Things That Are Not Steampunk #25
Professor Marteau gasped as his wife reached out to examine the fantastical steam-powered baggy pants calibrator on his workbench.
“Stop!” he cried, eyes wide with terror. “You can’t touch this!”
75 comments on Things That Are Not Steampunk #25
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August 22, 2012 at 9:33 am
“Makes me say ‘Oh My Lord’”
August 22, 2012 at 9:53 am
“What is this garbage here? Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears.”
August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Would also make Tim Gunn say, “Stop. That’s a whole lot of look.”
But if Tim Gunn hammerdanced out of the room saying ‘make it work’, my life would be complete
ly wasted.
Oh wo ho ho.
Also, don’t want to touch that.
August 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Ahh. The garb of my people.
August 22, 2012 at 9:35 am
STOP, good man! The clock has struck HAMMER!
August 22, 2012 at 9:37 am
I’ve heard young folk refer to baggy pants as “poo catchers”. Certainly room for a lot of s**t in this pair!
August 22, 2012 at 9:45 am
Not to sound rude, but the “young folk” in your area sound like idiots.
August 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
Not gonna lie, I totally wear harem/drop-crotch pants, and own a couple of pair, but I know they ain’t cute.
I like to call them my Oops-I-Crapped-My Pants.
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/oops-i-crapped-my-pants/1049485
August 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm
The people have spoken! No more shall I invoke the names of infantile SNL sketches from fifteen years ago!
I’ll be hiding inside, wearing my shameful pants.
August 23, 2012 at 1:05 pm
See, the red-thumbed people come in first, their Regretsy Alarms having gone off and roused them from their hibernation. Only then can the green-thumbed people be summoned from the Sofa of Jealousy to support Our Side.
Wait on RED so ye may GO ON GREEN. GO! GO! RAH RAH! CF4L!
August 22, 2012 at 9:37 am
Anyone have the foggiest idea what that is at the bottom of the pant leg?
August 22, 2012 at 9:39 am
shoe embellishment
August 22, 2012 at 9:40 am
The Hammer has a nice Pedi too
August 22, 2012 at 9:41 am
I was gonna say: besides toe fungus.
August 22, 2012 at 11:45 am
Looks like a cinnamon roll.
August 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Aside from the Hammertoes, you mean?
August 22, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Stop! Hammertoe
August 22, 2012 at 9:39 am
Does it come with the HAND MADE RETRO CHIC VINTAGE UNIQUE KEY CORD(black)? Or do I have to pay extra?
August 22, 2012 at 9:51 am
It looks like an up cycled piece of someone’s hookah.
August 22, 2012 at 10:07 am
Isn’t that the “MOVEABLE LEATHER CHAIN”?
August 22, 2012 at 9:44 am
Still not as strange as “Hammer Man”, but it’s damn close.
August 22, 2012 at 9:49 am
This should be labeled “90% off Walmart 5XL steampunk sweatpants with some of the cuff cut off and made into a ruffle”. If only they had taken the picture on a wood board.
August 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm
BARNWOOD, BARNWOOD, BARNWOOD, not wood board!
August 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Master McHammer adjusted his cravat and peered intently into the mirror. “Lady Allison, is my attire this morning suitably bitchin’ to acquire, shall we say, all the hoes?”
Lady Allison paused in the doorway for a moment. “Indeed it is, Master McHammer, but won’t the frilled detailing on your pantaloons protrude inconveniently from the open-sided time-shifting apparatus?”
Master McHammer pondered the matter for a moment. A decidedly pleased expression crossed his face. “It’s worth the risk, Lady Allison. In fact, I shall ask you to sew some cogs and spangles on the seams as well! One can always spare life and limb to fit the glass of fashion.”
August 22, 2012 at 9:58 am
This made me snort laugh…that is all.
August 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
Where are my manners? I forgot to say “Thank You!”
August 22, 2012 at 10:01 am
I’m more disturbed by the “everyday wear” part of the description.
August 22, 2012 at 10:02 am
STOP – Nemo Time!
August 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
my granny used to always say “looks like a family of gypsies moved out of those pants” when my sister was doing her grunge thing and wearing over sized clothes.
gypsies are steampunk, right?
August 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
“In a flash, Professor Hammer activated his Dirigible Pantaloons, and floated off to safety!”
August 22, 2012 at 10:32 am
that must be it.
August 22, 2012 at 11:51 am
And flew effortlessly all around the world, from London to the Bay.
August 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Everyone knows it’s easier to clean a garage with flying pants!
August 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Seems plausible to me.
August 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
It kinda just looks like someone took a curtain, folded it over and sewed in some pant legs.
Also those shoes clash terribly. Not that the right shoes would add much to this, but still.
August 22, 2012 at 10:33 am
“Ah saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist!”–Carol Burnett as Scarlett O’Hara.
