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Because Lavender is So 2000 and Late

For that perfect romantic evening, when you’ve lost the will to live.

80 comments on Because Lavender is So 2000 and Late

  1. weeblet
    September 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    That explains the pineapple chunks…

    Thumb up Thumb down +58

  2. Orange You Nice
    September 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    While I make soap and am entrenched in the world of soap making enthusiasts, many of whom use this scent… I’ve never been swayed. Even when using my actual monkey soap mold.

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

    • littledinobug
      September 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

      Actually, “Monkey Farts” is a blend of banana/vanilla. Got some wool wash from Luxe when they were going for my son’s wool soakers. It’s not so bad. name sucks, but the smell is pretty nice

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

      • Orange You Nice
        September 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

        I’ve smelled it and it is lovely, I just can’t bring myself to put it on a label. Caramelised banana just sounds less… juvenile and OH MY GOD I’ve just realised I’m old-fashioned!

        Thumb up Thumb down +76

        • PaganChick
          September 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

          Any day now you’ll be waving your cane in the air and yelling at the neighborhood kids to get the hell off your lawn.

          Welcome to the club. Hope you like playing bridge.

          Thumb up Thumb down +64

          • Orange You Nice
            September 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

            I already do that. Those neighbour kids, being happy. Not on my watch!

            I do love sherry. That possibly should have been a good indication…

            Thumb up Thumb down +38

          • Agent_of_Chaos
            September 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

            I don’t play bridge, but I do play canasta. Does that mean I can’t join?

            Note: I have a history of shaking my cane at college students if it’s any help.

            Thumb up Thumb down +2

        • Celticwhim
          September 16, 2012 at 6:11 pm

          Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

          Thumb up Thumb down -70

          • Orange You Nice
            September 16, 2012 at 6:16 pm

            I did. We New Zealanders don’t spell things the same way you do. We have an aversion to the letter ‘z’. It makes us extra special.

            Thumb up Thumb down +76

            • Perky Snood
              September 16, 2012 at 6:26 pm

              Don’t feel alone Orange…we on the “Big Island” across the creek have an aversion to the letter ‘z’…but then, like you Kiwis, we’ve retained the proper use of the Mother Tongue…>.<

              Thumb up Thumb down +25

              • Orange You Nice
                September 16, 2012 at 6:30 pm

                I will accept all the teasing you can throw at me, when I utter that phrase… you know the one, ‘fush and chups’… and I will deserve it, in that case.

                Thumb up Thumb down +16

              • Perky Snood
                September 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm

                But, I love it when New Zealanders say “Fush and Chups”! I love our Kiwi cousins! >.<

                Thumb up Thumb down +14

              • aliceblue
                September 17, 2012 at 11:56 pm

                I prefer boyfriend’s tongue but to each their own.

                Thumb up Thumb down 0

            • aliceblue
              September 17, 2012 at 11:50 pm

              Must be tough to dislike “Z” in New Zealander; must be a lot of self-loathing. :)

              Thumb up Thumb down +2

              • rapana1
                September 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

                Xd Touche, bro!

                Thumb up Thumb down 0

          • angel drawers
            September 16, 2012 at 6:19 pm

            Are you new?

            Thumb up Thumb down +12

          • rushgirl2112
            September 16, 2012 at 6:34 pm

            It would “looke” better?

            God, I love seeing Muphry’s Law in action.

            Thumb up Thumb down +46

      • Kitchen Bish
        September 16, 2012 at 8:14 pm

        Yeah the scent is nice but I’ve never been a fan of the name either. That and bunny farts/poop, because the best way to entice people to buy a scented candle is to give the impression it smells like animal shit:-p

        Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • Stretch65
      September 16, 2012 at 9:06 pm

      I was looking for a wet scrotum scented candle but this could do…

      Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • cafespresso
      September 17, 2012 at 3:57 am

      I’ve used it in kid’s soaps, bath fizzies & lotion and called it Tutti Fruitti. There is an actual thriving market for the original name.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • faunablues
      September 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm

      Yeah, I’ve seen this sent in every candle maker’s shop. I tried “monkey burps” just based off the description and… eh. Not a fan of the fake banana thing anyway.

