Yep… I found this and sent it in actually (kind of exciting to see it posted!) I’ve seen worse English than this, but the sheer inconsistency of this was so profound.
…all I can think of when I read the mouths part is that this person is used to taking care of Chthulu babies. At least if they’ve been spending time with the ancient ones it would explain their poor grasp on the English language and their penchant for swimming and running.
…if you told them that honestly I think there’d be a 50% chance they’d reply with, ’45 degree? Oh no, your little angle have fever! I know first aids. Please let me take 6 mount baby to doctor and change its hair and appearance.’
These guys sound legit. I mean, not only do they have a medical back round, everyone knows that tunes players are responsible caregivers when it comes to little angle ones.
I thought they might want to think about rewording the “CPR and reference available upon request” line but then I realized they should probably just think about rewording the whole thing.
I know it says Vancouver so it’s probably a poor French to English translation, but I read it in an angry old Russian man’s voice. Which made it simultaneously more entertaining AND more frightening.
I was having a hard time reading it properly until I read your comment…YES! In the cadence of Shitty Wok guy, this totally makes sense. He would totally babysit your Shitty Baby.
For those of you (and apparently there are many) too young to have seen either the movie or the TV series, Mrs. Livingston (or at least, the actress who portrayed her) was Japanese.
But then, I once heard the title in my head as “Cortia Profetti’s Father”, so perhaps I’m not in a position to correct anyone else’s misconceptions.
It’s neither good nor bad, or it’s good, or it’s bad, depending on whom you’re asking. I don’t care either way. I’m just stating a fact of geography. French Canada is pretty well limited to the province of Quebec. East side of the country. Vancouver is as far west in Canada as you can go on the mainland.
Nope. Former Vancouverite and ESL tutor here; this person’s Chinese. Maybe Korean given that it’s Coquitlam, but I’ve seen all these errors a hundred times on homework.
Doesn’t make it any less funny to read aloud though.
When my wife and I were considering a babysitter, we made a checklist of qualities we wanted. “Tunes player” was at the very top of the list. You just can’t skimp on these kinds of things.
Wait, so the babies aren’t the ones that need to be very clean, very active, swimmer, runner, and tunes player? Because that is what this sitter makes it sound like.
I would like to see a baby be not only very clean, but swim, run, play tunes, and be very active.
I thought she was refering to the babies also, except I misread “active” as “attractive”. I thought to myself good luck finding a baby less than 12 mouth old that is clean, attractive, a swimmer, and a runner. (Not to mention a tunes player, it’s very rare angles less than 12 mouth are accomplished tunes players).
I think it might be a little ambitious for the babies, at only 12 Mouths of age, to already be running, swimming, AND fully functioning MP3 players. I didn’t start doing all that until I was 24 moths.
Do you have paper, no words with a very carrying typing.
Do you want a phone love holder with hello abilities.
Do you have found that paper email are very costing.
Do you find it very hard to find a typer loving paperclip with email microsoft words.
The office should be 1 mount to 57 mouths. (must)
Very typing, sitting, tunes player.
Nothing like me work in your presents and job at you with loving and paying.
I’m in love with you. I was imagining this being yelled by an asian woman. It was making me think of when I order chinese food, the girl yells at me (WHAT YOU WANT?! YEAH! WHAT ELSE! SMALL OR LARGE!) then hangs up at the end.
I love my local Chinese take-out place, mostly because they’re in a very small rural town and roll with being insanely out of place, but they DO always hang up on me. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
Plus, they say everything will be ready in ten minutes, regardless of the order. Although it usually is. Those cooks are on TOP of things.
I always get 15 mins. I live in a tiny little town and they yell, before hanging up, “YOU COME NOW! WE COOK FO YOU!” My favorite though has to be when they answer.
As someone who is Chinese, yeah, I think it might be a cultural thing. My dad hangs up without saying goodbye all the time no matter how much I tell him that it’s really kind of rude and abrupt.
I very avid tunes player. I want to know if a tunes player is different than a singer. Do they hum? Do they squeal tunes? Fart them? Did they leave out the i?
I can just hear the 911 call:
Dispatch: What is your emergency?
Sitter: Have acute angle am watching. It has fallen in water – 7 mouth, not breathe! I do back round CPR but it’s not helping. Playing tunes not helping!
