This shit’s getting way too complicated for me
Yesterday, I posted some MP3s that were edited from the audiobook version of Dreams From My Father.
Apparently the appeal of the POTUS swearing like a motherfucker was too much to resist, and many of you have new ringtones today.
However, some readers were not so lucky. The method I used to upload the tracks was not working with some browsers, and I got a lot of requests to upload them in a different format.
So here they are, five tracks, all compressed into one zip folder. If you still have trouble, let me know.
- Click here to download the mp3s
FANTASTIC UPDATE:
Good evening,
My dad turned the POTUS swearing into an android app. He works for AndroidCentral so it is a legit app.
Thought it might be cool to post on Regretsy so he could get some reviews and people could get consistent nonsensical swearing on their Android devices by Obama.
Thanks,
Ashley
September 12, 2012 at 11:46 am
Your time spent doing this should be considered tax refundable in some way. This is a public service, after all.
September 12, 2012 at 11:51 am
I love you.
September 12, 2012 at 11:52 am
Can I get these in .tiff format please?
September 12, 2012 at 11:55 am
I’d prefer .eps, so they’re scalable.
September 14, 2012 at 9:33 pm
As a graphic designer, I prefer them in Adobe format, myself.
And if you don’t want to smack me for saying that, then you are not a designer.
September 12, 2012 at 11:56 am
I need them in vector format, please. And yes, I would like fries with that.
September 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Get your own damn fries!
September 12, 2012 at 11:56 am
You are a saint. Our Lady of Fuckery.
September 12, 2012 at 11:56 am
I’ve had them since the first time you posted them. They’re fucking priceless. A bit awkward standing in line at the grocery store and your phone says “You ain’t my bitch…”
September 12, 2012 at 11:57 am
I would have downloaded the 5 separate audio files, but I was too lazy and fat (and jealous). Thank you for thinking of us FJLs.
September 12, 2012 at 11:58 am
Could you bring the President to my house and have him record these into my cassette tape recorder?
September 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm
All I’ve got is a Colecovision. Do you think I could get a cartridge with his phrases on it?
September 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Could you then have him say “Motherfucke!r” when you get hit by a barrel in Donkey Kong?
September 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm
I’d like him to call Ms Pac-Man
September 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm
We know he can get her number…
September 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm
I think she’d be into it
September 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Her aggressive chomping says “no”, but her pretty bow and lipstick say “yes”.
September 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I can see why women confuse men.
September 13, 2012 at 6:30 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 12, 2012 at 11:58 am
The only thing better was hijacking my husband’s phone and putting “Honey Boo Boo” as his ringtone!!
September 12, 2012 at 12:03 pm
If you could get me the binaries, that would be great. And how about making that pic up there in ASCII art for the folks using Lynx, huh?!
September 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Oh, and did you get the memo about the new cover sheets we’re using for the TPS reports?
And I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday.
September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm
You know, I’ve had blank Innotech TPS report sheets sent to my work fax several times in the past 6 months…and I still laugh every time i find them in the pile of papers under my fax machine. no idea who is sending them…but easily the best fax spam ever!
September 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm
i actually temped at a soulless, beige office where i filed ‘TPS reports’ for a week. and, no, they didn’t get it.
September 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Dammit, Paul Ryan! Don’t you have some dreams you’re supposed to be raping?
September 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm
You sure it’s not Rush Limbaugh, Zippy? The language seems angry, and he’s the king of angry.
September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Rush is too stupid to use a computer, though. He has brainwashed Oral Roberts University students for that. They are also his fact-checkers.
September 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I went to Oral B College of Dental Hygiene. They had fang-checkers, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. I never saw Rush on campus.
September 14, 2012 at 9:36 pm
you mean “legitimately raping”
September 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Since when is spreading the starch around a bad thing?
September 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm
It fed us and made our shirts so crisp!
September 13, 2012 at 4:12 am
Speak for yourself- it killed my Grandpappy!
September 13, 2012 at 7:42 am
I had it taken out of me. Can’t say I feel better, but at least it’s not a problem any more.
