Barack Obama is tired of your shit
3 years ago, I made an awesome discovery: the audiobook version of Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father.
The main draw of the audiobook is that it’s actually narrated by Obama. It’s interesting to hear him imitate the voices of some of the people that have been important in his life. Like Ray, for example.
Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.
That means the President curses. A lot.
In fact you’re about to hear the POTUS swear like a motherfucker.
When I first posted these, about 8 months before I started Regretsy, I got over 30 million hits and a lot of hate mail. So before you decide to write me a long boring email I’ll need help to read, ask yourself one thing:
Which one is your new ringtone?
White Folks You Can Have My Number Sorry Ass Motherfucker Complicated You Ain’t My Bitch
Note: If you’re having trouble playing or saving these MP3s, they are all available in a zip folder for easy downloading here.
September 10, 2012 at 9:40 am
This is my new favorite thing.
I want to hide my phone in my parent’s house, set ‘sorry ass motherfucker’ as the ringtone, and call myself every time someone new is onscreen on Fox News.
September 10, 2012 at 9:40 am
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September 10, 2012 at 10:52 am
I’m slow today. I don’t get this one. Anyone care to explain it?
September 10, 2012 at 11:09 am
I’m guessing it has to do with Gov. Jan Brewer shaking her finger in Obama’s face? But if so, the connection is tenuous.
September 10, 2012 at 11:54 am
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September 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Maybe Obama had a bad experience with some Arizona iced tea? I’m just spitballin’ here.
September 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Maybe Obama was pissed because his ass looks flat in Arizona Jeans?
September 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm
It’s a conspiracy!
September 11, 2012 at 7:56 am
I was thinking it had to do with the immigration laws.
September 11, 2012 at 1:10 pm
It’s a play on “Barack Obama is tired of your shit” – he is saying that he is also tired of Barack Obama’s shit.
I’m an Obama supporter, but I still think that’s pretty funny.
September 12, 2012 at 10:52 pm
I think you’re right about what s/he meant.
What I think is hilarious is that the comment is so ridiculous that nobody even got it.
September 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Hope that was a Jan Brewer reference. If not–
Surrounded by idiots? We know the feeling, Mr President.
Respectfully,
The rest of Arizona
September 11, 2012 at 10:25 am
I’m guessing it’s in response to ‘Barack Obama is tired of your shit’.
Whinger.
September 10, 2012 at 9:41 am
Choosing just one would be like choosing my favorite child.
September 10, 2012 at 9:55 am
I want to play “You ain’t my bitch” every time someone accusing him of being Socialist. Buy your own damn fries!
September 10, 2012 at 10:36 am
Collect all ringtones & share them with all of your kids, each with a ringtone of their own!
Though you might wanna save the “Sorry Ass Mother Fucker” one for your hubby.
September 10, 2012 at 9:43 am
Looks like I need to purchase an audio book.
September 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm
With some creative googling, you can get it for free.
September 10, 2012 at 8:31 pm
TPB 4LYFE
September 11, 2012 at 9:02 am
Aye, you scallywag!
September 10, 2012 at 9:45 am
AAAAHAHAHAHA! Does laughing count as a comment? Made my day!
September 10, 2012 at 9:49 am
For the record, this is almost as funny as hearing my mom curse. We have a running count of the times she’s done it since I was in high school. She’s up to 7.
September 10, 2012 at 9:52 am
Hell, there are some days I hit that before breakfast.
September 10, 2012 at 10:07 am
Before even getting out of the bed! The alarm goes off and it’s “shitfuckingmotherfuckgodfuckingdamnit! Shutthefuckup, cat! Fuck!”
September 10, 2012 at 10:09 am
I count three there. If you say it all as one word, it only counts as one word. At least, those are House Rules around here.
September 10, 2012 at 10:26 am
This is a rule I can get down with. I like to stretch my swears quota throughout the day!
