Hey hey… its “Organic Upcycling.”
That driftwood would look so hot on some barnwood.
If you used driftwood to make a barn…
Now I’ve got wood.
When life gives you sticks, make $3.25.
When life gives you sticks, stick it to somebody.
Or beat them over the head with it.
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If life gives you poop, make poop-juice.
or $24. it depends on where you collect the sticks and how creamily you can describe them.
(yes, I sell sticks and rocks in one of my etsy shops.)
The rocks guy is a breath of fresh New England air…
I’m sure they have that air in their shop available.
For $50 a pint.
She’s also on Craigslist rather than Etsy.
Doesn’t everyone need some organic storm fallen incense twigs or what I like to call, yard waste?
Once again I am missing out.
These sticks NATURALLY FELL, guys. NATURALLY. I certainly did NOT go out and cut these branches down to make a quick buck. It was natural. Mother Nature bestowed her gifts upon me, who am I to deny her? She only let the ones that are all perfectly symmetrical with the same amount of twigs on each branch fall, and made sure none of them lost any needles in the ferocious storm that blew them down. It’s all NATURAL.
Has Mother Nature been mass-crafting again. We’ll have her barred from Etsy yet!
No you silly, Mother Nature is part of a collective.
I wanna know where Etsy was when I was a kid dragging this sort of stuff home by the wagon-load. I could’ve provided you with all of this, and since I was young and stupid, I would’ve been perfectly glad to just GIVE it to you. Would’ve saved my mom the trouble of throwing it away once it dried out (except for the pine cones-she saved those for Thanksgiving decorations).
Can I ask an obvious question? How are ANY of these things handmade???
Especially when they fell off a tree during a storm – I mean it’s not like the seller actually CUT them down and thereby “hand altered” them.
They’re not handmade – they’re listed in supplies.
By this argument, I am going to put up some All Natural EarthGifted Organic Artisan Southern Hemisphere Air for sale in Supplies. After all, what craft project can function without oxygen?
I’ll be doomed once the Chinese resellers start selling extra cheap oxygen to compete with mine though.
But the Chinese oxygen from reseller shops will smell like the anxiety of young children trying to make quota.
Well, you know, there might be people less fortunate than say… me in the midwest who could easily just walk in my backyard to get these.
I mean, you have to think of the less fortunate people who do not have easy access to pinecones, cedar sprigs, driftwood, beach pebbles or acorns.
Though, the sticks and rocks are unacceptable. I don’t know anywhere where you can’t find a plain boring old rock for free. Now… a petosky stone on the other hand… In Michigan, you can exchange those for a lot of money you know the right people. I have a huge petosky stone that is easily worth hundreds. I’m holding onto it. I actually have a lot of petoskies. You can also make big bucks by finding morel mushrooms, especially at the organic foods store where they will buy them off of you.
Don’t worry, Etsy’s got Petoskey stones, too!
oh boy! Now I know where to sell mine if I even need the cash.
I’d give you big bucks for morels.
Won’t someone think of us city folks? The best I could do for a rock would be a chunk of fallen concrete, or maybe I could dig around in one of those big pavement planters and find a few pebbles.
Can’t you see, if I want rocks, I HAVE to have them mailed to me!??
Ah, but if you mail leafy natural things across borders, the international trade committees have fits. It’s how we got Dutch Elm Disease here in Canada, as well as the French Disease. So, actually, these lovely sellers may be endangering the environment by helping to export whatever bacteria and microorganisms their samples host.
I heard the French Disease was something else. Not from trees.
Probably weren’t even natural, let alone leafy.
I didn’t realize you could get it by mail either.
“Honey, I swear, the damn French mailed it to me. That’s how I got it!”
Only on Regretsy could my epic word order fail be turned into this much win.
Aren’t Petoskys (ies?) pretty common up by, maybe, Petosky?
I just found a rake that had been hiding in my garage. So, I’m going out in the backyard and make myself a millionaire!
