SQUUEEEE she used the spark plugs I sent her last night. I am so honored. Thank you!
Love the sheet music and old lace background. Even cupcakier than barnwood.
Judging from the verbiage in the descriptions, I’m guessing “patina” is the literary equivalent of barnwood.
are they gapped for a ’76 Volare?
I was wondering were all my stuff went…..
I’m all for selling any crap that you can get people to buy, but $26 for an old used Rubbermaid clothes basket?
Can I charge more for one that’s broken and slightly gooey?
It’s not gooey, it’s a patina.
It’s not patina, it’s Pepsi.
It’s not Pepsi, it’s lupus.
It’s never lupus.
The “lupus” thing hasn’t gotten old yet, has it? I’m asking for a friend.
As someone with Lupus, I wanna smack someone every time I see that line.
“House” started it! Smack him.
I’m glad I’m just bipolar. Depressing Etsy listings make me laugh hysterically.
If you called it an organic glaze, you could probably get another $10 for it.
Whereas if you put an organic glaze somewhere you aren’t supposed to, you could probably get at least 10 years for it.
Only if it’s legitimate!
Oh, c’mon. You know you secretly want it. Relax and enjoy it!
For $26, they could have at least done the “further cleaning and freshening up” it needs.
While they were throwing Mama from the train – they should have also thrown the coverless VHS tape, along with the “vintage” laundry basket which requires a carbon dating before I believe its vintage
I have that same laundry basket in blue. It’s not vintage, it’s from the 90s. And I’m pretty sure it was less than $10.
Please, please tell us that you ‘shopped in those “front page of Etsy” badges, HK. Please?
oh, no, silly bear. those were definitely featured on the front page.
I mean, we knew even before the badges.
YES! Communist clothespins! That’s what I need!
How titillating! My accessory areolas can’t wait to be zip-lined!
I have a political science class this upcoming semester. I will use them to kill people with communism. Somehow.
In Communist Russia, clothes pin you.
I know I should laugh about those clothes pins getting on the front page. I should. Because it’s ludicrous. Like the way the press is slathering over the indiscretions of a once-beloved-now-reviled-by-the-tween-set actress and her much older director. Laugh. Shake your head. Move on.
But for some reason – today I seem to have lost my sense of humor. I mean, really: Eleven dollars (including shipping) for a dozen rusty clothespins.
Oh, my bad. They’re “vintage.” Clearly, they must have carbon-dated the rust, to make sure they were made pre-1980s.
Let the drinking begin.
But, but… they’re Russian! Patina Russkie Brown! That’s totally different. New clothes pins just don’t leave rust stains on your clothes the same way.
So true. Maybe they’ll throw in the rotted and stained…er…thread-bare…er…”vintage” clothespin bag as an extra gift.
We could only be so lucky.
My partner and his rather lovely extended family is, and are, of Russian origin. They would strangle this seller with her own clothesline, but not until my mother in law had given her a brief, sad lecture on how incredibly stupid this shit is.
Said mother in law is also a multiple-award-winning artisan on Etsy. Instead of featuring tiny and beautifully made crocheted animals, Etsy features clothes pins. I wouldn’t buy these if someone said they were from Putin’s personal nipple-clamp stash.
That’s the name of my Russian punk band.
Yesterday I dug up what appears to be decade old dog shit. How much do you think I could get for it? It’s practically vintage. Would look great in a mixed media project.
Call it “pre-fossilized corprolites”
I think they’re still called craprolites until mineral-replacement has surpassed 50%.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back that truck up. You’re telling me that “craprolites” is an actual word? That is awesome!
It is now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back that truck up. You’re telling me that “craprolites” is an actual word? That is awesome!
You’re thinking of changing your user name, aren’t you?
in Mother Russia the Clothes pin you!
I should read all comments before posting…
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’m sorry, I can’t even be funny with this.
