I’M GOING TO NEED $2800
What, doesn’t it fit in with their classy decor?
Someone needs to alert The Bloggess, because I can’t see her turning this one down.
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Cray watch or crayfish? I’m confused.
You know what that would go perfectly with?
My giant dolphin display shelves, bitches!
Darn it, you beat me to it!
Um, what exactly does he mean by “my own mixture”?
You can’t say “actual human skin harvested from murdered craigslist personals responders” on craigslist, it’s in their terms of service.
They’re so uptight over there at craigslist.
Come on now, don’t be so disgusting. It probably just means he came a little in the paint.
Jesus, some people can be so immature.
It’s probably silicone, collagen and botox. He can’t really call it his own, though.
Don’t forget the key ingredient: hepatitis C!
That was his own.
Yes it is the same stuff half the faces in Hollywood are made from now so don’t worry.
Ah Regretsy, how you’ve filthied our minds…
It’s actually not nearly as gross as it sounds. There are a lot of different Papier-mâché recipes. I too have my ‘own special mixture’ for smooth surfacing in the final layer of large Papier-mâché projects.
Damn it, I just read my response and it sounds disgusting.
nah, just pretentious because you used the accent marks.
This would look awesome near the dolphin bookcase.
On my screen I didn’t see any of the pics while I read the description and was cringing as I hit page down. I was actually shocked at just how well done this was for what it is. The skin actually does look smooth and not like papier-mâché at all. Kudos to the artist.
And it does kinda look like her.
And it completely explains why my asshole clenched in fear.
except the breasts are way too small.
I kind of like the fish part. He did a goof job with cans. They kind of look like real scales. The face is creepy though. Does she have that trout pout? Whit h I guess is appropriate if you’re a mermaid.
I thought the same thing. After looking at the first pic, I thought “Okay. Looks more like a sex doll converted into a mermaid, but interesting nonetheless…” And then I saw the second pic. Compounded by the fourth pic.
Thank you, I was wondering what form my nightmares would be taking tonight.
She looks a bit Jocelyn Wildenstein
“On top of the papier mache is MY VERY OWN MIXTURE to make the skin smooth.”
“Special sauce” should never be alluded to when talking about something like this.
That’s because it was tartar sauce?
I know … if my partner were here, he’d say, “Hush puppy”.
Or “Save me a cod piece!”
He rubs the lotion on it.
And then he tends to his aluminum can wounds.
At least he changed it from “my very own concoction”.
Yeah, this would look great outside the Malibu Courthouse. Evertime I go there is fight a ticket. I could rub a nipple for good luck.
Good heavens, get a lawyer. I don’t know how it is in Malibu but San Diego you can hire a lawyer for a hundred bucks. The lawyer goes to court for you, twice. If they don’t win your case, you get your one hundred dollars back. They can win or negotiate a better deal than you. I’ve done it, it works!
Would you just look at those cans!
Recycling just got sexy!
Fuck, if I had $2800, it would already be sold!!!
(seriously, that is just FUN!)
This must be “viewed in a room,” preferably Aquaman’s. Or Wonderwoman’s.
Aquaman’s ’cause he would be the one sporting the dolphin display case. Wonderwoman’s display cases would be made out of invisible glass… going over to her place would be interesting. nevermind.
That would look awesome in the serial killer basement I’m constructing.
Nobody else is getting a serious “Buffalo Bill” vibe off of this thing?
This is kind of thing Captain Crunch would have in his serial killer basement. Whoops, I mean cereal. But with a nautical theme.
I hate correcting people, but it’s “Cap’n” Crunch. He never passed the test to actually be a Captain. It’s more of an honorary title.
WHAT?, this means the wedding he performed for us is invalid! *kicks adulterous whore of a “wife” out, uses this as an excuse to marry secretary.*
I know, I know. Think of all the scurvy dogs who walked the plank under false pretenses.
A whole bunch of shark poop just got exonerated.
I’m pretty sure George W. Bush pardoned Cap’n Crunch right before he left office.
He also pardoned the Noid from Domino’s for ruining all those pizzas.
We’re just lucky Darth Vader and the Emperor were already dead when W took office, otherwise they’d be walking the streets today. Choking and zapping to their heart’s content.
Not to mention Bluto and his jealous sabotaging of Popeye. No pardon! No pardon!
Was the Emperor really dead, though? I’ve never seen him and Dick Cheney in the same room….