They’re like compound nouns in German. You can just keep adding to them!
September 10, 2012 at 10:40 am
I find it particularly intuitive of you to know *exactly* what I yell at my cat every day. . .
September 10, 2012 at 10:56 am
Seriously, I have to fake that I’m still sleeping in the mornings, because if he sees me even crack one eye, he’s all over me like stank on tuna and howling like a banshee!
September 10, 2012 at 11:05 am
HAHA! That sounds like my husband! I swear he has cursing turrets syndrome and it gets more creative and offensive everyday.
“motherfuckershitgoddamnfuckmecocksuckingjesus”
and that’s just a sampler.
September 10, 2012 at 11:12 am
He gets a bonus point for working the blasphemy in there
September 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm
“Fuck me, cock-sucking Jesus” is being added to my repertoire. (I’m currently dating a Baptist minister. He should appreciate this.) Thank you.
September 11, 2012 at 12:07 am
“Jesus Hogfucking Christ” works well too (in case you ever wondered what the H stood for, that’s it).
September 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I always like a nice, curt “Jesus Fuck!”
Simple poetry.
September 15, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I’m a fan of “Sweet baby Jesus titty-fucking Christ on a pogo stick” myself.
September 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm
That’s a bit long for a sampler, but we gave a lot of creative people here who do cross-stitch, I’m sure someone will try.
September 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm
“Shutthefuckup, cat” HAHAHAHHAHHAHDAHHAHHAMWAHAHAHA!!!!
September 11, 2012 at 12:03 pm
What??? My dad said it stood for “Horatio”!
September 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm
It’s Howard! “Our lord in heaven, Howard be thy middle name…”
….at least I think I heard that right.
September 10, 2012 at 10:38 am
oh agreed. I got my Dad’s love of cursing. I think I even curse in my sleep.
September 10, 2012 at 10:43 am
I got it from my Mom. She’s got a Doctorate from Brown, and swears like a sailor. There’s something somehow more powerful about a highly educated person swearing. Like they choose their swears very carefully and emphasize everything just right.
When things are a mess, she always says they are “rat-fucked”.
September 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm
One of my partners swore constantly, all the time, no matter where or when we ended up. But…
After the ‘oh my’ phase of the relationship waned I realized that it wasn’t due to cleverness or because she might actually be a pirate. (I’d held out hope.)
She simply had no vocabulary at all. Inner or outer… And it was contagious.
Life gets boring very quickly when all you can say is fuck/shit/sucks and you can’t even do that in a George Carlin, aren’t you a clever little shit, kind of way.
September 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm
OMG. Not to say that this is what your mother is like! I bet your mother is a pirate!
September 10, 2012 at 3:06 pm
And now we got us a fuck shit stack!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJQU22Ttpwc
September 10, 2012 at 4:25 pm
… I just went on the most awesome youtube trip hosted by the entity that is known as Reggie Watts.
I thank you Zippy. From the sincere top of my little shriveled heart.
September 11, 2012 at 4:34 am
My husband says he’s amazed at how perfectly I enunciate four-letter words.
But…I had to stop calling our son a SON OF A FUCKING BITCH.
September 10, 2012 at 9:46 am
I believe the last one has a good sense of rhythm to it without being too long. Perfect for a text message tone or e-mail notifier.
September 10, 2012 at 9:46 am
I need “sure you can have my number, baby” as my ringtone– HOW DO I GET IT?
September 10, 2012 at 9:53 am
Right click on grey box, and “save link as…”
Enjoy.
September 10, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I downloaded it but my phone doesn’t recognize it as a potential ringtone
September 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm
if you can use iTunes for your phone there is a procedure for how to make any audio file a ringtone. It’s in the help section. I’m much too drunk to try to explain it to you.
