If I had the money, I’d buy these, take my sister out drinking heavily and have my husband slip into her place while we were gone and set these up so she comes home drunk as hell to a living room full of giant dolphins.
Damn, would it have krilled me to scroll down to see if I’d already been beat to the pun? I feel like such a stupid beach. I’ll be oysteracized for shore now: there’s no kelp for it.
THE art gallery? There’s more than one in Sarasota… or is this a special dolphin one? Doesn’t the Wyland Art Gallery have enough lucite sea art for us all?
I… kind of want them. Screw shelves though, I’d shove a plank in there and sleep on it and have the world’s most awesome dolphin bed. Ok so my boyfriend would leave me if I did that, but that just means more dolphin bed for me.
My dad almost bought a dolphin like that at Sea World for like $500 in a better economy. I think what stopped him was the fact it’d have to be in the back of the truck the 800mi+ home from San Antonio.
You know, if the dolphins were also made of glass, this might be kind of kitschy-cool. As it is, it looks like something out of Jacques Cousteau’s resentful kid’s bedroom.
While I understand how ridiculous this is… My sister in law would go insane for it, and fill the damned thing with her 5 million random dolphin statues/mirrors/random crap. For that alone, it makes me wish I had 1500 and lived near wherever this thing is. Added awesome is if I got it for her, her damned idiot male would be PISSED and I look for ways to piss that guy off.
IF YOU PUT THIS IN YOUR STORE YOU WILL GET CUSTOMERS COMING IN JUST TOO LOOK AT THE DOLPHINS AND THIS BRINGS SALES TO THE BUSINESS!
this is just what I need for the casket family business! What a perfect trap – the FUCKING INSANELY AWESOME MAGNETIC shelf lures them in, and when their heads stop from the sheer magical ethereal beauty of 3 BEVELED GLASS SHELVES, I can lure their friends and family in and start over. The Sweeny Todd of caskets – now with dolphins!
Oh thank god. After the last couple of posts we’ve had I was worried I was going to scroll down and see terrible taxidermy shelving.
Never thought I’d be so glad to say it’s only tacky.
This is pretty awesome, but I would prefer unicorns. With a rainbow over the top. It would be made out of wood so that you could put those little hooks in it and hang stuff from them.
Those fucking dolphins! I thought I’d escaped them forever! I used to live in Sarasota and I swear I’d see that fucking eyesore everywhere. The city loves to tout itself as some kind of major art hub but aside from Ringling and a few small galleries, it’s just cheesy, ugly ass beach art. Palm trees, dolphins, pelicans, and shell art.
The only things worth eating there are the french fried artichoke hearts. Buy them frozen and cook them yourself, if you can. Everything we’ve tried from the kitchen has been mysteriously cold.
OR, go to the deli side and get a sandwich. We do that every payday. But we do not eat in the dining room. *shudder*
This is my first submission to Regretsy!!! Ahhh!!!! Made my day. =)
I tacked on a story with it that’s worth knowing to add to the whimsy:
My mum sent this to me at work. She said she heard the woman on the radio promoting this post, saying she bought it from an artist, proudly proclaiming the 6 foot dolphins and 3 foot waves. She couldn’t envision it, she said, and had to look it up.
To my horror, she told me she was buying it for my new apartment. It’s difficult to tell when my mother is joking …
No. I want giant fiberglass orca rising out of lucite waves, not out of chunks of dock flotation foam blocks that the gulls have been pecking for 47 months. Maybe Eric Swenson has half a pair for $1500, sigh.
That is awful. And yet, I have a friend who would KILL to have this horror show in their living room. She MIGHT have asked me to paint a dolphin mural in the common area of her house… Hmmmm…
This, like all other horrible resin art, is from China. I used to have a shop that sold the more tasteful statues, but crap like this was littered in the wholesale catalog and you would have to look really hard around all of it to find the good stuff. The thing probably wholesales for about $500. Someone is getting ripped off.
Please clarify. Are these dolphins that rape hipsters? Are they dolphins who have been raped by hipsters? Are they dolphins who, along with hipsters, perpetrate sexually violent crimes? This is important shit that, for the sake of everyone here, we really need to know.
I must sadly confess that, having grown up in Florida, just blocks from the beach, I saw nothing odd about these (ugly yes, but not odd). Years of turquoise, pink, and shell encrusted everything has given me the ability to see huge amounts of ocean themed tourist crap without flinching.
August 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm
If I had the money, I’d buy these, take my sister out drinking heavily and have my husband slip into her place while we were gone and set these up so she comes home drunk as hell to a living room full of giant dolphins.
