This post first appeared on Regretsy in October of 2011
“Our mission at DiamondsoftheSea.com is to become your most trusted source for Aquatic & Nautical Themed Gift Collections.”
See all the mermen here, Mary
Perfect for your Village People themed Christmas tree.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
I thought I had seen it all! I stand corrected.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Y M C A, la la la la, Y M C A!!!
These actually look really well-made, even if they are horrific. Kudos to the talent if not the product.
But… but… but… they make great desk ornaments!
From the site, “No matter which way you go, your man will appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into finding these truly unique December Diamonds Merman Christmas ornaments. They are one of a kind and will look great as they add a little sparkle to your Christmas tree. He may also simply want to display the one you give him on an individual ornament stand on his office desk.”
You’re supposed to gift these to a man? Unless they’re meaning gay or bisexual men, I don’t see that a straight man would want sexy merman…
Now, some of the sexy mermaid ornaments are a different matter…
My husband is a mailman. Maybe he could tie it to his mailbag.
The Butch merman really needs to be holding a microphone.
Seriously. My first thought was Freddie Mercmerman?
Well, with all that mercury they say is in the sea already, it could happen!
The only thing that could make this collection more appealing would be Ethel.
Found her: http://www.diamondsofthesea.com/december-diamonds-appletini-mermaid.aspx
bahahahahahaha!!!!! yes. yes you did!!
Must have butch merman now.
I have some beloved flaming friends who will be getting THESE for Christmas this year. I’m thinking of sending the complete collection to Mitt Romney’s house as well.
I’m guessing he already has them.
Rick Santorum borrowed them last year, and you know he’s not going to give them back.
I wouldn’t want them back… you know what they’ll be covered in!
Thanks guys. My fat jealous loser ass is hyperventilating from excess giggling!
Next up, we need someone to make a Santorum-themed Xmas tree.
I am almost positive I’ve seen these in real life in a Christmas store.
I did, last year…after seeing them on Regretsy.
Oooh, I had forgotten THIS collection of weirdness! I need a real-live Bruce to do something with my hair. And I agree, these are really well-made, which somehow makes it funnier.
I’ll post pictures when my order arrives.
*tsk* Oh no you d’n't!
Awesome! And just think…with these as the feature, anything goes gaudy-wise for the rest of the Christmas tree!
Steampunk octopus angel for the top?
But still, it begs the question…..
Did someone say “my Christmas festivities would be incomplete without a Butch and/or Salty Merman?”
I need to get out more, I think.
I dont understand the recent interest in mermaids and mermen. First we had pirates then vampires now these. Splash was a long time ago.
The circle of life. It’s a bitch.
So is the circle of crap.
I have personally always loved mermaids… The Little Mermaid makes them seem so romantic.
You have read the original right? Y’know, the one where she ends her days alone, pining for the sea, feeling the pain of a thousand knives slicing her feet with every step. Yeah, really romantic.
And then dies and becomes an air spirit, with a vague promise of maybe becoming a real angel after a few centuries. BUT ONLY IF LITTLE CHILDREN ARE GOOD. (Yeah, tack some emotional blackmail on the end for good measure.)
“There are three things which are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since the first two pass our comprehension, we must do what we can with the third.” ~Aubrey Menen
P.S. I don’t believe god is real, but human folly sure as hell is!
They also have refrigerator magnets of these guys. I surprised my little sister with one, and not a guest stops by that doesn’t puzzle at her fabulous Bling Merman.
Perversely, without feathers.
Is Salty Merman one of the sea men?
Well, the Rum Runner one on Amazon just went on my Christmas wishlist. DON’T JUDGE ME.
Can I judge you as awesome?
according to the website, biceps and bruce are retiring! no word if it’s together or not.
If all Mermen are gay, does that mean all mermaids are lesbians?
I think Salty is bi curious
Bicep Merman is also bi. So, biception.
These are Fabulous! total want
I’ve seen these in person at a Christmas store in Estes Park, CO. They are even more amazing in person. I bought one that had a teal boa, I think his name was Steve or Chris. They are well made, lots of detail! Highly recommended.
OMG I LOVE them!