September 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Thank you!!
September 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7urc4KrB8Nw
Please enjoy this remix from Toby Turner as much as I have.
September 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Fabufuckinglous! Thank you from the bottom of my crispy little heart!
September 12, 2012 at 12:24 pm
You’re assuming everyone knows how to decompress a zip file.
I used to sell ebooks on ebay and put multiple books into a zip file. There were some people I had to give step by step (w/ pictures and video!) instructions to multiple times. And then there was the one who wanted his money back because it was too “technically complicated” for him to accomplish.
September 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm
If you’re talking about me, you’re right.
I’m guessing you have to “unclamp” it somehow? And Zippy’s involved? My computer here at work was designed by Eli Whitney (inventor of the cotton gin), so I don’t know if it does that. It “combs” files excellently, though.
September 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm
We have congestion due to driver error at the on-ramp of the Information Superhighway…
September 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm
I can’t even find the clutch on this damn thing.
September 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Just give it more gas. That fixes everything.
September 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm
More gas is never a problem for me.
September 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Don’t exhaust yourself.
September 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm
But I’m tired. No tread left. Asleep at the wheel, if you will.
September 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Admit it. You two have also been collaborating in RL.
September 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm
What’s RL?
September 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Thanks for the thumbs up but I mean what does it stand for? Maybe I’m more stupid than even I thought, but I was wondering.
September 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Lol, that thumb wasn’t mine!
It’s real life.
September 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm
We really don’t know each other in real life. I’ve gleaned that he’s in Oregon- I’m in Rhode Island. We just have nice wordplay here in regretsy land. I just found out that he’s Bruce Dickenson from Iron Maiden today, honest.
September 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Oh! Thanks. Now I feel dopey.
September 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Don’t sweat it. I’m still catching up on years of internet neglect. Some internet terms I just ignore cuz I think they’re lame.
September 12, 2012 at 8:44 pm
My name is Bruce! But not Dickenson (or Campbell despite my fondest wishes). In Regretsyland, any number of asshats with the urge to pun-ish others can score a coupe on them.
September 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Are you calling Matt an asshat? He has all your albums, you know.
September 12, 2012 at 9:56 pm
The asshat rests on my noggin as well.
September 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm
I’m trying to picture that. Oh, and I may try to start a rumor that you’re Bruce McCulloch – be warned.
September 13, 2012 at 5:26 am
Well, Zippy’s too funny to be Bruce Vilanch. Maybe, just maybe we’re trading jokes with famed Olympian/plastic surgery enthusiast Bruce Jenner?
September 13, 2012 at 7:59 am
Hmm. Medaling in the affairs of others is a popular pastime, so you may be right, Matt.
September 13, 2012 at 10:00 am
Keep a lid on it! I’m on the lam from all those damn Kardashians.
September 13, 2012 at 10:34 am
Don’t worry. Wit is like kryptonite to the Kardashians.
September 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Pull on the reins that will stop it.
September 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm
You sleigh me.
September 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm
hay now…
September 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Amish you guys so much. Seriously.
September 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Sigh. And you’re all so hansom.
September 12, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Horseplay kills
September 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Quit horsing around.
September 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm
It’s a TRAAAAAAAP!
September 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Now I can get back at my son for changing my ringtone to Dubstep.
September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm
“Awesome” is now officially spelled A-P-R-I-L.
September 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Singing:
My awesome has a first name
It’s A-P-R-I-L
My awesome has a second name
It’s W-I-N-C-Hell
I love my awesome every day
And if you ask my why I’ll say
Cuz April Winchell has a way
With H-O-L-Y F-U-C-K
September 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm
I love this!!
September 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Nobody is willing to let their small child record this for me! What is the goddamn problem with fucking parents these days? (maintains 500 yard distance from school)
September 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Did you ask Honey Boo Boo’s mom? She might be agreeable
September 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm
You could probably pay her in Jack Daniels.
September 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Or lottery tickets.
September 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Personally, I think Zippy’s–Bruce Dickinson’s–voice sounds fine when he sang it in the above comment.