September 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Just open the file and change the extension to m4r
September 10, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I just hit ‘record’ on my phone’s ‘sounds’ menu and ‘play’ in the player…
I’ve gotten clips from tv shows, movies, webseries, and now Obama
September 10, 2012 at 9:47 am
How the hell are we supposed to pick from such an embarrassment of riches like that?
Okay, okay. “Complicated” for the default ringtone. “White folks” for people who work my nerves.
September 10, 2012 at 9:47 am
God I love this guy. Too bad I’m Canadian and can’t vote for him. And too bad he’s already married.
September 10, 2012 at 9:48 am
I find it quite comforting to know that he can swear and sound natural. (Mitt on the other hand, would probably sound like he was trying to fit in with NASCAR fans again…) Also, I would pay good money to hear Jimmy Carter say those same phrases.
September 10, 2012 at 9:54 am
Mitt Romney trying to cuss like that would sound distressingly like one of Shatner’s “Rocket Man” renditions would sound while on a shit-ton of acid.
September 10, 2012 at 10:00 am
Are you implying that Shatner was NOT on a shit ton of acid while doing his amazing “Rocket Man” rendition? Or are you implying that the audience was not on a shit ton of acid. Simply hearing that rendition is like having an amazing “trip” to space.
September 10, 2012 at 10:08 am
Shatner wasn’t on acid, he was high from sniffing toupe glue.
September 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Have you seen Stewie’s version?
http://youtu.be/UXuSWUXDnuo
September 10, 2012 at 11:12 am
Mitt Romney trying to cuss would sound just as bad as his son trying to speak Spanish.
September 10, 2012 at 10:26 am
This is how I picture Mitt trying to swear:
“Cheese and rice got all muddy, for cod steaks!”
September 10, 2012 at 10:32 am
“Is that ‘marijuana’ I smell? Jeepers! I am so hopping mad right now! Anne, get the dog off the car so he can chase down those hoodlums! They’re hopped up on goofballs!”
September 10, 2012 at 10:38 am
Golly gee willikers, Mitt! Such language!
September 10, 2012 at 10:42 am
“Unroof the hounds!”
September 10, 2012 at 11:00 am
That should be his campaign slogan. That’s great.
September 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm
If he does I’ll mail in a fake ballot for him (that will be disqualified when they see it’s signed ‘Frau Dulent’.
September 10, 2012 at 11:37 am
!!!!
September 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Some one needs to strap a dog crate to their car roof with a stuffed animal in it on election day. Then drive around.Have a sign on the side of the car, what should it say?
September 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm
“Vote for the Top Dog”
September 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Romney: A Dog on Every Roof!
September 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm
“Theeeere’s no need to fear – Plunder Dog is here!”
September 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm
“Mormons Do It On The Roof!”
September 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm
“Vote for me or the dog stays up here FOREVER”
September 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Private enterprise makes crates, not the government.
September 10, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Trickle Down Works! Just Ask The Dog!
September 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm
Sorry, but this is so flawless that I feel obliged to ask for the background story.
September 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Romney strapped the family dog to the roof of the car (in a crate) for a LONG road trip while the humans AND THE LUGGAGE rode inside. When the poor critter soiled himself in fear, Mitt hosed him off and continued the journey. THIS REALLY HAPPENED!
Dogs Against Romney is on Facebook, too
Mitt is mean!
September 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Boy did I mess up those HTML tags!
September 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm
You just killed me with that beautiful comment. Thankfully there was a clip of the POTUS saying “sorry ass motherfucker” to raise me from the dead.
September 10, 2012 at 10:40 am
Uh-oh, sounds like Mitt got his magic underwear in a bunch! Somebody must have arithmetic’d him off.
September 10, 2012 at 10:46 am
OOOOOHHHHHHHHH! Fuddlenuckers! I am certainly steaming mad right now! You all can go to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!
Sorry, Anne. I really let my temper get the best of me there. I turned into a snarling beast. You knew I had a temper when you married me, though.
