Top Five Worst Etsy Product Names
NUMBER 5…
NUMBER 4…
NUMBER 3…
NUMBER 2…
AND THE NUMBER ONE WORST-NAMED PRODUCT ON ETSY NAME IS…
BONUS: Worst product name on Ebay
183 comments on Top Five Worst Etsy Product Names
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August 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm
so, the cookies made from peanut butter are…nut free?
August 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Baffled by that. I realize that peanuts and tree nuts are different allergies, but that does seem…I just don’t want anyone to go into anaphylactic shock from eating a ‘Compost Cookie’. It would be really embarrassing to explain to your doctor.
August 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Some people are allergic to just peanuts (I’ve got a great-nephew who can’t eat anything with peanuts in it), and a fairly small number of people are allergic to ANY sort of nut. Which makes life really hazardous, because you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that have nuts (or nut by-proucts) in them.
August 10, 2012 at 10:58 am
They’re being pedantic- “Peanuts are legumes!”
August 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Hey lady, you lady, cursin’ at your life…
August 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I don’t even want to know what the immature vulva loving bag is all about.
August 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm
It means use a black sharpie to draw some lines that look like cartoon vulva on the side of a canvas bag heart. I’m surprised it doesn’t say “Got Vulva?” on the front.
August 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Then you’ve come to the wrong place. Or are you okay with humorous specula-tion?
By my guess, the immature vulva loving bag is filled with warm apple pie OR tissues and lotion.
August 9, 2012 at 5:13 pm
August 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm
YEAH BABY YEAH!
August 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm
That bag is shaggable.
August 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Measuring 14 by 14 inches.
The bag? Or the model’s vulva?
August 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm
SAME DIFFERENCE
August 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm
There are several reasons we wear underpants. One of them is the same reason that this bag should not exist.
August 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm
See, now, if this bag had a ruffled detail on the vulva, with some embroidery…I’d consider buying it. Nothing says femininity like a lacy, ruffled bajingo with floral detailing.
August 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm
When I think of things to eat, “compost” is certainly not a word I would ever include! Ugh
August 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
♪♫ Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat dirt. ♫♪
No?
August 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Nobody likes me. || Everybody hates me. || Going to the garden to eat WORMS!
BIG, f-a-t, juicy ones, || small, thin, creepy ones, …
August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Ooh, how they wriggle and they squirm!
August 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
August 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm
We sang, “long slim slimy ones, short fat juicy ones, itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms.”
August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Oh, you were singing about worms?
August 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Mature Vulva 14″ bags?
Remember when NAVEL gazing was the pastime of silly people? I miss those times.
August 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Just imagine how horrible it would be if they were IMMATURE 14″ Vulva bags! They’d be cracking dirty jokes and making farting sounds…
August 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Gravity × time = a motherfucker.
August 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm
How can the compost cookies be “nut free” if they have peanut butter in them?
August 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Last time I looked, PeaNUTS are considered nuts…
August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm
They’re from the bean family, not a nut. And now I’m going to get thumbed down for being a pedant, and it’s all your fault. >:(
August 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Not a pea, not a nut, why you gotta play us, peanut? I submit the new name, crackbean.
August 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Ah, it’s times like this that I wish “LOL” hadn’t lost all meaning.
August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Botanically, that’s true…
But try feeding a peanut to someone with a nut allergy and tell them to stop making a fuss: “It’s only a legume!”
August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Eh, if it wasn’t you, I would’ve said legume.
August 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm
I thot about that. Wikipedia has several articles about culinary nuts and botanical nuts & the respective varieties.
Although Wikipedia’s writers failed to note two other kinds of nuts:
The ones from Etsy, & …
DEEZ NUTS!!!
August 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I love that the compost cookies are nut free. The peanut butter was made from leftover bits of her soul.
August 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Free of WHOLE nuts. Presumably, you’d have to choke on one of the other chunky objects–pretzels, potato chips, banana peels, egg shells…
August 9, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Yup, Kidney stones are definitely a wonderfully crunchy addition.. just be careful or you might lose a tooth.
On another note, I didn’t Know Diana was into watersports.. It looks like it says she’s the Pee Princess.
August 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm
So peanuts aren’t counted as nuts despite the name? Huh.
August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm
They’re actually a LEGUME. (rolls eyes)
August 9, 2012 at 1:41 pm
You learn something new every day. Especially on Regretsy.
August 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm
When you legume, you make a leg of u and me!
August 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Even my mature vulva is laughing at that one, Z.
August 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Mature vulvas have good taste.
August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Or is that “vulvodes”?
August 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Or simply “les vulvas”?
August 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Mmmmm mature vulvas.
August 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm
We will sell no vulva before its time…
Paul Masson(gill)
August 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Zippy! This is another one of those times I wish for a Mega-Multiple-Thumbs-Up button
August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Hey, Mature Vulva Loving Bag is my Indian name. How about that.
August 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm
but is period blood your spirit animal?
