Laters, Baby
- Submitted by Ava
Is there anything more darling than porn references on onesies? So fun and classy. And it lets everyone know that you had to read 3rd rate Twilight fan fiction just to get hot enough to let your slob of a husband bang you.
August 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm
And now it’s time for 50 shades of shit brown.
August 15, 2012 at 7:49 pm
And green! It’s green sometimes!
August 16, 2012 at 4:33 am
And yellow. With seeds.
August 16, 2012 at 5:59 am
50 Shades of Baby Poo…..bestseller!!!! As long as it’s not a picture book lol.
August 15, 2012 at 7:57 pm
you mean 500 stinks of brown
August 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm
you both are wrong, baby shit is orange
August 15, 2012 at 8:58 pm
Have you seen a diaper after a baby gets into a sibling’s crayons? That’s a psychedelic treat.
August 15, 2012 at 8:59 pm
ETA: ===> NO SHADES OF GRAY WHATSOEVER
August 15, 2012 at 8:58 pm
Everybody is right. Babies are full of shit.
August 16, 2012 at 9:32 am
It would be at least a little funny if it was, y’know, printed on a gray onesie.
August 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I would say that’s 50 shades of Fucked up but then you’d all know I read this pile of shit.
August 15, 2012 at 9:37 pm
I spent two weeks reading this pile of painfully bad evil-soccer-mom spankery, and it really is as bad as you’ve been told. It’s also hilarious. I recommend the Gilbert Gottfried reading.
August 15, 2012 at 9:39 pm
As a “soccer mom,” I must say that I find this notion offensive.
We have tons of better porn that this fucking shit.
August 15, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I’m not a soccer mom, but I’d still have to agree. Just reading the synopsis made me realize you’d have to frozen below the waist to think this is exciting…
August 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm
The sheer amount of ignorant people I work with saying “OMG! This book is SO amazing! I just can’t put it down!” or worst of all, “It changed my life!” is astonishing. People have actually gotten pissed at me for daring to say it’s shit. I got halfway through the first one and just had to stop. The writing is the worst I’ve ever experienced.
August 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Be fair. It’s still a better than twilight.
August 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Well, these are the same people who loved “Twilight” too. One coworker, who is sweet as pie, is obsessed with vampires, fairies, and anything supernatural.
August 16, 2012 at 6:25 pm
From what I’ve heard, it actually gets worse as the series goes on.
August 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm
That’s pretty impressive. I couldn’t pull off one page, and I am someone who read all of Hulk Hogan’s autobiography.
I am just amazed people will still pay for porn, especially dirty stories.
August 16, 2012 at 7:52 am
I haven’t read it, so I try not to judge.
My mother tried to read it, though. She quit halfway through, because it was “boring.” I’m not sure if that makes my mother awesome, or just terrifying.
August 16, 2012 at 10:06 am
Awesome, clearly.
August 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I didn’t know you could get knocked up from masturbation.
August 15, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Ha – you win, Lemon!
August 15, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Obviously, if you are reading the book, then you aren’t really sure how sex works in the first place.
August 15, 2012 at 8:06 pm
And you still don’t know after reading them.
August 15, 2012 at 8:10 pm
Are are wondering where this child came from.
August 15, 2012 at 9:45 pm
It involves a lot of swirling, things that would actually damage your clitoris after excessive use, and a disappointing lack of kinkiness. Also, it involves exploding a lot.
August 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm
It also involves a lot of lip biting and Inner Goddess references.
August 15, 2012 at 8:10 pm
That’s exactly what I thought when I first saw the onesie… only I wasn’t witty enough to make a joke out of it. I actually thought that was what it meant.
I’m awfully curious about this book.
August 15, 2012 at 8:19 pm
This way lies madness.
August 16, 2012 at 3:15 am
the best review I’ve read (haven’t read the books) was this one: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215
that should cure any curiosity you have
August 16, 2012 at 4:59 am
^^^^fuckit, that was a brilliant review. and for those of you who haven’t clicked the link (you should) I’m just going to leave this here:
“It’s about two attention-starved individuals with the emotional maturity of toilet paper convincing themselves that their relationship is ‘like, the best thing ever, OMG’.”
August 16, 2012 at 6:28 pm
If you only read the first review, do yourself a favor and read all three. They are fantastic.