But what if Bob doesn’t want to marry you? And damn you, now I really want PB Capt. Crunch.
Huh. That’s not a terrible sculpture, I thought to myself.
Then I saw the face.
I briefly had the same thought, but the rest of it is so mind-bendingly awesomely tacky (tackily awesome?) that I think the face can be forgiven.
“The scales are made of cans” = SHARP EDGES!!!
Dunno about you, but I hates it when seafood is sharper than I am.
I actually think the face looks quite a lot like Pamela A.
I can’t believe some women still fall for that “my own mixture will make your skin smooth” line.
It looks so fake, maybe it really IS Pamela Anderson.
My only criticism? The breasts look too real.
Totally my thought too. It obviously isn’t to actual scale. Come on, artists!
Oddly enough, these breasts are more organic than the originals.
Ha! Great minds, ekobunko!
I’m not sure why they felt the need to mention they lived in a mobile home. I thought that was implied.
This statue is a gay conspiracy.
I bet she has crabs.
I am honestly pretty impressed by the aluminum can hair and scales.
I just wouldn’t want to run into that thing in the middle of the night. I’d look like I had a run-in with Freddy Krueger.
That awkward moment when the buyer comes to pick up the sculpture and you realize there’s no way it’s fitting through the trailer door.
I’m guessing the awkward moments start WAY earlier.
“Honey, those nipples look fine, stop fiddling with them. And look, you just got “mixture” on the carpet! Again!”
Long time lurker, first time poster, can anyone tell me what it is in the window in the third picture?
Albino Hexapus!!!!!! (Not shown: tentacles)
That’s what you ink!
I’m mollusc sure of it!
I go nothin. *ejects cloud of ink, hides, sadly swims away*
now with t!
Cuttle it out you guys.
Is that Charlie Sheen?
Apologies for the poor photoshopping
I was wondering when Borat would surface.
Thank you so much for this. XD My crappy day just got a lot better.
I think it’s their partner’s car. “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back until you get rid of that thing.”
I’m pretty sure it’s Jodie the pig from The Amityville Horror.
It’s a car’s tail lights.
See, I can see the resemblance.
Do you think the artist drank all the beer in one sitting, looked at the cans and thought… hmm, I know what I should use these for!
Looks slashy! I can’t wait to drunkenly stumble face-first into this thing in the night.
I thought something like that, too, but not exactly. My thought included a lot of cringing and hope that the sculpture comes with a case of Bandaids and a giant tub of Neosporin. *SHUDDER*
I was thinking the same thing. I’d hate to be the one to have to carry it.
It’s stylistically inconsistent. I’m a little surprised that it doesn’t have an open mouth.
awesome call on that, Matt, but it still wouldn’t have enough holes for…ummm…obvious reasons.
Therein lies the fantasy, I think.
and that is the real reason Ariel wanted legs.
Too bad. It seems like a mobile home is the *perfect* place for it.
I have to give the artist credit, that blank staring face is a dead match to pam’s!
If I had a pool I would definitely buy this as decoration. Set her up on a pedestal in the middle…maybe with a fountain and color changing lights. I would do it for the sole pleasure of displeasing my tomato-stealing neighbors. (Fo realz….they stole mah tomatoes!)
At least they didn’t steal your okra.
’cause we all know how much okra resembles hash.
I hope they don’t kelp themselves to your seaweed.
Tomato stealin’ is srs bsns.
Actually, I think you’re going to need an intervention. Because we care about your addiction. And your wallet.
“…made of metal armature, covered in chicken wire then covered in several layers of papier mache.” Much like Pamela Anderson herself.
What is she sitting on? I can’t figure out if it’s a toilet or cinder blocks.
It’s in a trailer, so you know, potato/potahto.
I think it is a toilet made entirely of faux finishes…
She may have Pamela Anderson’s bod . . . but she’s got Jocelyn Wildenstein’s face.
Thank you! That was my first thought and thanks also for not posting a photo. Really. THANK YOU.
My pleasure. Or should I say, my absence of pain? In any case, you’re welcome.
That would look great next to my sculpture of Dom DeLouise made out of Chef Boyardee cans.
now that I would buy!
I made his nipples ultra-realistic, too, so they’d totally go together.
Pictures, or you are a pants-on-fire liar.