August 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm
No, 14 inches would be my spirit animal.
August 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm
These items could all kind of go together to create the story of some poor girl who has had a really sad life.
August 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Oops – meant that to be a stand alone comment!
August 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Throw in a a couple dozen cats and a Second Life account and the story shall be complete.
August 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Also a tiny hat. Like “Hey Arnold” but pink. And bobby pinned to giant curly hair. No, I’m not talking about someone I know. Why would you ask that? *mutters* crazy old bat
August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm
How can those cookies be nut-free if the recipe contains peanut butter? That’s an accident waiting to happen if you ask me.
August 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
I know, right? I wanted to bang my head against my Allergy and IgE textbook.
August 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Maybe the person who made the cookies didn’t let her insane sister help. Thus, “nut-free”.
August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Compost cookies – for those times when eating potato chips, pretzels, peanut butter, and cookies in series is just not unhealthy enough. We must eat them ALL AT ONCE.
Also, contains peanut butter =/ nut-free…
August 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I’m surprised she didn’t use any corn.
August 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I make cookies with everything thrown in (whatever’s handy: butterscotch chips, cocoanut, raisins, oatmeal, peanut butter, walnuts, etc.) It depends on what we have as leftovers from other projects. My kids call them Armageddon cookies, as in “there are no grocery stores left. We have to use what’s in the reefer.”
August 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm
hang on, my american slang is broken again. Reefer – spliff? no?
August 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm
They are slightly green (therefore healthy), handmade, nut free and guaranteed to make you want to go back for another one…and another one…and another one.
August 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Sorry, ducks. “Reefer” is also refrigerator. I grew up with train engineers and brakemen in the family, and the refrigerator cars were “reefers”. (Although the cookies are quite good for the munchies.)
August 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm
Reefer also refers to refrigerated semi trailers. Sometimes trucks hauling reefers roll in to waterways, and then the reefer smoking driver’s reefer can destroy a reef, for which we place a wreath. . . . Sorry.
August 9, 2012 at 8:08 pm
^ trucker’s pedantic wife ^
It’s a semi-TRUCK. The refrigerated trailer a.k.a. “TCU” (Temperature Controlled Unit, a.k.a. reefer) is whole.
Never park next to a reefer at a truck stop if you expect to sleep that night.
August 10, 2012 at 4:54 am
Well, I would never have watched “Reefer Madness” in the same way had I know that. I would have added a whole new level of irony to an already hilarious experience
August 10, 2012 at 7:47 am
For $20 a dozen there better be some reefer in these.
August 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Yeah, peanut butter is most especially NOT nut-free for those with nut allergies…
August 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Period blood red? Maybe only on Day 1 of the flow.
August 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm
One would think someone along the way would’ve said, “Uh, you might wanna take a second look at that name . . .”
Guess the slaves were just lazy that day.
August 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm
I dunno, it might help out a shy bride….
‘Umm, Honey, You might not want to consummate the marriage tonight…
…My Precious Flower matches the bouquet!’
August 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Considering this is Etsy, I am insufficiently reassured that they did not actually use some period blood there. Is it just a name? I don’t know – not certainly enough to spend $450 on something that has better than even odds of being a biohazard.
August 9, 2012 at 6:42 pm
I think she meant “period” as in “period costume.” The fact that she put it before the word “blood” didn’t help matters.
August 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm
That explains a lot. Usually the people who craft with menstrual blood make more of a point to tell you why. I was wondering what kind of person would just throw that out there without comment.
August 10, 2012 at 3:26 am
At least that one was unintentional (with all of us reading it the other way because we’ve seen how many Etsy sellers do use period blood). All the others knew what they were doing when they called them that.
August 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
So…I’m only getting a bouquet for $450.00? I don’t know why these things still shock me.
August 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm
But it’s a MASTERPIECE
August 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I’d buy the dress for that. That thing is amazing. I would wear it to the grocery store.
August 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm
That dress is achingly, desperately beautiful. But gee golly, what an awful name and description. :/
August 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I think she stole the pictures from this website: http://www.rossetti.vispa.com/raphflame.html
Therefore, she’s stolen intellectual property, as well as overcharging for a bouquet.
September 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm
^Thanks for the link! Anyone interested in costume & couture should check it out!
August 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
$20 for one dozen cookies?!? Are they the size of a Frisbee?
August 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
I want that bracelet. And despite the unfortunate name, those cookies have made me hungry.
August 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm
I was just thinking that the ingredients sound so yummy . . .
August 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I was almost tricked by the period blood (which already changed its name) into believing she was selling the fucking gown. There would be blood for sure if I paid that price and got a bunch of menstrual peonies in the mail.
August 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm
This could be one of the “what is being sold?” entries–I thought it was the dress with the red irridescence. She even shows the back of the corset top. Confusing.
August 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm
For 450 bucks I better get the damn dress too.
