But beware! Clams & other bi-valves are only gonna call too much attention to themselves and before you know it, there’s gonna be some octopuses coming in for a kill.
Not to mention squids squirting their ejaculate about the place!
I’ll stick to the piers & waterfronts where the semen are.
There is a very popular drink that involves mixing cheap beer with clamato, it is popular in Mexico and can actually now be purchased premixed. It also smells like a yeast infection on a Themysciran Fishing Trolly during a sea goddess festival….
Pom-Poms Make It Better
September 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Funfact: it’s called a “Michelada” or a “Chelada”… It’s supposed to be a good hangover remedy. It can also contain chamoy, various peppers and chili powders, and seasonings, like Maggi and Worcestershire sauce.
“Inside is a muslin bag filled with all the soothing ingredients you’d find at a relaxing New England clambake: lobster, crabs, codfish, oysters, clams, corn, potatoes and seaweed. It’s been sewn in permanently which, upon purchase, becomes your problem.”
Whats better then a clamoto stained dollar store washcloth? A clamoto stained dollar store washcloth sewn into the shape of a Shucked clam and filled with shit that’s what! You can thank me now, I’ve just invented awesome…
Damn it. I saw this at that precarious time of day when my impressionable mind can only think about what to have for laters (read: 2pm – 6pm) and now I MUST HAVE CLAMS.
It means that YOU remove the bag so it can be washed BY the terry cloth. The terry cloth can’t remove the bag because it (the terry cloth) lacks opposable thumbs and doesn’t like to be reminded of that fact.
Puns aside, which oFISHally I think are great…
… “Hi there! Is it possible for you to do the scented masks in just the herb scent without the clam? I’m shopping for my mum, and she is allergic to shellfish. Thank you!”
I am a bad, bad girl. XD
Yeah right, this was keep clam and someone posted it a few comments above. Remind me to spend the evenings drinking instead of working from now on, and I’ll oblige.
Oh various deities save me I am bad!
Actual reply-
“Hello ,l can make you this mask
Without the embroidered clam on it ..it would be 10.00 and not.12..if u still want it just buy it and l will refund your two dollars back ..it will be 7to 10 days
Thank you (seller)”
Bless her heart, she has no idea! NOW what?
Reo’s going to the dark side…
September 13, 2012 at 11:16 am
I just hang out at Bodega Bay at low tide. Refreshing!
September 13, 2012 at 11:16 am
Jam out with your clam out.
September 13, 2012 at 11:17 am
the gay man in me is shuddering at the thought… and the shellfish allergic part of me concurs indubitably.
September 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm
OK, so gay men don’t like it. I still think it will be a great hit with the bi-valve curious.
September 13, 2012 at 3:05 pm
I agree with Ursusknittus.
But beware! Clams & other bi-valves are only gonna call too much attention to themselves and before you know it, there’s gonna be some octopuses coming in for a kill.
Not to mention squids squirting their ejaculate about the place!
I’ll stick to the piers & waterfronts where the semen are.
; )
September 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Hel-LO Sailor! You can dock in my harbor any old time, as long as you don’t have barnacles.
September 13, 2012 at 4:26 pm
And remember to swab your poopdeck
September 13, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Thank you for explaining why the boardwalk is always so sticky. I used to think it was just soda and cotton candy.
September 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm
If you think the boardwalk is sticky, definitely don’t go under it.
September 14, 2012 at 5:04 am
Tell us more about this gay man who is in you…
September 13, 2012 at 11:17 am
I think the same store has a Clamato shampoo.
September 13, 2012 at 11:18 am
is that what they’re calling bajingo wash these days?
September 13, 2012 at 11:24 am
That one’s designed for the cocktail-party set.
September 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm
wow, I never knew you could use Cocktail sauce to clean your cooter.
September 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm
It’s ideal for those bloody Mary days.
September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm
And especially Shark Week.
September 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Tomato juice gets rid of skunk smell. I’m just saying
September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm
better lobster it over there, so it doesn’t stink up the entire house!
