Top 5 Etsy Halloween Costumes for Kids
1. THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN
Get them started on a lifetime of menial labor now that you’ve blown their college fund
2. THE JOHN 3:16 GUY
Can also be worn to football games
3. THE SNOOKI™
A fun way to teach your children about the dangers of tanning beds
4. L’IL POLYP™
Don’t forget to schedule your colonoscopy
5. THE PHYLLIS DILLER TRIBUTE
Imagine the wonder on their faces when you explain that women on television used to be famous for something other than making sex tapes
BONUS:
The greatest idea I ever had:
TYRION LANNISTER COSTUMES FOR KIDS
September 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
#3 Now also available in “Mitt Romney Speaking to Hispanic Audience” edition.
September 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Article 5
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
September 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Kids aren’t human until they’re at least 11. Don’t tell the kids!
September 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Education is one of the most basic respect.
No one can demand respect if he does not behave respectfully.
For this reason, children must be treated with respect and appreciation.
They can not be humiliated, treated condescendingly, or reversed.
September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Unless it would be especially funny to do so…
September 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Treatment of children in this way, there is a lot of fun.
Assholes, earnest and others prig of treatment, it is a different matter altogether.
September 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm
“It is a different matter”
(and anyone else who gets that reference–YEAH! we are old!)
September 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Shit, I reverse mine all the time
September 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm
That’s how they get well-versed; reverse, reverse,reverse!
September 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm
$70 for a waitress costume? Fuck that, kid. Just borrow Mommy’s.
September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm
It can be reused when the girl’s 20 as a slutty French maid costume.
September 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm
The costume is very confusing. Tap dancing French waitress?
September 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Who also wants to server your brains to the next customer?
September 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm
That would actually be a cool-ish costume if you slapped a tray of plastic body parts in her hand and some bloody hand-smears on the apron. And, yeah, the “Flo” nametag and beehive.
September 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm
I was just relieved that the parent didn’t try to maker her slutty now.
September 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Man, if I borrowed my mom’s waitress uniform, I’d be paying like $120, including shoes and pants. Her shirts are $60 each. I think they’re from Mark’s Work Warehouse. And it’s a freakin’ restaurant! Yeah, it’s 4 or 5 stars or whatever, and stuff, but you don’t need to force your servers into pricey LIGHT PINK button-downs that stain if gravy so much as looks at them.
SORRY FOR BEING SO OFF-TOPIC, but yeah, it horrifies me that the atrocity on Etsy is practically a STEAL in comparison.
September 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm
If there was a beehive hairdo wig for each of them and everyone had a name badge that said “Flo” and you never had to wait more than 15 minutes to hear one say “Kiss mah grits!” it would be worth it.
September 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm
The price can also be a girl?
September 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm
You have been cruelly betrayed by Google Translate or your English teacher, Petja. Sorry.
September 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm
I don’t think so — think unlike a native english speaker and the meaning is obvious
September 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Petja wouldn’t trade a girl for anything!
September 22, 2012 at 1:58 am
I have a pimp attitude
September 22, 2012 at 8:55 am
Petja would trade a girl for something!
September 23, 2012 at 10:32 am
Cunts i care.
September 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I sense a common theme of crushed expectations, even Phyllis because no cigarette with holder and Lannister because no boobs in shot.
September 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I always wanted a cigarette holder like Phyllis Diller’s. Or was that Holly Golightly’s? I get them mixed up sometimes.
September 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm
I wanted this one, but I don’t smoke. NSFW title.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljxky6V65G1qed8llo1_500.jpg&imgrefurl=http://fyeahthe50s.tumblr.com/page/4&h=391&w=468&sz=69&tbnid=aITDs4UQCfIm1M:&tbnh=94&tbnw=112&zoom=1&usg=__GOfBP–q4tICJlPP96lewTDxURI=&docid=WWUcXHr-IPweOM&sa=X&ei=3-dcUOLjEtKO0QH6m4GYCA&ved=0CDEQ9QEwAQ&dur=370
September 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Nice 20 cylinder cancer engine! I bet it’s got crazy hoarse power.