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  3. Shaniataint
    September 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    If I squint at this photo and then back away from the screen, and shut off the computer, it looks like $8.00 is too much for a stupidly named candle.

    Thumb up Thumb down +67

  4. Tante
    September 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    These are great in the kitchen–in the bath I use the Lioness Dysentery scent and for the bedroom, Disemboweled Kangaroo.

    Thumb up Thumb down +105

    • PaganChick
      September 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm

      I’m thinking about trying the Rotting Rhinoceros candle in my youngest son’s room, because few things, if any, would smell worse than his sweaty gym socks and.. whatever the fuck those other odors are.

      Thumb up Thumb down +46

      • Badger
        September 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

        Have you checked under his bed? If he’s anything like my sons were, there’s probably at least a months worth of unwashed shirts and gym shorts under there.

        Thumb up Thumb down +11

        • Stretch65
          September 17, 2012 at 9:14 am

          As a former teenage boy, my guess is sticky and crusty sweat socks

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • Whawhawhatsis
        September 17, 2012 at 1:03 pm

        When my son’s room was at its worst in terms of deadly funk, I found an “odor absorber” thingy (that looked kind of like a papier-maché pie plate) to hang in his closet. He was not amused, but it did make going into his room slightly more bearable.

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

  5. thecatsmeow
    September 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    I know you like to think your shit don’t stink…

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  6. KiaraSera
    September 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    You’d be surprised by how popular this scent is. It’s the only one I sold out of at a craft fair recently, selling bath bombs. Repeatedly people were all, “Monkey Farts? That, I have to smell”. It’s a tropical kind of scent that gets sold as a fragrance oil.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • Orange You Nice
      September 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

      Same thing happens with scents like wasabi and pizza and bacon… I still can’t bring myself to go there… I am a wimp.

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

  7. thecatsmeow
    September 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

    Thumb up Thumb down +72

  8. robothobbit
    September 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    What’s depressing is the fact that, I immediately thought when seeing that, “That name is familiar, but I think it was a lip balm. I wonder if she did that one.” I was kind of excited because I would have in fact seen crap before it was on Regresty. But no, the seller doesn’t, so I did an search for it. There is eight pages of banana scented crap on etsy. Eight pages.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • KiaraSera
      September 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      I understand your excitement… Monkey Farts is one of the fragrance oils I have that I use for bath bombs & bath salts. At a craft fair recently, I found myself thinking to call it something else, something classier. It was lucky I didn’t, as it was my big seller. Dragon’s Breath, something which sounds far more exciting as well as having a much more complex scent? Nope, failed to attract interest.

      Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • missy13d69
      September 16, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      My 8 year old begged me for a “Monkey Fart” flavored lip balm at a craft fair recently. As we walked away, without purchasing it, I thought it seemed like the kind of thing that would grace the pages of Regretsy if some Etsy “craftsman” (that’s a loose term), thought about it hard enough.

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  9. toxicunicorn
    September 16, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    What’s invisible and smells like bananas?
    Monkey Farts

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  10. thecreightonberyl
    September 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Monkey See, Monkey Fart.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • lettucego
      September 16, 2012 at 7:55 pm

      Still better than monkey doo.

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • Stretch65
      September 16, 2012 at 9:08 pm

      So there is the monkey covering eyes, one covering mouth and one covering ears. Now there is a fourth pinching his nose closed.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  11. Ejia
    September 16, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Since when did smell start being part of the hear/see/speak no evil group?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • Rubber_Wonder_Boy
      September 16, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      What did you think the evil thing was that all 3 monkeys refused to acknowledged?

      Thumb up Thumb down +36

  12. chinesereseller
    September 16, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Where’s the unicorn fart candle in rainbows and glitter?

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  13. scaffnet
    September 16, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I will love you forever for that BEP reference, HK.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  14. lemon_bombs
    September 16, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I am sorry, but there is no way I am going to light a monkey fart.

