House of Mr. Eddie’s Father
My little angle is 45*; anyone know how much that translates to in mounts or mouths?
I think 17 mouths fit into 1 mount, if that helps at all.
Math is herd!
And question marks are expensive, apparently. Not one in the entire ad.
and spelinng and gramer are ivan herder.
It’s someone who speaks English as a second language. Compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen posted in Vancouver area it’s Shakespeare.
Yep… I found this and sent it in actually (kind of exciting to see it posted!) I’ve seen worse English than this, but the sheer inconsistency of this was so profound.
…all I can think of when I read the mouths part is that this person is used to taking care of Chthulu babies. At least if they’ve been spending time with the ancient ones it would explain their poor grasp on the English language and their penchant for swimming and running.
Out of the mouths of babes, and madness.
‘Who’s a sweet little Eldritch abomination? Who? You are!
Just know, I fucking love you people! Now, I must away, I have to spend some quality time with my Elder God…
Personally, I don’t believe babies should be mounting at all. Only because if that happens, then who’s to stop unborn babies from getting pregnant in the womb? http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101220110842AAlDzZI
Ahhh. The conundrum of the “nesting doll” pregnancy. That’s been plaguing Canada for a while now.
Do we have the proper medical back round to have this discussion?
…if you told them that honestly I think there’d be a 50% chance they’d reply with, ’45 degree? Oh no, your little angle have fever! I know first aids. Please let me take 6 mount baby to doctor and change its hair and appearance.’
I think that’s 1/4 back round. Which makes it about 2/3 of a mouth (ferret)? What the hell happened to furlongs anyway?
I honestly can’t even fathom this.
Well played! I don’t even have a good pun to add!
Although I am sad to see little Edward looking like he’s morphing into Nick Nolte.
You could say that punning is out of your league.
And, by the sound of it, he didn’t get mouth OR mount. Too bad.
Sounds pretty acute!
She sounds obtuse to me.
I just know something ain’t right.
Well the stars are obviously right, or this person wouldn’t be offering to babysit hellspawn.
such acute little angle!
I don’t know, but they’re so acute at 45*!
Yours is a gorgeous little angle, very acute!
Oh dang it, should’ve scrolled down first.. can’t believe others thought of that dad joke too! ><
In addition to babysitting, do you think this person offers tutoring? Because that would really sell it for me.
These guys sound legit. I mean, not only do they have a medical back round, everyone knows that tunes players are responsible caregivers when it comes to little angle ones.
I thought they might want to think about rewording the “CPR and reference available upon request” line but then I realized they should probably just think about rewording the whole thing.
Something tells me you could pay this person in sandwiches.
Or mounts, probably.
Or in liquid cold medicine.
How many Monte (Cristos) can go in that mouth?
I know it says Vancouver so it’s probably a poor French to English translation, but I read it in an angry old Russian man’s voice. Which made it simultaneously more entertaining AND more frightening.
I think Vancouver’s Asian population is much larger than their Quebecois population.
I actually pictured read it in Engrish lol.
Don’t you mean “ror”?
engrish is awesome.
And I was hearing it spoken by a Filipina.
I was imagining it with a strong Vietnamese accent, myself.
Lol my first instinct was the Shitty Wok guy from South Park. He probably wouldn’t want to babysit for any damn Mongorrians though.
I was having a hard time reading it properly until I read your comment…YES! In the cadence of Shitty Wok guy, this totally makes sense. He would totally babysit your Shitty Baby.
Very possible. There’s a HUGE population of Filipina nannies in this area.
For those of you (and apparently there are many) too young to have seen either the movie or the TV series, Mrs. Livingston (or at least, the actress who portrayed her) was Japanese.
But then, I once heard the title in my head as “Cortia Profetti’s Father”, so perhaps I’m not in a position to correct anyone else’s misconceptions.
I was responding to the “I heard it as Filipina” comment, so I don’t know what the Mrs. Livingston thing has to do with it!
Wow, I’m not the only one who read it in a Russian accent.
Someone needs to do a Regretsy theatre on this or something…
Um… where the hell do you think Vancouver IS? We’re as far away as you can get from French Canada.
I can’t tell. Is that good or bad?