September 13, 2012 at 11:23 am
Is that what you use if you get sprayed by a Mexican skunk?
September 13, 2012 at 11:49 am
I have no idea what that means, but I thumbed it up just because it’s so weird.
September 13, 2012 at 11:53 am
Mmmmmm – picante!
September 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm
The Bearded Clams would be a great name for a woman’s roller derby team
September 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Sorry your joke is going over so many heads, vicogin. I got it.
September 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Is Clamato Mexican? I get the Tomato juice as skunk spray treatment reference, but after that I got confused.
September 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm
There is a very popular drink that involves mixing cheap beer with clamato, it is popular in Mexico and can actually now be purchased premixed. It also smells like a yeast infection on a Themysciran Fishing Trolly during a sea goddess festival….
September 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Wow. I did not know that. Sounds absolutely disgusting.
Although I’m sure a Big Mac is totally disgusting to them. It is to me.
September 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Funfact: it’s called a “Michelada” or a “Chelada”… It’s supposed to be a good hangover remedy. It can also contain chamoy, various peppers and chili powders, and seasonings, like Maggi and Worcestershire sauce.
Basically, all of the ingredients make me gag.
September 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm
It motts be because it isn’t cocktail hour yet.
September 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm
It’s clam o’clock somewhere, Zip.
September 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm
I didn’ wanna come acrosh as an algae-holic. *hic*
September 13, 2012 at 11:18 am
Share it with all your friends: don’t be shellfish!
September 13, 2012 at 11:23 am
You’ll have them clam-bering for more.
September 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I mollusk them to be patient!
September 13, 2012 at 11:30 am
It’s this season’s mussel have!
September 13, 2012 at 11:33 am
Warning: Do not use if suffering from Clamydia.
September 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Abologna
September 13, 2012 at 11:33 am
Don’t walk, scallop down and get some!
September 13, 2012 at 11:56 am
You’ve worked hard, you’re en-tidaled.
September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm
All these puns are making me crabby!
September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Aww, you must have a soft shell.
September 13, 2012 at 4:28 pm
How many clams for this? Men say women smell like fish anyways. Hmmmm.. i need to find a guy that likes to eat seafood!
September 13, 2012 at 5:24 pm
I know just the guy for you. He lives in a pineapple under the sea. Ask for SPONGE BOB NO PANTS
September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm
I detect something fishy here. Just where is the equal opportunity? I demand some that are cockle scented as well!
September 13, 2012 at 11:19 am
That would go perfectly with my clam-scented aromatherapy candles.
September 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
I love just slipping into a nice hot butter-bath after a long hard day at the docks. It really softens the ol’ shell, you know?
September 13, 2012 at 11:49 am
That’s what you get for not realizing it was a TRAAAAAP!
September 13, 2012 at 11:52 am
I wrote that with Dr. Zoidberg’s voice in my head.
September 13, 2012 at 11:57 am
Now ZOIDBERG is the popular one!
September 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm
NOW the shoe is on the other CLAW!
September 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm
September 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm
I read this entire post in Dr. Zoidberg’s voice in my head.
September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Purchased at Bed, Boat and Beyond or Yankee Chowder?
September 13, 2012 at 11:24 am
I’m burning my favorite clam incense now as a matter of fact, Summer Mollusk. And yes, I am soooo relaxed.
September 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Summer Mollusk? I thought that was the product for that “not so fresh fish feeling?”
September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm
No – that’s Massengill
September 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Vagikrill?
September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am
So perfect for the Clamorous life as sung by Fergie…
C*L*A*M*O*R*O*U*S
September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am
…Salty, Salty, fuckin’ CLAMOROUS
September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am
Red Lobster has clams?
September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm
You’ve never been to their “All you can eat soup n’ clam buffet”?
September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm
NO but a guy I knew who worked there had crabs and was a hermit
September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am
The scent of clam is relaxing?
Oh, so that’s why I get so sleepy after an orgy.