Somebody hasn’t had her “medicine” yet today?
no, I’m at work… “working”
If God didn’t want you to drink at work, he wouldn’t have created stainless-steel water bottles.
God’s an en-Abler.
Oscar Blues brewing company has a beer with a screw-off top in a bottle that looks like some kind of energy drink but is actually a Belgian style brew. I plan to take a six-pack to work next week.
Fucking Clothes pins & a pencil sharpener have made it to the front page???
It’s OK to pinch a clothes pin but don’t fuck a pencil sharpener. I don’t care what you see on the front page of those magazines.
I have a Japanese pencil sharpener that I got when I was nine years old, which makes it…older than vintage. It has a gripping mechanism that squeezes the pencil and holds it still regardless of its size. I’ve taken really good care of it, so it still sharpens smoothly and symetrically.
If I sold it as an S&M device, I bet I could get HUNDREDS for it…
The ones that made the front page make me want to cry.
I’m with you on that one! Front page…really?!?!?!?! Ugh.
If rust is a patina, what else is? Dust. Water damage. Smoke damage. Mold. Mildew. Rat shit. Bird shit. Roach shit. Dead roaches! EVERYTHING IS A PATINA no matter how unsanitary or dangerous to your health! Now you can sell your entire hoarding collection! Just make sure to mention it, “…will require further cleaning and freshening up.”
The grime on that old cooler is also apparently a patina. Chrissakes… Ugh.
I read that as “old cooter.” Which makes it even more disturbing for something being sold on etsy.
Hey HK? Can we add “Patina” to our bingo? I think patina’s gonna go big this year!
Well, technically rust IS a patina. Patinas are produced (on metals) when oxidation occurs. (‘S why the statue of liberty is green.) I’ve just always been confused when people think patina is a GOOD thing.
Everyone know you can’t use Autolite spark plugs in art projects; you have to use Bosch.
Sometimes, I like to imagine what kind of puds actually buy this shit. You know who would buy that cooler? Snotty rich kids. They’d take it to Coachella and it would be in all their instagram photos. Fucking rich kids.
I love that you used the word “pud”.
If you ever need proof that money can’t buy class, check out Rich Kids of Instagram. It’s a positive orgy of nouveau riche gaucherie.
What, no patina on the laundry basket?
I can customize it for you in your choice of any seven bodily fluids.
I’m thinking the basket that has held filthy clothes for a couple decades may “require” a little more than “freshening up”. Ah, the scent of retro underwear crust…
More than once, a teen boy’s tube sock had been adhered to the bottom.
Finally, all the ingredients I need to make my wood-shavings-fueled, internal-combustion, 6-pack-cooled nipple-pincher with roll-cage and in-flight movie. How? Did? Helen? Know????
Vintage quality housewares?? Ah yes, how well I remember the halcyon days of the mid-90s, when village artisans painstakingly handcrafted Rubbermaid laundry baskets on their water-powered vulcanizing machines.
1984, the tag says.
The exact same basket is still available today. They’re good. But the new ones are much cheaper.
1984? Drat. No wonder I keep failing my Bullshit Vintage Housewares connoisseurship exams.
Sharpen the clothespins with the pencil sharpener and upcycle the result into a vampire love novel. Market to hipsters.
Of these, I’d say the pencil sharpener makes the most sense. It’s overpriced, I agree, but not as much as the others. And it’s really nice to have one of these at home. I have an old one (same brand but not as attractive) that I attached to the side of a cabinet for my kids to sharpen pencils. It works SO much better than the little plastic ones, and I was especially glad to have it when I had to send my third grader to school this year with 48 sharpened pencils.
48? Do they know that one can sharpen the same pencil again once it’s dull?
Damn you, that was a secret! You are in deep No.2 now, Lettucego.
Oh no, did I lead out something I shouldn’t have?
How many does your third grader poke before he or she gets caught? I think that 48 is unrealistic, but there IS the school bus…and the crowd going in the front door…maybe 48 is a realistic goal.
