Now, hang on… this could be a great way to equip a new restaurant. Salad bars. Ovens. Handy herbs and spices storage, in fashionable upcycled coffin form. Prices that will kill any competition.
Given that cannibalism is my personal squick, I don’t think I’d last long at this restaurant. I’m going to go marinate in vodka until I forget about this whole concept…
Truth, Justice and the Pudding Way
August 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm
If you serve salad on it, it’s gross. If you serve meat on it, it will be called an art piece by PETA about how eating meat is wrong. Where is the fairness?
NOTE: If there was an actual vegetable rights group, that conducted itself just as militantly and hilariously as PETA, I would 100% join. Maybe we could throw dead leaves on celebrities that are vegetarian?
And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still, until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million, voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then. And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?” And the angel said unto me, “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust.”
If you can’t fuck it, eat it.
If you can’t eat it, piss on it.
If you can’t piss on it, set it free.
If it was yours it will come back to you.
If not, fuck it.
It would be great as a community bed pan. Imagine, the grandparents in Willy Wonka would’ve NEVER had to get out of their big group bed. And Charlie would have never met the Oompas… and started on his path to pimping.
It’s a whole week and 2 days until Bacon Fest in Portland! Last year I literally could not look at bacon after that. Until breakfast the next day of course.
OOOHH WAIT! I think I get it. these are the kinds of trays you put hot lookin’ naked ladies in at fancy dinner parties where you can eat sushi off of their boobs.
If I had $125, I would buy those in a heartbeat. Then I’d make a stand for them, add an air mattress, and we’d have creepy guest beds. People would think twice about mooching off us whenever they were in town.
Back in my punk rock days, my friends and I would party at a local morgue/funeral home and have chips and dip off one of these…I’m feeling nostalgic for those good old days now…time for wine…
I used to work in a produce department, making many veggie trays, so I notice that kind of thing. There is a bunch of Veggie Tray Skeletons available online. I am code and picture-embedding illiterate, or I would post one. They are actually kind of cute. Somewhere there is a picture of one with a head of cabbage hollowed out for the head, filled with dip, so you can eat the “brains”. Yummy fun for all.
If you could buy these brand new never used you could use them to try to break Guinness records. Worlds largest brownie….largest meat loaf….largest lasagna… but for these this seller is trying to sell recycle now.
OMG! My nephew is a funeral director in nearby OKC! And he’s a newlywed! And I have yet to get him a wedding gift! And I KNOW he could use a salad bar! And it’s staniless steel!
do you know what makes a bad funeral home tray? A salad bar. You leave dear old Grandma by the croutons once, and the gestapo at Sizzlers never lets you back in. I mean she was dead already. What was she going to do, sneeze on the salad dressing?
Was clearing out an Aged Care Facility with my husband’s cousin once, he was using a stainless steel trolley bed to transport things to the van. Knew exactly what sort of bed it was, a morgue one, so I said to him that I could use it in my kitchen. He blanched big time when I said I wanted something to prepare meat on.
August 29, 2012 at 3:38 pm
As long as its vegetarian salad, why not? I mean, I’m no cannibal.
August 29, 2012 at 3:41 pm
I’m scandinav
August 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm
…if its a salad bar, I keep thinking somewhere it should have a little sign that says “Eat me”…. but maybe not.
August 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm
The challenge being, of course, what sort of salad does one put in a salad bar like that?
August 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm
Lettuce decide.
August 29, 2012 at 5:01 pm
This’ll be a tofu call, I beet.
August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Based on the tray’s prior use perhaps a congealed salad?
August 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Brain salad?
August 29, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Something with organ meats, anyway.
August 30, 2012 at 12:52 am
Oooh, you are offal!
August 30, 2012 at 4:00 am
Does that mean gutsy?
August 30, 2012 at 11:49 am
It means liverish. (Or kidneyish, spleenish, sweetbreadish…)
August 29, 2012 at 7:00 pm
brain salad surgery … It will work for you, it works for me
August 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm
ELP reference? You are my new BFF.