    Thumb up Thumb down +33

  15. Zippy
    September 16, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    “Curious George and the Candle and the Loud Noise” is the book right before “Curious George Goes to the Hospital” in the series.

    Thumb up Thumb down +27

    • Matt Johnson
      September 17, 2012 at 8:11 am

      I thought it was “Curious George Discovers the Wonders of Methane” followed by “The Man in the Crispy Black Hat Goes to Court-Ordered Anger Management Classes”.

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

  16. Trickster
    September 16, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Sounds like something Doctor Zaius would keep in his lavatory.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

    • ElvisInstance
      September 16, 2012 at 6:39 pm

      AAAAAND now I have that Simpsons Planet of the Apes musical song in my head.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • Zippy
      September 16, 2012 at 6:39 pm

      I don’t care how many degrees he has. He’s still a damn dirty ape! Put a wick in that and light it!

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

  17. amurana
    September 16, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    it’s just a typo, you guys. it should read:

    Monkey farts? Scented candle!

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

  18. foofoothesnoo
    September 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I can think of a few people that this would make a FANTASTIC gift for…

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  19. Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
    September 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    WHO IS EDITH PEEDOFF?

    Helen, do you really have 2 interns now?

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  20. Mistletoe
    September 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Monkey Farts isn’t bad, but do they have one in Kitty Farts?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • kat-grrl
      September 16, 2012 at 8:16 pm

      My cats butt smells like roses…

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • munchimonki
      September 17, 2012 at 7:45 am

      I would buy that just to drive my husband crazy. I’d light it 5 minutes before he got home and watch him tear up the house.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • Matt Johnson
      September 17, 2012 at 7:59 am

      They have “Kitty Queef” scented candles. I’m not sure if that’s more or less appealing.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • docleather
      September 17, 2012 at 8:30 am

      Dog Farts would clear out a room, at least my dog’s does, and she’s the size of a cat.

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • faunablues
        September 17, 2012 at 5:55 pm

        Hmm, I’m detecting notes of egg, broccoli, and… what is that? Ah, sewage.

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

  21. paperfruithair
    September 16, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    The flea market we went to when I was kid had a booth that sold “pussy” scented incense that my younger brother was fascinated by. It just smelled kinda cinnamon-y, but marketing is everything I guess, and they had a corner on 10-year-old males.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • kat-grrl
      September 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm

      Sadly, I’m old enough to remember “pussy” scented incense…

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

  22. Mistletoe
    September 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    OMG you guys I’m sitting on a goldmine. I thought of it after eating red beans and rice.

    ELF FARTS.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  23. BadMiya
    September 16, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I can’t really blame the seller. Monkey Farts sounds much more charming than the actual description of all simian gas, “Eye Searing Ass Weapon”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  24. HermitTheFrog
    September 16, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    I find this entire discussion tiresome. And insulting.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • HermitTheFrog
      September 17, 2012 at 7:49 am

      Sheesh… it was a joke, son. Because I’m a monkey. (See my avatar?)

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

  25. Petja-Herra
    September 17, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Hmmm there is a saying in Finland.
    “Shit sold”

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  26. SiliconeSunflower
    September 17, 2012 at 8:54 am

    So what does it mean? :)

    In Germany, we have a type of pastry called nun’s farts, which sells really well around carnival. I guess I prefer the monkeys …

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • SiliconeSunflower
      September 17, 2012 at 8:56 am

      Oops, I was trying to reply to Petja – “shit sold”, does that mean “stupid stuff sells well”?

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  27. TheSheep
    September 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I have a lovely jar full of tomato jam, which is delicious. Unfortunately, the manufacturer (a friend of mine) chose to label it “Toe Jam” as a joke. It is red. I cannot touch it, even though I know how yummy it is.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  28. AcolyteOfCthulhu
    September 17, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Egads! When I saw the picture I thought monkey farts must be some sort of wacky “Chinglish” style mistranslation, but now I learn it is in fact a real scent that people actually sell. The world is a stranger place than I thought it was.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  29. aliceblue
    September 17, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Imagine the incredible gift set you could make if you combined this with the “clam” scented pillow!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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