Things that shame me about this post:I was hoping this would be making fun of Jews crucifying Jesus.I wanted to buy it just to stab myself in the eyes with it.I live in the same state as the person selling it.Kill me.
It’s okay, I’m pretty sure the writer of that literary masterpiece is my ex-mother-in-law judging from previous emails. I hear the whole family is kind of a rarity there.
No, Sour Melissa87. Helen brought it to our attention so that we could free ourselves from self-hatred and just laugh at nail polish on a spike. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
I should buy this to take with me to church every Easter Sunday (sorry, Resurrection Sunday is what they call it now), for when we acknowledge the crufixation of Jeebus. Er, Jesus.
I have to say, though, I like this “heartace” word. I want to come up with a definition for it so I can use it.
UM that’s not blood, it’s paint, real blood would be more darker red. just saying. (From working directly/indirectly in the medical field for almost 20 years)
The Regretsy school of comedy is harsh but fair, my friend. Work hard on your patter, and one day, you too will get all the Fat, Jealous Loser love. In the meantime, you can always stab yourself with the nail if it makes you feel better!
one of my lesbian friends told me that using a tampon is like using a cottonball for a deluge spill of motor oil, then she took a tampon and put it in a shot glass of water and lifted it up by the string. Yes she was a strange bird.
No, too disturbed by the image of someone sitting at their kitchen table and cheerfully jabbing nail after nail into their bleeding hand, lining ‘em up to mail ‘em out.
WHEN IN TIME OF EXTREM STRESS,PHYSICAL OR MENTAL PAIN OR THE LOWEST POINT IN LIFE HOLD THIS NAIL AND KNOW HE HOLDS YOU.
Ya know, I’m fairly sure that Jesus said somewhere in the New Testament about the Lord helping those who help themselves. Wouldn’t you be better off going to a Doctor or therapist? I realize that costs more than $8, but most cities have clinics that will charge you based on what you can afford to pay.
Not meaning to preach, but my dad was a minister, and while he certainly prayed for us kids when we got sick, he also took us to see a doctor if the problem persisted longer than 24 hours.
“Ya know, I’m fairly sure that Jesus said somewhere in the New Testament about the Lord helping those who help themselves.”
Actually, Algernon Sidney said that (translated from a similar phrase from Aesop’s Fables), if the big wiki is to be believed. Definitely not in the Bible, though.
Though I understand that people often confuse Algernon Sidney for Jesus.
THIS RANDOM DUDE TEXTS ME SPORADICALLY IN ALL CAPS. HE THEN FREAKS OUT BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS AND SAY I’M NOT SUNSHINE. HE THEN REALIZES THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT SICK OF HIS CHEATING AND CHANGED RANDOM NUMBERS IN HIS PHONE TO OTHER RANDOM NUMBERS. SO THANKS A LOT TO THE GIRLFRIEND. WE HAVE COMEDIC GOLD CONVERSATIONS UNTIL I MANAGE TO AGAIN CONVINCE HIM HE’S TEXTING THE SAME WRONG NUMBER. IT’S BEEN A WHILE, AND I HOPE HE’S OK.
I’m not quite sure how this is very comforting seeing as that nail clearly isn’t large enough to securely hold a persons weight. It might of been a different story if they used these nails. Christ would of just fallen off the cross after a little bit like a badly hung painting.
“oh! whoops! dont worry folks see look I’m fine.. just a few holes” dusts off.
…I misread this and my first thought was, “Heartface?!? If you have an internal organ on your face you have bigger problems then figuring out how to spend your 8 bucks on a spike coated with nail polish.”
Is it bad that the first thing I noticed is that this thing is made of modern steel? I mean they had rudimentary steel 2000 years ago, but the Bessemer process didn’t come about until the mid 19th century.
/armchair engineer
Also, that’s clearly paint (likely a lacquer.)
Also, there’s no evidence for the historicity of Jesus and it’s likely all metaphor.
I want to know what religion glorifies a “crufication.” And I want to know what a “crufication” is when it’s at home. And WTF is “heartace”? Is this some weird artifact from an even weirder semi-Christian/manicurist cult? And do you have to fail a spelling test to get in? And what’s up with the ellipsis abuse?? QUESTIONS! I NEED ANSWERS!