August 16, 2012 at 5:25 am
That is the best review I have ever read, I think the part that made me laugh the hardest was the deepthroat. Oh I am crying from laughter, and the fact that they might make it into a movie
August 16, 2012 at 8:06 am
One of the best things I’ve heard is that this gal is supposed to be 100% inexperienced, never been touched, never touched herself, and yet she gushes about what a wonderful lover he is and how big his dick is, etc. WHAT’S HER FRAME OF REFERENCE? I mean, jeez, he could be the lousiest fuck in the world with a dick like a toothpick and she wouldn’t know the difference.
The book has raised hackles in the BDSM community for showing BDSM sex as a symptom of being “broken” rather than as a legit and natural form of sexual expression. At least, that’s what they say.
I’ve listened to parts from an audio version, and scanned a couple pages at a bookstore. It looks tedious and trite.
August 16, 2012 at 8:12 am
As a member of the BDSM community:
“The book has raised hackles in the BDSM community for showing BDSM sex as a symptom of being “broken” rather than as a legit and natural form of sexual expression. At least, that’s what they say.”
Q. F. F. T.
August 16, 2012 at 9:46 am
(Had to look up QFFT, wanted to be sure I didn’t piss anyone off…glad to see I didn’t!)
August 16, 2012 at 9:00 am
Thank you, that did cure my morbid, staring-at-a-train-wreck curiosity. And there are GIFS!
August 15, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Synopsis: Author is horny. Writes book about horniness. When finished, is still a hack.
August 15, 2012 at 9:38 pm
I’m just gonna leave this here: http://scifimagpie.blogspot.ca/2012/08/50-shades-of-finished-reflections-on.html
Think of it as a safe way to satisfy your curiosity without having to read it.
August 16, 2012 at 6:27 am
And THIS is a chapter by chapter commentary that shouldn’t be missed
http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/p/jen-reads-50-shades-of-grey.html
August 15, 2012 at 9:26 pm
That jar of “lotion” by your bed? Heh heh heh!
August 15, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I have a correction.
* Most sane people who have read these books understand why these are not fitting.
August 16, 2012 at 7:09 am
“Sane people” ∧ “have read these books” = ∅
August 16, 2012 at 8:10 am
Browsing the rest of the listings, I’d say “sane people” is not her target market. http://www.etsy.com/listing/106405506/looking-for-mr-grey-fifty-shades-of-grey?ref=v1_other_1
“With the saying ‘Looking for Mr. Grey’, suitable for your little princess who is waiting for her Mr Grey in life.”
August 16, 2012 at 8:12 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/106405651/looking-forms-steele-fifty-shades-of
At least the ick is gender equal.
August 16, 2012 at 9:14 am
Why not just shorted them both to “looking for an abusive relationship”
August 16, 2012 at 9:23 am
Because that’s what babies want. Relationships. And spankings.
It’s hard to top the princess complex, but as a society, I think we’ve finally managed to do so.
August 15, 2012 at 7:46 pm
It makes even less sense on a one-month-old baby…
August 16, 2012 at 12:39 am
It takes a month to get over the bad-wannabe-porn-induced aversion.
August 16, 2012 at 5:46 am
So she was only pregnant for 7 months?
August 15, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Do they make these in tween sizes? Because I might want to send my middle school child to school in something like that.
August 15, 2012 at 7:57 pm
It would be something with an Anne Rice reference:
156 months ago Mommy read “Exit to Eden”
156 months ago Mommy read “Sleeping Beauty”
August 15, 2012 at 8:42 pm
I still want it to read ’9 months ago’ so he can show off his mom’s literary skills.
August 15, 2012 at 8:54 pm
Gawddamn, THANK YOU! Thinking I was the only one out there.
August 15, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Can I just say that, in my opinion, forcing any child too young to make their own decisions wear this constitutes child ause?
August 15, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Hey, if my kid wants to go out, get a job, pay some rent, buy his own wardrobe, then he can wear whatever he wants. Until then, he can wear shirts that proclaim how questionable my taste in reading is.
August 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm
When I was a tween, my parents let me wear bright pink stirrup stretch pants to school. Now that’s child abuse.
August 16, 2012 at 12:14 am
So what you’re saying is my newborn should always be naked. I mean, at 8 days old he can neither make his own decisions nor dress himself.
August 16, 2012 at 6:31 pm
If babies had their way, I think they would be naked all the time.
August 15, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Naw, his shirt would say, “NSFW > 50SoG”
August 16, 2012 at 5:31 am
I fucking LOVE YOU.
