- Submitted by Craig
“The most beautiful thing a parent can ever witness is the birth of their child. Why not re-enact this amazing moment for your mum and dad over and over and over again?”
- From dougham.com
I legitimately love this.
Because I’m disgusting.
This thing is definitely oh-so-party-wearable. Make yourself a white knit cap and be menses for Halloween! Get an XXL, wear it with you and a friend, and be conjoined twins! The costume possibilities are endless.
Spray paint a fez white and apply your lipstick terribly: Instant fun & fresh tampon costume for halloween. Team it with a miniskirt and lucite heels for the risky but alluring ‘Sexy Tampon’ look.
That’s disgusting. And there’s nothing sexy about a tampon. Period.
I would use this shirt for a Halloween costume. Take an open container of cottage cheese over your head and call yourself a Yeast Infection.
Holy shit that’s gross and awesome.
The shirt comes with a calming clam scent
For effect, douse yourself with Clamato.
But can you change the size of the smell?
for those heavy flow days?
Period. I see what you did there!
I was a sexy tampon for H’ween last year!!
no. no, you weren’t.
Haters gon’ hate.
Spray it with whipped cream!
Put a white pillowcase over your head and BAM! You are an Emerging Tampon!
If i had a baby as big as him I suppose my bajingo would look as messy and as stretched out too. Yeah and let me relive THAT moment instead of the night the kid was conceived. Happy mother’s day!
A v-neck is too stretched out. I think maybe a mock-neck that’s been yanked on a bit would have worked well for this look.
I had twins. Do you think the seller could make one with the neck even more stretched out?
Also, needs waaaay more blood.
Could we see this “In A Womb”?
http://kristalmelson.com/news/the-tee-of-life/ get one in pink, if thats your skintone
I think this might be the sacred garment of my namesake religion…like the mormon underwear of Bajingoism.
Magical mormon underwear!
Now that’s a deep-v!
im fuckinG CRYING
I bet they use Fruit-of-your-loom T shirts
More likely Fruit of the Womb
Fruit of the WOMBYN.
Fruit of the Poon? I gave birth 2 weeks ago and in the interests of fairness would like to see an episiotomy version with “deconstructed” stitching around the collar.
I think you find they are called Fruits of the Loin…
Maybe made with upcycled Spanx so its extra tight
“Yes, I wanted a V-neck but…”
This is a great after work shirt.
Work day’s done, gonna head out like a baby.
If you put this on backwards would it be a breech birth?
What would it look like if worn as “skants?”
If you’re a woman, it would look like double vagina, all the way. What does it mean?
No. I think that’s what doctors call “sunny side up”.
You are correct, and sunny side up gets stuck just as bad as breech does.
“Head out like a baby” has just replaced every other annoying thing I say instead of “I’m leaving.” Oh, my god. Amazing.
Better than “make like a tree and leaf!”
Better than “off like a pair of prom panties!”
There are others, too:
Make like a hockey player and get the puck outta here
Make like an oyster shucker and get the shell outta here
Make like dominatrix and beat cheeks
Make like a mason and hit the bricks (while orchestrating a vast worldwide conspiracy)
Make like a bad barber and depart
and there’s one about Sharon Tate that even I can’t bring myself to repeat.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Make like a chicken and suck seed!
(chickens can’t suck)
(doesn’t have anything to do with leaving)
Make like a bread truck and haul buns.
Make like a horse turd and hit the road
Make like an egg and beat it
Make like a dog on a white carpet and scoot.
Make like ‘fourth meal’ and run
Make like cellular mitosis and split
Put an egg in your shoe and beat it!
“Make like a hooker and blow this joint.”
What?? no one piped up with the old standby; “I’m off like a Jewish foreskin”? The shame!
If you shred the back and sew it back up with black thread you can give mom an awesome reminder of those awesome episiotomy stitches too.
Happy Mother’s Day!
And put a huge knot in the back to recreate those pregnancy-induced hemorrhoids!
I’m curious if I can get one in a Brazilian, or maybe just a landing strip?
OK, I’m sorry, but who the fuck gets a Brazilian or a landing strip when they’re pregnant?!?
It’s easier to make someone else deal with your pubes when your fat baby-filled belly is in the way!
A spa I went to recently offers a “babyzilian” for expecting mothers so they don’t have to be shaved in the birthing room or something. I didn’t know they shaved you for that (enlighten me if I’m wrong) but it made sense to me.