Bill Hicks said, “A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to see a fucking cross? Ow! Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet. It’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant. Just thinking of John!”
I’m sure this applies to railroad spikes (?!?), too.
Nails, shmails. I ain’t impressed with a would-be savior until he is bolted and then welded to a cross. With nails after a few days or a bad storm the would-be savior is all slumped at the bottom of the cross and then we have to go back and re-nail him to the cross. Get a few galvanized steel plates, a few five inch bolts, and some decent welding, then we’re talking. I want a category 5 hurricane to blow through, and still have my savior on that cross, dying for my sins. Nails are for pussies.
This gives me an idea. Since we have an abundance of greenbriar around here, I could make and sell “crown of thorns” bracelets. Or hats. I am not sure if they would sell well here in the Buckle of The Bible Belt or if it would be viewed as sacreligious; it would probably depend on my marketing strategy.
Let me try!
Display hanging on a nail the has been pounded into barnwood. Description: REPENT! Just because you are a worthless sinner doesn’t mean that you cannot try to do better. This cuff of organic, upcycled briars allows you to suffer for him just as he suffered for you. Steampunk. These unique expressions of faith are prayerfully handcrafted only on Sundays. Dildo. The mystic symbolism and rustic, handrubbed patina make this the perfect for Lent, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, hobo weddings or onset of menarche (the blessed pain distracts your daughter from the pain of the joys of becoming a wombyn). Octopus. It fits a 7-8 inch wrist and I will not measure it! God bless:)
And to think we’ve been going at it all wrong. We don’t need to work together and use our creative skills and compassion to help out someone in need, oh no, we just need to send them a horseshoe nail and bad capslock poetry. PROLBEM SOVLED BICTHES.
Ah, yes, the age old tradition of selling crucifixion souvenirs. For a very long time, it was popular for peddlers to sell “pieces of the cross” as holy relics to churches and gullible townsfolk alike. Nice to see some traditions don’t die out. Maybe we can bring back using opiates as cough syrup too, please oh please!
Know what’s awesome? When a historian went around to all the churches in Ireland that had relic finger bones of St. John, he discovered that St. John must have had at least eighteen fingers.
I know that reliving the inglorious demise of Jesus Christ over and over again (i.e. PTSD By Proxy) is a major part of Christianity, but this shit is pretty damn macabre.
August 16, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Gahh with the blood and everything..
August 16, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Wait – this is a robot tampon isn’t it?
August 16, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Looks like a horse shoe nail, to me.
They’re cheap as hell, so this person is both lazy and greedy. GAH
At least the folks bending them into rings are actually doing WORK.
August 16, 2012 at 11:30 pm
Robot tampon! This MUST be the name of my feminist punk-metal band, if I ever have one.
August 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Bloody ice pick? Nah, sacred object! Looks to me like someone’s just trying to get rid of some evidence.
August 16, 2012 at 7:32 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm
August 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:48 pm
You run away. I want her phone number.
August 16, 2012 at 8:53 pm
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August 18, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Me too!
August 16, 2012 at 7:40 pm
This is the greatest image ever, thank you for bringing to my inebriated attention.
August 16, 2012 at 10:40 pm
Can I borrow this lady for the evening and get her to give Comic Sans an equally appropriate treatment?
August 17, 2012 at 3:12 am
Sam, where have you been hiding????
August 17, 2012 at 9:18 am
Looks like somebody didn’t read the fine print on the robot tampon package. Ouch.
August 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Well, i guess that’s better than him dying for my lap’s cock…
August 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I think I’ll hang a crufixic on the wall, right above where I keep my Libeb. Sesuj would pparvoe. I yrap eevyr ady ot ihm.
August 16, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Did you just summon Satan? Not cool, dude!
August 16, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Why no, not at all. (fans the smell of brimstone out of the room) Why do you ask?
August 16, 2012 at 8:45 pm
ENJOY HELL, DEVIL!!!