August 15, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Wow, that’s really saying something since Twilight is 3rd rate fanfiction to begin with.
August 15, 2012 at 7:57 pm
3rd rate Fanfiction… of 3rd rate Fanfiction… Mother of god it’s become Meta fiction! Run! Run for your lives! It’s no longer confined by the conventional rules of reality!
August 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Fanfiception?
August 16, 2012 at 7:41 am
How about a onesie that reads “Immaculate Fanfiception”?
August 16, 2012 at 2:06 am
Afaik this was a literal (not literary, heh) comment. The Author’s previous work was Twilight fanfic or something like that?
August 16, 2012 at 4:10 am
Not her previous work. This “work”. There is no other work. Fifty shades of grey IS twilight fanfiction.
August 16, 2012 at 6:52 am
From what I recall, the author originally published it all over the internet as a Twilight fanfiction, got popular, and managed to publish it after swapping out the names.
August 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Oh god, sometimes you’re better off not knowing.
August 15, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 15, 2012 at 7:59 pm
TMI
August 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Was the medic Ana and the Heavy Christian?
Because it always seems like it should be the other way around.
…not that I’ve ever thought about that before
August 15, 2012 at 8:04 pm
No, the Medic was Christian and the Heavy was Ana
August 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I would pay money for a five-minute sequence of the Medic and the Heavy reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ in character–especially anything from the particularly atrocious third book in the series.
“I AM ABOUT TO EXPIRE. HERRR DOCTORRRR!”
August 16, 2012 at 7:13 am
THIS!!! It would make the series much more readable if Heavy and Medic did a read through of it.
It would also be hilarious if Scout’s mother read the book with Spy or something.
August 15, 2012 at 7:59 pm
That puts the “Approximately 9 months ago my mom got laid” onesie to shame.
August 15, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Nine months ago, the Condom broke.
Nine months ago, mommy ran out of plan b.
Nine months ago, daddy got deployed.
Nine months ago, mommy left me at the fire station
There are millions of these. I recommend we corner the market.
August 15, 2012 at 8:14 pm
18 months ago, daddy got deployed. oh, wait…
August 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 15, 2012 at 10:34 pm
I knew I should have added …”but we live in certain South or Great Plain states or Taliban-controlled areas and therefore I can’t exercise my right to choose freely so now whoop, there it is.” but that seemed wordy.
August 16, 2012 at 2:08 am
You managed to write something too dark for this site, felicitations.
August 16, 2012 at 4:56 am
Unless you’re putting this onesie on a baby a month or less old, the bun was already in the oven.
So I suppose there needs to be a disclaimer that the onesie must be disposed of after a month. Or it only comes in newborn sizes.
August 15, 2012 at 7:59 pm
“Mommy, where do babies come from?”
“Well, honey, when a woman needs to get turned on enough to let her man crawl on top of her, she reads 50 Shades Of Grey and pretends she’s someone else and her life doesn’t suck. And then sometime about 9 months after that a baby shows up. Now go make Mommy another Bloody Mary.”
August 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Shit. I had no idea vibrators could get you pregnant.
August 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm
*Batteries not included
August 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm
My mom is so vanilla, she thought Fifty Shades of Grey was porn and now I’m here.
How about that for a onesie? No?
August 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm
I suggest “My mom reads FSOG; PLEASE get me into foster care!”
August 15, 2012 at 8:04 pm
I hadn’t heard of these books until Amazon kept “recommending
them to me. I was all, “Fine. Lemme see.”
Read a couple of the reviews and… slowly backed away…
May or may not have deleted my browsing history too. Just in case.
August 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm
So all I have to do have a baby is read Fifty Shades of Grey? Yeah, even if it could cure my infertility, I still wouldn’t read it.
August 16, 2012 at 8:00 am
Even if it cured my infertility AND got my house out of foreclosure.
August 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm
I’s put a baby in a fine Tshirt-hell creation such as “All daddy wanted was a blowjob” before subjecting a child to that crap
August 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm
That comment’s pretty funny, since your avatar’s mouth is duct taped.
August 16, 2012 at 11:38 pm
Yeah, if I was going to burden my spawn with clothing that commented on my sex life/reproductive choices, it would be a lot cleverer than that.
Shit, if I was going to make a baby wear stuff advertising my enjoyment of fanfiction, it would still be better than that. Probably with something about how dad had the reach and mom had the flexibility, but neither had a condom.
