Couldn’t have sung it better myself. Just to be clear, chlsld bufft thenigrart yea.
I hate it when you guys fight like this! It has me on pins and needles.
I hate this commercial with every fiber of my being.
But this just made me dye.
Uh oh – I sense a pun thread looming.
What makes you sew sure?
Get typing people, cause we demand at least a 1200 thread count.
You guys are so warped.
This commercial frays my nerves.
Hemmmm, I don’t know. This whole thread just reeks of bias.
You guys are totally biased. Not a grain of decency among you.
You guys got me in stitches over here.
Weave had enough.
I don’t know who this person is — obviously not a singer — and I can’t quite figure out if this is a paraody.
I think Helen fabric-ated the whole thing!
It cannot be selveged.
Well, there’s a seersucker born every minute.
I want to throw darts at this commercial, It’s curtains for you, I tell you, Curtains!(if I wasn’t such a FJL I’d post a picture of Carol Burnett’s Bob Mackie Curtain dress here!)
carol burnett picturesnevermind I found it
That’s why I weft.
This whole thread has spun outta control.
These are the worsted puns ever.
Sateen take all of you!
we just burlap up all this shite don’t we?
I registered a username on Regretsy just so I wouldn’t get weft out of this thread.
Are youse tryin’ to Muslin on our action?
That would be going against the grain.
A-hem! Enough with this woolgathering. You’re all warped, I tell ya!
I hope we can iron out our differences.
Too true, LeeLoo. I hate to see us needling each other like this. It really takes the starch out of me.
I knitted my brow while I satin my chair just thinking about it.
More puns? I just don’t cotton to that type of humor. Please just weevil the topic alone.
What a moreen!
This is a pile of Dritz!
Does seeing it causes you to change the channel in a fit of pique?
Don’t know why you were downthumbed—I know what pique fabric is.
Some people are too piquey.
Someone made a version with disclaimers like a drug commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lYp94xZQ7Y
I love YouTube comments…
stop hatin on zooey! shes so fereals! shes perfect! you dont no zooey! she post pictures of herself doin everythin in that video! follow her on FB and youd no that! stop hatin on my zooey!!!!1!
Upright piano, flea market, used record store, fixed wheel bike, super cute vintage dresses? BINGO! We are playing hipster bingo, right?
With Zooey involved, it’s hipster bajingo!
I’m here till Thursday!
And if you try the veal I will throw a bucket of red paint on you!
In Australian, there’s a brand of tampons called Cottons. So it could be … let’s leave that there, shall we.
Why ride your bike when you can walk it?
Because a short skirt with tights and 5″ spike heels are the perfect biking attire. I mean, if you want to use your bike as an accessory instead of transportation.
I can ride a bike with a skirt and 6″ platforms, no problem.
In fact, I’ll be doing that next week.
PICS or it didn’t happen.
Fuck pics. Video!
Fuck video. Tickets!
I would only ever ride a bike with pumps. You know, just in case of flats.
Zippy, that was like the Inception of jokes, srsly. SO MANY LEVELS.
Awww, the burn. Burningmantime makes me more depressed than Christmasmantime. Cause I can’t afford either this year.
What happens at Burning Man… I’m not interested in attending, but I sure appreciate the parade of fuckery every year! One of these days, I’m going to sit out on the side of the road with a beer and play Burner Bingo.
Trust me you don’t want to go to Burning Man. It is just a bunch of idiots dressed in tiny top hats, steam-punk clothing and rainbow faux fur. It is the most annoying place on Earth, full of histrionic and narcissist personalities. I have been three times because my boyfriend loves it. Oh did I mention how much I hate Burning Man?
As long as you’re doing it shirtless, Bronc.
Time for the Highland Disco Games ALREADY?
The heels are perfect for riding a bike. You can hook the heels over the pedals so your feet don’t slip off.
But have you ever tried hooking the heels over the handle bars?
I’m assuming that “riding a bike” and “pedals” are euphamisims?
Bikes need to be walked a couple times a day, or they’ll pedal on your carpets.
Train them with a choke chain.
They say getting them fixed helps, but that’s just gearsay.
Not to shift the topic, but all this drunken raving reminds me why I can’t handle bars.
That’s too bad, ‘cuz I could wheely use a drink right now.
I’m typing so much I’m worried about hand brakes
Or on your bra?
Boa scarf wrap poncho capelet cowl made us all forget about pedal bra. I only remember because someone posted a picture of bacon bra on that thread and – oh god, it happened again! Now I’m sleepy.
Oh, THAT pedal bra. Duhhhh
The kids from the white trash tribe across the street from me used to run up and down the block with their bikes because 1) No one taught then how to ride and 2) the bikes had flat tires.
You forgot to mention they were doing that to charge batteries to put in their Nintendo Wii.
This was back in the days of the first Nintendo. And batteries? They just walked up to the A&P and stole them.
It’s hard to drink earl grey while riding a bike.
You could do it ironically with a camelback.
I’m waiting for the zombie attack. There is a zombie attack in part 2, right?
I’ll eat my own brain if there isn’t one pretty soon…
Tips from the Zooey Deschanel School of Acting:
Love – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Hate – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Fear – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Joy – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Anxiety – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Confusion – Slightly open mouth, tilt head to side, stare at spot one foot to the right and eight feet behind the camera.
Next week – Tips on how to better narrowcast your appeal to your cupcake hipster base!
Reminds me of an old episode of MST3K “Alien in LA” where they coin the phrase.. “Dull Surprise” to describe the faaaaabulous acting in that movie.
That’s a great episode! Crow would use a hilarious falsetto valley-girl voice to mimic Kathy Ireland.
Yet I’d still take this range of emotion over Kristen Stewart any bloody day.