August 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm
I had no idea Jesus was crucified with railroad spikes, or that He bled Revlon Red nail polish! You learn something new every day!
August 16, 2012 at 7:41 pm
You’d be surprised at what I learned in VBS. When you get old enough they tell you how you’ll get pregnant and die if you have premarital sex.
August 16, 2012 at 9:35 pm
No, no, no. You get pregnant and die if you slow dance!
August 16, 2012 at 10:41 pm
So…I guess I shouldn’t make an abortion joke about this nail…OH SHIT.
It would go well with the ceramic-kidney-abortion brooch we saw a while ago, though!
August 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm
He wasn’t – he was cruficated
August 17, 2012 at 10:26 am
Jesus was cruciferous?
August 16, 2012 at 7:36 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm
It’s okay, I’m pretty sure the writer of that literary masterpiece is my ex-mother-in-law judging from previous emails. I hear the whole family is kind of a rarity there.
August 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm
No, Sour Melissa87. Helen brought it to our attention so that we could free ourselves from self-hatred and just laugh at nail polish on a spike. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
August 16, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Wait, are you saying enlightenment comes with a sudden urge to strip?
August 16, 2012 at 9:39 pm
BOOTY POP FOR JESUS!!
August 16, 2012 at 9:45 pm
If your mind goes up the pole…
August 16, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Could be wurs, you could be stabt.
Crufication’s a doddle.
August 16, 2012 at 7:37 pm
I should buy this to take with me to church every Easter Sunday (sorry, Resurrection Sunday is what they call it now), for when we acknowledge the crufixation of Jeebus. Er, Jesus.
I have to say, though, I like this “heartace” word. I want to come up with a definition for it so I can use it.
August 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm
It’s the ace of hearts?
August 16, 2012 at 7:40 pm
And make sure you let everyone know not to touch it. Ya know, because it has zombie Jesus blood on it and they might bring on the apocalypse.
August 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm
REALLY! I HAD NO IDEA!
August 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:49 pm
People don’t like it because WE KNOW it’s not real blood. I doesn’t take almost 20 years in the medical field to know what real blood looks like.
We’re just cracking jokes! DERP
August 16, 2012 at 8:18 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 10:43 pm
The Regretsy school of comedy is harsh but fair, my friend. Work hard on your patter, and one day, you too will get all the Fat, Jealous Loser love. In the meantime, you can always stab yourself with the nail if it makes you feel better!
August 17, 2012 at 7:10 am
ooh, then there’d be REAL blood.
August 17, 2012 at 5:26 am
When did you crack a joke? Point it out.
August 16, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Nope. That’s not why.
August 16, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Luna, you are a much nicer person than I am for explaining that to DocObvious.
August 16, 2012 at 7:56 pm
YEAH I’M INNA GOWD MOWD
August 16, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Holy shit. Glad I read this before I plonked down my nine bucks. Thanks, Doc!!!
August 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Yeah, had he not pointed that out you would have had to fight me for this thing. Saved me a bundle. I always thought Jesus bled Maybelline.
August 16, 2012 at 8:12 pm
“Maybe he died with it … Maybe it’s Maybeblood”
August 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Nah. I can go down the street and buy a hooker for $2 and a Roxy.
August 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm
I am going to need your address.
August 16, 2012 at 10:44 pm
I’m going to make a better fake Jesus crucifixion nail! And it’ll have blackjack! And hookers! In fact–forget the nail!
August 16, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Can you tell because of the pixels too?
August 16, 2012 at 9:03 pm
You say you’re acquainted with human suffering but remember, there’s physical AND mental trauma. This is the latter.
August 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm
I was going to spell chack and not use caps lock, but I said crufuckit and held my nail.
August 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm
And this is what most guys assume using a tampon is like.
August 16, 2012 at 7:42 pm
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August 16, 2012 at 7:40 pm
anyone else giggling madly at the irony of “hand stained”?
August 17, 2012 at 9:34 pm
No, too disturbed by the image of someone sitting at their kitchen table and cheerfully jabbing nail after nail into their bleeding hand, lining ‘em up to mail ‘em out.
