- Submitted by Carolyn
I’LL HAVE THE SOUP
As long as its vegetarian salad, why not? I mean, I’m no cannibal.
…if its a salad bar, I keep thinking somewhere it should have a little sign that says “Eat me”…. but maybe not.
The challenge being, of course, what sort of salad does one put in a salad bar like that?
This’ll be a tofu call, I beet.
Based on the tray’s prior use perhaps a congealed salad?
Something with organ meats, anyway.
Oooh, you are offal!
Does that mean gutsy?
It means liverish. (Or kidneyish, spleenish, sweetbreadish…)
brain salad surgery … It will work for you, it works for me
ELP reference? You are my new BFF.
…my favorite album of all time!
Regretsy AND ELP – it just gets better and better
A whole head…. of iceburg
spelling fail… iceberg… I am going to go hang my own head… in shame
In my salad days, I might have found this amusing….now that I’m going to seed….the idea makes me feel a little roughage
a salad featuring Fava beans? paired with a nice Chianti?
Fpt fpt fpt fpt!
I have long wondered how that would be spelled. Thank you so much, ohskittles!
Given the recent death of Anthony Sedlak (http://www.tvguide.com/News/Anthony-Sedlak-Dead-1049750.aspx?rss=keywords&partnerid=foxnews&profileid=celebsh)
how about a chef salad?
I’ll take my salad with hidden body ranch dressing.
In Finland, a lot of the so-called. casseroles.
But that really does not fit in our oven.
Maybe they are also willing to sell the special kind of “oven” into which it does fit.
Should fit into a commercial pizza oven.
Now, hang on… this could be a great way to equip a new restaurant. Salad bars. Ovens. Handy herbs and spices storage, in fashionable upcycled coffin form. Prices that will kill any competition.
That’s one hell of a theme for a restaurant. Might fly in New Orleans, though. Or Los Angeles.
Given that cannibalism is my personal squick, I don’t think I’d last long at this restaurant. I’m going to go marinate in vodka until I forget about this whole concept…
Ugh. Cafe Treblinka just came to mind.
(Excuse me while I fetch the vodka . . . .)
“You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp?!”
“I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little faeries in Cinderella!“
I added hot water to the powder in these coffee(?) urns and it tastes like ass.
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I just figured out Starbucks! It’s pooper!! Starbucks is POOOOOOOOPEEEEER!!!!!!
Soylent latte, perhaps?
Skip the Romaine lettuce, have the humane lettuce.
You could put that in between the hearts of tom and the joe peas, next to the suetons.
With a light vinniegrette?
This is shaping up to be a nice 7-lawyer salad.
I would add File’ jimbo, red leif lettuce, julied bill pepper, and, for those of philosophical bent, meta cheese.
Nah, soup, clearly. I’m going to go with Heinlein references on this.
Michael always did need a little salt *tastes the soup*
I hope the same guy is trying to sell sneeze guards to funeral homes to use during open casket wakes.
If you serve salad on it, it’s gross. If you serve meat on it, it will be called an art piece by PETA about how eating meat is wrong. Where is the fairness?
End salad discrimination now!
How many vegetables had to die so that you could eat that salad? THOSE CARROTS HAD FAMILIES
THE EYES OF POTATOES ARE ON YOU!
Save kale, eat bacon!
NOTE: If there was an actual vegetable rights group, that conducted itself just as militantly and hilariously as PETA, I would 100% join. Maybe we could throw dead leaves on celebrities that are vegetarian?
And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still, until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million, voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then. And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?” And the angel said unto me, “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmK0bZl4ILM home-made here in Canada. You’re welcome!
I knew what the song was before I even clicked on it, and I was so happy. I love the Arrogant Worms. They were the band I listened to in high school.
Do they serve long pig?
nope, more like pulled pork.
It may not be able to fuck….I’m still thinking…
It can not be eaten.
But it can piss on. A lot!
If you can’t fuck it, eat it.
If you can’t eat it, piss on it.
If you can’t piss on it, set it free.
If it was yours it will come back to you.
If not, fuck it.
And if it comes back for seconds, assume it had a nice time first time around?
Surely. Can I call you that? Or not?
It would be great as a community bed pan. Imagine, the grandparents in Willy Wonka would’ve NEVER had to get out of their big group bed. And Charlie would have never met the Oompas… and started on his path to pimping.
Well, the individual bedpans make for wonderful soupbowls
Finally! Trays big enough to cook the proper amount of Bacon! Now, to find an oven big enough to cook the proper amount of Bacon…
Conveyor ovens are not hard to come by. Think: endless bacon belt!
It’s a whole week and 2 days until Bacon Fest in Portland! Last year I literally could not look at bacon after that. Until breakfast the next day of course.
Anybody else feeling a little stiff?
I’m surprised you brought it up.
Of corpse I would, it’s the first thing that came to mind!
Yes, this has been a rigor-ous fuckery session.
I can’t take any mor, tis too much.
OOOHH WAIT! I think I get it. these are the kinds of trays you put hot lookin’ naked ladies in at fancy dinner parties where you can eat sushi off of their boobs.
That’ s what I was thinking. It is haute and sexy to eat sushi off of naked ladies. So this would be. . . Well, the antithesis of sexy?