They used to, but then they (shockingly) found that scraping off the skin of your genitals increased the risk of infection.
I just wanted some ladyscaping done.
Merkin sold separately
Or a pair of these
I’d need this with a matching suction cup kippa.
And pity those who were untimely ripped, do they have to use a sleeve for a collar?
I was breach, so I’m going to need something in a skant.
I am visualizing you going into a fine clothing store and asking the clerk if they have “something in a skant”
Try Hot Topic
That was “something in a skant,” not “something on a skank.”
Though you just never know with HT, maybe they not stock skants,too.
A comment so wonderful that you made me register just so I could tell you how hard I snorted.
Does it come with giant staples down the middle? I was cesarean?
I was a forceps baby, so I think I’d have to attach salad tongs to my head.
Great idea for a Halloween costume.
This made me squirm in my seat a little. And check to make sure I took my birth control.
I bet you took another dose, just to be sure.
So, when someone calls you “cunt head”, you can say “thank you”.
I just thought of the matching accessory, an ass hat and purse!
Actually, I want to see the person that would wear this. It would be hysterical to see them walk down the street and watch everyone do double takes as they realize what it is.
Maybe someone could buy it, and then have a friend do a hidden camera thing, and follow them around. =)
Come on, someone please?!
I think that’s giving too much credit to people–I get the feeling most wouldn’t ever figure it out on their own without an explanation.
Unless the wearer was walking around on their hands, then maybe.
Could I see something more in a C-section
I would wear the shit out of this shirt.
**shit accessories sold separately
I was delivered via C-section. Does that shirt come in “abdominal incision”?
it’s called wearing a hoodie as skants
Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t notice anything wrong before the last picture.
I clicked through to her site. Here’s a lovely piece made with raw meat and ice cream, served with copyright infringement. http://www.kristalmelson.com/love/redum/
I hope she didn’t use raw meat on this shirt. Ugh.
All I can think of is water marbling with nail polish and how crazy I’d have to be to try that on such a large scale. And with raw meat and ice cream that I could, you know, make dinner and dessert with.
I only thumbed this down because she says the “patterns [are] similar to … In this case, chillin ice cream or maybe bloody meat,” not that it was MADE with either material.
In addition, it was a piece created for an exhibit of works based on The Shining; so yeah, it’s gonna be about The Shining.
Actually, she does say what it was made with.
“The patterns are the result of color floated on either plain water or a viscous solution known as size, and then carefully transferred to a sheet of paper.” Not meat or ice cream.
Dad’s are involved in procreation, too, so you really need a matched set.
I would suggest a turtleneck with veins embroidered on it.
Perhaps with an option for mock-turtlenecks.
Sure – or maybe even a dickey.
I see what you did there – very cheesy
Well, then see a doctor and get rid of it.
Lord loves a working man; don’t trust whitey
The perfect gift for my friend who’s a gynecologist!
Luckily for me my mom really IS a red head. I wonder if she offers other bush colors. Just for… you know… accuracy.
If only this was available as a scrub top, I bet it would go over huge on the OB/labor and delivery floor I work!
Not really. This is the stuff nightmares are made of.
I see this more as a laborer’s shirt, or possibly for someone making deliveries?
I think it’d be an awesome shirt to wear to a poker championship. Just psyche everyone at the table out.
“I’m out” *throws down cards, tugs neck of shirt* “I’m gonna quit while I’m a head.”
“I can clearly see you have a full house.”
That’s what you get for playing with Mr. Duggar.
For some reason, the first person I pictured wearing it was Barbara Bush. I have no idea why.
I pictured Ann Coulter wearing but then… *cuntception!*
41′s wife or 43′s daughter?
Sorry. That took me a bit to understand (lacquer/stripper fumes, Friday, etc).
I was picturing George H.W. Bush’s wife Barbara.
Don’t the strippers bathe before they show up for a job?
It’d be awesome to show up wearing that for your first (and last, I’m guessing) day of work at the Hallmark Store.
Or wear it on your job as a member of the White House Press Corps. Who’s Obama gonna call on? You in that shirt, or Coky Roberts?
This reminds me I haven’t heard anything of Geraldo Rivera lately.
The designer of the shirt is Dick Gozinya
Am I wrong in thinking you can get the neckline that coincides the most with your mom’s pubes??