August 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm
…my favorite album of all time!
August 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Regretsy AND ELP – it just gets better and better
August 29, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Tossed salad?
August 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm
A whole head…. of iceburg
August 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm
spelling fail… iceberg… I am going to go hang my own head… in shame
August 29, 2012 at 3:56 pm
In my salad days, I might have found this amusing….now that I’m going to seed….the idea makes me feel a little roughage
August 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm
a salad featuring Fava beans? paired with a nice Chianti?
August 29, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Fpt fpt fpt fpt!
August 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I have long wondered how that would be spelled. Thank you so much, ohskittles!
August 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Given the recent death of Anthony Sedlak (http://www.tvguide.com/News/Anthony-Sedlak-Dead-1049750.aspx?rss=keywords&partnerid=foxnews&profileid=celebsh)
how about a chef salad?
August 30, 2012 at 6:04 am
I’ll take my salad with hidden body ranch dressing.
August 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm
In Finland, a lot of the so-called. casseroles.
But that really does not fit in our oven.
Perkele!
August 29, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Maybe they are also willing to sell the special kind of “oven” into which it does fit.
August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Should fit into a commercial pizza oven.
August 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Now, hang on… this could be a great way to equip a new restaurant. Salad bars. Ovens. Handy herbs and spices storage, in fashionable upcycled coffin form. Prices that will kill any competition.
August 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm
That’s one hell of a theme for a restaurant. Might fly in New Orleans, though. Or Los Angeles.
August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Given that cannibalism is my personal squick, I don’t think I’d last long at this restaurant. I’m going to go marinate in vodka until I forget about this whole concept…
August 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Ugh. Cafe Treblinka just came to mind.
(Excuse me while I fetch the vodka . . . .)
August 29, 2012 at 5:43 pm
“You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp?!”
“I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little faeries in Cinderella!“
August 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I added hot water to the powder in these coffee(?) urns and it tastes like ass.
August 29, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 30, 2012 at 12:55 am
Soylent latte, perhaps?
August 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Skip the Romaine lettuce, have the humane lettuce.
August 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm
You could put that in between the hearts of tom and the joe peas, next to the suetons.
August 29, 2012 at 4:25 pm
With a light vinniegrette?
August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm
This is shaping up to be a nice 7-lawyer salad.
August 29, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Stew.
August 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm
I would add File’ jimbo, red leif lettuce, julied bill pepper, and, for those of philosophical bent, meta cheese.
August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm
Nah, soup, clearly. I’m going to go with Heinlein references on this.
Michael always did need a little salt *tastes the soup*
August 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm
I hope the same guy is trying to sell sneeze guards to funeral homes to use during open casket wakes.
August 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm
If you serve salad on it, it’s gross. If you serve meat on it, it will be called an art piece by PETA about how eating meat is wrong. Where is the fairness?
End salad discrimination now!
August 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm
How many vegetables had to die so that you could eat that salad? THOSE CARROTS HAD FAMILIES
August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm
THE EYES OF POTATOES ARE ON YOU!
August 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Save kale, eat bacon!
NOTE: If there was an actual vegetable rights group, that conducted itself just as militantly and hilariously as PETA, I would 100% join. Maybe we could throw dead leaves on celebrities that are vegetarian?
August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm
And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still, until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million, voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then. And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?” And the angel said unto me, “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust.”
August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmK0bZl4ILM home-made here in Canada. You’re welcome!
August 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm
I knew what the song was before I even clicked on it, and I was so happy. I love the Arrogant Worms. They were the band I listened to in high school.
August 29, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Do they serve long pig?
August 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm
nope, more like pulled pork.
August 29, 2012 at 3:54 pm
It may not be able to fuck….I’m still thinking…
It can not be eaten.
But it can piss on. A lot!
August 29, 2012 at 7:56 pm
If you can’t fuck it, eat it.
If you can’t eat it, piss on it.
If you can’t piss on it, set it free.
If it was yours it will come back to you.
If not, fuck it.