September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am
The rufies are supposed to kick in BEFORE the orgy. I think you’re doing it wrong.
September 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm
…or so I’ve heard.
September 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm
As clams are relaxing ,rainbow trout will cure your pout
September 13, 2012 at 11:27 am
I want to know how you sew rice and flaxseed together. Not to mention the lavender.
And I didn’t know terry pillows were so persnickity about getting their innards washed. No wonder my pillows hate me.
September 13, 2012 at 11:27 am
KEEP
CLAM
and
CARRY
ON
September 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Unless you want dinner. Then it’s keep clam and carry a bucket and rake.
September 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm
Keep
Calm
and
Siphon
September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am
Carp, I gotta get me some of that!
September 13, 2012 at 11:34 am
I sea what you did there.
September 13, 2012 at 11:39 am
I guess you misspelled ‘see’ just for the halibut?
September 13, 2012 at 11:46 am
She did it on Porpoise.
September 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Abalone!
September 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm
I bet she’s harboring some other puns.
September 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm
No, I think she’s finished.
September 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm
She had to stop fjord dinner.
September 13, 2012 at 4:26 pm
No finished so much as coasting on her previous achievements.
September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I don’t usually stop until I’ve gone overboard.
September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
It’s got me hooked!
September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am
Where did you dig up this fishy listing?
September 13, 2012 at 11:37 am
It does seem suspect, but it will have to tide us over until the next crafting disaster floats to the surface.
September 13, 2012 at 11:44 am
I sea where this is going.
September 13, 2012 at 11:46 am
Oops! *gives Pagan Chick a guilty wave*
September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I can’t sea reef you did that.
September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am
I am now one calm mother shucker! Thanks, Etsy!
September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am
At least she didn’t say it was filled with Muslims.
September 13, 2012 at 11:35 am
My comment was in reference to a sign a saw that called Obama a “socialist Muslin.”
September 13, 2012 at 11:48 am
Or Mormons!
September 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Buying any fish-based product off Etsy is definately “caviar empto”
September 13, 2012 at 11:57 am
shoot. I swear I didn’t see this before my comment WAYYYYY down there…
I really should learn to read ALL the posts before commenting…
on the other hand, GMTA!
September 13, 2012 at 11:35 am
What kind of fucking flavor can it be?
Is there also cod aroma?
September 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Tuna is next seasons hot seller.
September 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I heard something’s afoot with sole.
September 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Follow clam I vote for octopussy.
September 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Salmon, scent and color.
September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Dont pick the wrong scent or you will be scrod.
September 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm
Petja
Isn’t herring the official smell of Finland?
September 13, 2012 at 11:36 am
I hear tell they’re coming out with a Bearded Clam scent…it has a much more genitalia aroma.
September 13, 2012 at 11:45 am
Where have you been?! Wet-felted cooters came out years ago.
September 13, 2012 at 11:42 am
Close your eyes and think of clams
September 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Tipping the Velvet was a great little BBC miniseries, now that you mention it. Mmm, hot lesbian kinky steampunk oyster shuckers…
September 13, 2012 at 11:42 am
Is that a little jar of blam next to the mask? To give yourself a plam job with?
September 13, 2012 at 11:46 am
For people with mermaid fetishes?
September 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Oh the huge manatee!
September 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm
September 13, 2012 at 11:47 am
“Inside is a muslin bag filled with all the soothing ingredients you’d find at a relaxing New England clambake: lobster, crabs, codfish, oysters, clams, corn, potatoes and seaweed. It’s been sewn in permanently which, upon purchase, becomes your problem.”
September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I think I would need to “lose” that down a heating vent at my local Bank of America or Comcast office.
September 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm
But then you’d be shelling out 12 clams for nothing.
September 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I wouldn’t care atoll.
September 13, 2012 at 11:50 am
This has inspired me. I had never thought of using the kitty litter box as photo prop before.
September 13, 2012 at 11:54 am
Hey, at least the rice, flaxseed, and lavender are in a MUSLIN bag…
With her proofreading skills, that could have gone badly too
September 13, 2012 at 11:57 am
Maybe clams are good for her peace of mind.