September 10, 2012 at 11:13 am
Mittens doesn’t swear. He has a call center in India that does his swearing for him. Every time he needs to swear, he just calls them and puts it on speaker phone. He used to have someone stand next to him and swear. But it’s cheaper to go the whole india route. He is a savvy business man.
September 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm
“Damn God, bitch of son! Do not offer my god a peanut! Get out of my store and come again.”
- Apu
September 10, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Oh gods. I had one of Mitt’s recorded calls dial me and it was SCREAMING AT ME IN MY EAR SO LOUD …
I told it to fuck off. The robo dialer algorithm uttered a hard beep of disapproval and then told me that I was 0xDEADBEEF.
September 10, 2012 at 9:48 am
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September 10, 2012 at 9:50 am
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September 10, 2012 at 9:55 am
He’s not trying to be Carlton or Bryant Gumbel. He’s aiming more for “early Bill Cosby”. I see pudding pops in all our futures, if he’s re-elected.
September 10, 2012 at 9:58 am
If I was on the fence, Pudding Pops would get me to vote for him.
September 10, 2012 at 11:09 am
Pudding pops were taken off the market by Mitt. He foresaw your passion for pudding pops in a dream.
September 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Voter suppression through withholding Pudding Pops?!? That.. heartless bastard!
September 10, 2012 at 10:22 am
And with that, I am whisked away back in time to my memory of the Carlton dance. Good times. Thank you.
September 11, 2012 at 4:44 am
I want an .mp3 (I’ll settle for a .wav) of Obama saying, “Pardon me, while I WHIP THIS OUT!”
and
“Where the white wimmin at?”
September 10, 2012 at 10:34 am
I really don’t see him as someone who’s “trying to be white”.
September 10, 2012 at 10:35 am
People are a product of their surroundings. He was president of the fucking Harvard Law Review. How would you expect him to sound? Like a gangster rapper?
September 10, 2012 at 10:43 am
Gon’ roll up on dat Congress and snap a cap off at them bitches, they gimme any mo’ shit! Bitch gonna get a slap upside th’ head, they don’t gimme ma damn money. I’m da muthafuckin’ Prez. I. Dent, an’ I be representin’ up in th’ fuckin’ White Hizzouse!
*yeah, I’m not proud of this, either.
Word.
September 10, 2012 at 10:50 am
I lived in Louisiana when he was elected, and everyone was like, “is there gonna be a watermelon patch in the White House garden now? hahahaha”. I was like, “He’s 50 times more educated than you! How the fuck can you still look at him like he’s a goddamn sharecropper?”
Idiots. That shit makes me very angry.
September 10, 2012 at 11:40 am
And if he did, so what? Watermelon is fucking delicious.
People are stupid.
September 10, 2012 at 11:45 am
That always cracks me up. Who in the planet doesn’t like fried chicken and watermelon? They’re like the best thing ever! What an odd stereotype.
September 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm
We like bacon and watermelon in my family, but whatever
September 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I miss watermelon. Ice cold, juice dripping down your chin, seed-spitting contests with the kids.. *sigh*
It royally sucks when you have to choose between enjoying watermelon on a summer day, and trying to keep the hellhounds from seizing your house.
September 10, 2012 at 10:54 am
Wellll…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAFQIciWsF4
This is great but I think he has to do the mic drop way more often.
September 10, 2012 at 10:59 am
“He’s the POTUS with the most-ust”
September 10, 2012 at 11:22 am
That one’s so terrible I kinda like it.
September 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm
I saw a video called American Dialects (or something like that), and they interviewed a black man who had moved out to the ‘burbs so his kids could have a better education. The last time the family went to visit his brother in the city, the brother was like “Man, yo kids soundin’ white.” And the dad does this posh newscaster accent and says, “They sound white? I haven’t got any idea what you’re referring to.”
All of which is to say that I’m not sure you can separate the stereotypical “sounding white” from “sounding educated.”
