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
September 22, 2012 at 5:08 pm
I thought I had seen it all! I stand corrected.
September 25, 2012 at 11:25 am
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Y M C A, la la la la, Y M C A!!!
September 22, 2012 at 9:33 am
These actually look really well-made, even if they are horrific. Kudos to the talent if not the product.
September 22, 2012 at 3:52 pm
But… but… but… they make great desk ornaments!
From the site, “No matter which way you go, your man will appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into finding these truly unique December Diamonds Merman Christmas ornaments. They are one of a kind and will look great as they add a little sparkle to your Christmas tree. He may also simply want to display the one you give him on an individual ornament stand on his office desk.”
September 22, 2012 at 5:40 pm
You’re supposed to gift these to a man? Unless they’re meaning gay or bisexual men, I don’t see that a straight man would want sexy merman…
Now, some of the sexy mermaid ornaments are a different matter…
September 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm
My husband is a mailman. Maybe he could tie it to his mailbag.
September 22, 2012 at 9:34 am
The Butch merman really needs to be holding a microphone.
September 22, 2012 at 9:51 am
Seriously. My first thought was Freddie Mercmerman?
November 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Well, with all that mercury they say is in the sea already, it could happen!
September 22, 2012 at 9:35 am
The only thing that could make this collection more appealing would be Ethel.
September 23, 2012 at 9:10 am
Found her: http://www.diamondsofthesea.com/december-diamonds-appletini-mermaid.aspx
September 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm
bahahahahahaha!!!!! yes. yes you did!!
September 22, 2012 at 9:36 am
Must have butch merman now.
September 22, 2012 at 9:38 am
I have some beloved flaming friends who will be getting THESE for Christmas this year. I’m thinking of sending the complete collection to Mitt Romney’s house as well.
September 22, 2012 at 9:54 am
I’m guessing he already has them.
September 22, 2012 at 11:13 am
Rick Santorum borrowed them last year, and you know he’s not going to give them back.
September 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm
I wouldn’t want them back… you know what they’ll be covered in!
September 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Thanks guys. My fat jealous loser ass is hyperventilating from excess giggling!
Next up, we need someone to make a Santorum-themed Xmas tree.
September 22, 2012 at 9:40 am
I am almost positive I’ve seen these in real life in a Christmas store.
September 22, 2012 at 10:20 am
I did, last year…after seeing them on Regretsy.
September 22, 2012 at 9:40 am
Oooh, I had forgotten THIS collection of weirdness! I need a real-live Bruce to do something with my hair. And I agree, these are really well-made, which somehow makes it funnier.
September 22, 2012 at 10:01 am
I’ll post pictures when my order arrives.
September 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm
*tsk* Oh no you d’n't!
September 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Awesome! And just think…with these as the feature, anything goes gaudy-wise for the rest of the Christmas tree!
September 25, 2012 at 11:27 am
Steampunk octopus angel for the top?
September 22, 2012 at 9:41 am
But still, it begs the question…..
WHY?
Did someone say “my Christmas festivities would be incomplete without a Butch and/or Salty Merman?”
Surely not.
I need to get out more, I think.
September 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
I dont understand the recent interest in mermaids and mermen. First we had pirates then vampires now these. Splash was a long time ago.
September 22, 2012 at 11:16 am
The circle of life. It’s a bitch.
September 22, 2012 at 7:37 pm
So is the circle of crap.
September 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm
I have personally always loved mermaids… The Little Mermaid makes them seem so romantic.
September 23, 2012 at 9:03 am
You have read the original right? Y’know, the one where she ends her days alone, pining for the sea, feeling the pain of a thousand knives slicing her feet with every step. Yeah, really romantic.
September 24, 2012 at 4:18 am
And then dies and becomes an air spirit, with a vague promise of maybe becoming a real angel after a few centuries. BUT ONLY IF LITTLE CHILDREN ARE GOOD. (Yeah, tack some emotional blackmail on the end for good measure.)
September 22, 2012 at 3:55 pm
“There are three things which are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since the first two pass our comprehension, we must do what we can with the third.” ~Aubrey Menen
P.S. I don’t believe god is real, but human folly sure as hell is!
September 22, 2012 at 9:47 am
They also have refrigerator magnets of these guys. I surprised my little sister with one, and not a guest stops by that doesn’t puzzle at her fabulous Bling Merman.
September 22, 2012 at 9:50 am
Perversely, without feathers.
September 22, 2012 at 9:50 am
Is Salty Merman one of the sea men?
September 22, 2012 at 9:52 am
Well, the Rum Runner one on Amazon just went on my Christmas wishlist. DON’T JUDGE ME.
September 22, 2012 at 11:47 am
Can I judge you as awesome?
September 22, 2012 at 9:52 am
according to the website, biceps and bruce are retiring! no word if it’s together or not.
September 22, 2012 at 9:57 am
If all Mermen are gay, does that mean all mermaids are lesbians?
September 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I think Salty is bi curious
September 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Bicep Merman is also bi. So, biception.
September 22, 2012 at 10:00 am
These are Fabulous! total want
September 22, 2012 at 10:02 am
I’ve seen these in person at a Christmas store in Estes Park, CO. They are even more amazing in person. I bought one that had a teal boa, I think his name was Steve or Chris. They are well made, lots of detail! Highly recommended.
