Hair of the Dog
This post first appeared on Regretsy in September of 2011
Here’s something you may not know: dogs go nuts for hair extensions!
It’s true! They love sitting absolutely still while you glue feathers to their fur so they can match your purse. Sure it’s a little uncomfortable, but it will all be worth it when you find Pocahontas in the backyard, rolling around on a dead squirrel.
September 8, 2012 at 9:35 am
Can I get them a little shorter? I’d like to spruce up my dog’s butthole region.
September 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
I think it’s safe to say that a dog tearing its owner’s throat out under these circumstances should be given a Milkbone.
September 8, 2012 at 10:02 am
But only for dessert.
September 8, 2012 at 11:10 am
Yeah, but I have a feeling the owner may or may not be a militant vegan who has one of those ‘vegan’ dogs. So it’s probably a tempe milkbone or some crap. Although frankly it can’t be blamed for craving some meat after all this time.
September 8, 2012 at 11:37 am
Except that a vegan dog owner wouldn’t buy these feathers since they aren’t cruelty free (I know, I did the research).
September 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm
My chickens drop feathers during moulting season. Can we use those??
I’m looking to make a fortune here.
September 8, 2012 at 9:40 am
For a look that thoroughly humiliates both dog and owner, co-ordinate with Rear Gear:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/36574444/rear-gear-butt-covers-for-your-cat-and
As featured on Regretsy!
September 8, 2012 at 10:07 am
ugh, jeez, how much more disconnected from the natural world can people get. Poverty, abuse and mid morning television are eyesores, not animal derrières.
September 8, 2012 at 10:18 am
Ironically if mid-morning television had more animal poopers, I’d tune in.
September 8, 2012 at 10:39 am
I’ve got two kids and too many pets – I watch things shitting instead of mid-morning television.
September 8, 2012 at 10:43 am
Where was she getting ready to stick that thumb?!
September 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Add one of these as a final touch:
http://item.rakuten.co.jp/winkl/ot-668-010/?scid=af_ich_link_txt
September 9, 2012 at 9:08 am
Augh! These duckfaced abominations, they want my soul!
And I’m not talking about reality tv stars this time.
September 8, 2012 at 3:24 pm
For “your favorite pet’s un-manicured back side”?
If you are giving your pet’s rear end a manicure, you are doing it wrong.
September 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Somebody needs to design crocheted testicle covers for un-neutered dogs and cats.
September 9, 2012 at 3:34 am
Oh God, don’t give them ideas.
September 8, 2012 at 9:45 am
Holy crap, that first dog has Nancy Grace’s haircut.
September 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
You don’t know how badly I neede this laugh!
September 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
“needed” sheesh
September 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I’m going to have to needle you for this.
September 8, 2012 at 10:07 am
The Pekingese is totally thinking, “How come the cat doesn’t have to wear these? Fuck you, Dog the Bounty Hunter.”
September 8, 2012 at 11:14 am
…as much as it seems unnecessary and a bit crappy to glue things onto animals (I wasn’t aware that’s how they attach, but sounds like it), it would almost be worth the humor and irony if they came out with feather hair extensions for birds.
OH GOD THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW ISN’T IT
September 8, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Or real human hair extensions for birds.
September 8, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Because if you tried to put something like that on your average cat, you’d end up in the ER with your arms shredded. Cats don’t tolerate fuckery.
September 8, 2012 at 10:24 am
Me and you and a dog named Boo,
Gluing tie-dyed feathers in our hair,
Me and you and a dog named Boo,
To get them out, we’ll have to use some Nair.
September 8, 2012 at 10:32 am
The shop owner’s photo shows her looking up and to the right, Etsy employee style. Noted.
September 8, 2012 at 11:48 am
She really needs to have her thyroid checked, too.
September 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm
What the Futska?
September 8, 2012 at 10:46 am
The first dog can’t even look at the camera he is so ashamed and the second dog is like “I really hate your ass!”
September 8, 2012 at 10:47 am
NOW YOU’VE DONE IT!!! My Papillon is driving me nuts to get him those extensions. Sometimes I worry about him.
September 8, 2012 at 10:56 am
I don’t know, it could be a status symbol among dogs.
Dog 1:”Wow, Spike, I see you dined on pheasant recently.”
Dog 2:”Livin’ the good life, bro.”
September 8, 2012 at 11:08 am
Is there a “Dog the Bounty Hunter” size Rear Gear available?
September 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Does it come with an application hammer?
September 8, 2012 at 11:09 am
My dachshund would be desperately trying to bite or claw that off of herself… And yet she loves dog sweaters.
September 8, 2012 at 11:13 am
Anyone trying to put one of those on one of my animals would br left with a picture of their own bloody stump.
September 8, 2012 at 11:36 am
I need to go liberate that cute Peke!
September 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Not a good idea if you have both cats & dogs in the family. Few cats would be able to resist giving those at least a swat or two. If you had cats like my two, the poor puppies would be sporting a cat hat of teeth and claws as the feather was “killed.”
September 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm
I put feather extensions on my pet snake Reggie but then he turned into Quetzalcoatl so the whole 2012 Mayan apocalypse will have been my bad. Sorry.
September 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Remember, we’re blaming Matt these days, so you’re in the clear.
September 8, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Goddamn Matt! Making ancient calendars that foretell the end of the world on Dec 21 is a shitty way to get out of giving Christmas presents this year!
September 8, 2012 at 10:04 pm
He’s from Rhode Island, so he’s capable of anything.
September 8, 2012 at 10:12 pm
They start off lying about being from an island and it just gets worse from there.
September 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm
So… I met a friend’s new girlfriend recently. I can still only describe her as that girl with the tiny sweater wearing dog. During our first meeting over cocktails at her apartment she whipped out her iphone(tm) to show me how photogenic her dog was… this very same dog is sitting in my lap. I can see the damn dog and yet I had to endure 45 (no exaggeration) different “candid” shots of said dog. The moral of the story, the dumbass who will buy these exists, I have met her and her little dog too.
September 8, 2012 at 5:01 pm
But you know even if you put one these on your dog it’s still gonna want to roll in its own shit albeit with an impeccable sense of style
September 8, 2012 at 10:09 pm
This comment may not make me very popular, but I have a lapdog and I think this is a cute idea. My dog would totally rip it out and eat it, immediately, but I still think it looks cute.
Why people act like it’s cruel to do things like this to dogs, I will never understand. My dog doesn’t care if you put a sweater on her, as long as you don’t interfere with her sexytime with her dog bed, and keep the delicious treats coming, she couldn’t care less.
Also, putting a dog into a tote bag isn’t cruel if the dog is small enough to be comfortable. My dog jumps into any tote bag I put on the floor, because she wants to go to the food carts with me. She’d usually rather ride in the bag than walk.
September 8, 2012 at 10:18 pm
And yet cats always know when they’re being mocked (even if they can’t feel or see it)and they invariably take offence! Then comes vengeance…
September 9, 2012 at 3:39 am
I don’t think anybody’s said these are cruel. Just stupid.
September 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I don’t think it’s cruel, it’s just stupid. As you said, your dog would probably rip them out. I’m not sure my dog would stop wiggling enough to even get them in. My cat already goes after his tail, the feathers are like extra temptation.
Sweaters are one thing – some dogs need the extra covering for various reasons. Bags are reasonable as long as the dog is safe and comfortable (but please don’t bring them to the store if they’re not permitted – Cutesy Yum-yums is still a pet, in or out of the bag.)