I know she’d to the same to me, given the chance.
August 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm
After all, isn’t that what family’s for?
August 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm
That, and the embarrassing photos.
August 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Are you my sister? Because that is something my sister would do to me, and I to her. It’s how we roll in the Bean clan.
August 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm
On this magical dolphin day, we are all everyone’s sister.
August 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm
I’ve never been anyone’s sister before. I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.
August 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm
It’s alright to be nervous. Just be yourself, and remember to steer clear of the Sister Wives. Those bitches be whack.
August 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm
SAMPLER PLZ.
August 14, 2012 at 8:07 am
Who has the travelling pants? It’s my turn and my ass is cold.
August 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Are you a costume designer in DC? If so, I might be.
August 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm
That is beautiful. Everyone needs a porpoise in life.
August 13, 2012 at 11:21 pm
Or, in this case, multi-porpoise…
August 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Haha oh my what will they think of next?!
August 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm
Are you sure you’re not a Meep? O_o
August 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm
I’d post something witty, but my head stopped.
August 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Stop some heads from doing what?
August 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm
What is the porpoise of this?
August 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I give this my seal of approval
August 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Dolphin shelves: It’s the wave of the future.
August 13, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Unless this was just a fluke.
August 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm
I think we just want to beluga the point.
August 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Caviar emptor!
August 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm
You’re walking a fin line.
August 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm
i don’t really sea the point, either. but judging from the reactions here, i think i otter rethink it.
August 13, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Who knew that these shelves would make such a splash? I shore am surprised.
August 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm
That was pretty flip, but the following is even flipper.
August 14, 2012 at 1:19 am
The perfect leap-year present.
August 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Damn, would it have krilled me to scroll down to see if I’d already been beat to the pun? I feel like such a stupid beach. I’ll be oysteracized for shore now: there’s no kelp for it.
August 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I’d give you many extra thumbs up for “oysteracised” if I only could.
August 14, 2012 at 8:40 am
Technically… I think you beat me. I’m the blowhole, here.
August 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Waves.
August 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm
Something, something, “blowhole” something *laughter*
August 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm
You can always buy and flipper for more cash.
August 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Note to self: The schools in Sharpsburg, PA aren’t what they used to be.
August 13, 2012 at 7:38 pm
…love your screen name, ya thesaurus-ized Fat Jealous Loser!
August 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Lordy, the yinzers have struck again. This thing’s about 20 minutes from my house.
August 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm
Awww, yinz are just jealous of our awesome gumbands, jagger bushes, chipped ham, n’at.
August 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm
If these dolphins don’t have “ejaculating penis” bookends, then I don’t want this shit. This is just lazy.
August 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I can’t believe I wasn’t the only person thinking this.
August 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm
This must be from one of the nicer parts of Sharpsburg. The part not under Rte. 28.
August 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Fuck me, that was supposed to be answering #7. ‘N ‘at.
August 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Free business advice with every order!
August 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm
YM “ideals for your business,” HTH.
August 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Sharpsburg? This masterpiece is like a 20-minute drive away from my office. How have I not known of this?
August 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Hour drive from my house lol.
August 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm
I think this item is crying out for “View It In A Room”
August 14, 2012 at 12:46 am
I think the room this is in is also crying out.
August 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Art gallery? Tourist trap kitsch store is more like it.
August 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Perfect for holding your autographed copy of “The Porpoise Driven Life.”
August 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm
You can use it multiporpoise. Those fins are clearly made to hang hats on.
August 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm
THE art gallery? There’s more than one in Sarasota… or is this a special dolphin one? Doesn’t the Wyland Art Gallery have enough lucite sea art for us all?
August 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm
They know who they are.
August 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm
This is pretty epic. I wish I had room for this sort of shit – but then of course, I’d be single, and not affording a house with room for this shit.
Keeps on playin’ that lottery.
August 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Places this would be appropriate for:
1. a seaworld gift shop
2. a 6 year old’s bedroom
August 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm
I think a 6 year old is going to be freaked out by the fact that one of the glass shelves is slicing into the necks of the dolphins.
August 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I like that it’s being held up by dolphin penises. Possibly several penises. Penii? Fuck, I dunno.
August 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm
They have baculum, so they can handle it.
August 13, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Before I plonk my spondulicks on the counter, I would like to know one thing: are they tuna-friendly dolphins?
August 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm
I… kind of want them. Screw shelves though, I’d shove a plank in there and sleep on it and have the world’s most awesome dolphin bed. Ok so my boyfriend would leave me if I did that, but that just means more dolphin bed for me.