Pro tip: “U-Pick” Leaves.
Is there a market for loose cat hair? I’m rolling in the stuff, and these furry little jerks need to start earning their keep.
Hey – “furry little jerks” is the nickname we have for our corgis!
Unfortunately, their primary skill is an ability t̶o̶ ̶w̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶d̶ to alert us whenever another dog walks by on the bike path. This skill has proved very difficult for us to monetize.
One word: Ringtone. Start making $$$ now!
Furry Little Jerks is my new punk band.
I cut my Poodle’s hair/fur last night and ended up with a whole bag of it, I could have made a fortune. Plus, I have two dogs, so could be buy one get one free!
Mmy furry little jerks need to start earning their keep too for just the treats I buy them, they are getting pricey!
I believe you can spin and knit poodle hair. I am certain you can spin and knit samoyed hair. A friend, Joan Wood, did this for her son who had two huge white samoyeds. It did look pretty good, but was a little funky when it got damp. On the other hand, he was a roadie, so he was also a little funky most of the time.
You could spin it and make little cat-fur change purses out of it. No, really. Really.
THEY’RE TOTES QUIRKY.
Gah! Did anyone else have this flashback at the sight of “cat-fur change purse”?
*wails and covers eyes*
I get *lots* of requests for spinning cat hair. I keep trying to explain it doesn’t spin well generally, and predator hair smells when it’s wet, and when I see that the requester hasn’t listened to a word I said, I lie my socks off and say I’m allergic. Ugh.
No one has ever asked me to spin cat hair, but I sure have made a lot of dog fur yarn over the years.
The all-time worst, though, was wolf hair. Believe it or not, humans somehow apparently bred most of the smell out of wolves when they domesticated them into dogs.
Ponder that statement next time you have a wet dog in the house!
How about werewolves? Do they go with the dog funk or the wolf stench?
I have a science fiction con to go to next month. There could be a panel idea in that…
You could make a necklace and model it on your hostage pet cat. This seller took down the item, so there’s an open market.
Your supposed to collect all of that hair and make some nice yarn with it! Nothing says cozy like itching and sneezing
I guess I’m missing out too. How much do you think I could get for a bona fide enormous pinecone that went right through the roof of our garage?
I should start charging ‘crafters’ to come onto my property… I live in a cabin in the woods with a creek, and I’m pretty sure I would get rich. BONUS: We find a lot of animal skulls.
Although I can’t be held responsible when the spirit of a possum comes back from the dead seeking vengeance because his bones had feathers and beads glue-gunned to them.
Could have ‘Crafters Weekends’ for the city folk, make a fortune!
Not only would I like to tear white privileged hipsters from their coffee shops and subject them to the horrors of stinging insects, thorny brambles and lack of wi-fi, but I know they would agree to it, because A. they’re totally in harmony with their mother earth and composting organic foods and B. they could collect some twigs and flowers and sell them to OTHER white privileged hipsters online.
MAN I am gonna strike it big.
What do you mean, the lack of wi-fi? It’s the lack of LATTE they’ll be struggling with.
I live in the Seattle area. We have stinging insects and thorny branches immediately adjacent to the wifi and lattes – wild blackberries can be picked near half the Starbucks here at this time of year.
I guess I could try to convince people to pay me to shove them into a foil-lined car trunk with the brambles and hornets…
TOP TEN ACTIVITES AT ETSY’S SUMMER CAMP
The Etsy Summer Camp… where middle-aged suburban white women unleash the inner child that they pretty much are anyways!
10. Make boondoggles using dog hair
9. Steampunk Native American day… why go for one when you can have both at once?
8. Cupcake snack break!
7. Glue gun safety 101
6. Freeze tag… everybody gets a participation medal, and we don’t keep score! ZOMG YAY
5. Hiking to Applebee’s
4. How to upcycle your alimony checks into bulk purchases from Asian factories
3. Tye-dying Skants Day
2. Drum circle and tribal dancing
And the number one Etsy Summer Camp activity is…
1. How to combat fat, jealous losers
The craigslist guy really needs to get Etsyfied. They are never “just rocks”!
