This post first appeared on Regretsy in September of 2011
It’s really sad when you have to put that kind of a disclaimer at the bottom of your product.
Sad or hilarious?
Eh, most things are both.
“This product is not meant to encourage infant alcoholism.” I need that tattooed somewhere, or as a disclaimer on my blog.
And it’s not even in baby talk. How are they supposed to know?
They twied to make me go wehab
But I said “Nononononononono No! NO! Nooooo!”.
Nobody wanted to address the problem, but when baby Pru showed up with her Crown Royal booties and Captain Morgan upcycled onesie, they knew she needed to get off the bottle.
Still better than the 50-SOG onesie.
amen to that
Nothing about this seems like a good idea..
I’ve thought of some pretty ridiculous things…
But I never thought something like this would be a good idea.
Drink up, Mama! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!
Ooooooooooh, classy! Did they by any chance have Jack Daniels onesies, or maybe padded bikinis for little girls?
Or diaper skants.
Lil bastard heroin play set?
A cute Captain Morgan keychain for the car keys.
Introducing the Etsy line for kids: Whimsicle Tottery! We’ve got hand-crafted reusable diapers with owl patterns on ‘em… we’ve got steampunk drawstring bags to contain your rotting placenta… we’ve got Native American faery goddess headdresses… EVERYTHING your baby might need! (Unless you’re poor. In which case you won’t be able to afford most if not all of it.)
I’ve got an idea for weaving sticks and brambles into a little thing I call”Nature’s Bassinet.” At what age does a baby lose it’s protective outer shell?
They could also sell some of those snazzy Spongebob yarmulkes to help cover the baby’s soft spot
Um, so, I definitely have a handmade reusable cloth diaper with an owl print
Which actually works well with the fact that I’m poor, since I don’t have to buy diapers every week. Still, I’ll accept the mocking.
Just don’t put a mustache on your baby.
How about Mattel’s Baby Bar. It’s a real, miniature bar set so the kids can fix dad’s cocktails instead of him having to get up off his ass and do it his damn self!
When I made my dad a martini for the first time I swapped the ratios of the gin and vermouth and he didn’t enjoy it. In my defense,”Gordon” and “Gallo” both start with “G” and we hadn’t got past “K” at school yet.
The above story is true except I was in college at the time, so I clearly knew all the letters of the algebra.
I plan to dress my babies up like NASCAR drivers, advertising all of my favorite alcohol and narcotics.
This is probably why I’ll never have kids.
They’ll be badasses if you do.
** Please note, ordering these booties means to encourage crafter’s alcoholism, cause I’ll have to empty 2 bottles of Royal Crown before they can be made to order.
Crown Royal, sorry. I just finished another pair, you know.
I want to see a beer keg upcycled as a cradle.
“We put the “fun” in funnel!”
I would tap that. (the keg, not the baby)
Maybe they could use some empty mini-fridge sizes of various hard liquors and re-purpose them into a mobile. That way they can get the baby interested early, because it’s probably going to grow up and need a stiff drink or two to deal with living in a world where THESE TYPES OF THINGS EXIST
The awesomeness of that idea can barely be conveyed in human language!
…Actually, knowing Etsy, the mobile would probably just be a bunch of knit tampons rotating on strings.
I’ll just leave this here:
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
..Seriously? Twenty-five freaking dollars for a pair of BABY shoes?
What do you think this is, Walmart? These are made to order, by hand.
I see the seller has raised the price to $35 since these were first featured last year. Which I think is still reasonable considering the amount of work and skill involved.
Thanks Rushgirl2112, these take 2.5 hours to make, and materials aren’t always cheap! Funny enough, when I raised prices 6 months ago, sales went up by about 75%. –Foxypants (maker of the booties)
Never did I say a good amount of work didn’t go into them. What I said was BABY SHOES ARE A WASTE OF MONEY AND YOU SHOULD NOT SPEND ANY MONEY ON THEM.
Maybe you should have, you know, ACTUALLY SAID THAT.
We’re not mind readers, sheesh.
So how do you keep your babies’ feet warm?
My grandfather ran a wholesale liquor warehouse when I was a kid. We always had a few of those Crown Royal bags laying around. I’d play with them all the time.
Also, my mom was crafty, I could totally see her making something like this.
These booties are actually kind of fun and nostalgic for me. If I had a baby, which I don’t, I’d put these on her.
The disclaimer is a weird turn off though. Sheesh.
No kidding. I was whipping out the credit card until I read “this bootie is NOT meant to encourage infant alcoholism.”
So now I need to find a new seller whose views are more in line with my own.
I have to say, are the rich and trashy insisting on Glenfidditch barrels for their baby cradles? If Paris Hilton or her ilk reproduce, I could definitely see them clad in similar garments.
Regretsy features plenty of poorly-made steampunk garments and accessories, but this is one of a select few ‘drunkpunk’ features.
I dunno why, but in my brain these booties aren’t all that trashy. But due to the family business, my relatives all have houses full of booze and none of us really drink all that much. This would be a fun joke gift in my family.
You’re awfully mysterious about this “family business” that involves getting other people drunk in your homes while you stay sober. Are you mobsters? Grifters? I must know!
I don’t really recall anyone ever getting drunk in our homes. That’s probably why we had so much booze. That, and the family business… which was selling the stuff.
Selling “stuff”? That has a nice underworld vibe to it. Does it “fall of the back of trucks”? My wife could use a new fur coat.
‘The stuff’ I was referring to was the before mentioned booze. My family used to run a perfectly legal wholesale liquor warehouse. I was pretty clear about that from the start.