September 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Expect him to sound ‘clean’ and ‘articulate’, just like Joe Biden was relieved he apparently was.
September 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Yeah, it fails on two counts. (a) the idea that being educated and sounding like it is “white” and (b) that it’s oh so shocking that a man whose mother was a white woman might, you know, sometimes reflect that side of his heritage.
September 10, 2012 at 9:50 pm
What does “being white” mean? Typical like his grandmother?
September 10, 2012 at 10:54 am
Well yeah, you lose, but not for the reason you think.
September 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm
I just want to point out that happygoshutup has a random avatar that somehow perfectly matches their name. REGRETSY MAGIC!
September 21, 2012 at 10:33 pm
And I would just like to point out that I misread that person’s username as “happy go shtup” as in “you’re happy. Go shtup yourself.”
September 10, 2012 at 9:48 am
seriously considering hiding a coworker’s wallet, then asking him if he wants to go to Wendy’s for lunch, so that when he asks to borrow some money I can respond “You ain’t my bitch… buy yo’ own damn fries.”
September 10, 2012 at 9:50 am
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September 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm
You write that way too casually and naturally to think that English is perhaps NOT your first language.
September 11, 2012 at 6:39 am
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September 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I think that this is like a double negative…I don’t think that it literally says what you are trying to say.
September 10, 2012 at 9:50 am
Regretsy is still my favorite website because of stuff like this.
September 10, 2012 at 11:01 am
TOTALLY!!
September 10, 2012 at 9:52 am
I really wish he would work these into his ads during this campaign.
September 10, 2012 at 10:14 am
“This ad has been motherfucking approved by me … bitch.”
September 10, 2012 at 10:55 am
*mic drop*
September 10, 2012 at 11:47 am
To be fair, I think that’s “our” job.
September 10, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Challenge accepted!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUnuHqf3Lk0&feature=youtu.be
(Also posted at #43 below.)
September 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Oops, I mean #45. Obviously I can’t count.
September 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm
That was good, but I was sure you were going to go with the “buy your own damn fries” line.
September 11, 2012 at 7:08 am
Yeah, that was the other one I was thinking of using.
September 10, 2012 at 9:53 am
Pretty sure if he’d work those quotes into his next state of the union people would instantly demand an amendment to the Constitution granting Obama a lifetime appointment to the Presidency.
September 10, 2012 at 9:57 am
Can you imagine the collective gasp of offended rich-white-guy pompous sensitivities if he spoke that way to Congress?
September 10, 2012 at 10:29 am
Nah. They’d be like, “See? I knew it!” because it would prove (in their minds) their idiotic stereotypes to be entirely correct.
September 10, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Meanwhile all their children are talking the same way, because they grew up fast in the mean cul-de-sacs of the suburbs
September 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Wearing their designer jeans halfway down their buttcheeks, no doubt.
September 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Rollin’ in dey Focus wit’ a Big Gulp ‘n’ Black Eyed Peas.
September 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm
There were times when they couldn’t even afford Hostess- they had to settle for Little Debbie. True story.
September 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm
Havin’ to share a Ho Ho so all you get is a Ho.
September 11, 2012 at 12:15 am
2013 State of the Union:
“And to Representatives Cantor, Bachmann, and King, I say this: there are white folks, and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.”
September 10, 2012 at 9:55 am
I’m buying this book and I’m gonna make a soundboard from the audio clips. Then I’m going to prank call all my right wing family members with it. Maybe forever.
September 10, 2012 at 11:20 am
Please, please do.
September 11, 2012 at 5:04 am
If you can make an app for that, I’ll save up for a smart phone just to be able to use it!
September 10, 2012 at 10:13 am
Helen the first time you posted these I downloaded this shit so fast it wasnt funny. What was funny is when they would randomly come on between songs when the iPod was on shuffle. Sitting in traffic, hanging with friends.. Fan-Fucking-Tastic. “I Aint your Bitch..” is the catch phrase in my house any time you get asked to do something.