September 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm
For a dollar she ‘ll hollar so I think she would have no trouble with your request.
September 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm
If my child was still small, I’d do it. But she’s 18 now and every other word out of her mouth is “fuck”.
tell you what. Buy me a tank of helium and I’ll record it for you.
September 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Hang on a sec…. I have in my posession a vocal processor that will pitch shift one’s voice. It’s electronic helium…
I hope you can wait till after work tomorrow.
September 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm
If PBCGE is going “there” I’m just gonna be patient and let the fuckery occur.
September 12, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Just know that I meant to say “me” instead of “my” there toward the end. I’d hate to have anything I wrote here sound stupid!
September 13, 2012 at 7:21 pm
As promised:
http://soundcloud.com/pbcge/forzippy
September 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Apparently I can embed this…
September 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Or not…
September 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm
The picture above shows Obama at an impromptu meet and greet, discussing the importance of condiment use.
September 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm
It was held at the Mayo Clinic.
September 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Third world countries really need to ketchup to the rest of the world in condiment use.
September 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I relish these condiment puns.
September 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm
“We mustard-uously spread condiment awareness across the bread-th of this land”
- The Commander in Chef
September 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Dont you mean Condiment in Chief?
September 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm
This condom mint is all melted and doesn’t taste minty at all!
September 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Republicans are for abstinence and not condiment use, so it’s no coincidence I don’t like their food
September 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm
You ever eat elephant? Tastes like shit.
September 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm
They told me it would taste like giraffe.
September 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm
No, elepant.
September 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm
http://vimeo.com/12398713#t=81
That audiobook is a goldmine.
September 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm
I’m wondering if some people’s problems stem from the fact that, although four of them are .mp3 files, which play nicely on Windows machines in Windows Media Player, the fifth is in .m4a, which is Apple Lossless format, which WMP doesn’t have a bundled codec for.
September 13, 2012 at 1:18 am
I don’t think so. The weird thing is, they all have a “fwwwppp” at the beginning when I play them in Media Player Classic (which I prefer because it’s simpler and not a Microsoft program), but not in WMP. But when I resaved them from an audio editor (Goldwave), they work find in everything. I wonder if they have some kind of non-standard mp3 encoding.
Anyway, if anyone else has this problem, let me know and I’ll put up the resaved ones somewhere (or send them to April).
September 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Update! An Android app of the President swearing??? BARACK THE FUCK UP!!!!!
September 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I love apps… especially potato skins and chicken wings. I’m not sure an “Android app” would taste very good, however.
September 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Are you using a goddamn steam-powered Babbage Analytical Engine to access the internet, Matt? Because I think I hear wooded levers clacking whenever you comment and Babbage never got around to apps. Ada Lovelace had to write those.
September 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm
You should so upgrade to a Commodore 64. No joke, I saw an ad for one today on craiglist including that “you can get on the internet and everything”.
September 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm
I think it was the Commodore 64 that somebody said didn’t have the memory or processing power to store or display a jpeg of itself.
September 13, 2012 at 12:11 am
I still have one up in the attic someplace. And I don’t think they ever did display jpegs of anything.
I wonder how much longer I’ll have to wait before it becomes a valuable antique?
September 16, 2012 at 10:59 am
Well, this one was selling for something like $375, so I guess it depends how you define valuable.
September 13, 2012 at 5:32 am
They display “apegs”. It’s like one step beyond the pegs a Lite Brite uses. They didn’t get up to “jpegs” until the late 90s.
September 13, 2012 at 10:54 am
My computer runs on DOS. I can’t find the jpeg key. Any advice?
September 13, 2012 at 11:01 am
It’s probably your carburetor. Or it could be an issue with the seat belt.
September 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm
I’ll check them. The fuzzy dice and bobbing-head dog are fine, so it’s not them. Ooh, I hope it’s not the makeup mirror that’s mounted to the front windshield. I love that thing!
September 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Back up, are we talking manual or automatic typewriter on this thing?