(Yes, Doc, I understand it’s not real blood…)
August 16, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Gurl, you gowin to HALL for that!
August 16, 2012 at 7:43 pm
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August 20, 2012 at 11:20 am
“Ya know, I’m fairly sure that Jesus said somewhere in the New Testament about the Lord helping those who help themselves.”
Actually, Algernon Sidney said that (translated from a similar phrase from Aesop’s Fables), if the big wiki is to be believed. Definitely not in the Bible, though.
Though I understand that people often confuse Algernon Sidney for Jesus.
August 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm
MY HEART ACES THAT PEOPLE AREN’T TYPING IN ALL CAPS LOCK.
WTF WAS THE POINT OF HIM GETTING CRUFICATED IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO SHOW SOME GRATITUDE?
August 16, 2012 at 7:50 pm
I’M SHOWING GATORTUDE RIGHT NOW!
August 16, 2012 at 8:04 pm
GATORADE IS SO REFRESHING!
August 16, 2012 at 8:47 pm
WE ONLY DRINK HATERADE IN THESE HERE PARTZ!
August 16, 2012 at 8:52 pm
I ENJOY BERATERADE MYSELF
August 17, 2012 at 7:11 am
I WANT MY BREASTERADE LATTE VENTI
August 16, 2012 at 9:21 pm
REMEMBER TO HYDRATE WHEN YOU USE YOUR MASTURBATORADE
August 16, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I LOVE GRAMMAR, SO I LIKE PREDICATERADE.
August 17, 2012 at 9:23 am
WHEN I DRINK ENOUGH GIN IT BECOMES MATERADE. ADD TONIC AND LOAD HER INTO THE WINDOWLESS VAN, Y’ALL! LIMES OPTIONAL.
August 16, 2012 at 7:50 pm
We would all use caps lock if Billy Mays was “cruficied”.
August 16, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I’M GLAD THIS POST CAME TONIGHT BECAUSE I FEEL SO CAPSLOCK!
IMMA CHANEL MY INTER MISSPALL TOOOO
August 19, 2012 at 8:00 pm
THIS RANDOM DUDE TEXTS ME SPORADICALLY IN ALL CAPS. HE THEN FREAKS OUT BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS AND SAY I’M NOT SUNSHINE. HE THEN REALIZES THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT SICK OF HIS CHEATING AND CHANGED RANDOM NUMBERS IN HIS PHONE TO OTHER RANDOM NUMBERS. SO THANKS A LOT TO THE GIRLFRIEND. WE HAVE COMEDIC GOLD CONVERSATIONS UNTIL I MANAGE TO AGAIN CONVINCE HIM HE’S TEXTING THE SAME WRONG NUMBER. IT’S BEEN A WHILE, AND I HOPE HE’S OK.
August 16, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Damn it all. I get so embarrassed to see things like this come out of my hometown.
Guys, I swear we aren’t all morons.
August 16, 2012 at 8:06 pm
At first glance I could have sworn that said “Mormons”.
August 16, 2012 at 8:15 pm
I thought the same thing.
August 16, 2012 at 9:23 pm
What a moroon!
- Bugs Bunny
August 17, 2012 at 5:28 am
What a nincowpoop!
-also Bugs Bunny
August 16, 2012 at 7:51 pm
I’m not quite sure how this is very comforting seeing as that nail clearly isn’t large enough to securely hold a persons weight. It might of been a different story if they used these nails. Christ would of just fallen off the cross after a little bit like a badly hung painting.
“oh! whoops! dont worry folks see look I’m fine.. just a few holes” dusts off.
August 16, 2012 at 7:54 pm
“Just a few holes”
Redefining the term Holy Jesus
o.0
August 16, 2012 at 8:57 pm
You know how to whistle don’t you? Just put your hands together and blow… I’ll see myself out…
August 16, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Nothing like being reminded of somebody’s murder and torture to chase those Blues away!
August 16, 2012 at 7:58 pm
masonry nails are really better suited for a cross made of concrete. i guess the ancient romans hadn’t figured that out yet.
August 16, 2012 at 8:02 pm
They were using aqueduct tape.