September 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Also excellent for this: the Avenue Q soundtrack and Monty Python clips.
September 10, 2012 at 10:14 am
Someone made it into a song, and THIS is my ringtone!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4ByXqyCXRw
September 10, 2012 at 11:06 am
That was OK, but I think SchmoYoHo needs to songify it!
September 10, 2012 at 10:16 am
I think it ‘s a shame he didn’t work some of these into his DNC speech. It would make me vote for him but you know what? I already did. I figured we were way overdue for someone with a brain to be in that office.
September 10, 2012 at 10:25 am
This is one of the most amazing things EVER!
September 10, 2012 at 10:27 am
Remember those gag toys that had swearing phrases? I would KILL to put all of them on one with a selector, and be able to say with, I’m sorry but President Obama has weighed in and says:
Granted, someone will break it or my hand with overuse, but it might be fun for an hour.
September 10, 2012 at 10:46 am
I foresee an imported case of blank programmable novelty soundchips and a feverish weekend of Etsy listings in your future.
September 10, 2012 at 11:42 am
Ohhhhhh. I would love to get one of those and put it in an innocent-looking greeting card and send it to my conservative relatives.
September 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I’m not motivated nor talented. But I thank you for directing me to the proper materials. I’d end up swearing more making those than I would hear from them.
September 10, 2012 at 10:32 am
Step 1) These quotes.
Step 2) Robo-calling.
Step 3) !!!!!!!!!!!
Step 4) REELECTION, BITCHES
September 10, 2012 at 10:37 am
Step 3 is my favorite.
September 10, 2012 at 11:26 am
I love the way he says “sorry ass motherfucker” like it’s all one word.
September 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Step 3 does rock, but Step 4 wins out for me.
September 10, 2012 at 10:43 am
I pretty much live for Step 3.
September 10, 2012 at 10:57 am
You two and all of Regretsy are my Step 3, dammit.
September 10, 2012 at 11:03 am
We are the popcorn kernel in the teeth of the
interwebsinternet.September 10, 2012 at 11:21 am
Wow, I’ve never had a post edited for me before. Did I break another internet/regretsy rule I was (once again) unaware of?
September 10, 2012 at 11:34 am
“interwebs” is one of the words that Bronc added to the spam filter, along with “meh,” “methinks,” “intertubez” and a few more that make him crazy.
September 10, 2012 at 11:38 am
Can we add “snark”? I really hate that one.
September 10, 2012 at 11:43 am
I’m all for the hunting of the snark.
September 10, 2012 at 11:47 am
It sounds like a word Mitt Romney would use.
September 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Really can’t stand that one.
September 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm
It bugs me every time I look over to the right and see the Onion’s review of the regretsy book saying “Winning Snark”. It makes me like the Onion a little less.
September 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I thought I was the only one
September 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Can we have every post that just says “Words fail me” or “I have no words” or anything like that be replaced with: (waste of typing)?
September 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Now we’re opening up a Pandora’s Box here. I would have too many of those types to add to the list. “Goatse- you’re doing it wrong” would be one of mine. I’ve just seen it way too many times at this point. It never fails to get 150 thumbs up, though, so that shows you what I know.
September 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Meth Inks? I’ve been gone from Regretsy too long. Me thinks I missed an awesome post about Midwest tattoo parlors.
September 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm
if “interwebs” is a no-go what about “spidernet”?
September 10, 2012 at 11:43 am
I just like going about my daily business while knowing that inside I’m all !!!!! all the time and no one can tell. Except Zippy, of course.
September 10, 2012 at 11:48 am
So you’re like (!!!!!)?
September 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm
totally
September 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm
You are more !!!!! than 5 surprised cats standing in a row. (viewed from behind)(I mean the cats, not you)
September 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Sometimes when I wear my messenger bag I’m kind of % in front.