August 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm
When I do have my own little beach store, this is SO going in it!
August 14, 2012 at 3:54 am
Just remember to install a trap door for the people who come in and ask “Are they ALIVE?”
August 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Is tempured glass anything like tempura prawns? Coz if this thing does sushi, I might consider it.
August 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Well, fuck. Now ALL i want to do with my life is open a sushi restaurant and serve sushi buffet-style on this thing.
August 13, 2012 at 6:50 pm
I’m not sure I would trust buffet sushi…
August 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I have. It was not awesome; it was, however, very reasonably priced.
August 15, 2012 at 6:44 am
I like the fact that your avatar looks just a bit queasy.
August 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm
It’s definitely worth the $1,500 since THIS BRING SALES TO THE BUSINESS!!!!1!1!!!!
August 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm
My dad almost bought a dolphin like that at Sea World for like $500 in a better economy. I think what stopped him was the fact it’d have to be in the back of the truck the 800mi+ home from San Antonio.
August 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm
You know, if the dolphins were also made of glass, this might be kind of kitschy-cool. As it is, it looks like something out of Jacques Cousteau’s resentful kid’s bedroom.
August 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm
SRQ represent! Can I get a 941?
August 13, 2012 at 6:34 pm
That’s only an hour from me. I think we need to visit to take pics and just to look at it and say sorry not what I’m looking for
August 13, 2012 at 6:46 pm
While I understand how ridiculous this is… My sister in law would go insane for it, and fill the damned thing with her 5 million random dolphin statues/mirrors/random crap. For that alone, it makes me wish I had 1500 and lived near wherever this thing is. Added awesome is if I got it for her, her damned idiot male would be PISSED and I look for ways to piss that guy off.
August 13, 2012 at 6:48 pm
IF YOU PUT THIS IN YOUR STORE YOU WILL GET CUSTOMERS COMING IN JUST TOO LOOK AT THE DOLPHINS AND THIS BRINGS SALES TO THE BUSINESS!
this is just what I need for the casket family business! What a perfect trap – the FUCKING INSANELY AWESOME MAGNETIC shelf lures them in, and when their heads stop from the sheer magical ethereal beauty of 3 BEVELED GLASS SHELVES, I can lure their friends and family in and start over. The Sweeny Todd of caskets – now with dolphins!
August 13, 2012 at 7:08 pm
VIEW IT IN A ROOM
August 13, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Hmm, now that you put it that way, I have a check to write…
August 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm
well somebody looks happy.
August 14, 2012 at 2:33 am
Go Team Lemonbombs!
August 13, 2012 at 7:09 pm
also, dolphin rape.
August 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Oh thank god. After the last couple of posts we’ve had I was worried I was going to scroll down and see terrible taxidermy shelving.
Never thought I’d be so glad to say it’s only tacky.
August 13, 2012 at 7:14 pm
This is pretty awesome, but I would prefer unicorns. With a rainbow over the top. It would be made out of wood so that you could put those little hooks in it and hang stuff from them.
August 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Want
August 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Would you accept narwhals?
August 13, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Those fucking dolphins! I thought I’d escaped them forever! I used to live in Sarasota and I swear I’d see that fucking eyesore everywhere. The city loves to tout itself as some kind of major art hub but aside from Ringling and a few small galleries, it’s just cheesy, ugly ass beach art. Palm trees, dolphins, pelicans, and shell art.
Oh and lest I forget, this giant tacky thing: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2556/3952086508_8c0e22c73b.jpg
August 13, 2012 at 7:48 pm
I grew up in Sarasota; my younger sister and parents still live there. And I HATE that gawdawful statue. Someone crashed a car into it! http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/252997/58/car-crashes-into-kissing-sculptu How I laughed…
August 14, 2012 at 5:37 am
Wow and people think I’m weird because I have a 7-foot goddess statue in the back yard.
August 14, 2012 at 6:51 am
I think you’re awesome for having a goddess statue in the back yard.
Then again, I do live in a town with a restaurant named The Giant Artichoke. Guess what’s in front of it…
August 14, 2012 at 8:05 am
You do know we all Googled that and you’re going to have lots of visitors now, right?
August 15, 2012 at 9:55 am
The only things worth eating there are the french fried artichoke hearts. Buy them frozen and cook them yourself, if you can. Everything we’ve tried from the kitchen has been mysteriously cold.
OR, go to the deli side and get a sandwich. We do that every payday. But we do not eat in the dining room. *shudder*
There’s your “local recommendation” for the day.