September 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
OMG I LOVE them!
September 22, 2012 at 10:04 am
The only and I mean ONLY problem with these is the lack of flipper bulge.
September 22, 2012 at 11:55 am
I’ve been thinking about the logistics of fish genitalia for far to long while staring at the mermen. Where’s their junk, dammit!?
September 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm
It’s a scaly problem.
September 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
oh roe you didn’t
September 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm
It was all in fin.
September 22, 2012 at 10:09 am
I actually used to have some friends that had the whole collection on their Yule tree. The male half was gay, and the female half was straight but they did have an honest marriage, consummated and all. True love, them. I thought the gay mermen were brilliant. Still do!
September 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
Finally….I have been trying FOREVER to find a “most trusted source for Aquatic & Nautical Themed Gift Collections”. It is NOT as easy as it sounds. Thank you, Diamonds of the Sea.
September 22, 2012 at 10:47 am
Biologically, these are Acceptable by Republican standards. The depictions still make Mitch McConnell a little antsy.
September 22, 2012 at 11:08 am
Asked, and told!
September 22, 2012 at 11:48 am
Please somebody for the love of all things awesome,buy these all up and decorate a tree and post a picture.
September 22, 2012 at 7:48 pm
And sneak it into a Chick-fil-A store. Or preferably, HQ.
September 22, 2012 at 11:49 am
Dear god. I have to have one of each on my Christmas tree this year.
September 22, 2012 at 11:52 am
Finally I can out-fabulous my neigbors’ christmas trees!
September 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I see these like once a month when I go shopping in Provincetown
September 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Two fishermen are out in their boat, when one of them catches a mermaid. He looks her over and throws her back in.
Says the other fisherman: “Why?”
Says the first: “How?”
(Joke works with any gender combination, but I did have to explain it when I told it on AVEN — so if you don’t get it, try figuring out why AVENites would miss the point)
September 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm
and that is why Ariel really wanted those legs.
September 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm
But, “long pig of the sea”? Surf and Turf”?
Worst fishermen ever!
September 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm
And speaking of Why and How, Bruce Merman has an electric blow dryer. Why? And how?
September 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm
“Blow-drying underwater is against the laws of nature.”
“Never mind, just do it while nobody is looking!”
September 22, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I am wondering how he stands behind the chair. I guess he only cuts hair underwater. Must be really difficult.
September 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm
My husband’s daughter’s an ace, and she’d get it. So I’m still very boggled. In fact she has threatened to get all of these for our Christmas tree.
September 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm
These guys are all pretty hot. How did they get the perfect “Hello, sailor!” expression on Salty’s face? And why are there no gold dumbbells at MY gym?
September 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm
They’re actually full of air so they float unless Biceps pulls down on them.
September 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm
I don’t get this one. Bone accessories, a skull… and a purse?!?
If he was goth, I’d understand. Am I ignorant of some aspect of life?
September 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Not sure if accidentally racist African costume or just unusually bad fashion sense for a gay guy.
OH WAIT IT’S A BONER JOKE. *facepalm*
September 22, 2012 at 5:31 pm
LMAO! It’s a trick or treat bag!
September 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm
maybe then finally ran out of accessories/outfits with subtle innuendos and had to resort to the in-your-face ones…
September 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Well, I volunteer for a local zoo and they were looking for more nautical themed decorations for our Halloween pirate display. Somehow I don’t think they’d appreciate these.
September 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
What I really love, possibly even more than the instruments, is that the site copy is written to obfusticate, as much as possible, the fact that these are clearly intended for either straight women or gay men. Because, honey, ain’t no woman getting a half-nude mer-pilot for her hubby for Christmas (or, at least not with sincerity).
September 22, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Really? I thought it was written to make it pretty damn obvious…
September 25, 2012 at 11:55 am
Obviously you didn’t click the links. Off on the right side of the page, about halfway down, there’s a “More Information” section. In that section? Gay Pride Shopping. Click that link, and guess what you find?
http://www.gaysupercenter.com/december-diamonds-gay-christmas-ornaments.aspx
September 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I’m glad you reposted this… But sad that I STILL don’t have the spare cash to get any for my tree this year, either.
September 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm
“Bling Merman… is all about showing off the bling to the mermaids.”
I don’t think he’s showing off for the mermaids, unless it is in a “oh honey, I am so much hotter than you” sort of way.
Also, is Butch Merman’s tail made of leather?! YES!!!
September 23, 2012 at 10:53 am
Why do they not ship to anywhere outside of the US? IT’S NOT FAAIIRRRRR.
September 23, 2012 at 12:01 pm
All that’s missing is one with a native American headdress, and the whole Village People of the Sea will be complete.
September 24, 2012 at 3:46 am
I ‘heart’ seamen!
September 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Somehow I think using hairspray in the sea would be quite impossible. And just think how rusty those scissors would get!!
September 24, 2012 at 3:01 pm
I think trying to use hairspray and a blow-dryer in the sea would be quite amusing. And just think how rusty those scissors would get!
September 24, 2012 at 8:35 pm
1) Do they do special orders?
2) Will they do Ben Stiller as Zoolander as a merman?