September 10, 2012 at 2:54 pm
That’ll get worse the older you get, too.
September 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Everyone can tell I’m !!!! I shake like a chihuahua. I am no smooth operator
September 10, 2012 at 11:03 am
STEP THREE IS HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME.
September 10, 2012 at 11:01 am
The last quote seems so harsh now that fries are on the extra value menu.
September 10, 2012 at 11:09 am
Hey, the economy still sucks, so whatcha gonna do?
September 10, 2012 at 11:16 am
I ain’t buying you fries. If that is what you are alluding to. Bitch.
September 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm
A bitch-slap comes with those fries and he’ll supersize it for you.
September 10, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I want pudding.
September 10, 2012 at 11:10 am
While we’re sharing presdential LULZ, here’s one I found. The President singing “Sexy and I Know It”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO9UT6g_s7E
September 10, 2012 at 11:23 am
I didn’t know these existed. This is gold.
September 10, 2012 at 11:26 am
I hear Bitches and Fries are covered in Obamacare….WIN!
September 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Also White People, but some of You Motherfuckers are going to have to pay a tax.
September 10, 2012 at 11:33 am
Is there a way to hump a sound bite? Hmm… This requires further study. I’ll be in my bunk.
September 10, 2012 at 11:35 am
Can we start a Change.Org petition to get Obama to say “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”?
September 10, 2012 at 11:36 am
Obama is brilliant.
“brilliant”, it probably has something to do hair lotion?
September 10, 2012 at 11:51 am
Your posts are always entertaining. Did you ever hang out with Frank Zappa?
September 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Maybe Petja IS Frank Zappa! He is a mother of invention. (in a masculine way)
September 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm
I would never have made Frank Zappa buy his own damn fries; he could have had mine in a heartbeat.
September 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
“brilliant”
hair cream that will keep your hair in place tornadoes, smells good, makes you sexy as the train trolley George Clooney.
September 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm
See what I mean? That could totally be a Zappa song!
September 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Oh, yeah, girls love the train trolley!
September 10, 2012 at 1:29 pm
That’s how I roll, bitches. (since none of you knows what I look like, heh heh heh.)
September 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I was just going to ask comment trolley-vous, Z.
September 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm
avec le fucquerie!
September 10, 2012 at 3:18 pm
One of my cats is Baby Snakes. Yeah I am old.
September 11, 2012 at 5:15 am
Oh. BRILLIANTINE! Now I get it.
http://www.salonsdirect.com/product/hair/barbering/lotions-and-tonics/pashana-original-brilliantine-150ml
(All-nighter defeats no-brainer)
September 11, 2012 at 9:06 am
“Paskana” mean “That is shit and broken”
September 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Do you know what is the Polish burger?
Bread coupon, coupon meat, bread coupon.
September 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Frank Zuppa? Potatoes, herring, cheese, smoked meats, chili, cream, chilli, white wine, red beets and chili?
And Chili?
September 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm
it’s the buy yr own damn fries that really makes this.
September 10, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I actually did a weird project with this audiobook where I chopped it into tiny pieces, reorganized it into a completely different story, and set a musical score to it. Three chapters have been animated, but the whole album is available for free if anyone wants to hear it. It’s called Son of Strelka, Son of God, and it tells the story of a dog-headed demigod who recreates the world after the apocalypse. You can get it at http://www.sonofstrelka.com.
September 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Oooh so was this where I originally got these? Proud to say I’ve had each one as a ringtone at various points in time. They’re great! (tho unfortunately not loud enough to hear when phone in bag etc)
September 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm
I think I need to assign ‘Complicated’ to the ex as a personal ringtone
September 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm
This book is #5 in the US on iTunes. Wonder if it’ll move after this? http://www.apple.com/euro/itunes/charts/audiobooks/top10audiobooksbiographymemoir.html
September 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm
If you could add sound clips to a book review on Amazon…
September 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Just link here…
September 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Even better, link directly to the audio links! Or, I’m not sure this is “even better” than linking to regretsy. I’m confused now.