It’s neither good nor bad, or it’s good, or it’s bad, depending on whom you’re asking. I don’t care either way. I’m just stating a fact of geography. French Canada is pretty well limited to the province of Quebec. East side of the country. Vancouver is as far west in Canada as you can go on the mainland.
Fun fact: Quebec City is closer to Reykjavik, Iceland, than it is to Vancouver.
Okay, not THAT fun.
Any trivia involving Reykjavik is fun.
“Iceland is in the North Atlantic. Its capital city is Reykjavik. How tall is Regis Philbin?”
See? Fun. Just ask Craig Ferguson.
Nope. Former Vancouverite and ESL tutor here; this person’s Chinese. Maybe Korean given that it’s Coquitlam, but I’ve seen all these errors a hundred times on homework.
Doesn’t make it any less funny to read aloud though.
I’m not sure how I feel about this service. I’m getting a Delicatessen vibe here.
Yeah, me too. Especially after seeing this the other day:
Being a patient in the psych wing for a few years doesn’t count as a medical background.
It might qualify as medical back round, however. /resumes lurking.
If it was a prison psych wing, is it therefore a medical reach round?
Mrs. Livingston spoke much better Engrish than that.
Did she ever give Eddie or his father CPR, though?
3 mount swimming and running like hasn’t been seen since the Andrea Yates case.
You know, I HAVE found it hard to find a very carrying love babies. It’s like they’re reading my mind.
I would be cool with this person helping my child grow up bilingual in Mandarin. English not so much.
NEVER go mount to mouth.
How they feel putting bottles in the month? And what angel they fold the daiper?
When my wife and I were considering a babysitter, we made a checklist of qualities we wanted. “Tunes player” was at the very top of the list. You just can’t skimp on these kinds of things.
I think tunes player should come before English. We must teach the angels their priorities.
Wait, so the babies aren’t the ones that need to be very clean, very active, swimmer, runner, and tunes player? Because that is what this sitter makes it sound like.
I would like to see a baby be not only very clean, but swim, run, play tunes, and be very active.
I thought she was refering to the babies also, except I misread “active” as “attractive”. I thought to myself good luck finding a baby less than 12 mouth old that is clean, attractive, a swimmer, and a runner. (Not to mention a tunes player, it’s very rare angles less than 12 mouth are accomplished tunes players).
Really, I’m thinking damn but this woman is picky about who she’ll babysit! She must have a very limited clientele;)
I think it might be a little ambitious for the babies, at only 12 Mouths of age, to already be running, swimming, AND fully functioning MP3 players. I didn’t start doing all that until I was 24 moths.
I’m checking for her companion ad that offers her secretarial services.
I found it:
Do you have paper, no words with a very carrying typing.
Do you want a phone love holder with hello abilities.
Do you have found that paper email are very costing.
Do you find it very hard to find a typer loving paperclip with email microsoft words.
The office should be 1 mount to 57 mouths. (must)
Very typing, sitting, tunes player.
Nothing like me work in your presents and job at you with loving and paying.
I’m just glad these two gave up their jobs at the call center. I was crying to be transferred back to the robot after 15 minutes.
I’m in love with you. I was imagining this being yelled by an asian woman. It was making me think of when I order chinese food, the girl yells at me (WHAT YOU WANT?! YEAH! WHAT ELSE! SMALL OR LARGE!) then hangs up at the end.
I love my local Chinese take-out place, mostly because they’re in a very small rural town and roll with being insanely out of place, but they DO always hang up on me. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
Plus, they say everything will be ready in ten minutes, regardless of the order. Although it usually is. Those cooks are on TOP of things.
I always get 15 mins. I live in a tiny little town and they yell, before hanging up, “YOU COME NOW! WE COOK FO YOU!” My favorite though has to be when they answer.
As someone who is Chinese, yeah, I think it might be a cultural thing. My dad hangs up without saying goodbye all the time no matter how much I tell him that it’s really kind of rude and abrupt.
It beats finding a polite way to end a conversation.
Our local take-away solved the language problem quite easily. The just learn numbers, and the words “dollars”, “small/large” and “minutes”.
Items are ordered by numbers.
Customers are identified by number.
Cash-only transactions are numbers.
They have 2 sizes of everything, and the time-frame is always 20 minutes.
I have no complaints.