August 15, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Anyone see this – Fifty Shades read by Ellen Degeneres
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on3JCwnwHbU
August 15, 2012 at 8:19 pm
How about Gilbert Gottfried?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA
August 15, 2012 at 8:50 pm
You just turned my shitty day into gold
August 15, 2012 at 8:51 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oUa-3W0BFI
August 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm
These have all made my day amazing!
August 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm
And the musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leT-4Y1l7NY&feature=channel&list=UL
August 16, 2012 at 4:25 am
Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis – sure it was part of a press junket for their latest movie, but still good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-ilQtsazZU
August 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm
“Nine months ago there was sparkling Burgundy served at the Book Club meeting.”
August 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm
I’ve had friends ask me if E. L. James is my pen name.
August 16, 2012 at 9:21 am
Are they asking that in the comments section of your bad fan fiction? If not, it seems kinda random. If so, you seem awfully proud to be writing bad fan fiction.
Good on ya!
August 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Ok – this was meant for Lucrez. My computer and or wine is broken. I’m taking an internet break.
August 15, 2012 at 8:16 pm
And it didn’t copy my mixed up comment and now it looks like I’m talking to myself. I’ve either had too much wine or not enough.
August 15, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Never too much wine!
August 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm
I never thought any character could have a more pathetic, twee, Mary Sue-type name than “Bella Swan.”
That is, of course, until we were introduced to Anastasia Steele.
August 15, 2012 at 8:15 pm
And if she got married to Christian, she’d be Steele-Grey.
Yeah, I went there.
August 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm
‘Pathetic, twee, Mary Sue-type name.’ I ♥ you, Bronc.
August 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm
The only acceptable Steele is Remington.
August 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm
*high fives Jemmy*
August 16, 2012 at 4:18 am
But Anastasia Steele IS Bella Swan! Dun Dun DUAH!
August 15, 2012 at 8:14 pm
You know what’s really sad? This book is so talked about that my 11 year old was asking me about it!!
August 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm
My inner goddess just threw up a bit.
August 15, 2012 at 8:59 pm
I didn’t flinch at the skunk feet and the muskrat glands, but this made me shout “OH, EW!!!” at my laptop. I wish I was kidding.
August 15, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Ah, but is your inappropriately-named subconscious delivering a lecture on English literature whilst name-checking Freud?
I hope the movie portrays her subconscious and inner goddess with Lizzie McGuire-style interrupting cartoon monologues. I would laugh myself onto the theatre floor.
August 15, 2012 at 11:53 pm
But that would make it interesting
August 15, 2012 at 8:35 pm
This is the kind of thing that happens when people who have never had kinky sex (or any other kind of sex) try to write porn. It’s like watching a dog try to smoke a cigarette.
August 16, 2012 at 9:19 am
except less amusing
August 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Fun fact: “Onesie” is a registered trademark of Gerber. The internet catalog company I used to work for got a letter from them, and the GM spent half the night changing every listing for Onesie to “OneZ” or something like that so we wouldn’t get sued.
August 15, 2012 at 8:53 pm
I’m surprised they haven’t lost that trademark being how common the usage is.
August 15, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Naw. I guess their lawyers have yet to get around to everyone. I can’t imagine it being that hard though. Just type in Onesie and email the cease and desist they have saved to Word. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind having that job. It must be the laziest lawyering job ever.
August 15, 2012 at 9:13 pm
Won-Z?
August 16, 2012 at 9:04 am
Juan-Z
August 17, 2012 at 11:47 am
Fon-Z.
August 15, 2012 at 11:27 pm
If an American company that makes their product in China can trademark “UGG Australia” then there’s no hope for any generic usage anywhere.
August 16, 2012 at 2:12 am
Welcome to the future.
August 15, 2012 at 9:08 pm
I *thought* I was open minded, but I would totally judge anyone who put this on their kid.
Noone seems to have mentioned this, it contains a lot of Australianisms, but I’m sure you’ll get the idea.
http://www.facebook.com/SunshineCoastMemes/posts/419733901410954
August 15, 2012 at 9:17 pm
If some Sheila has promised to buy me a plasma with the baby bonus I’d've rutted her on the spot, by crikey!
August 15, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Every so often I’m morbidly curious about 50 Shades of Gray (the Stopping To Stare At A Train Wreck kind of curious), but not curious enough to actually risk poisoning my mind with it.
August 15, 2012 at 9:17 pm
Don’t go there. One of the publishing houses had the first chapter online for free. I could barely read through that, in fact, I skipped every other page and it was still the most awful trash I had ever read.