September 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm
The clips are hilarious in themselves. But the comments (as always) are what have me in tears of laughter. ^_^
September 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm
That just stretched my smile from ear to ear. Something you will almost never hear from a politician: humanity and humor.
September 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Oh I want to hear this. I love his voice.
September 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm
I did not think I could ever receive such glee from listening to a man swear. I have learned differently today. Turns out when that man is one of the most powerful men in the world, it is hilarious to listen to him swear!
September 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Am really i the only one who wants to read some of these emails?
September 10, 2012 at 2:54 pm
> Helen Killer: Where can I find more of these? Fkn hilarious!
September 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I am retarded and can’t figure out how to download this as a ringtone. I right-click but only get “save image as”. Can someone help me please?? I NEED “White Folks” as my ringtone. NEED.
September 10, 2012 at 3:06 pm
NEVERMIND IT’S “SAVE LINK AS”
DOWNVOTE AWAY, FJLs <3
September 10, 2012 at 3:25 pm
We support learning! And Finnish slang! And learning Finnish slang, vittu!
September 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm
The next time Rachel from card holder services calls I have the perfect responses for her.
September 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Improved campaign ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUnuHqf3Lk0&feature=youtu.be
I think I just might be going to hell for this one.
September 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Gads. I’m not setting it as my ring tone, I’m setting it as a night time alarm. Every night the last thing I hear will be our sexy POTUS saying I can have his number. Let the beautiful dreams begin thereafter.
September 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm
If I were not a white woman, I would use the last one as my ringtone.
I curse with joy and abandon. How did I not know of this?
September 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Right now, I have Captain Picard yelling SHUT UP WESLEY! But I may have to change for the election season.
September 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm
WHEN I SAVE TO DOWNLOAD IT CUTS OFF THE LAST WORDS! BAHHHH I NEEEED! HELP!
September 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm
oh nvm. that was VLC
September 11, 2012 at 11:14 am
For some reason when I play on my regular player it gives a little squirt at the beginning that cuts off the first word, but on Windows Media Player it doesn’t. I resaved them all and now they all sound find on all programs. Bitch, that shit’s gonna mess you up.
September 10, 2012 at 10:48 pm
The last POTUS to cuss like that was JFK, like when he was boasting to Khrushchev how much “wicked hot snappah” he was “tahgeting” with his “mega-tonnage”.
September 11, 2012 at 5:04 am
Nixon swore a blue streak in private. Remember all the (expletive deleted)s on the tapes?
November 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm
LBJ swore a blue streak, I understand.
September 10, 2012 at 11:13 pm
Used to make a new Obama 2012 ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92baDJVZcCo
September 11, 2012 at 10:43 am
If the Obama campaign made a bumper sticker that said “Buy Your Own Damn Fries” I might actually chip in that $3 they keep begging for.
September 11, 2012 at 4:30 am
And my question is: Was the hate mail coming from republicans complaing for making Obama look too cool? Because I can’t imagine any democrat wanting to complain about this.
September 11, 2012 at 9:08 am
This made my day.
September 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm
You just made my day. I’m going to listen to Obama swear every time someone pisses me off today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3 <3 <3
September 11, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Is that better or worse than “I’ll vote for the guy I could drink a beer with?”
September 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Vote for humans over robots! This is probably our last chance to have that option!
September 12, 2012 at 6:20 am
FYI the audio files don’t seem to work in the post unless I’m logged in to comment. Anyone else have that issue? Sucks for sharing the link…
September 12, 2012 at 9:09 am
I giggled way more than I should have. New ringtone set!
September 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
I make my own damn fries and everyone else can go take their sorry ass motherfucker home.
October 12, 2012 at 3:46 am
Do these exist in actual song form yet? If not, someone please do it!! This made my morning!