August 22, 2012 at 10:57 am
What, pray tell, are “the right shoes” to wear with pants from WalMart via Omar the Tentmaker?
August 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
That would be orange crocs.
August 22, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Harem shoes are pointy, Guess they’d look ok with Hammer/harem pants..nah. On another note, there’s a leash attached to these pants. better to lead your dawg around I guess o_O
August 22, 2012 at 11:32 am
A question pondered by philosophers and sages since the dawn of time.
August 22, 2012 at 10:33 am
Why do those pants have a skirt?
August 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm
They’re multipurpose.
August 22, 2012 at 10:49 am
This is the only way this garment could be steampunk.
August 22, 2012 at 11:32 am
I regret I have but one thumb up to give you for this.
August 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Please, take one of mine
August 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Something about that is frightening.
August 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm
I’m gonna go with “dirigible in your pants”, because the alternative is rather uncomfortable to contemplate.
August 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm
and why is the SNL skit “Jizz in my Pants” running through my head right about now?
August 22, 2012 at 11:41 am
I especially like Hammer ‘s open toe shoes. “Its Hammer – toe time! ” wont touch this.
August 22, 2012 at 11:46 am
Obviously these are the bellows for the difference engine laptop.
August 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm
So that’s what happened to the California Raisins! They got skinned and used to make a pair of pants. Look, there’s even a microphone cord coming out of the pocket!
I’m going to cry now…
August 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm
RIP California Raisins
http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/who-remembers-the-california-raisins/
August 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I have their LP. I bought it at a thrift store. I had to have it. Had to. Yes, I have a turntable.
(Anyone who doesn’t know what “LP” and “turntable” are can (a) ask and then (b) GET OFF MY LAWN!)
August 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Dude, I had quad AR-5 speakers off an RCA-580 receiver for my 8-track/turntable combo! Get your lawn off my lawn! {bops off humming “Crocodile Rock”}
August 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Dudette, I was playing the “Hard Day’s Night” 45 rpm WHEN IT WAS NEW AND UNSCRATCHED, but not for long. (Seriously, what teenage dimwit leaves a 4-year-old alone with a record player and a stack of 45s? My sister, that’s who.)
GET OUT OF THE WAY OF MY B&W CONSOLE TELEVISION WITH UHF & VHF TUNING KNOBS!
*dances off doing the “86″*
August 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm
(OTHER girls were dancing the “81,” but I was dancing the “86,” just ’cause.)
August 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Steam catchers! Save mankind – fight global warming locally!
August 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm
August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Awww ONLY Everyday Wear or That Steampunk Event? You mean I can’t wear them to church? How am I gonna look cool in front of Andre-the-Giant-Hedgehog-Jesus?!?
August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
“Wanda had it all worked out. Wait until the WalMart parking lot was pretty full, so anyone coming in had to park a long way from the entrance. Wait for a Mini-Cooper to arrive. Then wait until its owner disappeared into the store. Stuff the Mini-Cooper into her OOAK pants and nonchalantly walk around the corner. Easy.
But she had completely missed the reason for its slightly opened window: three chihuahuas sleeping on the floor. She vowed she would never make that mistake again as she lay handcuffed to the gurney in the hospital ER.”
August 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Pretty sure this is not remotely steampunk, but also not remotely handmade too
August 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm
I’d rather have a gold medallion of him wearing a gold medallion.
August 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Guys, they’re Steampunk circus pants. This is what dapper and distinguished clowns wore back in the day. The pockets held oversized pocket watches and shiny prank devices covered with gears.
August 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Stop.
HAMMER TIME!!!!
August 22, 2012 at 6:05 pm
August 22, 2012 at 7:00 pm
The pant seem too， too, hippy.
August 22, 2012 at 7:05 pm
it’s like they converted a petticoat into skants
August 23, 2012 at 2:55 am
How dare they do this to Grandma’s living room curtains !!!
August 23, 2012 at 5:04 am
I think Hammer is rocking it, especially in his peep toe shoes!
Those are actually shoplifting pants, fit a fridge in those!
August 23, 2012 at 7:48 am
Looks like a prolapsed whale vagina.
August 23, 2012 at 7:50 am
Or, in Latin, “prolapsis balaena San Diego”.
August 23, 2012 at 9:18 am
The puffy pirate shirt from Seinfeld would pair nicely with those pantaloons.
August 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm
If I knew how to represent a low-talker in the comments, I would.
August 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm
And when you finally come out of your Vodka-induced haze and realize what you’re wearing, you can smoke the organic hemp cord and forget you’re dressed like a bargain basement Rent-A-Clown.
September 4, 2012 at 11:42 pm
“I regret to inform you, sir, that your wife has died from massive exposure to doing the chinese typewriter. we believe her steam-powered hammer pants malfunctioned and made her dance herself to death. if it is any consolation, the ruffle at the waistband of the pants ensured she left a fashionable, yet stunningly feminine corpse.”