- Submitted by Halyse
If I had the money, I’d buy these, take my sister out drinking heavily and have my husband slip into her place while we were gone and set these up so she comes home drunk as hell to a living room full of giant dolphins.
I know she’d to the same to me, given the chance.
After all, isn’t that what family’s for?
That, and the embarrassing photos.
Are you my sister? Because that is something my sister would do to me, and I to her. It’s how we roll in the Bean clan.
On this magical dolphin day, we are all everyone’s sister.
I’ve never been anyone’s sister before. I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.
It’s alright to be nervous. Just be yourself, and remember to steer clear of the Sister Wives. Those bitches be whack.
Who has the travelling pants? It’s my turn and my ass is cold.
Are you a costume designer in DC? If so, I might be.
That is beautiful. Everyone needs a porpoise in life.
Or, in this case, multi-porpoise…
Haha oh my what will they think of next?!
Are you sure you’re not a Meep? O_o
I’d post something witty, but my head stopped.
Stop some heads from doing what?
What is the porpoise of this?
I give this my seal of approval
Dolphin shelves: It’s the wave of the future.
Unless this was just a fluke.
I think we just want to beluga the point.
You’re walking a fin line.
i don’t really sea the point, either. but judging from the reactions here, i think i otter rethink it.
Who knew that these shelves would make such a splash? I shore am surprised.
That was pretty flip, but the following is even flipper.
The perfect leap-year present.
Damn, would it have krilled me to scroll down to see if I’d already been beat to the pun? I feel like such a stupid beach. I’ll be oysteracized for shore now: there’s no kelp for it.
I’d give you many extra thumbs up for “oysteracised” if I only could.
Technically… I think you beat me. I’m the blowhole, here.
Something, something, “blowhole” something *laughter*
You can always buy and flipper for more cash.
Note to self: The schools in Sharpsburg, PA aren’t what they used to be.
…love your screen name, ya thesaurus-ized Fat Jealous Loser!
Lordy, the yinzers have struck again. This thing’s about 20 minutes from my house.
Awww, yinz are just jealous of our awesome gumbands, jagger bushes, chipped ham, n’at.
If these dolphins don’t have “ejaculating penis” bookends, then I don’t want this shit. This is just lazy.
I can’t believe I wasn’t the only person thinking this.
This must be from one of the nicer parts of Sharpsburg. The part not under Rte. 28.
Fuck me, that was supposed to be answering #7. ‘N ‘at.
Free business advice with every order!
YM “ideals for your business,” HTH.
Sharpsburg? This masterpiece is like a 20-minute drive away from my office. How have I not known of this?
Hour drive from my house lol.
I think this item is crying out for “View It In A Room”
I think the room this is in is also crying out.
Art gallery? Tourist trap kitsch store is more like it.
Perfect for holding your autographed copy of “The Porpoise Driven Life.”
You can use it multiporpoise. Those fins are clearly made to hang hats on.
THE art gallery? There’s more than one in Sarasota… or is this a special dolphin one? Doesn’t the Wyland Art Gallery have enough lucite sea art for us all?
They know who they are.
This is pretty epic. I wish I had room for this sort of shit – but then of course, I’d be single, and not affording a house with room for this shit.
Keeps on playin’ that lottery.
Places this would be appropriate for:
1. a seaworld gift shop
2. a 6 year old’s bedroom
I think a 6 year old is going to be freaked out by the fact that one of the glass shelves is slicing into the necks of the dolphins.
I like that it’s being held up by dolphin penises. Possibly several penises. Penii? Fuck, I dunno.
They have baculum, so they can handle it.
Before I plonk my spondulicks on the counter, I would like to know one thing: are they tuna-friendly dolphins?
I… kind of want them. Screw shelves though, I’d shove a plank in there and sleep on it and have the world’s most awesome dolphin bed. Ok so my boyfriend would leave me if I did that, but that just means more dolphin bed for me.
When I do have my own little beach store, this is SO going in it!
Just remember to install a trap door for the people who come in and ask “Are they ALIVE?”
Is tempured glass anything like tempura prawns? Coz if this thing does sushi, I might consider it.
Well, fuck. Now ALL i want to do with my life is open a sushi restaurant and serve sushi buffet-style on this thing.
I’m not sure I would trust buffet sushi…
I have. It was not awesome; it was, however, very reasonably priced.
I like the fact that your avatar looks just a bit queasy.
It’s definitely worth the $1,500 since THIS BRING SALES TO THE BUSINESS!!!!1!1!!!!
My dad almost bought a dolphin like that at Sea World for like $500 in a better economy. I think what stopped him was the fact it’d have to be in the back of the truck the 800mi+ home from San Antonio.
You know, if the dolphins were also made of glass, this might be kind of kitschy-cool. As it is, it looks like something out of Jacques Cousteau’s resentful kid’s bedroom.
SRQ represent! Can I get a 941?
That’s only an hour from me. I think we need to visit to take pics and just to look at it and say sorry not what I’m looking for
While I understand how ridiculous this is… My sister in law would go insane for it, and fill the damned thing with her 5 million random dolphin statues/mirrors/random crap. For that alone, it makes me wish I had 1500 and lived near wherever this thing is. Added awesome is if I got it for her, her damned idiot male would be PISSED and I look for ways to piss that guy off.
