DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY SNORKS GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR THIS THING
Snorks don’t have much meat on them. Not like fraggles.
I’m not entirely sure this person understands what ‘formally’ means.
I think that has to be a typo, for “formerly.” As in, “Wear this formerly — travel back in time before putting it on, so none of your sane friends ever see you in it.”
It could be used for the greater good that way. I’m pretty sure if you put this on Adolf Hitler he would just spontaneously combust. I think that hyperbaric chamber for kids could probably be a time machine.
If he was wearing this, how could anyone nazi him coming?
Gestapo with your bad self!
It is pretty easy to S.S. the situation when someone has this on.
…oh God that was awful.
I’m goering to cry!
He would Lufte like an idiot in that thing.
OH GOD THAT ONE’S EVEN WORSE
I am a-gassed at these horrible puns.
You are SO reich about that, LeeLoo.
Your timing sucks, Matt.
You mengeled it up, Matt.
Isn’t it a little early to be getting blitzed?
It’s funf o’clock somewhere, Zippy.
If you wear this, I doubt you have any sane friends. If you do, you won’t for much longer!
Would one shawl pin be able to contain this much fabulousness?
That shawl pin would have to be the size of a dinner plate to even be seen amidst all that fuckery.
I’m sure Etsy can help you there.
It’s so tempting but I already have a boa scarf wrap poncho capelet cowl.
Confession time. In my early days of knitting, I crafted a few horrors that should not have been seen outside the covers of a Lovecraft or Stephen King novel. However, I never sold them and certainly never let them see the light of day. And believe me, they were, ah, ‘Regretsy calibre’. I shudder at the sunset-coloured wool tube top that was too large, and the electric-blue loose pom-pom yarn tank.
Three years later, lesson learned: some creations just need to be unravelled before they become dangerous. Otherwise, elder horrors will be cast off, and find their way into innocent people’s homes.
Part of learning to knit, crochet, weave, or sew involves all kinds of eldritch abominations. I have some myself sitting in a dark corner of my craft closet.
With plenty of pom-poms, of course.
Maybe I should open an Etsy shop.
Long, long ago, I made myself a sweater out of granny squares. You know the yarn: multi-primary-colors-hombre. Black “frames.” I was very proud of that sweater, and wore it all through what passes for “winter” in California. Then, one day, an old lady wearing orange lipstick asked me if I was a divan, or a hide-a-bed.
I gave that sweater to the local chapter of the SPCA during one of their kennel-blanket drives.
YOU GUYZ! YOU GUYZ!
We…*takes a deep breath before looking about furtively* We could…send this stuff to HK for a charity thing. I do have a couple of truly fabulously awful things that I bet FLJs would enjoy setting on fire, of wearing. I…am legitimately tempted to do this.
I shouldn’t have ridden the tilt-a-whirl twice…
Is it the least flame-resistant lampshade in history?
Is it a burka sold in the souvenir tent when the Grateful Dead played Tehran?
No! It’s formal wear! Perfect for the annual Black and White and Purple and Blue and Red and Brown and Pink Ball at The Plaza!
Couldn’t be a GD burka — would cause too many bad trips.
It does have several touches of grey. Among the dozens of other colors, I mean.
But it would clash with your scarlet begonias.
The plush fur poaching market finally comes to a light when we learn the gritty truth about what really happened to the Care Bear cousins. I guess Swift Heart just wasn’t fast enough…
Plushie Poaching: Fringe Division.
That is the mother of all leis. Can’t wait to see the matching skirt….
Was Snuffleupagus gay? If so, he could totally wear that thing.
A gay Snuffleupagus would never be caught dead in that.
I think that shows Snuffleupagus is out. Inside-out! Giant muppet entrails pride!
You’re right, Downthumber. There are absolutely ZERO flamboyant gay guys out there. None. Unheard of.
The difference between being a flamboyant homosexual and a fashion criminal can be construed as HUGE. Just FYI.
(BTW, I didn’t downthumb you.)
I know. I just like talking to the downthumbers. It’s fun.
It could have been a Jim Henson fan who’s pissed that I had to bring Snuffleupagus into this. That I would understand. He’s an innocent victim here.
All I can think of is cheetos doused in pepto bismol OH GOD THERE GOES MY FAT JEALOUS LOSER APPETITE
Bonus points for the suggestion to ‘wear it formally’. Where? A muppet funeral?
I think this is the reason for the muppet funeral and it should be a closed-casket.
My cat puked up something like this once. I never left him alone in the craft room again. I would take the same approach with the creator of this pile.
One time my cat got into my yarn stash. Not the stash of yarn I actually use but the stuff other people have leftovers from whatever uglyass thing they made. I make mittens for poor kids so people give me stuff. This was the stash that was too ugly to use. Anyway Kitty found it and when I came home something that looked just like this poncho was lurking under my table. Scared the bejeezus out of me.
Speaking as someone who likes to use leftover yarn creatively…it is not that hard to match colours. I’ve seen my cat create things like this after climbing into my yarn bin before.
No, cherry bomb!
It is Cherry festival – it’s what happened after you stuffed yourself full of cherries at the festival and found the nearest palette …
“Wear it with your favorite shawl pin”?
How would you ever see or be able to identify a pin amongst that mess?
That’s like saying Slash should wear a barrette in his hair. Ridiculous.
Or like saying that Dee Snider from Twisted Sister should wear cufflinks.
Or Tommy Lee should wear a condom.
Or I should wear pants or underwear to work. Wait- what were we talking about?
Go with pants, I say.
But the kilt feels so right.
Go with underwear then. Or don’t. Yeah, don’t. *drools*
You can drool. It’s a water-resistant kilt.