A to-go box.
Mmmmmmm – skanki maki
I AINT. NO. SKANK. :]
Then I’d be honored to maki you.
-signed, my skirt
It’s All You Can Eat Night at Soylent Green’s!
If I had $125, I would buy those in a heartbeat. Then I’d make a stand for them, add an air mattress, and we’d have creepy guest beds. People would think twice about mooching off us whenever they were in town.
Brick wall and crematorium door in the guest bedroom FTW.
Oh-oh do I see the next etsy wedding trend craze?
Indeed! I was thinking of adding chains to hang them and those foam Ikea mattress pads and ta-da: bunkbeds!
Don’t forget to provide a toe tag for each guest! Uh, “just in case” . . .
oh man, i laughed so hard
Back in my punk rock days, my friends and I would party at a local morgue/funeral home and have chips and dip off one of these…I’m feeling nostalgic for those good old days now…time for wine…
I’ve got terrible news for everyone…there was a mistake in the listing and it should actually be filed under fetish gear:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17648_5-incredibly-impractical-sexual-fetishes.html (Specifically, #5 on this list).
I think they used one of these on SNL years ago on the “Troff ‘n’ Brew” sketch.
That sounds cool, but you could never get those clean enough for me to go anywhere near them with a bag of lettuce.
Et tu, e coli?
My eyes have gone like this: O_O. They won’t stop.
Just drizzle mine with the embalsamic vinaigrette.
I prefer 1000 Dielands.
OH GOD THAT WAS AWFUL
I prefer mine without any dressing. Lettuce flapping in the wind is fine with me.
Or for some variety, have the salad tossed with some Adam’s Apple or Charlie Horse, but please, no Lady of the Lobster. I don’t do seafood.
But have you tried Cream of Torium? Now with even more roasted Herb!
Personally, I prefer a dead wine vinaigrette.
OH GOD THAT WAS WORSE
Don’t forget blue (toe)cheese or, depending upon who used these last, French or Italian.
I like an Asian dressing with the zing of Ginger.
I used to work in a produce department, making many veggie trays, so I notice that kind of thing. There is a bunch of Veggie Tray Skeletons available online. I am code and picture-embedding illiterate, or I would post one. They are actually kind of cute. Somewhere there is a picture of one with a head of cabbage hollowed out for the head, filled with dip, so you can eat the “brains”. Yummy fun for all.
Found it. It’s way down on the page.
that’s actually kind of cute!
Like I need another reason to not eat vegetables
If you could buy these brand new never used you could use them to try to break Guinness records. Worlds largest brownie….largest meat loaf….largest lasagna… but for these this seller is trying to sell recycle now.
OMG! My nephew is a funeral director in nearby OKC! And he’s a newlywed! And I have yet to get him a wedding gift! And I KNOW he could use a salad bar! And it’s staniless steel!
Thank you Regretsy!
If we go to the cemetery in Haskell, will we find headstones like:
rest in peas
Just think, someone’s dead grandmother could have been lying on that very salad buffet…
She’s with cheeses now.
If you flip the second one to make a lid, you could have a roasting pan perfect for a side of beef that’s been tenderized by a steam roller.
Oh look! It’s K-K-Ken, c-c-coming to k-k-kill me!
You could cast yourself in Jell-O in these. Everyone could get their favorite part at the buffet.
And I thought cat pee in a kitchen-aid mixing bowl was a deal breaker…
That still is. No deal.
Anything with cat pee is a deal breaker for most people.
speaking of lettuce we do cut off their heads and eat of their hearts do we not?
On the one hand, FUCKIN’ A MY CITY’S CRAIGSLIST MADE IT ON REGRETSY. But…yeah. ::smh::
haha I had the exact same reaction!
Likewise. I had a terrified moment, trying to remember if I had been drunk-posting to CraigsList. Again.
Those would be awesome full-body sleds in the winter.
Until someone dared someone else to lick it.
I guess the formaldehyde would probably keep the lettuce from wilting. The flavor might suffer, but it can’t be any worse than Russian dressing.
In Russia – you are a kind of dressing! What, a country?
do you know what makes a bad funeral home tray? A salad bar. You leave dear old Grandma by the croutons once, and the gestapo at Sizzlers never lets you back in. I mean she was dead already. What was she going to do, sneeze on the salad dressing?
I read the listing as “blah blah Home Morgue” and I thought, “has DIY gone too far?”
Well you could save $$$ by not installing a sneeze guard for the salad bar. Once it’s held a dead body I would assume all bets are off at that point.
I wouldn’t even have to haze my eyes to picture that in use at a Golden Corral.
I just threw up in my mouth… twice
I once went to a party where the beer cooler was a coffin reclaimed when someone’s mother’s remains were moved.
NO soup for you! although these also would make excellent tureens for ox blood soup.. *puke*
Hah, so suits my sick sense of humor.
Was clearing out an Aged Care Facility with my husband’s cousin once, he was using a stainless steel trolley bed to transport things to the van. Knew exactly what sort of bed it was, a morgue one, so I said to him that I could use it in my kitchen. He blanched big time when I said I wanted something to prepare meat on.
All these comments and no one’s mentioned that that’s a rather tender subject?
Is that squire on the fire?
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