“…but then I thought, well, they are just rocks.”
Good news everybody- The Only Sane Woman lives in Burlington and doesn’t try to make money off of shit she found in her backyard after a thunderstorm.
She’s still gonna getcha on shipping though. TOSWITW’s momma didn’t raise no fool.
No if they were FRENCH rocks, that’d be a different story all together. Ooh la la. (wretch)
But… the pinecones, they are FRENCH! Oooh la la! Wah lah!
The French ones have a certain…je ne sais quois.
These days I’m trying to find out. I’ll keep you people posted.
Free inspirational piece of found wood with natural shape and form.
This tiny bargain was discovered behind my office desk in July of 2012 (vintage!) and many have remarked that it looks like a bite of sausage.
Please reference illustration for all inquiries.
Distressed wood photographed on distressed wood? I’m sold.
Apparently the rocks my dog pees on everyday aren’t good enough; I need to buy them from the UK.
This is one of those Etsy vs. Regretsy games, isn’t it?
(please tell me it is…)
Organic leaves from free-range trees – $1 each! FREE DELIVERY*
Great for arts and/or crafts. Ships in time for Thanksgiving.
*buyer must live downwind.
Ooh! FRENCH pine cones! I have been searching for those! the USDA always confiscates mine at the airport.
I have some piñon cones. If anyone is interested. It helps if you have zero geographical knowledge, because theese are from New Mexico. Yes! NEW Mexico. Not that old Mexico. These are not from a standard pine tree, either. These are from a Piñon.
I also have Ponderosa cones.
French pine cones are trying to take jobs from American pine cones? Dios merde!
Hey, I just realized I have SCOTCH pines!
And WHITE pines!!
Sorry folks…I’ll definitely corner this market.
I’m thinking I should probably stay out this one…
Has Etsy had a treasury of invasive species yet? I’m thinking of going to the Oregon coast and prying some “authentic Japanese wabi-sabi distressed artifacts” off the dock that the tsunami sent over. They might be full of borer worms and barnacles, though.
I was JUST thinking how it would be awesome if some Asian Long Horn beetles came along for the ride.
It was fine when beatles came over in the British invasion but suddenly everyone freaks out about an invasion of Japanese ones? That’s racist.
You’ve just given me the name of my next boutique:
Borer Worms and Barnacles!
BRB, out to gather kudzu!
Oh oh! But those are FRENCH pine cones! Surely that makes a difference? Anything French is automatically extra creamy and special. Just look, they’re even on parade!
If they are on parade shouldn’t they be in a line. Also, if I mix the French pine cones with my U.S. ones, will the French ones surrender or just make fun of the fact that the U.S. ones are so much fatter? Just wondering.
If I was closer to those free rocks, I’d claim every last one of them.
what? I need to finish my firepit.
Do they all come with a certificate of authenticity from… from… uh…. Earth?
It does save you from all that tedious bending over to pick things up.
Whew! Nobody copied my product line. So I am still YOUR only source for:
Poison Oak Potpourri
Mushroom Medley (Russian Roulette style)
Gourmet Foxtail Salad
Wheatgrass analog for those allergic to wheat – mowed daily!
Sorry, not selling the rocks you may see. I need them to keep my chakras balanced, dudes.
I should scoop the dirt in my backyard into little vials, and then sell them as “genuine Las Vegas souvenirs!”
Why not? People buy sand on their beach vacations.
But the saltiness of Las Vegas soil isn’t from the ocean, like sand, but rather evaporated tears from shattered dreams.
Petsoky stones, they’re not big fat coral things? Whoops, I may have a gold mine in a bucket in my den. I mean I have buckets of rocks and when I do sell them I feel a little guilty because, well they are just rocks.