They do look well made and the use of the tie is clever but I’m afraid that boozy babies will not become a “thing.”
Disclaimer is just a joke for the people who will take them too seriously But I am glad they are kind of nostalgic for you!
There’s a considerable problem with using Crown Royal bags for anything that will eventually need washing, though: that purple is NOT colorfast. I speak from experience from trying to clean a musty one I got from a Goodwill outlet.
The first time someone tries to wash those booties? The whole load of laundry is going to be purple, too. Even if you tried to wash the booties alone, the dye will ruin the yellow of the embroidery. So, not the best material to be used to adorn an organism well known for throwing up on a whim.
Well, the CR bags I use to make these are pre-washed a couple times, and I’ve washed test pairs with other wash so they are fine. I thought ahead on that one because I like to wash EVERYTHING! Lol
Do Johnnie Walker bottles come in bags? Because – Johnnie Walker booties! For Johnnie! Who can’t walk yet!
She wants to give that bird a smack so badly,but…S”P”CA
“We had no trouble getting little Curly Sue to eat sold foods. But we just can’t seem to wean her off the bottle.”
Bwah gurgle sniff burp drool.
Translation: My name is Alison and I am an infant alcoholic.
I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just here to pick up chicks.
Would have been way funnier if you had said babes.
and if you have some little baggies leftover from your weed purchases, you can use them for baby shower caps.
Here honey, here are some booties made from the bags of the Crown Royal I consumed on the night of your conception. I only wish I could remember who your daddy is…..
So has anyone ever mixed Crown Royal and Royal Crown cola and lived to tell about it?
I had a Fuzzy Navel with a navel fuzzy and that was disgusting.
Almost had one, but the KwikeeMart was out of Moon Pies to put on the plastic sword/toothpick thingie.
the combination could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe!
Slurred incomprehensible speech, trouble walking, drooling, loss of bladder control, all got up in booze paraphernalia; you’d better be a baby or you’re under arrest!
Living with a toddler is like living with an alcoholic. Someone funnier said that before me and is it ever true. Mine is always wobbling around screaming about something I can’t understand, slamming doors, throwing things at the dog…
It might have been Denis Leary. He’s pretty funny but your name is funnier than his.
Yeah…. We totes gave our baby a plastic Jack Daniels mini bottle filled with rice to use as a rattle, so I’m no one to judge, but I wouldn’t try to sell that kind of fuckery. That’s just ASKING for a visit from DCSS.
Not only is the listing still there, but they’ve upped the price to $35 and included the Regretsy feature in the listing!!
Winning at Infant Alcoholism!
For baby’s first stagger on the curb line.
My cousin commissioned me to make her son’s baby blanket – out of Crown Royal bags. Not every infant has quilted crown royal to cuddle up with at night…. I alternated between lots of doubtful head shaking and hysterical laughter while making it. I imagine it spread across the back of his future college sofa…..
As long as we’re on the “Cause and Effect” topic, I thought I’d mention my “Baby by Vi-agra” line of onsies….whup!
This just just in, Pfizer has slapped a “Cease and Desist” order on me. They think it will hurt sales. I hope PayPal gives back my Kickstarter money.
Come on. Everyone knows you’re supposed to use the Crown Royal bags to put your gaming dice in. Baby shoes. What a waste.
I had a dream someone made a Jack Daniels onesie. Maybe said dream came true in some form?
This is clearly classist crafting. Where are the Mad Dog booties or the Two-Buck Chuck onesie?
Andrea Fox of Foxypants here. I make these cutie booties, among others. To those of you that love them (or at least appreciate the humor)–THANK YOU!:) To those of you who don’t (I’ve already gotten hate mail today, unlike the first time they were posted, oddly enough): DON’T BUY THEM! These are fun to make and the folks I sell them to always have a great sense of humor and love them. Re: the prices…in my day job I am an Attorney, so just be glad I’m not charging my attorney rate for them . Thanks for the post-Regretsy! Love ya!
p.s. Yes, please buy these so I have an excuse to do Crown Royal shots! Ha ha ha
WTF, hate mail? We may be FJLs here but I’d like to think we don’t do hate mail. Even for mega a-holes we are pretty much open with our insults, and your creations are pretty mild on the fuckery meter.
It must be the lactivists; they always get upset when they see bottles around babies.
Yeah, it wasn’t the classiest to hate-mail…but I try to just focus on the positive stuff and those who appreciate mild fuckery Damn lactivists….
Have you considered making baby beanies out of the bags? That might not stop the hate mail but, Crown Royal crowns?
Sure these are absurd, but they’re humorous. They ARE pretty damn adorable and, unlike most crafters on Etsy, you aren’t a stranger to craftsmanship. So good for you! Since I neither have nor enjoy babies, I don’t have some sort of indecency-alarm going off over these.
Lol I like that “I neither have nor enjoy babies…” Yes, they are supremely absurd. I just bank on the fact that there are other absurd people in the world…something I find strangely comforting .
I want these for when I have kids, honestly. Mostly because Crown Royal bags are traditional dice bags for gamers.
In addition to the booties, I make dice cups. I don’t sell them on Etsy, I just make them separately. I didn’t know that the bags were traditional dice bags though, so I guess it is kind of fitting!
I dunno, I could see buying these as a commemorative gift celebrating the baby’s conception.
“Well, son, there was this one night that your mom and I were celebrating with a bottle of Crown Royal, and nine months later, blammo, there you were!”
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