Forget all the language stuff, if this person really means 3-12 months, does anyone else find it strange that this person will ONLY babysit 3-12 month olds? 13 month olds are just too old?
This. Bad English or a bad translation is one thing. But this entire ad, the way it was worded, made me immediately think they were setting up the babies for involuntary adoption without parental permission.
This person doesn’t say anything about being licensed and the ad sounds more like a one on one thing vs group day care situation. So yeah, it IS weird. If it was a matter of rates, wouldn’t they just charge more? The way it says “MUST” is just creepy.
I’m not at all surprised that this ad comes from my neck of the woods. Oh my.
I’m very curious as to why this person wants no older than 12 months (sorry, mouth) old. If this ad is still around in three months and a bit (as I’m due at the end of next month), shall I contact him/her and let you folks know the hilariously frightening results? Just contact, mind, not actually allowing my child to be looked after by this very “carrying” person.
I’m gonna be the sour grape here
But I just mocking people for poor English when it is clearly their second language is poor taste. My Spanish and French are abysmal and I speak no other languages.
I have full intentions of continuing to mock bad crafters, however.
Creep, Creep, CREEPAZOID. I would never allow my child to be cared for by someone who will only keep kids who aren’t yet old enough to TALK. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
August 24, 2012 at 10:30 am
My little angle is 45*; anyone know how much that translates to in mounts or mouths?
August 24, 2012 at 10:31 am
I think 17 mouths fit into 1 mount, if that helps at all.
August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am
Math is herd!
August 24, 2012 at 10:52 am
And question marks are expensive, apparently. Not one in the entire ad.
August 24, 2012 at 10:57 am
and spelinng and gramer are ivan herder.
August 25, 2012 at 9:35 pm
It’s someone who speaks English as a second language. Compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen posted in Vancouver area it’s Shakespeare.
August 29, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Yep… I found this and sent it in actually (kind of exciting to see it posted!) I’ve seen worse English than this, but the sheer inconsistency of this was so profound.
August 24, 2012 at 10:40 am
…all I can think of when I read the mouths part is that this person is used to taking care of Chthulu babies. At least if they’ve been spending time with the ancient ones it would explain their poor grasp on the English language and their penchant for swimming and running.
August 24, 2012 at 11:20 am
Out of the mouths of babes, and madness.
August 24, 2012 at 7:29 pm
‘Who’s a sweet little Eldritch abomination? Who? You are!
August 24, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Just know, I fucking love you people! Now, I must away, I have to spend some quality time with my Elder God…
August 24, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Personally, I don’t believe babies should be mounting at all. Only because if that happens, then who’s to stop unborn babies from getting pregnant in the womb? http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101220110842AAlDzZI
August 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Ahhh. The conundrum of the “nesting doll” pregnancy. That’s been plaguing Canada for a while now.
August 24, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Do we have the proper medical back round to have this discussion?
August 24, 2012 at 10:32 am
…if you told them that honestly I think there’d be a 50% chance they’d reply with, ’45 degree? Oh no, your little angle have fever! I know first aids. Please let me take 6 mount baby to doctor and change its hair and appearance.’
August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am
I think that’s 1/4 back round. Which makes it about 2/3 of a mouth (ferret)? What the hell happened to furlongs anyway?
August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2192645/Edward-Furlong-mugged-claiming-asked-passer-directions-drug-haven-area-Skid-Row.html
August 24, 2012 at 11:09 am
I honestly can’t even fathom this.
August 24, 2012 at 11:17 am
Well played! I don’t even have a good pun to add!
Although I am sad to see little Edward looking like he’s morphing into Nick Nolte.
August 25, 2012 at 10:23 pm
You could say that punning is out of your league.
August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am
And, by the sound of it, he didn’t get mouth OR mount. Too bad.
August 24, 2012 at 10:34 am
Sounds pretty acute!
August 24, 2012 at 10:50 am
She sounds obtuse to me.
August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am
I just know something ain’t right.
August 24, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Well the stars are obviously right, or this person wouldn’t be offering to babysit hellspawn.
August 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm
such acute little angle!
August 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I don’t know, but they’re so acute at 45*!
August 25, 2012 at 5:19 am
Yours is a gorgeous little angle, very acute!