August 15, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Take a stroll through some of the goodreads reviews, or try the 50 shades of suck tumblr. That’s really all you’ll need.
August 15, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I haven’t quite worked out if the 5 star ratings on Goodreads are sarcastic or not. I’m hoping the former but fear the latter.
August 15, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Even better, click the Gilbert Gottfried link someone posted upthread. Sit on a towel. You will laugh until you pee, and there’s no way reading it will be better than that.
August 16, 2012 at 12:21 am
I have a bit of a “don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it” mindset, so I decided I had to actually read Twilight if I was going to complain about it.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading, but the morbid fascination kept me going through all three books.
Now I have earned the right to spew all sorts of venom on the subject of Twilight, but I don’t really feel that it’s worth my time.
I’m slightly tempted to do the same with 50SoG, but I know it won’t be worth the trouble.
Disclaimer: The books were pirated and read on my Kindle. No money was donated to the Twilight empire.
August 15, 2012 at 9:14 pm
I’d put pickled skunk feet on my child before this.
August 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Wee paws for this message from CPS…
August 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm
dammit, I have missed out on so much.
We didn’t have onesies and my son’s would have said something boring like, daddy and I listened to the Stones and smoked some reefer…and 9 months later we named you kief.
true story.
August 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm
I read maybe one paragraph and had to put it down. I already knew it was bad, I just had to see for myself. So I opened it to a random page. Absolute piss.
But I get customers at work (at a bookstore) telling me it’s, like, omg, the best book they’ve EVER read. I have to wonder if it’s the ONLY book they’ve ever read.
And now there’s a copycat called Bared to You. I forget the author’s name. It’s equally bad. I also read just one paragraph and it was describing, in as many words, how the protagonist (so, Ana) wanted the crazy man (so, Christian) to pound her until she came hard. And that’s almost verbatim.
AND now there’s another one that’s being hailed as the next awesome thing after FSoG called On the Island which might classify as child porn. Thirty-something teacher gets stranded on an island following a plane crash with her 16-year-old tutoring charge, who is in remission from cancer. Seedy shitfiction has found a new low!
August 15, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Smut-seekers! Do not confuse the above with “On the Beach”! There is sex and cancer in that, too and it’s in Australia, which is hot. But, no. Don’t confuse them.
August 16, 2012 at 2:17 am
The problem is, now everyone who criticizes that shit will be accused of criticizing porn literature. In the same way everyone criticizing the absolute literary bottom of DaVinci code was accused of supporting church attrocities.
August 16, 2012 at 8:18 am
DaVinci code was at least mildly entertaining.
August 16, 2012 at 2:23 am
It’s pretty much up there with every book Laurell K. Hamilton has written since Obsidian Butterfly.
August 16, 2012 at 6:28 pm
I’ve had friends and coworkers recommend 50 Shades to me. And they always say something like, “I’m not a reader, but…” or “I hadn’t read a book in FOREVER, but…” before they rave about it. I’m convinced that the people who like it wouldn’t know bad writing if it bit them on the ass.
August 17, 2012 at 7:32 am
Ah, and that’s exactly what happened with DaVinci code as well (see my comment above). Do I need to change species, planet, or universe?
August 15, 2012 at 10:24 pm
I saw my mom pick up the first one when we were at Costco. I started yelling loudly for her to put it down. She didn’t understand why I was freaking out about this book and then I had to explain its awfulness.
I also had a customer at my work ask me about the book. That was an awkward conversation.
August 15, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Knowing Costco, it was the bulk-size 5000 Shades of Gray but most of them were going to go bad before you got around to them.
August 16, 2012 at 8:19 am
Also it probably comes pre-packaged with a 50-count box of D-cell batteries
August 16, 2012 at 12:26 am
For some reason the only thing that this brings to mind is Saved By the Bell’s infamous very special episode.
“I’m so excited! I’m… SO SCARED!!!”
I think that’s what the baby might think. Or at least I hope so.
August 16, 2012 at 8:19 am
OMG we quoted that line in grad school all the time whenever we’d had too much coffee
August 16, 2012 at 2:00 am
“Is there anything more darling than porn references on onesies? So fun and classy. And it lets everyone know that you had to read 3rd rate Twilight fan fiction just to get hot enough to let your slob of a husband bang you.”
Once more, thank you for putting some sense back to life.