I am not a number! I am a free man!
- No. 6
I am Number Two. No, the NUMBER not the “number”!
This is in B.C., so I think “Mouth” and “Mount” are Metric measurements.
How is babby-sitter formed?
I think they should do way with instain tunes player that babby sit their angles
Wait does it really say baby must have 12 mouth? No wonder she can run. I would too.
Why do I get the feeling that this person immigrated to North America in a shipping container?
I thumbed that up.
I very avid tunes player. I want to know if a tunes player is different than a singer. Do they hum? Do they squeal tunes? Fart them? Did they leave out the i?
I’m not sure this isn’t a baby advertising for a sitter. Babies are notoriously lax about grammar and syntax.
I’ve heard most can’t even complete a sentence diagram.
Babies aren’t good at lots of things but there are 2 things they really suck at.
I can just hear the 911 call:
Dispatch: What is your emergency?
Sitter: Have acute angle am watching. It has fallen in water – 7 mouth, not breathe! I do back round CPR but it’s not helping. Playing tunes not helping!
This first time I read this I thought that they required the child to be “clean, very active, swimmer, runner and tunes player”.
Which made it read more like a “want ad” then a “services offered” ad.
Track, Swimming, Floor Routine! That kid is going to be rakin’ ‘em in at the 2032 Olympics!
Forget all the language stuff, if this person really means 3-12 months, does anyone else find it strange that this person will ONLY babysit 3-12 month olds? 13 month olds are just too old?
That’s when language acquisition really gets going and she doesn’t want to get sued?
The age specificity gave me major pedo/trafficking vibes. *shudder*
This. Bad English or a bad translation is one thing. But this entire ad, the way it was worded, made me immediately think they were setting up the babies for involuntary adoption without parental permission.
I hear white babies can fetch a pretty tidy sum.
Likely has to do with either licensing, or rates.
When my kids were in daycare, there were different requirements as to how many adults per child depending on the age.
Infant (under a year) day care is both harder to find, and more expensive.
Plus day care usually divides kids into pre-and-post walkers/talkers.
So no, that’s not weird.
This person doesn’t say anything about being licensed and the ad sounds more like a one on one thing vs group day care situation. So yeah, it IS weird. If it was a matter of rates, wouldn’t they just charge more? The way it says “MUST” is just creepy.
This is when babies are most delicious! It says it right here In “Rachel Ray: The Gingerbread House Kitchen.
I’m not at all surprised that this ad comes from my neck of the woods. Oh my.
I’m very curious as to why this person wants no older than 12 months (sorry, mouth) old. If this ad is still around in three months and a bit (as I’m due at the end of next month), shall I contact him/her and let you folks know the hilariously frightening results? Just contact, mind, not actually allowing my child to be looked after by this very “carrying” person.
You can always contact her now and tell her you’re just getting things in line so you don’t have to worry about finding someone.
This sounds like a casting call for the next Human Centipede movie. “The Human Centipede: Now made with babies!”
Late am to read of this. Disappoint. All to be sayed has been sayed mount to moth enfact.
Waiting then for futur to have change to persperate with all.
Serious clean diaper now.
Did anyone else read this with a little-old-lady Chinese accent as done by the 40-Year-Old-Virgin?
If you did, me love you long time.
I actually kind of like this person. She seems sort of cute and genuinely interested in child care.
so she has a medical back round
Does that mean she has a hunchback?
How do you mount a baby? Is it like a deer with just the head or like fish with the entire body?
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medical back round?
What does she think that actually means?
I’m gonna be the sour grape here
But I just mocking people for poor English when it is clearly their second language is poor taste. My Spanish and French are abysmal and I speak no other languages.
I have full intentions of continuing to mock bad crafters, however.
I guess you never laughed at Pink Panther movies. Or Andy Kaufman. Or Borat. Or Yakov Smirnoff.
Well to be far, no one laughed at Yakov Smirnoff.
Did someone tell you the humor here was going to be in good taste? If they did, they lied to you.
Creep, Creep, CREEPAZOID. I would never allow my child to be cared for by someone who will only keep kids who aren’t yet old enough to TALK. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
Oh noooooo, that’s my city D:
That’s a lot to ask a baby…Swimming AND running AND they have to be able to play bass for your garage band?
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