August 16, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Actually, this will remind us not to pick our teeth with any handy object lying around. Forgive us, Dr. Beauchamp.
August 16, 2012 at 8:05 pm
…I misread this and my first thought was, “Heartface?!? If you have an internal organ on your face you have bigger problems then figuring out how to spend your 8 bucks on a spike coated with nail polish.”
August 16, 2012 at 8:10 pm
get it? NAIL polish. hurk hurk.
August 16, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Jesus should have died for our grammar ’cause this post’s description is a sin.
August 16, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Is it bad that the first thing I noticed is that this thing is made of modern steel? I mean they had rudimentary steel 2000 years ago, but the Bessemer process didn’t come about until the mid 19th century.
/armchair engineer
Also, that’s clearly paint (likely a lacquer.)
Also, there’s no evidence for the historicity of Jesus and it’s likely all metaphor.
Now with that out of the way…
BRING ON THE DWONVOETS!!!
August 16, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I am a Christian and this item makes me sad for many reasons, but not for the reason you may be thinking of.
*Hint – It’s the capslock.
August 16, 2012 at 9:38 pm
The LORD does a have a problem with that in certain versions.
August 17, 2012 at 10:10 am
CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE-CONTROL FOR SALVATION!
August 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm
I don’t think it’s fair to tag this “Jews.” Jews should not be held responsible in any way for this person.
August 16, 2012 at 9:55 pm
“Romans” isn’t a category and there wasn’t anyone else around there at the time. It’s for historical perspective.
August 16, 2012 at 8:26 pm
August 16, 2012 at 9:58 pm
“Blessed are the Cheese-makers’??? What’s that supposed to mean?
Also, “Mount” in case it comes up.
August 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm
I’ve never understood this crucifixion glorification, err-body all wearing crosses and shit.
I think the best way to expess this is with a mad-lib:
If your (__relative__) were killed by/on/with/in a (__noun__), would you wear a (__same noun__) around your neck to remember them by?
August 16, 2012 at 9:10 pm
I went with “mom” and “rake” WHEEE!!!!
August 16, 2012 at 9:17 pm
*sadly removes vagina-charm necklace and throws it away.* Sorry, Grandpa. You died happy, though.
August 17, 2012 at 5:26 am
A friend of mine wants to know what you’re gonna do with that vagina-charm necklace that you’re no longer using.
August 17, 2012 at 9:30 am
I was so close to posting that as “vagina necklace” but then, even drunk, I realized that could have been misconstrued.
But in answer to your question, I swapped the vagina-charm necklace with the toy in an unsupervised Happy Meal.
August 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Happiest meal ever!
August 16, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Since we’re talking religion here I’m gonna do the Deep South version of this Mad Lib.
If your mom/sister were killed by a banjo would you wear a banjo around your neck to remember them by?
Sadly, in this case, the answer is probably yes.
August 16, 2012 at 10:01 pm
But you would play that banjo SO WELL and lure unsuspecting rafters to their raping of various kinds.
August 17, 2012 at 6:09 am
Banjo…bajingo…it’s all good.
August 17, 2012 at 1:16 pm
No silly, you make a banjo bumper sticker or car, opps, rusty truck, magnet so you can make sure everyone sees it.
August 17, 2012 at 5:23 am
I really think the best way to express EVERYTHING is in Mad-Lib form.
August 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I love how the ‘you’ is tacked on like an afterthought.
August 17, 2012 at 10:56 am
Tacked on or nailed on?
August 16, 2012 at 9:20 pm
I want to know what religion glorifies a “crufication.” And I want to know what a “crufication” is when it’s at home. And WTF is “heartace”? Is this some weird artifact from an even weirder semi-Christian/manicurist cult? And do you have to fail a spelling test to get in? And what’s up with the ellipsis abuse?? QUESTIONS! I NEED ANSWERS!
Or wine. Lots more wine.
August 16, 2012 at 10:33 pm
Crufication: the sadness you are made to feel when you make a wonderful salad and then realize you are out of delicious croutons.
August 16, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I’ve been saving all my money for a “Grand Cru” fication in the Burgundy region of France but now I’m laid off! Now whose/who’s cross?