September 13, 2012 at 5:30 am
Zippy- my “computer” was assembled by yours truly using bamboo and coconut parts that I acquired from the Gilligan’s Island show when it went off the air. It runs on water power- lucky for me, I live next to a lagoon.
September 13, 2012 at 8:05 am
I used to live there, so I can testify that Rhode Island is a real island. It’s in the banana belt of New England, with lagoons and swaying palms and, um, coffee milk.
September 13, 2012 at 10:10 am
The Professor got some amazing things done with bamboo and coconut parts. Was it coincidence that the first hydrogen bomb went off in the Pacific?
September 13, 2012 at 10:37 am
Were they marooned on Bikini Atoll? I never saw the show’s finale.
September 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
Was the professor’s character based on Robert Oppenheimer??
September 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
I didn’t mean that second question mark
September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am
Too late, you own it now.
September 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm
That app is AWESOME! Unfortunately, it doesn’t work too well with Gingerbread – you can install it, but the files error out when you try to play them. Works great on Ice Cream Sandwich, though. Which is what I have on my work phone, so that’s a whole other level of funny to me.
September 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Review on the app site:
“Charles – September 12, 2012
This is a FANTASTIC app I use it everyday! 5 stars!”
September 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I’ve used it every day so far too!
September 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Off Topic, but, is that your voice I hear in the new Wreck-It Ralph trailer, with the female sergeant?
September 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Dammit, nm, it’s someone else.
I was really hoping that was you!
September 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Needs more glitter and eagles.
September 12, 2012 at 6:56 pm
EVERYTHING needs more glitter and eagles!
September 12, 2012 at 7:14 pm
How did I know Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle would say that?
September 12, 2012 at 9:04 pm
As long as she’s not weeping into her crown. We don’t need more of that.
September 13, 2012 at 5:41 am
That’s the basis for my platform: glitter and eagles for all! Huzzah!
September 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Omg, I need this app on my iPod.
September 12, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I heard the iPhone 5 makes a loud sniff sound when in the presence of older iPhones.
September 13, 2012 at 5:34 am
I heard it produces a paper bag to place over the older iPhone.
September 13, 2012 at 7:55 am
I heard that it won’t take calls from any of the earlier models.
September 13, 2012 at 10:15 am
I heard Siri makes you sleep on the couch if she catches you talking to an older iPhone and destroys your reproductive ability if you go anywhere near an Android. She doesn’t seem to care if it’s a Windows phone, though.
September 13, 2012 at 11:18 am
I heard that people who got laid off and now cobble temporary jobs together to make ends meet while they apply for jobs with health benefits and go through interviews and can’t afford to buy an iPhone are the coolest people around, even if they don’t know what RL meant.
September 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm
RL was a gamers’ term. Its use in our context was supposed to be IRONIC.
September 16, 2012 at 11:03 am
Awesome, so I’m not the only cool person out there!
September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am
I heard that people who are paid next to nothing working in a woodshop (because there’s nothing else despite a college degree) and also can’t afford an iPhone are pretty fucking radical as well.
September 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I heard that people who paid a bunch of money for a Droid (phone, not robot) with an unlimited data plan then got laid off shortly thereafter are generally well-meaning. (If only it had been a robot, I could pimp it out for onerous tasks.)
September 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I like to think of myself as having unlimited data. Nobody else thinks that, but it’s fun for me.
September 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm
It must take you forever to download!
September 13, 2012 at 9:04 am
Love your site! Thanks for restoring my lack of faith in humanity.
September 15, 2012 at 11:19 am
Obama’s voice saying “This shit’s getting way too complicated” has brought me so much joy…
September 15, 2012 at 11:41 pm
I fucking love you guys and this stuff. I cannot tell you how much joy these clips have brought me already. Cannot wait to unleash them on people I know.
September 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Ok, I downloaded these and unzipped them, but the only one that seems to be an actual Mpeg is THAT GUY. The others read as MP3 format sounds. Help?
September 27, 2012 at 9:36 pm
And my iTunes won’t recognize them, that’s the real problem.