The Lion, The Witch and The WTF
This post first appeared on Regretsy in September of 2011
I don’t know about you, but the idea of some hippie stashing a clump of human hair in her crafthole for a couple of years isn’t putting me in the mood to break out the Visa. If I wanted to smell like curry and skunk weed, I’d go to the Whole Foods Christmas Party.
The only way this could be more disgusting is if she photographed it in the dirt with a cat sitting on it.
And… scene
September 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Even the cat says WTF LADY?
September 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm
this looks like a cousin of level 4 cat, without the red eyes
September 8, 2012 at 7:51 pm
September 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm
Your interpretation has a much more polite cat that what I imagined. I was’nt sure if that cat was saying “WTF?” or, “how many mice did you eat to hork this up?”
September 9, 2012 at 10:40 am
Dammit… I laughed so hard it made the dogs start barking and now my SO is awake and grumpy about being awake.
I see no option except to be sure to use “how many mice did you eat to hork this up?” DAILY. At work. Computer tech support – see? One might even argue that such is in context.
September 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Pleased to know my words will live on. Now that you mention it, I can see lots of uses for the phrase. Just wait until my next slacker student tries to turn in a half-assed paper!
September 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm
The WTF is that this sold nearly a year after posted on Regretsy
September 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Is it just me or does it look like she just crudely cut off all of her hair to make this?
September 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I’m purchasing her Imaginary Clothing with my Spurious Express credit card.
September 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm
She spent all that time doing that to her eyes but skipped the concealer?
September 8, 2012 at 6:45 pm
And she has a bat in the cave.
September 9, 2012 at 10:38 am
I thought that was just part of the nose ring. Ew.
September 9, 2012 at 10:41 am
I am delighted that I have no idea what that means.
September 9, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Is that a euphemism for something?
September 9, 2012 at 11:29 pm
I wish I could say that.
September 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Well the scarf has sold but there’s still a $32 stick to be had from her: http://www.etsy.com/listing/104245126/natural-twisted-wild-blueberry-wand?
September 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm
I’m going to guess that the process of becoming a “professional wand maker for 15 years” means that you have spent 15 years finding sticks and calling them wands.
September 8, 2012 at 6:30 pm
She should branch out and start “making” staffs, too.
September 8, 2012 at 9:24 pm
“Branch” out. I see what you did.
And I wholeheartedly approve.
September 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm
Personally, I wood be happy if she’d leaf off crafting forever.
September 9, 2012 at 8:36 am
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s knot going to happen.
September 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Sigh, I expect that yew are right. It sort of saps my desire to be part of the human race
September 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Anything larger than a twig stumps most amateur wand makers.
September 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Just leaf it alone Zippy
September 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Your comment has been logged.
September 9, 2012 at 11:30 pm
I wooden know for sure.
September 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm
All kindling aside, how much is she axing for it?
September 8, 2012 at 4:42 pm
The cat’s got on his “I’m smelling something incredibly funky” face. The same one mine gets when he smells the husband’s shoes.
September 8, 2012 at 4:42 pm
The nipple at bottom left is like mesmerizing me. I look at the picture and my eyes drift to the nipple. Then they shoot back up to the regurgitated Froot Loops on her forehead.
Froot Loops
Nipple
Froot Loops
Nipple
Zombie Bride just out of frame
Nipple
September 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm
That’s a nipple? I thought it was her hash pipe.
September 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm
I thought it was her third eye wearing a monocle.
September 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Can’t you just smell the patchouli…
September 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm
and clove cigarettes
September 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Ah, yes, time has not lessened the intense nausea this inspires. Other people’s hair has a very high personal ick factor. Now, if you’ll pardon me, I need to go clean everything in my house and then shower twice.
September 8, 2012 at 6:51 pm
It does have a useful purpose-you can donate hair you’ve had cut to the American Cancer Society, and they use it to make wigs for people who’ve lost their hair due to chemotherapy.
On the other hand, they have very strict rules about donations, and the hair is thoroughly washed and cleaned before it’s made into wigs. I doubt Mistress Wandering in the Forest up there has the same high standards.
September 9, 2012 at 7:23 am
I’ve done that twice. Donated 14″ once and 10″ the second time. My husband says I give great head. I’m sure that was what he meant.
September 9, 2012 at 8:37 am
I suggest an experiment…
September 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm
She purchased the hair. I imagine it was the type they use for extensions, so it’s likely clean and everything.
It isn’t the cleanliness I worry about here, it’s the… application.
September 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm
YES its for making merkins not “Queen of Narnia” collars
September 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Pssh, no. I only use the finest mink fur for MY merkins.
September 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Glad they cleaned the lice from this hair from the tonsure ceremony in India. Somewhere in India, there was a baldheaded woman running around to make this mane.
September 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm
http://external.ak.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQDX0Jp-fs7oJ8dr&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmsnbcmedia.msn.com%2Fj%2Fmsnbc%2Fcomponents%2Fvideo%2F__new%2Ftdy_dg_fresco_120826.standard.jpg
Oh hey, you found my scarf.
September 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm
What i think is really magical is how the scarf picks up the tone of her armpit hair.
September 8, 2012 at 5:33 pm
The cops in my town love it when I choose to go out wearing only my imaginary clothing.
September 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm
She ‘s from Ct. I am embarrassed for Ct. I live there too.
September 8, 2012 at 6:59 pm
You say this knowing full well “Joementum” Lieberman is your Senator. That’s worse in my opinion.
September 8, 2012 at 11:35 pm
Do you have to remind me? But don’t worry we have Linda McMahon owner of WWF or WWE whichever who thinks businesses have far too many restrictions on them. Her own employees who get hurt all the time apparently don’t need medical insurance because they have none.
