Manny, Moe and Crack
This post first appeared on Regretsy in September of 2011
Let’s say your two greatest loves are cigars and car parts. I mean, they probably are anyway, so this should be an easy visualization.
And let’s say that one day, while you’re smoking a cigar and replacing your Framm air filter, you suddenly think, “Wow, this would be so much easier to smoke if I attached it to a distributor cap.”
I know, right? So much easier than say, picking it up with your fingers.
And as you’re sitting there, trying to smoke a cigar attached to a 10 pound distributor cap full of BBs, it hits you…
I am onto something.
DON’T FORGET THE LADIES
September 2, 2012 at 1:35 pm
I highly doubt they were smoking only cigars when they thought this up.
September 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm
“Special” cigars.
September 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I think they need a bong made of a carburetor. Or a roach clip made from pliers. Not that I would know about any of these things…
September 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm
do cigars usually look so exactly like overcooked and cooled sausages?
September 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Not usually…always!
September 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm
I was seeing amputated thumbs, actually.
September 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a car part is just a car part, despite what this Etsy seller would have you believe.
September 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm
The duck one really quacks me up
September 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm
The rest are just fowl.
September 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Or fouled….like an old spark plug….
September 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm
This seller’s really gone up in smoke.
OH GOD WHY DID I SAY IT
September 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm
It’s not your fault. You were driven to it.
September 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm
How much is this “Stainless Steel nail” of which they speak?
September 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Nothing, if it’s a Stainless Steal.
September 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Would you have me tarnish my unmarred reputation in the pursuit of irony??
September 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm
I just set mine on the edge of the baby’s crib.
September 2, 2012 at 1:47 pm
If you epoxy a few nails onto the crib, cigars will fall in and start the baby on fire less often. Babies love shiny stainless steel.
September 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Wish I’d thought of that before installed all those rusty staples.
September 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Tetanus is easier to explain away than scorching, while puncture wounds are par for the course.
September 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I was about to have some lunch, then I saw this cigar butt. I think I don’t feel like eating, esp as it’s sausage. Thanks a LOT!!
September 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Check your Junior Woodchuck manual. It’s correct to drink alcohol and do Regretsy at the same time (membrane keyboards are helpful), but never to eat stuff. Remember, the cat is not going to do the Heimlich maneuver on you.
September 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm
We should start a whimsicle fuckery diet: every time you feel like eating a delicious slice of cake or some crisps, you can just flip through a few listings of mechanical part cigar holders and corpse salad trays, and you aren’t hungry anymore! Oh MAN Regretsy is onto something here
September 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Btw, Helen, a little something for you:
http://9gag.com/gag/5248594 >..<
September 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm
As soon as Helen has to stand up again, I’m sure you’ll be invited to kiss her shiny metal ass.”
September 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Hey, it was a COMPLIMENT!
September 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Now we both know it was a compliment tinged with envy. If you’d have remembered to add; “…you talented, lucky, clever bitch” onto your statement the public wouldn’t have turned on you like this.
September 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I got the complimentary, affectionate nature of your offering. That’s the second or third time that’s happened today (I’m catching up)…that I’ve seen something in a favorable light that others were offended by.
No telling, though, when I’ll rapid-cycle into hateful bitchiness again. Soon, I hope. My face hurts from smiling.
September 3, 2012 at 1:26 am
No, Post, you are one of the few regulars who always view things in the right light
September 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Hobos apparently have better access to auto parts than surgical tools; otherwise they’d use Hemostats. Surgeons don’t use Hemostats because they don’t bother to smoke the last 2 inches of their cigars.
September 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Sadly it took Helen and Bronc months to put their Buick Mallard back together after the photo shoot and to this day they have no controll over the idle air.
September 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm
These abused car parts make me sad.
September 2, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Are we sure those aren’t model car parts? That stogie looks more like a dried-out butt end of a Slim Jim.
September 2, 2012 at 2:29 pm
That butt looks like a turd to me. Which would probably smell a lot better than any cigar affordable enough to be enjoyed by someone with the artistic acumen to use customized car parts for
roach clipscigar holder.September 2, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Ahh, but you just know that somewhere, a cupcake is writhing in agony because she missed the opportunity to make a necklace of cigar-butt ends and ball-bearings!
September 2, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Well whadya know, they’re all still for sale! What a shocker.
September 2, 2012 at 3:44 pm
This literally could not have come at a better time. I make my own custom medical gear and NOW I HAVE SOME GREAT NEW IDEAS. Kyphotic brace cigar holders! Hospital gowns with hidden flask pocket! Surgical masks with ganja grinders! I cannot wait to combine my long list of health concerns AND my equally long list of vices. SCORE
September 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Speculum donut formers!
September 2, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Remember, if it’s a medical experiment you may be able to get a research grant.
September 2, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Catheter crazy straws
September 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Those cigars look like turds to me…
September 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm
They look like necrotic toes to me.
September 2, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Necrotic, yes. Toes, no, not unless that’s what all the guys are calling them this season.
September 3, 2012 at 7:31 am
They look like burnt dick nubs.
September 3, 2012 at 9:11 am
i would agree, but i don’t know what a burnt dick-nub looks like. um, out of curiosity, why do you know?
September 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Mummified finger. Can’t unsee it.
September 4, 2012 at 7:23 pm
not now, anyway
September 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I would SOOO buy a cigar stand made from a polished brass turtle head.
September 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Just how many phallic symbols are you trying to squeeze in here?
September 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm
As many as will fit without causing major tissue damage.
September 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Mr. Bobbitt is a satisfied customer.
September 2, 2012 at 10:17 pm
How long before seller decides to make a stand from an oxygen tank or an oil can? I’m listening for the bang.
September 3, 2012 at 4:47 am
Jeez! They could’ve atleast used a cigar that doesn’t look like a shriveled up p***s
September 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Pants?
September 3, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Where’s the cigar stand made from a “steampunk” octopus?
September 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Next they will turn the entire exhaust system from a 74′ Nova into a vaporizer that gets 2 bowls a gallon…