Those foamboard ceiling tiles aren’t going to decorate themselves.
Oh, that brings back so many memories…of just last week, actually.
I thought the same. Those things never quit, and might actually be useful for kids, or artists who use colored pencils.
Also, I have to admit I think it has a certain aesthetic appeal not found in electric sharpeners, and the way the product picture catapulted my thoughts back to my third-grade classroom may actually qualify it for nostalgia-motivated marketing.
Although if you use it to sharpen vintage pencils you never use, may you trip while carrying your upcycled, patina’d, tetanus-riddled, tin-can pencil cup over your barnwood floor and find yourself with a chest full of embedded yummy retro lead.
Is there any proof that the clothespins are really from Soviet Russia? There must be some kind of certificate of anthenticity… Otherwise, I’m sorry, but I have doubts. Yes, I’m a sour cupcake sometimes.
Contains DNA-test-confirmed traces of dissident intellectuals’ pubic hair.
There was even a book about it –
Laundry Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
I czar what you did there.
Ra-Ra-Raclothespin, launder of the Russian queen
I can imagine a platonic-ideal hipster leaving somewhere in the urban archipelago, slowly replacing all of his/her household with identical yet vintage stuff, one object at a time.
Well, maybe not so “slowly”.
>> living <<
And occasionally previewing comments.
Spooky – that must feel like aging by 40 yrs in a single Etsy shopping spree.
I had a second where I asked myself “who is this hipster platonicly living with?” before my geometrically-bent brain snapped back to Platonic solids. My only excuse is that it’s been a full summer since I tutored geometry.
So, to get ahead on Etsy, instead of slaving away for hours on paintings, I should sell my mum’s old pegs?
That depends, is she Russian?
The pencil sharpener does NOT belong here. It’s actually quite cool. And I don’t have anything like it at home, so it can’t be a hoarders’ item.
I have to agree. They’re the greatest pencil sharpeners in the world, and hugely pleasing to the eye. As someone who no longer lives in the States, I’d even almost be willing to pay 25 bucks for it,. Almost.
I’ll sell you this one for $24.98.
“But it’s not vintage,” said with a hipster whine.
And it comes with prime shipping. But I’m fat and lazy and use an electric pencil sharpener.
I’m with you. I don’t know if I’d pay $25 for it, but it’s seriously sweet.
I have that EXACT same vintage Rubbermaid laundry basket – only in blue. And it’s clean. With clean clothes in it. Right now, in my bedroom. I am so vintage and cool!
Not so fast … are the CLOTHES vintage? You can’t do this shit halfway, you know!
Some of the clothes in it are vintage – especially my hubby’s underwear
I’ve got one too, PLUS it’s filled with vintage cats! I should be able to get $25 for the cat hair alone — some Etsy cupcake could knit a hipster designer steampunk ball-warmer out of it.
I do not accept your…”offering” *shudder*
whyever not? are you allergic to cats?
did a massive garage gutting this last weekend getting ready for a yard sale and Im thinking I really need to rethink that garbage pile??? off to pull out a ton of old worthless shit so I can take amaking pictures of said shit to make it to the front page!!
Just be sure to smear more dirt on it first.
“Just be sure to smear more patina on it first.”
There, I fixed it for you.
Thanks for sharing, this stuff reminded me that I really should clean that “science project” my nephew made out of the fridge. It seems to have relocated to a higher shelf and possible absorbed my last Pepsi….
If they put a realistic price on these things, or gave them away, or threw them out, then they wouldn’t have them anymore. Now, they can appease their Therapists AND keep their junk forever.
WOW, thecreightonberyl! If you’re not already a therapist then someone is being wasted.
That’s the most lovingly crafted photo of old spark plug ever taken. 6_6 Meanwhile, I pitch a fit about Chinese resellers: http://shellielewis.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/art-sales-migrated-to-second-shop/
Emhhhh… you got the new pricing scheme for multiple items completely wrong, and imho this doesn’t help your article much. (You pay the fee for each and every item sold, but you don’t have to pay it before you actually sell; this is indeed help to sellers.)