September 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Really disappointed Honey Boo Boo didn’t make onto the list.
September 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Or the Human Thumb….
September 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Fellow Soup watcher, eh?
September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm
HAHA best idea ever
September 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm
My first thought when seeing #5 was “Chicken Lady” from KITH. I’d let my 8-yr-old boy be Chicken Lady any day.
September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm
“They say he was scarred. SCARRED FOR LIFE!”
I’ve been waiting 20 years to casually use that in a conversation.
September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm
You’re not a man, you’re a Chicken Boo….
September 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm
I love you.
September 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm
“Want some eggs? They’re really fresh …fresh from my body!”
September 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I think the little potato man looks more like tonsil stones, don’t you? Enjoy your dinner everyone!
September 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Those are potatoes? At first I thought they were ears then I thought tumors.
September 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm
I thought they were molars, which made no sense to me at all.
September 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm
or a really bad case of genital warts.
September 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm
And I thought he was supposed to be a mushroom!
September 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I thought they were snot lumps and thought he was going as the Jolly Green Giant’s hankt
September 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm
sigh, hanky.
September 22, 2012 at 1:13 am
I thought corpus luteum.
September 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm
My mom made a French maid costume for me when I was in fifth grade (think about 1980). I still question her judgment. Or her future plans for me.
September 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Well, you ended up commenting on Regretsy. Nuff said.
September 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm
My mom made me a Jessica Rabbit costume when I was 5 (in 1988). At least half a dozen adults at my school’s fall festival asked if I was supposed to be a hooker.
September 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm
When I was 7 my mom made me a Cyndi Lauper costume based off of her outfit on the cover of the “She’s So Unusual” album. All I got (for years after..) were hooker comments. From both adults and fellow classmates. Apparently non of the other 7 year olds were hip enough to enjoy the talents of Ms. Lauper.
September 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm
As another Cyndi Lauper “early adopter” (as the kids are saying these days), I MUST LAUGH. Yes the costume was quite the statement then, but, she looks like a timid virgin middle schooler compared to “slutty” costumes today. ** Oh – and that “CrrrrAAaazy Hair!” A waffle-cut. Good lord.
September 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm
When I was s kid everyone thought the Beatles hair was so weird. And in those days they were still wearing matching suits onstage.
September 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm
My very first Halloween, Mom made for me a witch’s costume. Now I live in Salem Ma.
September 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm
I was Elvira in 6th grade, have fun with that one!
September 21, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Just a few years ago I made myself a Dr McNinja costume. I used a tshirt for the ninja mask and had to pull down the face cover to eat, drink and talk. Which turned my costume from a delightful nod to an obscure webcomic to a culturally questionable Muslim doctor outfit.
September 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I see the waitress is wearing tap shoes. What kind of restaurant is this, anyway?!
September 21, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Dinner and a show. Two bits.
September 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Is #4 a mushroom patch or are those pig snouts? The bonus costume is nice.
September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm
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September 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
ah…it really isn’t just me! All I saw were pig snouts. I had to go to the actual etsy page.
And all I still see are pig snouts!
September 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Chicken Diller’s planning revenge…
September 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Vengeance will be eggsacted! No yolk.
September 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Ova my dead body!
September 21, 2012 at 6:37 pm
I believe you, that’s one hard-boiled looking kid.
September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I actually had a chicken costume when I was a kid. I was Camilla in my second grade production of The Muppet Movie.
Actually, this explains a lot about how I turned out. Forget I said anything.
September 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm
I’m a little cancer, short and stout
Take me to the doctor and cut me out!
September 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm
He just needs tumor and the next surgery’s half off.
September 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Oh – I didn’t know he had a SubcutaneousWay card.
September 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm
At least it’s not a Hooter’s waitress??
September 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Fortunately, those are not legal to export outside of New Jersey.
September 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I’m not ashamed to admit to all you fine people that I had no fucking idea what #4 was supposed to be until I clicked the link. Now I’ve discovered it’s a “Sack of Taters Baby.”