August 25, 2012 at 5:20 am
Oh dang it, should’ve scrolled down first.. can’t believe others thought of that dad joke too! ><
August 24, 2012 at 10:30 am
In addition to babysitting, do you think this person offers tutoring? Because that would really sell it for me.
August 24, 2012 at 10:31 am
These guys sound legit. I mean, not only do they have a medical back round, everyone knows that tunes players are responsible caregivers when it comes to little angle ones.
August 24, 2012 at 10:31 am
I thought they might want to think about rewording the “CPR and reference available upon request” line but then I realized they should probably just think about rewording the whole thing.
August 24, 2012 at 10:31 am
Something tells me you could pay this person in sandwiches.
August 24, 2012 at 10:32 am
Or mounts, probably.
August 24, 2012 at 10:58 am
Or in liquid cold medicine.
August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am
How many Monte (Cristos) can go in that mouth?
August 24, 2012 at 10:32 am
I know it says Vancouver so it’s probably a poor French to English translation, but I read it in an angry old Russian man’s voice. Which made it simultaneously more entertaining AND more frightening.
August 24, 2012 at 10:36 am
I think Vancouver’s Asian population is much larger than their Quebecois population.
August 24, 2012 at 10:46 am
I actually pictured read it in Engrish lol.
August 24, 2012 at 10:53 am
Don’t you mean “ror”?
August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am
engrish is awesome.
August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am
And I was hearing it spoken by a Filipina.
August 24, 2012 at 11:18 am
I was imagining it with a strong Vietnamese accent, myself.
August 24, 2012 at 11:38 am
Lol my first instinct was the Shitty Wok guy from South Park. He probably wouldn’t want to babysit for any damn Mongorrians though.
August 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I was having a hard time reading it properly until I read your comment…YES! In the cadence of Shitty Wok guy, this totally makes sense. He would totally babysit your Shitty Baby.
August 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Very possible. There’s a HUGE population of Filipina nannies in this area.
August 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm
For those of you (and apparently there are many) too young to have seen either the movie or the TV series, Mrs. Livingston (or at least, the actress who portrayed her) was Japanese.
But then, I once heard the title in my head as “Cortia Profetti’s Father”, so perhaps I’m not in a position to correct anyone else’s misconceptions.
August 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm
I was responding to the “I heard it as Filipina” comment, so I don’t know what the Mrs. Livingston thing has to do with it!
August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am
Wow, I’m not the only one who read it in a Russian accent.
Someone needs to do a Regretsy theatre on this or something…
August 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Um… where the hell do you think Vancouver IS? We’re as far away as you can get from French Canada.
August 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I can’t tell. Is that good or bad?
August 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm
It’s neither good nor bad, or it’s good, or it’s bad, depending on whom you’re asking. I don’t care either way. I’m just stating a fact of geography. French Canada is pretty well limited to the province of Quebec. East side of the country. Vancouver is as far west in Canada as you can go on the mainland.
August 24, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Fun fact: Quebec City is closer to Reykjavik, Iceland, than it is to Vancouver.
August 24, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Okay, not THAT fun.
August 25, 2012 at 12:06 am
Any trivia involving Reykjavik is fun.
“Iceland is in the North Atlantic. Its capital city is Reykjavik. How tall is Regis Philbin?”
See? Fun. Just ask Craig Ferguson.
August 24, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Nope. Former Vancouverite and ESL tutor here; this person’s Chinese. Maybe Korean given that it’s Coquitlam, but I’ve seen all these errors a hundred times on homework.
Doesn’t make it any less funny to read aloud though.
August 24, 2012 at 10:32 am
I’m not sure how I feel about this service. I’m getting a Delicatessen vibe here.
August 24, 2012 at 10:49 am
Yeah, me too. Especially after seeing this the other day:
http://wondermark.com/863/
August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am
Being a patient in the psych wing for a few years doesn’t count as a medical background.
August 24, 2012 at 10:37 am
It might qualify as medical back round, however. /resumes lurking.
August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am
If it was a prison psych wing, is it therefore a medical reach round?
August 24, 2012 at 10:35 am
Mrs. Livingston spoke much better Engrish than that.
August 24, 2012 at 11:16 am
Did she ever give Eddie or his father CPR, though?