OK Thank you. What I wrote is based on my understanding of their listing fees. I will amend it. It’s infuriating, is what it is.
Argh, now Etsy home page is all about taking crafting seriously: “Is Cuteness Bad for Craft?
In a world where handmade is still fighting for respect, does cute undermine the cause?”
“With this Styrofoam cooler, you’ll truly be unique.” I just had an epiphany. These are the purchases of white bread middle-class people trying to create an interesting history for themselves out of the detritus of other people’s lives.
You say that as if it were a sad thing. I don’t agree. I totally enjoy the many family photos I have scattered throughout my home. They always put a smile on my face. People who visit are confused. “Mugsy, I didn’t know you were related to Inuits” or “Mugsy, you’re so pale, yet you have…let me count here…FIVE generations of African American ancestors? How DO you do it?” “Japanese? Surely you’re adopted, then?” No, I tell them, Great Uncle Kami Kamellion was adopted. We never told him, though.”
How do I do it? Thrift stores. I collect old family photos. They’re just not photos of MY family. I make up stories about them. And give them names. I have Civil War generals on both sides of my family–and both sides of the war. Or the Northern Aggression, depending on who I’m referring to. We owned slaves, too. We WERE slaves, too. We owned ourselves. It’s an American story unlike any other, I promise you, because if it IS like any other, I’ll just change the details.
It was truly a war of brother against brother.
Sounds more like a war of Doodles against Doodles. There can be no winners in a thing that. *sob*
Oh, I don’t know. I hear Mugsy’s great-grandpa Cheese was very popular.
Yes, but he fought a war of prejudice every day of his life, such was the fate of colored people.
@Lettucego, you know my pain. The worst was the Siamese-twin ancestors. You’ve heard of a house divided. Ain’t nearly so bad as siblings divided.
I’m so sorry, Mugsy! Yes, I feel your pain. But after great-grandpa Cheese and that terrible cannibalism scandal, it can only get better.
Oh Mugsy, is it any wonder that I love you so???
Dear Grand-Niece Babs, I love you, too.
I am now CONVINCED that you and I were separated at birth. I, too, collect other peoples’ old family photos.
I’m sure I have a picture of us around here. We were Siamese twins with different fathers, born on a bus bound for the island of Mu. It was a dark and stormy night…
I have that exact same photo of us, Posty! Who is that rude person trying to sit between us? C’mon, we’re Siamese twins!
My sister thinks it’s bad luck to collect other people’s photos and make up stories about them. My sister. I mean, seriously, has she LOOKED at the family tree lately? It’s not something Wordsworth would get dreamy over, trust me.
Wow. You can trace your spurious ancestry that far back … but no mention of your great great grand aunt Yankee, who married into the Dandy family? Her insignificant other, the husband who gave us all the ambiguous comment “oh that’s just Dandy… “? How could you leave them out?
RevW, there are black sheep in every family. In my case, Yankee’s husband didn’t care what color the sheep was.
Obviously a Dwarf.
That pencil sharpener isn’t vintage. You can go to any office supply store right now and buy one identical to that. Though to be fair, they cost more than that new, so it’s still a pretty decent enough deal.
They don’t. I found one like it at Amazon for $14. I found them all over Staples for around $20. $25 is high, and you’re right, it’s not vintage.
Oh, I was thinking they were in the $30-40 range. I think some of them actually are. Boston and Xacto both make sharpeners like this, but each brand also has a few different similar looking hand-crank models.
Gotta have thos Glasnost clothespins to hang up my “Free Pussy Riot” signs.
I was not aware styrofoam was capable of having a patina. I guess I prefer to keep it that way.