IF YOU PUT THIS IN YOUR STORE YOU WILL GET CUSTOMERS COMING IN JUST TOO LOOK AT THE DOLPHINS AND THIS BRINGS SALES TO THE BUSINESS!
this is just what I need for the casket family business! What a perfect trap – the FUCKING INSANELY AWESOME MAGNETIC shelf lures them in, and when their heads stop from the sheer magical ethereal beauty of 3 BEVELED GLASS SHELVES, I can lure their friends and family in and start over. The Sweeny Todd of caskets – now with dolphins!
VIEW IT IN A ROOM
Hmm, now that you put it that way, I have a check to write…
well somebody looks happy.
Go Team Lemonbombs!
also, dolphin rape.
Oh thank god. After the last couple of posts we’ve had I was worried I was going to scroll down and see terrible taxidermy shelving.
Never thought I’d be so glad to say it’s only tacky.
This is pretty awesome, but I would prefer unicorns. With a rainbow over the top. It would be made out of wood so that you could put those little hooks in it and hang stuff from them.
Would you accept narwhals?
Those fucking dolphins! I thought I’d escaped them forever! I used to live in Sarasota and I swear I’d see that fucking eyesore everywhere. The city loves to tout itself as some kind of major art hub but aside from Ringling and a few small galleries, it’s just cheesy, ugly ass beach art. Palm trees, dolphins, pelicans, and shell art.
Oh and lest I forget, this giant tacky thing: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2556/3952086508_8c0e22c73b.jpg
I grew up in Sarasota; my younger sister and parents still live there. And I HATE that gawdawful statue. Someone crashed a car into it! http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/252997/58/car-crashes-into-kissing-sculptu How I laughed…
Wow and people think I’m weird because I have a 7-foot goddess statue in the back yard.
I think you’re awesome for having a goddess statue in the back yard.
Then again, I do live in a town with a restaurant named The Giant Artichoke. Guess what’s in front of it…
You do know we all Googled that and you’re going to have lots of visitors now, right?
The only things worth eating there are the french fried artichoke hearts. Buy them frozen and cook them yourself, if you can. Everything we’ve tried from the kitchen has been mysteriously cold.
OR, go to the deli side and get a sandwich. We do that every payday. But we do not eat in the dining room. *shudder*
There’s your “local recommendation” for the day.
This is my first submission to Regretsy!!! Ahhh!!!! Made my day. =)
I tacked on a story with it that’s worth knowing to add to the whimsy:
My mum sent this to me at work. She said she heard the woman on the radio promoting this post, saying she bought it from an artist, proudly proclaiming the 6 foot dolphins and 3 foot waves. She couldn’t envision it, she said, and had to look it up.
To my horror, she told me she was buying it for my new apartment. It’s difficult to tell when my mother is joking …
No. I want giant fiberglass orca rising out of lucite waves, not out of chunks of dock flotation foam blocks that the gulls have been pecking for 47 months. Maybe Eric Swenson has half a pair for $1500, sigh.
That is awful. And yet, I have a friend who would KILL to have this horror show in their living room. She MIGHT have asked me to paint a dolphin mural in the common area of her house… Hmmmm…
Seeing this on craigslist isn’t surprising, that’s the place you expect to see things like this.
What I want to know is – where the hell do you buy something like this new? Where are these people buying giant dolphin shelving?
This, like all other horrible resin art, is from China. I used to have a shop that sold the more tasteful statues, but crap like this was littered in the wholesale catalog and you would have to look really hard around all of it to find the good stuff. The thing probably wholesales for about $500. Someone is getting ripped off.
Those aren’t Hipster Rape Dolphins, are they?
Please clarify. Are these dolphins that rape hipsters? Are they dolphins who have been raped by hipsters? Are they dolphins who, along with hipsters, perpetrate sexually violent crimes? This is important shit that, for the sake of everyone here, we really need to know.
You don’t know? Thank your lucky stars!
…because life sized dolphins would be ostentatious.
I must sadly confess that, having grown up in Florida, just blocks from the beach, I saw nothing odd about these (ugly yes, but not odd). Years of turquoise, pink, and shell encrusted everything has given me the ability to see huge amounts of ocean themed tourist crap without flinching.
Fucking dolphins need a urologist.
I thought this was a Compare and Save. Or for us European FJLs, minus the cut throats. Argh, can’t unsee!
the price increase is the transportation costs to get it TO Sharpsburg, PA from wherever-the-hell-it-was FL.
And this is why they all left Earth- not because of an interstellar byway being created that would demolish the planet.
The irony being that when the heads stop, you can just pick them up and put them on the shelvs.
If those were mine, I’d rig my doorbell to play the Flipper call.
If those were mine, they’d be on my front porch.
They don’t mention international shipping, so I’m out!
Would have looked good next to my octopus armchair and starfish sofa.
I wonder if its the same company that made these wondrous shelves:
I used to live in Sharpsburg. Guyasuta, George Washington’s scout is from there. H. J. Heinz Company started there. They had fields of horseradish.
There is a statue of Guyasuta that gets destroyed every 30 or so years because of a car wreck. I prefer this statue of him with Washington.
Anyway, I was glad to leave Sharpsburg. What was wrong with it? Uh, I won’t go into it. It’s just kinda weird.
Somewhere on the Internet, this statue spawned a slash fic.
jesus, this ugly shit is all over florida. there is an art gallery/shop next to a bar i go to, and its full with this retarded shit.
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