August 24, 2012 at 10:35 am
3 mount swimming and running like hasn’t been seen since the Andrea Yates case.
August 24, 2012 at 10:35 am
You know, I HAVE found it hard to find a very carrying love babies. It’s like they’re reading my mind.
August 24, 2012 at 10:36 am
I would be cool with this person helping my child grow up bilingual in Mandarin. English not so much.
August 24, 2012 at 10:38 am
NEVER go mount to mouth.
August 24, 2012 at 10:39 am
How they feel putting bottles in the month? And what angel they fold the daiper?
August 24, 2012 at 10:44 am
When my wife and I were considering a babysitter, we made a checklist of qualities we wanted. “Tunes player” was at the very top of the list. You just can’t skimp on these kinds of things.
August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am
I think tunes player should come before English. We must teach the angels their priorities.
August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am
Wait, so the babies aren’t the ones that need to be very clean, very active, swimmer, runner, and tunes player? Because that is what this sitter makes it sound like.
I would like to see a baby be not only very clean, but swim, run, play tunes, and be very active.
August 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I thought she was refering to the babies also, except I misread “active” as “attractive”. I thought to myself good luck finding a baby less than 12 mouth old that is clean, attractive, a swimmer, and a runner. (Not to mention a tunes player, it’s very rare angles less than 12 mouth are accomplished tunes players).
August 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Really, I’m thinking damn but this woman is picky about who she’ll babysit! She must have a very limited clientele;)
August 24, 2012 at 10:45 am
I think it might be a little ambitious for the babies, at only 12 Mouths of age, to already be running, swimming, AND fully functioning MP3 players. I didn’t start doing all that until I was 24 moths.
August 24, 2012 at 10:46 am
I’m checking for her companion ad that offers her secretarial services.
August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am
I found it:
Do you have paper, no words with a very carrying typing.
Do you want a phone love holder with hello abilities.
Do you have found that paper email are very costing.
Do you find it very hard to find a typer loving paperclip with email microsoft words.
The office should be 1 mount to 57 mouths. (must)
Very typing, sitting, tunes player.
Nothing like me work in your presents and job at you with loving and paying.
Sincerely,
Barbie McDonalds
August 24, 2012 at 11:36 am
I’m just glad these two gave up their jobs at the call center. I was crying to be transferred back to the robot after 15 minutes.
August 24, 2012 at 11:38 am
I’m in love with you. I was imagining this being yelled by an asian woman. It was making me think of when I order chinese food, the girl yells at me (WHAT YOU WANT?! YEAH! WHAT ELSE! SMALL OR LARGE!) then hangs up at the end.
August 24, 2012 at 11:41 am
I love my local Chinese take-out place, mostly because they’re in a very small rural town and roll with being insanely out of place, but they DO always hang up on me. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
Plus, they say everything will be ready in ten minutes, regardless of the order. Although it usually is. Those cooks are on TOP of things.
August 24, 2012 at 11:46 am
I always get 15 mins. I live in a tiny little town and they yell, before hanging up, “YOU COME NOW! WE COOK FO YOU!” My favorite though has to be when they answer.
August 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm
As someone who is Chinese, yeah, I think it might be a cultural thing. My dad hangs up without saying goodbye all the time no matter how much I tell him that it’s really kind of rude and abrupt.
August 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm
It beats finding a polite way to end a conversation.
August 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Our local take-away solved the language problem quite easily. The just learn numbers, and the words “dollars”, “small/large” and “minutes”.
Items are ordered by numbers.
Customers are identified by number.
Cash-only transactions are numbers.
They have 2 sizes of everything, and the time-frame is always 20 minutes.
I have no complaints.
August 24, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I am not a number! I am a free man!
- No. 6
August 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I am Number Two. No, the NUMBER not the “number”!
August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am
This is in B.C., so I think “Mouth” and “Mount” are Metric measurements.
August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am
How is babby-sitter formed?
August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am
I think they should do way with instain tunes player that babby sit their angles
August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am
Wait does it really say baby must have 12 mouth? No wonder she can run. I would too.
August 24, 2012 at 11:13 am
Why do I get the feeling that this person immigrated to North America in a shipping container?
August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am
I thumbed that up.