..and I’m slightly wondering if there’s a chance items from the former GDR might be the next big thing for hipsters on etsy. If so, I should start to, um, ‘reclaim’ the dust and cobweb covered and potentially critter occupied aeruginous bedpans and empty paint cans that clutter up my friend’s attic. There was (and, to some extend, still is) a wave of “Ostalgie” even among Germans, so I’m imagining some hipsters waiting to jizz off in their pants get exited over a more underground but still soviet-’inspired’ time period to claim, idealize and fill their empty lives with.
This, so this. Patina is not a catch-all term for stains. It applies to furniture and metals. Not stains from whatever biological film is growing on that “lunchbox.”
(Granted it would make a dandy lunchbox if you were trying to kill someone. Goodness knows what they’d catch by putting their food in there.)
In Soviet Union, Etsy pays YOU listing fees!
(Nah, just kidding! They want every last dime.)
The 60s era polystyrene coolers had metal handles. The rope handle as shown, didn’t come until the late 70s or early 80s. The earlier rope handles were different.
Yeah, I knew that.
I have over $130 worth of vintage laundry baskets, and I’m still using them for…LAUNDRY?! I am such a fool. No wonder I’m poor.
…I really don’t understand why some sellers seem to think that if something is OLD, it must be VALUABLE. There’s a difference between, say, a vintage wedding gown and a vintage tin band-aid container.
They don’t make Band-Aid tins anymore. Wedding gowns, however…
I own that exact laundry basket. I bought it for 25 cents at the Goodwill store about six years ago, and I use it to hold my laundry. I will, however, admit that mine lacks the ‘patina,’ but that’s because I occasional clean it out with a damp paper towel.
I think there should be a rule against reselling clothespins. Or an intervention.
The Rubbermaid basket Could be vintage, I guess…although I think mine are only about ten years old.
That was supposed to be a reply under my previous post.
Need more coffee.
If they’d have called the clothespins “nipple clamps” and used the tried and true Etsy-tit-shot marketing strategy they’d never be able to keep them in stock.
“Russian Nipple Clamps” just like the ones Ayn Rand used to make her husband wear!
I think TLC needs to send someone to the laundry basket woman’s house STAT:
Re-route the 1-800-GOT-JUNK trucks now!!
There are 745 items in her store. Unless a movie needs them for a period piece, maybe late 70s to early 80s, that’s a lot of crap.
It looks like she is selling the estate of a hoarder. I’m guessing someone wasn’t happy with the will… Well you’ve got to make cash somehow and selling all those priceless heirlooms is a fitting revenge.
Bloody hell … so this is why it is impossible to find a reasonably priced laundry basket, and clothespins that don’t fall apart in direct sunlight in order to — GASP!!! — hang laundry on the clothesline in the yard. The next craftoids I see with clothespin “art” are just beggin’ to have their artistic ability hung up in the back yard for the crows to shred.
Yeah, that “vintage” Rubbermaid basket isn’t vintage enough unless the sides are shredded up to hell.
The last time I had old VHS tapes to get rid of, I put them in a (vintage!) laundry basket at my parent’s garage sale, with a big sign that said “FREE”. And those had covers. How clueless I was.
I do still have a bucket of rusty (erm… I mean “patina-ed”) clothespins in my basement. Maybe I can still sell those for $5 a dozen.
Hm. I really need to open an Etsy store. I have a lot of vintage goods, with patina, in my shed.
I can’t believe I threw away that old Ninja Turtles VHS tape!
Or maybe we are to look at it and think “Patina? How whimsically Italian. I simply must have nothing less!”. And we will never pay for fully functional and clean items ever again.
I love how with hipsters and appearing smart, it is not about how many words you can use correctly… It’s just how many words you can remember.
I should contact that thrift store I stopped by in Central Texas.
Avon bottles (with perfume) from all sorts of time frame.
Mash 4077th Beer
A large jar filled with 40 years of travel soap bars. ($50)
All horribly overpriced, but maybe they could clear it out via Etsy…
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