It depends on what you look for in an actress. With Kristen, you get sullen, angst-filled unhappiness. With Zooey, you get perky, free-spirited contentment.
That’s a perfect list of Why I Can’t Stand Zooey Deschanel And Refuse To Watch Anything She Stars In.
But I’ve heard of cotton balls, and I want to stick some in my ears right about now, if that can make me un-hear this.
Was that April doing the voice over? Seriously this commercial can’t get any more desperate. April, do her IPhone one next!
The day I won’t drag my pathetic lazy ass over to the window to see if it’s raining, and then pay someone to open a can of Campbell’s and bring it to my house is the day I will happily sign myself into the Home.
Ditto. Also, where is this magical place where local restaurants deliver soup to you? Trust me, I’ve tried.
The only nice part about that whole soup crap is that its probably closer to Zooey’s normal diet (under a dietician naturally). I can’t stand it when they show really thin women constantly eating candy and burgers and snacks on TV just so they look goofy and cute.
…I’m gonna go eat some cookies now
I find it comforting to discover I’m not the only one perturbed by that detail. Only thing you can get delivered around here is pizza and I’m too far away from any of the good local chain’s locations for their delivery.
I live so far out that there is no delivery here either. I miss having pizza delivered, now I have to stay sober to drive to pick it up and then heat it up when I get home with it. Not so fun.
Damn you, now I want pizza. maybe I’ll schedule delivery for tomorrow.
The pizza place just (1)throws some toppings into a bowl of water and (2)microwaves it for five minutes then (3) delivers it to Zooey and ((4)charges her $40. (5) Obscene-but-well-deserved PROFIT.
We can get all sorts of random food delivered here (Chicago).
It’s kinda freaky.
No one delivers soup in the US? The land of delivered meals and take out? Inconceivable.
They deliver soup where I live, admittedly, it wouldn’t be tomato soup
The only place that delivers soup around here is the Chinese place. Mmmm, egg drop…
Campbell’s is not tomato soup. Do not be fooled by the label. I think the orange glop that comes out of the can is actually liquid rust, it looks and tastes like it.
This is the equivalent of porn for die-hard crafting hipsters who wouldn’t in a million years admit that Fruit of the Loom items are made less by the ‘adorkable’ Zooeys of the first world and more by the malnourished Joses and Kwames of the third world.
*Thought the Joses and Kwames line sounded bad on second glance, so for the record, I wasn’t trying to pigeonhole anybody or any ethnic group, I was just remarking that because Fruit of the Loom has sweatshops in South America and at least one in Africa (I wasn’t sure so I googled it).
I think it’s considered OK to make racist and/or stereotyping comments as long as you’re sympathetic to those being stereotyped or…racistified…?
At least I hope so. Political correctness never made a problem go away.
What the fuck did I just watch?!?!?!?!
Just “Genius At Work” (all the genius happened after HKpril chucked the original soundtrack)
LOL! I can’t believe how random that was.
Honestly, I thought that was legit the first time I watched it. As far as I know, that’s exactly what Zooey Deschanel sounds like, and those are her thoughts.
Me too! I just watched it again because you made me. It can’t be real, can it?
I had to watch it again too. I’m sorry, but it was funny. That’s probably what my brain sounds like that from the outside sometimes.
So this is what Helen has been doing instead of CF4L posts.
Seems fair to me, at least for now. Did you check out the latest Regretsy Theater post? Genius, I tell you!
A lot of hipsters have to walk their fixies because they haven’t figured out how to stop on them yet.
April, I think your pain pills are working too well.
Oh, and I ♥ this.
I should be ashamed to say this, but I’m not because I’m a FJL – so I’ll fess up, I have such a girl crush on Zooey
I have a girl crush on her too. It’s cool
Sorry, you two, but since you’ve both admitted to having crushes on Zooey that concept is now mainstream. You both must now find yourself new, more obscure crushes.
Yourselves, even. Ahhh, Nyquil is the bomb.
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I’m missing the joke…?
Probably because I’ve never seen the original video that this video is spoofing, nor do I know who this ‘zoey’ is you guys keep referencing. Help me out here.
Google is your friend, maybe it can help you out?
Zoey Deschanel (sp?) is the actress who also stars on some hjpstar sitcom.
I hadn’t heard a lot about her either… knew she existed, knew she had a pretty face and looked like Katy Perry, but didn’t realise exactly how goddamn irritating she is until doing some extensive googling.
In a nutshell: Hipster goddess who plays the qwirky image to the extreme. People love her because she’s “adorkable”, but everything she does seems to come across as contrived and forced more than anything else.
She wasn’t always ‘hip’ and ‘quirky’…
She claims that she’s “had brown hair and bangs since [I] was 2″:
Big fat hipster liar.
Potential for fanship: Obliterated.
and yet you haven’t heard a lot about her. Interesting
Did you miss the “extensive googling” bit?
No, it was the judgement call on her being forced and contrived that made me ask the question …
If ever there was a face begging to be punched repeatedly…..
I don’t see the fascination with her.
I fucking knew exactly what was going to be waiting for me when I saw the title on Facebook. Thank you for softening the blow with the billowy touch of remix.
Siri has been playing with her little mind again.
“I am the most manicest pixie of all in the universe! My eyes are wide, my voice cutesy-high, I prance instead of walking OR riding I CAN’T EVEN PUT TOGETHER A SENTENCE I AM THE PIXIE QUEEEEEN!”
We’re all cracking up here in Pima.
I kind of liked her in The Happening….let the down thumbing begin….
What’s even better is that is led me to a video of a bulldog puppy.
Fuck all of you, I love puppies.
Oh no! What happened to the video? It was hilarious!
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