About ten years ago, I threw my back out and was stuck in bed for a few weeks.
There’s something about the combination of utter boredom and opiates that naturally lends itself to spending long periods of time on eBay, and I began buying all the bizarre vinyl I could find. It was during this time that I built my beloved library of Vincent Price cooking records, foreign language covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit, and Telly Savalas talk-smoking the hits of the ’70s.
But perhaps my most treasured find was a two-record set of Helen Gurley Brown reading her 1962 bestseller, Sex and the Single Girl.
It’s hard to believe we ever thought this kind of crap was empowering, but apparently we did. It all comes down to dreamy dresses and cotton balls in your cleavage. And if you aren’t doing that, “then maybe you don’t really want a man.”
Helen Gurley Brown died yesterday at the age of 90, but her bizarre advice lives on. Here’s my favorite piece from the Sex and the Single Girl album, titled “Plain Girl Power.” Sit back and relax, and see how you too can find a man, “even if you aren’t pretty.”
Now you just sit there and be a big brave boy while I take off my wig.
- Sex and the Single Girl is still, inexplicably, available on Amazon