August 17, 2012 at 5:21 am
You could always take a cheaper (but just as gorgeous) trip to Skokie, Illinois. The heartaces are in bloom, and it’s just stunning this time of year.
August 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
Your extrem kindness is ovwewellming.
August 17, 2012 at 10:08 am
No mater what I do, it’s alweys extrem. I’m just an extrem kind of guy. Like that tim I proklamed victory over death. That was pritty extrem.
August 16, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Is the note a printed receipt?
August 17, 2012 at 5:17 am
It’s actually a ransom note. If you look behind the nail, it says, “put all the mony in the bagg and no one gits cruficated”.
August 16, 2012 at 11:55 pm
How appropriate that this is from Baton Rouge (Red Stick).
August 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
Cunning Linguist FTW!
August 17, 2012 at 12:48 am
But I don’t want that creepy guy holding….ME……………………
August 17, 2012 at 4:46 am
Wasn’t “Heartace” one of Elvis’ hot rod driver/singer movies from the 60s?
August 17, 2012 at 7:04 am
Bill Hicks said, “A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to see a fucking cross? Ow! Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet. It’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant. Just thinking of John!”
I’m sure this applies to railroad spikes (?!?), too.
August 17, 2012 at 7:55 am
Nails, shmails. I ain’t impressed with a would-be savior until he is bolted and then welded to a cross. With nails after a few days or a bad storm the would-be savior is all slumped at the bottom of the cross and then we have to go back and re-nail him to the cross. Get a few galvanized steel plates, a few five inch bolts, and some decent welding, then we’re talking. I want a category 5 hurricane to blow through, and still have my savior on that cross, dying for my sins. Nails are for pussies.
August 17, 2012 at 9:55 am
This gives me an idea. Since we have an abundance of greenbriar around here, I could make and sell “crown of thorns” bracelets. Or hats. I am not sure if they would sell well here in the Buckle of The Bible Belt or if it would be viewed as sacreligious; it would probably depend on my marketing strategy.
August 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Let me try!
Display hanging on a nail the has been pounded into barnwood. Description: REPENT! Just because you are a worthless sinner doesn’t mean that you cannot try to do better. This cuff of organic, upcycled briars allows you to suffer for him just as he suffered for you. Steampunk. These unique expressions of faith are prayerfully handcrafted only on Sundays. Dildo. The mystic symbolism and rustic, handrubbed patina make this the perfect for Lent, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, hobo weddings or onset of menarche (the blessed pain distracts your daughter from the pain of the joys of becoming a wombyn). Octopus. It fits a 7-8 inch wrist and I will not measure it! God bless:)
August 20, 2012 at 11:32 am
I only wish I had more thumbs, aliceblue
August 17, 2012 at 10:33 am
And to think we’ve been going at it all wrong. We don’t need to work together and use our creative skills and compassion to help out someone in need, oh no, we just need to send them a horseshoe nail and bad capslock poetry. PROLBEM SOVLED BICTHES.
August 17, 2012 at 11:49 am
DERPTASTIC. I HART IT!
August 17, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Every think that when JC sees this type of shit he has 2nd (and perhaps 3d) thoughts?
August 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Ah, yes, the age old tradition of selling crucifixion souvenirs. For a very long time, it was popular for peddlers to sell “pieces of the cross” as holy relics to churches and gullible townsfolk alike. Nice to see some traditions don’t die out. Maybe we can bring back using opiates as cough syrup too, please oh please!
August 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm
I second the opiate cough syrup! In fact, I think I feel a cough coming on.
August 20, 2012 at 1:04 am
Religion IS the cough syrup of the masses.
August 20, 2012 at 11:36 am
Know what’s awesome? When a historian went around to all the churches in Ireland that had relic finger bones of St. John, he discovered that St. John must have had at least eighteen fingers.
The more you know (star*twinkle*rainbow)
August 20, 2012 at 12:36 am
I know that reliving the inglorious demise of Jesus Christ over and over again (i.e. PTSD By Proxy) is a major part of Christianity, but this shit is pretty damn macabre.