The only and I mean ONLY problem with these is the lack of flipper bulge.
I’ve been thinking about the logistics of fish genitalia for far to long while staring at the mermen. Where’s their junk, dammit!?
It’s a scaly problem.
oh roe you didn’t
It was all in fin.
I actually used to have some friends that had the whole collection on their Yule tree. The male half was gay, and the female half was straight but they did have an honest marriage, consummated and all. True love, them. I thought the gay mermen were brilliant. Still do!
Finally….I have been trying FOREVER to find a “most trusted source for Aquatic & Nautical Themed Gift Collections”. It is NOT as easy as it sounds. Thank you, Diamonds of the Sea.
Biologically, these are Acceptable by Republican standards. The depictions still make Mitch McConnell a little antsy.
Asked, and told!
Please somebody for the love of all things awesome,buy these all up and decorate a tree and post a picture.
And sneak it into a Chick-fil-A store. Or preferably, HQ.
Dear god. I have to have one of each on my Christmas tree this year.
Finally I can out-fabulous my neigbors’ christmas trees!
I see these like once a month when I go shopping in Provincetown
Two fishermen are out in their boat, when one of them catches a mermaid. He looks her over and throws her back in.
Says the other fisherman: “Why?”
Says the first: “How?”
(Joke works with any gender combination, but I did have to explain it when I told it on AVEN — so if you don’t get it, try figuring out why AVENites would miss the point)
and that is why Ariel really wanted those legs.
But, “long pig of the sea”? Surf and Turf”?
Worst fishermen ever!
And speaking of Why and How, Bruce Merman has an electric blow dryer. Why? And how?
“Blow-drying underwater is against the laws of nature.”
“Never mind, just do it while nobody is looking!”
I am wondering how he stands behind the chair. I guess he only cuts hair underwater. Must be really difficult.
My husband’s daughter’s an ace, and she’d get it. So I’m still very boggled. In fact she has threatened to get all of these for our Christmas tree.
These guys are all pretty hot. How did they get the perfect “Hello, sailor!” expression on Salty’s face? And why are there no gold dumbbells at MY gym?
They’re actually full of air so they float unless Biceps pulls down on them.
I don’t get this one. Bone accessories, a skull… and a purse?!?
If he was goth, I’d understand. Am I ignorant of some aspect of life?
Not sure if accidentally racist African costume or just unusually bad fashion sense for a gay guy.
OH WAIT IT’S A BONER JOKE. *facepalm*
LMAO! It’s a trick or treat bag!
maybe then finally ran out of accessories/outfits with subtle innuendos and had to resort to the in-your-face ones…
Well, I volunteer for a local zoo and they were looking for more nautical themed decorations for our Halloween pirate display. Somehow I don’t think they’d appreciate these.
What I really love, possibly even more than the instruments, is that the site copy is written to obfusticate, as much as possible, the fact that these are clearly intended for either straight women or gay men. Because, honey, ain’t no woman getting a half-nude mer-pilot for her hubby for Christmas (or, at least not with sincerity).
Really? I thought it was written to make it pretty damn obvious…
Obviously you didn’t click the links. Off on the right side of the page, about halfway down, there’s a “More Information” section. In that section? Gay Pride Shopping. Click that link, and guess what you find?
I’m glad you reposted this… But sad that I STILL don’t have the spare cash to get any for my tree this year, either.
“Bling Merman… is all about showing off the bling to the mermaids.”
I don’t think he’s showing off for the mermaids, unless it is in a “oh honey, I am so much hotter than you” sort of way.
Also, is Butch Merman’s tail made of leather?! YES!!!
Why do they not ship to anywhere outside of the US? IT’S NOT FAAIIRRRRR.
All that’s missing is one with a native American headdress, and the whole Village People of the Sea will be complete.
I ‘heart’ seamen!
Somehow I think using hairspray in the sea would be quite impossible. And just think how rusty those scissors would get!!
I think trying to use hairspray and a blow-dryer in the sea would be quite amusing. And just think how rusty those scissors would get!
1) Do they do special orders?
2) Will they do Ben Stiller as Zoolander as a merman?
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