Or am I looking at this the wrong way?
About your bush when I was born… I want to buy a shirt with an accurate public neckline.
Pubic, not public.
Fuck you, auto-correct.
Both ways actually work.
The official shirt of Pussy Riot
Does it only come in red-head?
I will not type a YOUR DAD joke.
I will not type a YOUR DAD joke.
I will not type a YOUR DAD joke.
I will not type a YOUR DAD joke.
I will not type a YOUR DAD joke.
[omitted for brevity]
Bred out with your head out!
*twitch* *shudder* *retch*
I’m gonna pull this over my head and visit some mountains in Finland.
My husband wants to know why I’m laughing so hard right now.
Oh my ever-copulating Goddess, I *want* this shirt! I have visions of attaching one of those large, gaudy hoop earrings (or barring that, the large brass ring from a set of janitor’s keys) right through the clit, then strolling down the fucking frozen food aisle at Kroger’s!
Someone make this happen for me. Oh dear fucking gods almighty, yes!
Oh! Or I could vajazzle the HELL out of it!
Had I any money, I would pay to make that happen
Can I get one in a C-section?
I know this dickhead who would look great in that.
I don’t want to name-drop, but his name rhymes with “Ronald Crump”.
Only if the pubic hair were somehow detachable. Maybe Velcro?
I want one with “Matt Johnson, at your cervix” printed on it.
I want one that says, “Who you callin’ a big pussy?”
Or “Ask me about my huge vagina”.
It could have an ad for “Dr. Tom’s Labiaplasty Services” on it.
“At Dr. Tom’s, all we give is lip service.”
I am a doula and I need “at your cervix” on my business cards NOW.
Because, if people aren’t into that, I’m probably not the best doula for them.
And your phone message could play “Doula Bajingos” from, wait for it, “Deliverance”!
The company I worked for would have charged at least $50,000 for that much re-branding.
Send me the bill, because I love your ideas
I guess I’m jaded. The only thing surprising about this to me is that it’s not from Etsy.
Give it time.
This shirt could use some My New Pink Button!
That shirt is such a whore. I hear its been worn by as many as ten different people. There’s no telling who’s the father, but judging by the baby it probably was someone hairy.
Someone should contact Maury.
Does it come with a personalized clam scented relaxation eye mask pillow?
Every time I wear this shirt. I feel re-born…It also goes nicely with my tampon hat.
So now I have several disturbing images running through my head.
2-Rebirthers struggling to get out of sheets and blankets
3-Born again Christians at my front door wanting to talk to me about Jesus
Can I get a discount if I buy one for my entire coven?
You know, for our birthday rituals?
I’m going to need this shirt. You see, both my kids were born via C-section and I’ve always wondered if things would be different if they had been born via Ye Olde Traditional Method. Now I can finally find out.
(WTF am I saying? I need way more vodka before I can even begin to consider this shirt.)
Where’s the asshole?
Nothing will make my mother happier than to see her full grown, 6’3″, 250lb son re-emerging from her vagina at Thanksgiving dinner. Counting down to turkey day!!!
i love this shirt so much. as a straight girl, i find it a little funny that i want a vagina this badly.
I imagine a drunken party game with this shirt. I would definately have to serve bloody marys.
His chest hair and the shirt seem to have formed an unholy alliance that makes me wish using tweezers on the internet was possible. His curls peek out in a place where I would strongly hope to never be sprouting any hair. At all. Ow.
what about those of us who had cesarean sections? I feel so left out. *sob*
I just checked and “Knit Placenta Hat with Detachable Umbilicus Skinny Scarf” from April’s Army has been SOLD! The best accessorizing opportunity in history has been lost.
I’m pretty sure you can commission one from the artist. She’s a Regretsy regular.
You can see by the way they cut the neck that it’s just gonna curl up, fray and deteriorate over time. This isn’t the kind of thing we would want to watch happen so quickly, is it?
This vagina shirt seems poorly thought out.
Actually, that’s what happens to real vaginas, I’m sorry to say.
That was my point. In like 4 washings, you’d be seeing a time-lapse version of what happens in real life over a long period of time. That would be a bummer, I would imagine.
Needs more Vagina Dentata.
no dental dams. you’ll smother the person wearing it.
i can’t believe nobody’s mentioned the lack of bedazzling and mock-clitter on this top.