Give me a call, and I’ll send you pictures. My number is: 555-6673. If you don’t get an answer, just keep trying.
Matt, you told ME that your number was 555-7784. I’m beginning to think that you don’t want to hear from me.
I never paid my Screen Actor’s Guild dues, so they gave my old fake Hollywood number to someone else. I’m current now, so I’ve got a new fake Hollywood number.
OR- Answer #2:
That chick means NOTHING to me! You know I love you, baby! It’s always been you!
After all that smooth “sure baby, you can call me” line you gave me, sounding all presidential and shit, and this is what’s really going on?
He told ME I wasn’t his bitch and to buy my own fries.
His shit is going to get complicated
Have this made into a cake and I’LL buy it!
I just want to know, did they build it inside the mobile home, and if so, how are they going to get it OUT???
Is it just me or are the boobs too small?
I don’t know, what cup size are you?
I certainly hope no dolishins were harmed in the making of this statue.
Man do I ever wish I wasn’t a ninety-nine percenter right now and could buy this thing. I would put it on my apartment balconey and dress it up for the various holidays. She just wouldn’t be able to be dressed up for the Jewish holidays cause of the whole shellfish thing…
She just can’t eat shellfish. I don’t recall any restrictions about wearing them. YOU try taking pearls away from my Jewish mother!
In the first picture I thought she was holding a cell phone.
It would be an interesting piece to put out in the yard though…
Okay, so, the Ambien, Lortab and fact that it’s 3:30am may be affecting my vision and thinking skills right now, but isn’t she holding a cell phone? I kept trying to figure out what it was and came to the conclusion that MerPam was taking a picture of herself with her phone.
I’m tempted to make a remark about Clamato, but probably shouldn’t.
What trailer has built-in bookcases that nice? I know I shouldn’t be jealous…
Notice there are no actual books…
It’s gotta go to make room for the other one with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom. As per the request of Philip J. Fry.
It’ll likely look something like this.
Reasons I avoid Atlanta.
For me the reasons are:
1) The airport and
2) It’s completely surrounded by Georgia
Two excellent reasons.
My family swears that when you die and go to hell there’s a layover in Atlanta.
I m only a short ferry ride from her. Eat your heart out!
Is that like a short bus?
You don’t even need to take the ferry. Just ask her to swim over to your place.
I would sell my house to get that if it could really swim! I’d make the money back x10 at Vegas!
Have you ever thought about getting into investment consulting, Zippy? You seem to have an intuitive sense about money.
I have a sure-fire get-rich scheme for sale for $100.
I’d be worried that the sculptor would eat YOUR heart out.
srsly. And use the other parts to make another scary, scary statue.
My God, I didn’t notice the location. That’s only a short drive from my relatives. I should tell one of them. Though I doubt his girlfriend would be happy about the $2800 or, you know, everything else.
Since Ladysmith BC is Ms. Anderson’s home town, perhaps it could be offered to the city fathers? It would look great in the middle of the traffic circle. Or perhaps in the Community Centre.
Or her mum and dad might appreciate it.
Full disclosure, my daughter used to teach sex ed in Ladysmith. Nice town but hilly.
That thing has way too many razor-sharp edges for my liking.
Sea World just got an 18 or over attraction!
Before, you had to haze your eyes and imagine the manatees in bikinis.
Is it too early for me to say “Oh, the huge manatee” again? Yes? I won’t, then.
It seems a little incongruous, given that her only claims to fame are “regular brazilian waxes” and “running along the beach”.
You forgot “Fucking her way to the middle”.
And “sleeping with Tommy Lee “which not more than 30 or 40 thousand other women can say.
What about “Barb Wire”? Or are we all drinking to forget that? (I haven’t drunk enough yet)
How the hell did he do her hair? Last time I cut pop cans in spirals, I sliced my hand open. THROUGH the welding gloves.
The answer is always; Product!
She shaves steel shards by the Schmidt Shack
Heh-heh, you said “sack”.
Can someone not yet dead haunt something? I’m getting vibes of blow-up sex doll inhabited by the spirit of Jackie Stallone.
The blow-up doll who will examine your ass instead of the other way around…
Pamela’s breasts don’t look anything near that natural.
(Also, I’m pretty sure there’s a “sea kittens” joke in there somewhere…)
I love it. I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love and I don’t care who knows about it! There. I said it.
There are some excellent dives in Key West that need to be told about this catch.
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