August 29, 2012 at 8:00 pm
And if it comes back for seconds, assume it had a nice time first time around?
August 29, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Surely. Can I call you that? Or not?
August 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Roger
August 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm
It would be great as a community bed pan. Imagine, the grandparents in Willy Wonka would’ve NEVER had to get out of their big group bed. And Charlie would have never met the Oompas… and started on his path to pimping.
August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Well, the individual bedpans make for wonderful soupbowls
August 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Finally! Trays big enough to cook the proper amount of Bacon! Now, to find an oven big enough to cook the proper amount of Bacon…
August 29, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Conveyor ovens are not hard to come by. Think: endless bacon belt!
August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm
It’s a whole week and 2 days until Bacon Fest in Portland! Last year I literally could not look at bacon after that. Until breakfast the next day of course.
August 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Anybody else feeling a little stiff?
August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I’m surprised you brought it up.
August 29, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Of corpse I would, it’s the first thing that came to mind!
August 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Yes, this has been a rigor-ous fuckery session.
August 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm
I can’t take any mor, tis too much.
August 29, 2012 at 4:00 pm
OOOHH WAIT! I think I get it. these are the kinds of trays you put hot lookin’ naked ladies in at fancy dinner parties where you can eat sushi off of their boobs.
August 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm
That’ s what I was thinking. It is haute and sexy to eat sushi off of naked ladies. So this would be. . . Well, the antithesis of sexy?
August 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm
A to-go box.
August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Mmmmmmm – skanki maki
August 29, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I AINT. NO. SKANK. :]
August 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Then I’d be honored to maki you.
August 30, 2012 at 9:36 am
I.AINT.NO.SKANT.
-signed, my skirt
August 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm
It’s All You Can Eat Night at Soylent Green’s!
August 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm
If I had $125, I would buy those in a heartbeat. Then I’d make a stand for them, add an air mattress, and we’d have creepy guest beds. People would think twice about mooching off us whenever they were in town.
August 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Brick wall and crematorium door in the guest bedroom FTW.
August 30, 2012 at 9:01 am
Oh-oh do I see the next etsy wedding trend craze?
August 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Indeed! I was thinking of adding chains to hang them and those foam Ikea mattress pads and ta-da: bunkbeds!
August 30, 2012 at 4:04 am
Don’t forget to provide a toe tag for each guest! Uh, “just in case” . . .
August 29, 2012 at 4:04 pm
oh man, i laughed so hard
August 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Back in my punk rock days, my friends and I would party at a local morgue/funeral home and have chips and dip off one of these…I’m feeling nostalgic for those good old days now…time for wine…
August 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm
I’ve got terrible news for everyone…there was a mistake in the listing and it should actually be filed under fetish gear:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17648_5-incredibly-impractical-sexual-fetishes.html (Specifically, #5 on this list).
August 29, 2012 at 4:17 pm
I think they used one of these on SNL years ago on the “Troff ‘n’ Brew” sketch.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/77/77rtroff.phtml
August 29, 2012 at 4:19 pm
That sounds cool, but you could never get those clean enough for me to go anywhere near them with a bag of lettuce.
August 29, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Et tu, e coli?
August 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm
My eyes have gone like this: O_O. They won’t stop.
August 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Just drizzle mine with the embalsamic vinaigrette.
August 29, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I prefer 1000 Dielands.
OH GOD THAT WAS AWFUL
August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I prefer mine without any dressing. Lettuce flapping in the wind is fine with me.
Or for some variety, have the salad tossed with some Adam’s Apple or Charlie Horse, but please, no Lady of the Lobster. I don’t do seafood.
August 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm
But have you tried Cream of Torium? Now with even more roasted Herb!
August 29, 2012 at 5:16 pm
You called?
Personally, I prefer a dead wine vinaigrette.
OH GOD THAT WAS WORSE
August 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Don’t forget blue (toe)cheese or, depending upon who used these last, French or Italian.
August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm
I like an Asian dressing with the zing of Ginger.