August 16, 2012 at 4:12 am
August 16, 2012 at 6:33 am
True story: My husband picked it up at the airport, but didn’t know what he was getting. He read for about an hour and then threw it in the trash. I was so proud!
August 16, 2012 at 6:54 am
Whoever made this onesie must be Fifty Shades of Cray…
August 16, 2012 at 8:08 am
9 months ago mommy had lousy taste in literature.
And she still does.
August 16, 2012 at 8:10 am
It’s better than the “Tight pants, yellow number 5 and heavy marijuana use do not make effective birth control, despite common urban myths.” onesies that I am still forced to wear.
August 16, 2012 at 11:23 am
If I was “still forced to wear onesies”, I’d totally prefer your version, Holytape!
August 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I’m missing some cultural reference related to color yellow, and I’d like this to change
August 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm
There was a myth that drinking mountain dew was a form of birth control because the food color “yellow #5″ (Tartrazine) was supposed to reduce sperm counts and shrink the testicles.
August 17, 2012 at 7:33 am
Le facepalm.
August 16, 2012 at 9:32 am
I am so glad that my mom has good taste in literature, and would never consider reading this shiz.
I saw a guy reading 50sog on an airplane last week. He was only at the very beginning of the book, and didn’t seem very enthused. I wondered if he picked it up at the airport bookstore just to have something to read during the flight (didn’t ask, though. I’ve learned to avoid conversations about 50sog). Meanwhile, I was reading the airplane safety manual, which was free, and far more entertaining. I think I got the better deal.
August 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Just read tejasmom, four comments above yours, ok?
August 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm
:O I wonder if they were the SAME GUY?!
August 16, 2012 at 9:51 am
There’s a great podcast called “Read It and Weep” where a crew of comics eviscerate bad books (and have extended into movies and TV as well), and their episode for “50 Shades” is precious.
August 16, 2012 at 9:54 am
Read It and Weep Just in case you’re so motivated.
August 16, 2012 at 10:35 am
GUYS. You guys. I just had an epiphany.
Some fifty years from now, or whenever the author of this nightmare fuel breathes her final “oh my” gasp, some community (like ours) will play an audio excerpt as-read-by-the-author, and commenters will show no mercy.
But there will be one or two commenters who say something like, “Well, at least she made S&M fantasies legitimate by introducing them to the mainstream” and “she was a product of her age” and so on.
But BEFORE that, someone (raises hand) who commented similarly on a gawd-awful gob of literary slime written fifty years AGO, will have an epiphany realizing WHY she was off base with her comment.
MIND. BLOWN.
And I didn’t even need weed this time.
August 16, 2012 at 11:51 am
I really hope these books have dropped way off the radar well before 50 years from now.
I mean, they can’t get made into a film unless they pay off the owners of “Secretary”. Please?
August 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm
The sheer amount of ignorant people I work with saying “OMG! This book is SO amazing! I just can’t put it down!” or worst of all, “It changed my life!” is astonishing. People have actually gotten pissed at me for daring to say it’s shit. I got halfway through the first one and just had to stop. The writing is the worst I’ve ever experienced.
(I meant to add this as a new comment and not as a reply up above)
August 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Wow. I totally neglected to realize that making it to the FP lets you fat jealous losers know my real name.
Anyhow, this is the one I originally submitted:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/104244971/fifty-shades-of-grey-baby-onesie-all?ref=sr_gallery_23&ga_search_query=onesie&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_page=10&ga_search_type=all
August 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm
The hearts make that one classy!
August 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Oh true. The I-care-fuck-all font on this one makes it a bit more depraved.
August 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm
“All Mommy wanted was a night with Mr. Grey”, but then Mr. Blonde showed up and things went to hell.
August 17, 2012 at 7:36 am
How making it to the FP lets someone know your name?
Also, these onesies are still horribly awful and poor in taste.
August 16, 2012 at 5:19 pm
She’s sold 8 onesies and all of them are FSoG related. Have they no shame or decency?
August 16, 2012 at 8:55 pm
I passed by a rug shop yesterday on Lincoln Avenue with an ad/sign in the window; written across the top: FIFTEEN SHADES OF GREY. Underneath, a picture of an array of grey rugs. I almost took a photo, but by the time I noticed it the light was about to turn green so I didn’t have time.
August 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm
I thought it was a swatch book… it wasn’t.
August 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm
… she thought THAT was why she was doing all that vomiting. Turns out it was morning sickness.