September 9, 2012 at 8:41 am
I thought all that wrestling violence was not legitimate and so completely devoid of ramifications!
September 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm
Diamond Dallas Page, who’s a former professional wrestler, when asked whether the whole thing was fake, said that “it’s ‘pre-determined.’ But you can’t fake gravity.” So when a 275 pound guy lands on you, or picks you up and throws you, you can get hurt for real. He almost got his back broken in the ring. Now he does yoga (which is why I know the story, because I bought his yoga course. I do NOT follow wrestling! This site is weird enough for me.)
September 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Oh, please. We can give you a full Hall of Shame of our public figures. Mayors on the take? CHECK. Stupid once-bankrupt wrestlemania exploiter saying she “understands fiscal matters?” CHECK. The Bush family? I mean, where they are REALLY from? (Not Texas, as much as it pains me to admit)
The weather was nice today, though. So, there’s that.
September 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Lanus, don’t you try and top that cesspit of unadulterated fucked-upness, Rhode Island!
September 10, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Please. George W was born in New Haven. Shame of it.
September 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Looks like she got really REALLY high, shaved off her hair and then decided to get all crafty.
Seriously, nothing says “because I got high” more than a hair scarf.
September 11, 2012 at 9:34 pm
…Or “I came down” more than a hair shirt?
September 8, 2012 at 6:16 pm
That scarf makes me itch all over.
September 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm
The tacky yarn is the most offensive part, IMO.
September 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I was thinking maybe I should buy this to have around just in case I need a woman to break up with me in the “right now” time-frame.
Me (hiding winning lottery ticket in pocket): “Honey, I want you to have this. It was made from my mother’s hair years ago and I sleep with it under my pillow”
Her (backing away and shuddering): “Oh, I just remembered I left the faucet running in Outer Mongolia. Be right back…”
September 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Oh, this will be perfect for my medieval saint friends! It’s so hard to find hair-based accessories to go with hair shirts, lemme tell ya.
September 8, 2012 at 8:09 pm
I can’t believe you didn’t include this masterpiece from her collection: http://www.etsy.com/listing/71999694/adult-mature-yoni-pendant-birth-erotic?ref=v1_other_1
Is that a larva in the sacred yoni? Please tell me no!
September 8, 2012 at 8:56 pm
That top bit? I was gunna say a fortune cookie.
September 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm
No, not the fortune cookie “Delores.” I think KateinMT is talking about the creepy thing coming out of the vag that looks like a cicada larva…same color and texture and everything.
September 9, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Female anatomy just got complicated! OK, more complicated.
September 8, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I am dis-tressed.
September 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm
One can only hope that this is an article of “ImAgiNaRy ClOthiNG”.
September 8, 2012 at 9:50 pm
Getting one of my own hairs in my mouth makes me gag. Here there be nightmares.
September 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm
If a woman bought this and never wears it as a belt under a really short skirt, it’s potential has been squandered.
September 9, 2012 at 3:20 am
she would be in a hairy situation
September 9, 2012 at 8:43 am
She could say she’s growing it out for the winter.
September 9, 2012 at 1:35 am
It may ease your weary and cantankerous hearts to know that I’m the one who purchased it in order to hold a piece of Regretsy history. The price had dropped to about $20 when I made the purchase.
September 9, 2012 at 10:49 am
Instant Halloween costume! Kudos to you.
September 9, 2012 at 3:18 am
“I had way to much FUN making and modeling this one of a kind scarf!” Yes, WAY too much!
September 9, 2012 at 3:29 am
Is anybody else wondering if she has that Asian kid from the peanut butter solution trapped in her basement
September 9, 2012 at 4:27 am
any hair not attached to a scalp just totally freaks me out. I can’t even touch it
*shiver*
September 9, 2012 at 4:27 am
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September 9, 2012 at 8:45 am
It smells bad because that cat spends hours licking every inch of it. He was really pissed when she sold it.
September 9, 2012 at 10:17 am
speaking of nipples, has anyone seen these nipple-cast bracelets?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/79906139/red-three-nipple-bracelet
September 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I never would have guessed that there could be such a thing as nipple bracelets. You learn something new every day on this site.
September 9, 2012 at 10:40 am
I mean, I have always wanted red nipples on my wrist. there are also some penis bracelets the store, strangely not as weird as the nipples, or the nipple cast belt buckle. Still, nipple art is nowhere near as gross as hair crafts! I wonder what the person who bought this necklace used it for. scaring neighborhood children or some shamanic ritual?
September 9, 2012 at 10:44 am
September 9, 2012 at 10:55 am
Well it’s right there in the name. Imaginary Clothing. If that doesn’t say it’s just one big game of the Emperor’s New Clothes, I don’t know what does.
September 9, 2012 at 11:55 am
Once in a college art class, I cut my hair (I had VERY long hair.) I had a classmate ask to use some of my hair in an art project, and I obliged. The rest went to charity, as it usually does.
It was for a fibers class, but the finished product wasn’t for wearing.
I’m not sure if I should be ashamed or not for letting my hair become “art”.
September 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm
You know how sometimes your hair will brush your arm or back and you’ll freak out and scream “SPIDER!!!” and then realize it’s just your hair?
I imagine this would be very similar to being covered in spiders.
September 9, 2012 at 3:06 pm
I love how the end of this listing for some “steampunk” thing has a question mark at the end: http://www.etsy.com/listing/77971709/vagabond-princess-denim-steam-punk?
September 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm
This is one of my all-time favourite Regretsy posts. It’s a living embodiment of the phrase “you just can’t make this shit up”.