August 24, 2012 at 11:30 am
I very avid tunes player. I want to know if a tunes player is different than a singer. Do they hum? Do they squeal tunes? Fart them? Did they leave out the i?
August 24, 2012 at 11:30 am
I’m not sure this isn’t a baby advertising for a sitter. Babies are notoriously lax about grammar and syntax.
August 24, 2012 at 11:44 am
I’ve heard most can’t even complete a sentence diagram.
August 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Babies aren’t good at lots of things but there are 2 things they really suck at.
August 24, 2012 at 11:36 am
I can just hear the 911 call:
Dispatch: What is your emergency?
Sitter: Have acute angle am watching. It has fallen in water – 7 mouth, not breathe! I do back round CPR but it’s not helping. Playing tunes not helping!
August 24, 2012 at 11:40 am
This first time I read this I thought that they required the child to be “clean, very active, swimmer, runner and tunes player”.
Which made it read more like a “want ad” then a “services offered” ad.
August 24, 2012 at 11:58 am
Track, Swimming, Floor Routine! That kid is going to be rakin’ ‘em in at the 2032 Olympics!
August 24, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Forget all the language stuff, if this person really means 3-12 months, does anyone else find it strange that this person will ONLY babysit 3-12 month olds? 13 month olds are just too old?
August 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm
That’s when language acquisition really gets going and she doesn’t want to get sued?
August 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Or out-shined.
August 24, 2012 at 12:37 pm
The age specificity gave me major pedo/trafficking vibes. *shudder*
August 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm
This. Bad English or a bad translation is one thing. But this entire ad, the way it was worded, made me immediately think they were setting up the babies for involuntary adoption without parental permission.
August 31, 2012 at 6:08 pm
I hear white babies can fetch a pretty tidy sum.
August 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Not really.
Likely has to do with either licensing, or rates.
When my kids were in daycare, there were different requirements as to how many adults per child depending on the age.
Infant (under a year) day care is both harder to find, and more expensive.
Plus day care usually divides kids into pre-and-post walkers/talkers.
So no, that’s not weird.
August 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm
This person doesn’t say anything about being licensed and the ad sounds more like a one on one thing vs group day care situation. So yeah, it IS weird. If it was a matter of rates, wouldn’t they just charge more? The way it says “MUST” is just creepy.
August 24, 2012 at 3:00 pm
This is when babies are most delicious! It says it right here In “Rachel Ray: The Gingerbread House Kitchen.
Eeeeee-heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
August 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I’m not at all surprised that this ad comes from my neck of the woods. Oh my.
I’m very curious as to why this person wants no older than 12 months (sorry, mouth) old. If this ad is still around in three months and a bit (as I’m due at the end of next month), shall I contact him/her and let you folks know the hilariously frightening results? Just contact, mind, not actually allowing my child to be looked after by this very “carrying” person.
August 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm
You can always contact her now and tell her you’re just getting things in line so you don’t have to worry about finding someone.
August 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm
This sounds like a casting call for the next Human Centipede movie. “The Human Centipede: Now made with babies!”
August 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Late am to read of this. Disappoint. All to be sayed has been sayed mount to moth enfact.
Waiting then for futur to have change to persperate with all.
Serious clean diaper now.
August 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Did anyone else read this with a little-old-lady Chinese accent as done by the 40-Year-Old-Virgin?
If you did, me love you long time.
August 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm
I actually kind of like this person. She seems sort of cute and genuinely interested in child care.
August 24, 2012 at 4:42 pm
so she has a medical back round
Does that mean she has a hunchback?
August 24, 2012 at 8:09 pm
How do you mount a baby? Is it like a deer with just the head or like fish with the entire body?
August 25, 2012 at 7:31 am
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August 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm
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August 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm
I guess you never laughed at Pink Panther movies. Or Andy Kaufman. Or Borat. Or Yakov Smirnoff.
Well to be far, no one laughed at Yakov Smirnoff.
August 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Did someone tell you the humor here was going to be in good taste? If they did, they lied to you.
August 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm
Creep, Creep, CREEPAZOID. I would never allow my child to be cared for by someone who will only keep kids who aren’t yet old enough to TALK. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
August 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Oh noooooo, that’s my city D:
That’s a lot to ask a baby…Swimming AND running AND they have to be able to play bass for your garage band?