Someone already kilt all those snorks. Enough. Pants for you, Matt.
YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!!! (runs off sobbing)
wait- are you my mom, melagrana?
Go with this cowl shawl thing Matt. You will be ready for any holiday.
Oh boy. This is awkward, son.
Mom, you left me! You left me with nothing but a placenta print and a jar of skunk paws to remember you by! Why’d you do it, WHY?
Those skunk paws will come in handy one day, son, you mark my words.
Like so many EtsyKrafters, I had a VisionKwest to follow, and you couldn’t come along. The harem pants weren’t big enough to hold you.
My last memory of you is seeing you drift away in that harem-pants hot air balloon, higher and higher you went…and then you were gone.
Some kind hearted hipsters at a place called “etsy” in Brooklyn took me in and fed me bacon and PBR and kept me warm with the large quantity of mustaches they had laying around. I learned to read via various “Keep Calm” signs posted around the place.
I knew you’d be fine. If I could have, I would have sent you messages via tiny dog messenger, or trucker hats with ironic phrases on them.
But I was so busy with steampunk vintage OOAK upcycled punk handmade art wearables that time just got away from me.
You could be bare-ass naked under that thing and the Pope would stop the High Mass during Easter and make you take it off.
It was a sad, sad day. Many in Snorkland lived in the blessed ignorance that the sea gave them. They thought that the sea buffered them against the evils in the rest of the verse. You would hear, “No way reevers could make it this far.” or “Reevers are just a made up monsters that parents on the rim tell their kids to get the to behave.”
But their naivety was shattered. And their tranquil blue sea turned whatever color Snork’s blood is, which is I think green.
There’s an old saying, “If reever’s get you. They’ll rape you to death, eat your flesh, and sew your skin into their clothing – and if you’re very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.” The Snorks weren’t that lucky.
Leave to to Reavers.
“Can be worn several ways”.
Here are some “ways” I’m picturing:
-wear at night, standing behind a tree or something.
-wear in your basement, with the lights turned off.
-if/when you may find yourself hangin’ out in a dumpster.
-wear to a Cyndi Lauper concert in 1983 (need a time machine).
-wear on a date with someone you want to break up with immediately.
- to a hide&seek game at the Christmas sweater factory my grandma used to order from.
Or at a carpet remnant outlet. Or at a recycling plant. Or at the Crayola factory. The possibilities are endless.
Just not on acid. Never, ever on acid.
This on acid? – No.
Acid on this? – Yes
Wear it to get out of jury duty…..
I really didn’t need another reminder that I’m sick at home with the Flu.
There are two things wrong with the title of that thing: “Wearable” and “Art”.
How did this person acquire the ceremonial robes of the Esoteric Order of Dagon?
The old ones will be Pissed!
If it were all black it would be (shog)goth. Except it would need more eyes. With black mascara.
I really don’t have anything to say about this. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time my pug ate a whole package of water balloons and shit them out all over the yard? Good times.
BTW who is Edith PeedOff, and what happened to Helen? Is Edith perhaps the leader of the gang of unspeakable creatures that have converted the poor Snorks into this thing, and is right now working on turning Helen into something too hideous to even show here?
Another call to the bullpen, I suspect. Regretsy is expanding!
What happened to CF4L?
My phonetics decoder is on the blink – what is the pun in “Edith PeedOff”, apart from the obvious euphemism?
My guess would be a takeoff on “Edith Piaf”.
Who, as we all know, was the inventor of scented urinal cakes.
Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien – ni le bien qu’on ma fait, ni le giant tangle of chewed-up avantgarde rat bedding, tout ca m’est bien égal …
Another view of the garment.
That must be the view from a sane vantage point.
It’s to the point that when I hear “wearable art” I burst into tears and run from the room…
There, there. It could be worse. It could be made from human hair.
OMG, IS IT MADE FROM HUMAN HAIR?!?
So much stuff on etsy seems to have started out being sewed, glued, bejeweled, set on fire, etc with no focus or purpose in mind, THEN when it’s “done” they say “I guess it could be a shawl or something”. This is a terrible and insane way to make things.
What bums me out is that as ugly as that thing is, it probably took the person a while to make. At $45, why bother?
Pallette: Cherry Festival
Does this mean I might have actually seen this woman at the craft show of the Cherry Festival in Michigan?
Wait… she lives in California though… usually the vendors at the craft show are locals…
Still, this actually kind of reminds me of this bag of mangled up yarn and craft supplies that I have in my basement.
Have you checked recently to see if it’s still there?
Why would I… Oh my gosh! Did that woman just break into my house?
WORN!!?? That was a shock. I had scrolled past the title and thought that brass do-dad at the top was a finial and that the thing was the world’s fugliest lampshade. It would still be hideous as a shade, but at least you wouldn’t be seen with it in public.
I am reminded of a couple of comments by my art teachers from college:
“Just because you had an idea doesn’t mean it was a good one.”
“This is probably the finest example of the kind of artwork I like the least.”
I make some scarves with rando novelty yarn, but I’ve got a lot more than 2 sales. What is the brown stuff between the blue and pink? It looks like some kind of dried grass.
You’ve all missed the best point about this creation. It’s UNIQUE. That means that once somebody buys this thing and puts it in the incinerator, we’re safe.
Oh shit. I’ve just had a look and there are many more unique boa scarve shawl cape cowls out there. They are not quite as unique as this one but getting close.
I love how they’ve titled it “wearable art”, when it is neither wearable nor art. Is the title meant to be hipster irony?
I think there might be some martians sewn into that thing too.
yup…yup…yup…yup yup yup yup yup yup yup uh huh yup yup yup yup yup yup
I read the seller’s bio and now I can’t insult her. I like her. I think she has FJL potential.
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