August 13, 2012 at 7:56 pm
This is my first submission to Regretsy!!! Ahhh!!!! Made my day. =)
I tacked on a story with it that’s worth knowing to add to the whimsy:
My mum sent this to me at work. She said she heard the woman on the radio promoting this post, saying she bought it from an artist, proudly proclaiming the 6 foot dolphins and 3 foot waves. She couldn’t envision it, she said, and had to look it up.
To my horror, she told me she was buying it for my new apartment. It’s difficult to tell when my mother is joking …
August 13, 2012 at 8:00 pm
No. I want giant fiberglass orca rising out of lucite waves, not out of chunks of dock flotation foam blocks that the gulls have been pecking for 47 months. Maybe Eric Swenson has half a pair for $1500, sigh.
August 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm
That is awful. And yet, I have a friend who would KILL to have this horror show in their living room. She MIGHT have asked me to paint a dolphin mural in the common area of her house… Hmmmm…
August 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Seeing this on craigslist isn’t surprising, that’s the place you expect to see things like this.
What I want to know is – where the hell do you buy something like this new? Where are these people buying giant dolphin shelving?
August 14, 2012 at 10:26 pm
This, like all other horrible resin art, is from China. I used to have a shop that sold the more tasteful statues, but crap like this was littered in the wholesale catalog and you would have to look really hard around all of it to find the good stuff. The thing probably wholesales for about $500. Someone is getting ripped off.
August 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Those aren’t Hipster Rape Dolphins, are they?
August 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm
Please clarify. Are these dolphins that rape hipsters? Are they dolphins who have been raped by hipsters? Are they dolphins who, along with hipsters, perpetrate sexually violent crimes? This is important shit that, for the sake of everyone here, we really need to know.
August 14, 2012 at 4:28 am
You don’t know? Thank your lucky stars!
August 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm
…because life sized dolphins would be ostentatious.
August 13, 2012 at 10:29 pm
I must sadly confess that, having grown up in Florida, just blocks from the beach, I saw nothing odd about these (ugly yes, but not odd). Years of turquoise, pink, and shell encrusted everything has given me the ability to see huge amounts of ocean themed tourist crap without flinching.
August 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Fucking dolphins need a urologist.
August 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm
I thought this was a Compare and Save. Or for us European FJLs, minus the cut throats. Argh, can’t unsee!
August 14, 2012 at 5:40 am
the price increase is the transportation costs to get it TO Sharpsburg, PA from wherever-the-hell-it-was FL.
August 14, 2012 at 12:20 am
And this is why they all left Earth- not because of an interstellar byway being created that would demolish the planet.
August 14, 2012 at 2:10 am
The irony being that when the heads stop, you can just pick them up and put them on the shelvs.
August 14, 2012 at 5:20 am
If those were mine, I’d rig my doorbell to play the Flipper call.
August 14, 2012 at 5:41 am
If those were mine, they’d be on my front porch.
August 14, 2012 at 5:47 am
They don’t mention international shipping, so I’m out!
Would have looked good next to my octopus armchair and starfish sofa.
August 14, 2012 at 7:03 am
I wonder if its the same company that made these wondrous shelves:
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=elephants+shelves&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rls=com.microsoft:en-gb:IE-Address&biw=1366&bih=594&tbm=isch&tbnid=8Qt0iuDiGvJ-kM:&imgrefurl=http://class.posot.co.uk/very-rare-elephant-shelves/&docid=sUsHjeLYapw_gM&imgurl=http://img.class.posot.co.uk/en_gb/2012/06/05/VERY-RARE-ELEPHANT-SHELVES-20120605145926.jpg&w=358&h=268&ei=RloqUOjIIoa40QWKy4HICQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1052&vpy=285&dur=136&hovh=194&hovw=260&tx=149&ty=105&sig=107380613528782113570&page=1&tbnh=115&tbnw=154&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:15,s:0,i:124
August 14, 2012 at 7:28 am
I used to live in Sharpsburg. Guyasuta, George Washington’s scout is from there. H. J. Heinz Company started there. They had fields of horseradish.
There is a statue of Guyasuta that gets destroyed every 30 or so years because of a car wreck. I prefer this statue of him with Washington.
Anyway, I was glad to leave Sharpsburg. What was wrong with it? Uh, I won’t go into it. It’s just kinda weird.
August 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Somewhere on the Internet, this statue spawned a slash fic.
August 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm
August 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm
jesus, this ugly shit is all over florida. there is an art gallery/shop next to a bar i go to, and its full with this retarded shit.