September 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm
They help with mine.
September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I prefer the new England scent to the Manhattan variety. Soothing and creamy.
September 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Wear it while enjoying a “Clambana Split”, the classic New England ice cream treat.
September 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm
See, you think “Clambana Split” is a joke…just watch it start appearing on menus in Bar Harbor.
September 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I’m such a trendsetter. That’s why I’m so incredibly wealthy.
People pay a lot of clams for my ideas.
September 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Careful, you’re beginning to flounder!
September 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Whale sea about that, Zippy. I’ve still cod it.
September 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm
You’re krilling it!
September 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm
On the otter hand, it’s best not to be too conch-y.
September 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm
That’s usin’ the ol’ brine!
September 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm
SIGH, you two urchins stop shucking around and bewave yourselves.
September 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Careful, you don’t want us as anemones!
September 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm
From the makers of the “Tuna Melt Heating Pad” and “Liver N’ Onions Compression Bandages”.
September 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Don’t forget the cabbage scented essential oils.
September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm
And “Icy/Hot Anchovie Paste”.
September 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Whats better then a clamoto stained dollar store washcloth? A clamoto stained dollar store washcloth sewn into the shape of a Shucked clam and filled with shit that’s what! You can thank me now, I’ve just invented awesome…
September 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm
You need to open a Kickstarter campaign to fund getting that description put into a Kickstarter campaign for the product.
September 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm
I do…I do need to do that… It would make me spend 12 bucks on that shit, but only if she misspelled the word calm on the washcloth too
September 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Something smells fishy…
September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm
You’ve got to be squidding!
September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm
I harbor a deep sus-fish-ion that an ocean of puns are on the horizon.
September 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm
You mean that you have an eeling that cod soon?
September 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Wow, looking at posts above, I sea you shore were right.
September 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Isle bet!
September 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm
The clam before the strom.
September 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Just wondering, do they make white one for New Englanders and red ones for those living in Manhattan?
September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Oh,and even if there wasn’t the typo, WTF does “calm” smell like? (and can they change its size)?
September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I imagine its like a roasted turkey-scented L-tryptophan fog…. lovely.
September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Damn it. I saw this at that precarious time of day when my impressionable mind can only think about what to have for laters (read: 2pm – 6pm) and now I MUST HAVE CLAMS.
September 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm
“Sewn together so you can remove it for the terry pillow to wash.” What means this? Did Yoda write ir?
September 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm
it was personalized with calm..now it’s not? I think you can put your calm away, I don’t want to know where it’s been.
September 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm
It means that YOU remove the bag so it can be washed BY the terry cloth. The terry cloth can’t remove the bag because it (the terry cloth) lacks opposable thumbs and doesn’t like to be reminded of that fact.
September 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Terry Cloth is like the wimpier cousin to the Brawny Paper Towel lumberjack.
September 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm
I don’t CaribBEAN what they say, when you surf Regretsy you learn more than in any school.
September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Before putting on your lovely scented eye mask you may want to glance at this poster:
September 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm
WIN
September 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm
Somebody’s been to Ivar’s!
September 14, 2012 at 1:42 am
Puns aside, which oFISHally I think are great…
… “Hi there! Is it possible for you to do the scented masks in just the herb scent without the clam? I’m shopping for my mum, and she is allergic to shellfish. Thank you!”
I am a bad, bad girl. XD
September 14, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Stay clam.
September 14, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Yeah right, this was keep clam and someone posted it a few comments above. Remind me to spend the evenings drinking instead of working from now on, and I’ll oblige.
September 14, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Oh various deities save me I am bad!
Actual reply-
“Hello ,l can make you this mask
Without the embroidered clam on it ..it would be 10.00 and not.12..if u still want it just buy it and l will refund your two dollars back ..it will be 7to 10 days
Thank you (seller)”
Bless her heart, she has no idea! NOW what?
Reo’s going to the dark side…