How do you wash this shirt?
in vinegar and water?
Just use some warm water. Soap might upset the natural ph.
Five people found bajingo-wash offensive.
I don’t know why, but something about this makes me think that the model is a giant pussy…
Maybe it’s because even the model is hiding his face while wearing this?
If I had a time machine, I would’ve totally worn that for my senior picture in high school.
In 8th grade, I got my yearbook picture taken with a shirt that said “Fuck the System”. Nobody caught it. That was a good day.
If you were a breech baby, you’d need to use them as shorts.
To truly get the full experience, I’m ordering this in Extra Small.
I need a bunch of these, for my next flashmob performance of ‘The Vagina Monologs’
All kids love Monolog!
I am both amused and horrified, and apparently feeling a bit giddy to feel both.
Do the also make one for C-section?
You’d really confuse everybody if you had the “Hot Pockets” logo right below the vagina.
Aw, shit, I actually know what you’re talking about. *shudder*
There’s like one week a month where that shirt is really uncomfortable.
Oh for Fuck sake!(pun intended) Burn it.
Burning is never good. If it’s burning, you may want to see a doctor.
That’s a long taint.
It looks like really low budget fireworks.
By the way, what’s he doing with his hands? Looks all spazzy.
Everything’s better with vajazz hands!
Joe Cocker impersonations? “You can leave your shirt on…”
I forgot to measure for scale…
I wasn’t judging your photoshoppery. Honest.
Seems to me there’d be more tearing, too.
I donno, that video we had to watch about childbirth when we were in school… seemed a lot less clean than this shirt.
Clearly the next logical step is to Goatse this shirt.
THIS is a recreation of most beautiful thing a parent can ever witness?” Yet another excellent reason not to spawn.
I was too busy screaming the first three times… perhaps 26 years later it wouldn’t be so traumatic?
I just showed this to my gay male officemate; he just shuddered in disgust. I suppose this would be pretty much a gay man’s worst nightmare-being eaten alive by a large vagina…
Not high on straight woman’s list either.
Or a bisexual one’s.
I honestly thought the description was HK’s commentary!!
Why not? Because your mum and dad will wonder why you have a birth fixation, that’s why not!!
The Vajay-tee! I was gonna say “Perfect for all occasions,” but now I’m thinking, no, definitely church. You know, after adding a few tasteful rhinestones. Straight men worship here anyway!
For that day when you are going to be “born again?”
We are called to make fish of men. Is that right?
For fucks sake, what is wrong with people? As much as any mother may love their child, they don’t want to relive the birth, especially when the child is an adult!
A fairly large.
Is this available on a tube top?
It would make for a great sweetheart neckline.
Wear it once and the neck hole will be streched out beyond recognition for the rest of your life.
It’s great for the party! And when the party’s over, you just shove a clothes hanger in there.
Instead of hanging it up I suppose you could fold it, but then it might get wrinkles!
Nothing says “fashion” like you mom’s lips and pubes on your shirt!
Available at Baby Gap
What cunts, these ideas will be?
HEY MOM! Remember when I tore through your vagina with my huge melon being dragged with forceps and then getting so many stitches you were practically revirginized and then looking with horror at the eyebrowless jaundiced alien gumming away at your chaffed nipples? Good times.
you had no eyebrows?
According to witnesses, my hair and eyebrows were very light blond and very fine, so I looked bald and eyebrowless. Needless to say, when genetics kicked in I grew very dark and coarse hair and bushy unruly eyebrows, because life is only fair until you’re five. Then you turn into a gorilla.
WHY CAN’T I ACTUALLY BUY THIS ::cries::
It got snatched up.
First come, first served.
Why not re-enact this amazing moment for your mum and dad over and over and over again?”
Because I love them and don’t want them looking like the couple below; that’s why not.
Dear baby Jesus! I generally try not to think about the fact that someday I may very well squeeze a fucking watermelon sized person out of my vagina. This though, a full grown human head, is by far the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen!!!!
I’m totally sending this to my pregnant sister
Is it just me that finds it hilarious that a guy of that ethnicity of coming out of a fiery red crotch? Apparently they don’t make ones in darker colours…
On reading this post:
*squints* I don’t get it.
….still don’t get it.
…still– OH. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ew.
I didn’t realize there was such thing as dark red pubic hair.
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