Oh look at that – 5 o’clock, thank god it’s time to drink.
September 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm
The Eyes don’t have “it”.
September 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm
That sewing project really spuddered out toward the end, it seems.
September 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm
It was a half-baked idea.
September 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm
It was too much tuber.
September 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm
He’s not a tuber!
September 21, 2012 at 6:33 pm
It should have had scalloped edges, that would have been sweet.
September 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm
I thought those things were bagels. Or pig snouts.
September 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Shouldn’t we at least be thankful this seller didn’t violate the Mr. Potatohead copyright?
September 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I think we all had to look. Anyone else see mini rice cakes?
September 21, 2012 at 3:03 pm
It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere in the world, and vodka can be made from potatoes. (That kid will want some too when he finds the old photo album in 30 yrs!)
September 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm
I got them all!
September 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm
I don’t see My First Goatse anywhere in there.
September 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Bare foot: Check.
Pregnant: to be continued … check back in about 10 years after little Ashley has mastered the smexy mermaid / Hooters hybrid outfit.
September 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Long live Phyllis Diller : )
No really, love that woman. She will forever have a place in my heart.
I clearly have never dined at the Chateau d’Meatloaf, where the waitresses uniforms border between waitstaff and slutty French maid. I’d best check my restaurant guide for the nearest location.
To think, I once dressed up like a newspaper.
September 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Some day my prints will come.
September 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Sac o potato looks more like random pile of belly buttons to me.
September 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm
THANK YOU!!!!
September 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm
I’m so glad that #4 turned out to be what I thought it was. If it hadn’t been, I’m really not sure how my brain would have handled it.
September 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Another one for the “economic downturn” category:
September 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Holy shit I love that!!!
They were spraying for termites across the street a few weeks ago, and I had to fight the urge to spray paint “HEISENBERG WAS HERE” on the tent.
September 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm
ok-I’m a socially disabled dork-context please?
September 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Breaking Bad.
September 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I was certain it was the other Heisenberg but then I was uncertain.
September 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm
This is the shiznit!
September 21, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Awesome! Did you make the crystal blue persuasion there? And where do you get a Pollos Hermanos shirt?
September 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm
My 5 year old said he wants to be “a guy with a sword” for Halloween this year. Yep, we’re gonna dress him up as Tyrion Lannister.
September 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm
#1 has “Brass in Pocket” stuck in my head.
September 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Chicken Kid looks piiiiissssssseeed!
September 21, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Take it from me. This feathers itch like a motherfucker!
September 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Shouldn’t that be motherclucker?
September 21, 2012 at 7:18 pm
Mothercloaca?
September 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm
On the other hand, this would be the only occasion on which you could tell the neighbor “What a cute little pecker you have!” without being incredibly rude.
September 21, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Thank you for assuming I even had a college fund to blow. I didn’t, of course, but it was nice.
September 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I would dress my two year old up like Tyrion Lannister in about half a second if that really existed.
Ooh, what if I dressed the two year old up like Joffrey, and the infant like Eddard Stark’s head?
September 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm
The #1 outfit can be used for “French Maid” once she’s 18.
September 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm
What the hell is the poor baby in a sack supposed to be? Also burlap is not good for a baby’s skin. You might want to rethink that.
September 24, 2012 at 7:54 am
That’s not real burlap, but where did you hear that? What is the science behind that, or is it just that babies have “sensitive” skin which means you are expected to buy special, overpriced products for them? Because if it’s just the latter, burlap seems like it would be perfect for toddler clothes due to its durability…
September 23, 2012 at 9:32 am
September 23, 2012 at 9:34 am
Bah…didn’t work.
September 24, 2012 at 3:02 am
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September 24, 2012 at 9:11 am
And you have some reading comprehension issues. No one is making fun of the model. We’re clearly only referring to the costume, which is orange and tattered. That’s the joke, genius: orange and tattered mermaid skin = orange and tattered over-tanned skin.
You know there’s enough on this site to be legitimately offended by. Don’t work so hard next time.