August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I used to work in a produce department, making many veggie trays, so I notice that kind of thing. There is a bunch of Veggie Tray Skeletons available online. I am code and picture-embedding illiterate, or I would post one. They are actually kind of cute. Somewhere there is a picture of one with a head of cabbage hollowed out for the head, filled with dip, so you can eat the “brains”. Yummy fun for all.
August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Found it. It’s way down on the page.
http://www.kids-birthday-party-guide.com/halloween-party.html
August 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm
that’s actually kind of cute!
August 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Like I need another reason to not eat vegetables
August 29, 2012 at 5:08 pm
If you could buy these brand new never used you could use them to try to break Guinness records. Worlds largest brownie….largest meat loaf….largest lasagna… but for these this seller is trying to sell recycle now.
August 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm
OMG! My nephew is a funeral director in nearby OKC! And he’s a newlywed! And I have yet to get him a wedding gift! And I KNOW he could use a salad bar! And it’s staniless steel!
Thank you Regretsy!
August 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm
If we go to the cemetery in Haskell, will we find headstones like:
Her Leis
FRAD SMTH
rest in peas
August 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Just think, someone’s dead grandmother could have been lying on that very salad buffet…
August 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm
She’s with cheeses now.
August 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm
If you flip the second one to make a lid, you could have a roasting pan perfect for a side of beef that’s been tenderized by a steam roller.
August 29, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Oh look! It’s K-K-Ken, c-c-coming to k-k-kill me!
August 29, 2012 at 5:59 pm
You could cast yourself in Jell-O in these. Everyone could get their favorite part at the buffet.
August 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm
And I thought cat pee in a kitchen-aid mixing bowl was a deal breaker…
August 29, 2012 at 8:17 pm
That still is. No deal.
August 30, 2012 at 3:48 am
Anything with cat pee is a deal breaker for most people.
August 29, 2012 at 7:01 pm
speaking of lettuce we do cut off their heads and eat of their hearts do we not?
August 29, 2012 at 7:17 pm
On the one hand, FUCKIN’ A MY CITY’S CRAIGSLIST MADE IT ON REGRETSY. But…yeah. ::smh::
August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm
haha I had the exact same reaction!
August 30, 2012 at 3:21 am
Likewise. I had a terrified moment, trying to remember if I had been drunk-posting to CraigsList. Again.
August 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Those would be awesome full-body sleds in the winter.
September 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Until someone dared someone else to lick it.
August 30, 2012 at 3:53 am
I guess the formaldehyde would probably keep the lettuce from wilting. The flavor might suffer, but it can’t be any worse than Russian dressing.
August 30, 2012 at 8:46 am
In Russia – you are a kind of dressing! What, a country?
August 30, 2012 at 5:32 am
do you know what makes a bad funeral home tray? A salad bar. You leave dear old Grandma by the croutons once, and the gestapo at Sizzlers never lets you back in. I mean she was dead already. What was she going to do, sneeze on the salad dressing?
August 30, 2012 at 6:45 am
I read the listing as “blah blah Home Morgue” and I thought, “has DIY gone too far?”
August 30, 2012 at 7:57 am
Well you could save $$$ by not installing a sneeze guard for the salad bar. Once it’s held a dead body I would assume all bets are off at that point.
August 30, 2012 at 8:21 am
I wouldn’t even have to haze my eyes to picture that in use at a Golden Corral.
August 30, 2012 at 11:36 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I once went to a party where the beer cooler was a coffin reclaimed when someone’s mother’s remains were moved.
August 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm
NO soup for you! although these also would make excellent tureens for ox blood soup.. *puke*
September 4, 2012 at 10:44 pm
ROFLMAO!!
Hah, so suits my sick sense of humor.
Was clearing out an Aged Care Facility with my husband’s cousin once, he was using a stainless steel trolley bed to transport things to the van. Knew exactly what sort of bed it was, a morgue one, so I said to him that I could use it in my kitchen. He blanched big time when I said I wanted something to prepare meat on.
September 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm
All these comments and no one’s mentioned that that’s a rather tender subject?
Is that squire on the fire?