I guess I just don’t have the right cupcake mindset. I have to start marketing myself better!
This just solved the funding problems for our national parks.
Better visit your national park now, before it’s gone.
It won’t be long before all the salable resources there (e.g. twigs, leaves, bark, rocks, acorns, trees, plants, animal parts, sand, dirt) are snatched by some enterprising individuals. All that will be left is a gaping opening down to the earth’s mantle; and rather than “national parks” we’ll have “national hell holes”, with nice parking lots of course.
You postulate “national hell holes, with nice parking lots” as thought Wal-Mart stores didn’t already exist.
And I thought those were imported hell holes!
Imports fill the holes but “we” dug them.
At first, I thought we were playing “Etsy or Regretsy?.
Those pine cones aren’t chunky, they’re just big boned.
They seem pretty comfortable measuring the cedar in ounces.
$5 for a bunch of cedar branches? $9 for pinecones. Jesus I’m sitting on a veritable gold mine in my backyard. What I used to think of as a hideous mess that my husband never gets around to helping me clean up is actually a cash cow.
$24 for a tiny piece of “driftwood,” shit I’ve got whole goddamn trees laying in my yard. For the record I’ll give them to anyone who gets them the hell out of here FOR FREE! It’s like a Secret Santa, only we’re using eachother for personal gain.
Eh, people outside of Etsy are already selling most of this shit.
I used to keep dart frogs in naturalistic habitats, and I’ve paid for driftwood, river stones, weird looking rocks, and oak and magnolia leaves other hobbyists collected from their yards. Oak trees don’t grow out here, so I couldn’t just pick them up myself. We do get the pine cones, but the local grocery store sells them during the holidays. Unfortunately, the pine cones they sell are cinnamon scented, and the smell is about enough to knock you over from 50 yards away.
Never paid for random bundles of sticks or line cones, though.
Selling acorn caps? Are their lots of poor, homeless acorns out their that need caps to stay warm? Are acorn socks & gloves next?
I’ve just been doing some weeding in the back garden. Do you think if I tried selling my Organic Home-Grown Weed I’d get much interest?
I was just wondering if I could start selling the mint that wants to own my back yard. Tagging it “natural herbal weed” would definitely generate some hits, I imagine.
This shit that looks like kale I’m growing in my backyard sells itself! But not much repeat business.
Raw sea rocks? Don’t they know that you are never supposed to eat raw sea rocks. You could get Trichinosis. You have to cook the rocks so that the internal temperature is at least 2500K.
You don’t want to get rockjaw.
Jane, you igneous slut. That temp is only necessary when you heat7-layer sedimentary rock.
Hey, no need to get crusty.
I used to do this sort of thing when I was little, like when we cut down the apple tree and I “sold” the fragrant bark to my parents for like one dollar total. I grew out of it once I realized more how an actual economy works; it would seem these people have yet to notice that the general public wants to give money for things of actual value.
Sticks and stones may break your bones…if you’re dumb enough to pay for them.
Well, at least the garden rocks are free on craigs list, so not even eny shipping to someone local.
Look out squirrels, those acorns are going to pay for christmas this year!
I wonder how much I could charge for my widow maker pinecones? Those suckers weigh around 20 pounds a piece at least. One of them took out my Volvos windshield last fall (not to self: do not park under that pine tree idiot).
I bet you could make a ton of money if you hot-glue some shit to them and market them as earth-energy empowering free range organic doorstops.
Maybe you could sell the dirt the tree is growing in as a Viagra substitute?
I live in Burlington, and I’m proud to call The Only Sane Person in the World my neighbor! (Well, almost– the New North End is a bit of a walk.)
If I ever feel like life is making too much sense, however, I’ll just wander through the downtown stores and be reminded that for $245, I could either buy a semester’s worth of textbooks or one small wooden statue hand-carved in Bali. Gotta love this rich hippie town.
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