August 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm
well, here’s where you can get it: http://www.rossetti.vispa.com/raphflame.html, where the pictures were stolen.
August 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm
There used to be a shop on Etsy that sold little desserts that were made of Sculpey clay. The shop’s name was Creamations.
August 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I’m not making that up.
I wonder whatever happened to that sweet, innocent shop owner. Bless her heart.
August 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Perhaps it was intentional and they were meant for the crematorium to add to the oven to add a touch of whimsy to the ashes.
August 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Funeral creme brulee.
August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Extra-Stuff Urneos
August 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm
OPA!
August 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm
A new shop has recently opened up on my way to work called “Wetdreamz Watersports.” They sell boats and stuff.
August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Motorboats, I assume.
August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Of course. It’s kind of a small joint but there’s plenty of parking in the rear. OH!
August 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm
You can watch their online stream.
August 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm
There used to be a boat/RV storage place in Orlando called Adult Toy Storage.
RVs and the like were NEVER what came to mind when I saw that sign.
August 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm
San Jose, Calif. has or used to have a United Van Lines affiliate by the name of S&M Moving & Storage. I really wasn’t surprised, since I knew about the leather component of the City’s cultural identity and bought toys up there no few times.
August 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm
We have a SM Guns. I was in the store once and absentmindedly called them S&M guns. The seething look as the clerk said “It’s.SM.Guns” told me the name of the store was a sensitive topic, and I shouldn’t flog the issue.
August 10, 2012 at 8:45 am
I live in the Orlando area. It’s still there. And yeah, like you, I never think of RVs etc. when I see it. I’ve never asked them, but I’m absolutely certain it was deliberate. (It’s not like Orange Blossom Trail is all THAT far from them…)
August 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm
While it is true that peanuts are not technically nuts they are a huge source of allergy for a lot of people (at least the ones that won’t shut up about it)… point is she should really take the words “nut free” off the listing, as it may be technically true, but not metaphorically or conceptually honest, because;
1) People who are allergic to peanuts will see nut-free and eat them and die (someone was dumb enough to describe something as “Period Blood Red”, so don’t come back at me saying people are smart enough to see the words “Peanut Butter”
2) She is clearly nuts if she thinks “compost” is an appealing cookie name.
August 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Believe me, as a parent of a child with severe allergies no one with allergies would EVER buy food off etsy. I would never trust someone’s home kitchen to be allergy safe even if they did honestly tell me what all the ingredients are.
August 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Yes, but you use your brain cells. There ARE moronic people out there who would most definitely buy these “nut free” cookies and be shocked when little Spayschul Snoephlace started to swell….
August 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm
That fictional child name just gave me flashbacks of the kind usually reserved or combat veterans…
August 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm
How many brain cells would you like me to use?
August 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Free form crochet. It’s just normal crochet with a few holes in it.
August 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Free form crochet = “I forgot to check my gauge again”
August 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm
I think that’s supposed to be “free-range” crochet. The crochets were allowed to run around the barnyard.
August 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Twice I’ve read it as “free from crochet”.
Like, they finally don’t have to crochet anymore and can get on with their life.
August 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm
It sure doesn’t look “free from Croce”.
August 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm
free from style or originality, maybe?
August 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm
$20 for a dozen cookies? Not even if they DID have nuts.
August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I imagine the Mature Scrotum Loving Bag is a lot droopier. Plus I don’t want to have to iron it. Better go with this one…
August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm
I wonder if she has a roundier bag for commemorative jugs?
August 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm
But I bet it holds a lot more..Unless the vulva bag has a hidden gusset.
August 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I would only buy a vulva bag if it had a zipper in the vulva so I could pretend I was fisting my purse every time I needed to get change or whatever. Tell me that wouldn’t be a little funny.
August 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Because in medieval times and in fairytale weddings, brides always carried fake flowers.
Good grief. My bouquet from my first wedding in 1998 was gorgeous and large, made by one of the best florists in town with beautiful REAL flowers (not cheap ones, either). Cost? $175.
August 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm
That was before the Bush Period when shit got unreal.
August 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Wow. My incredibly lovely bouquet in 2006 was only $30 from a grocery store, and it was my favorite part of the day! Well, except for the husband, I guess.
August 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I carried a potted cactus as my bouquet, it got more attention than my green sequin thrift store wedding dress and my pink hair combined. Keep in mind this was in 1988 when weddings were still very normal.
August 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Photos *please*. In all sincerity.
August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Please tell us that you tossed the bouquet at the next victim… I mean bride.
August 10, 2012 at 1:08 am
I wanted a broccoli as my wedding bouquet, but the photographer (a friend) vetoed it. Perhaps she would have accepted a period, plastic broccoli? *sigh*
August 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Your first wedding in 1998? I take it you had several of them that year?
August 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm
My wrist is 6 1/2 inches, and no one would EVER describe me as not having “alot” of meat on my bones.
(In all fairness, I do have unusually skinny wrists for a “fat” person. It’s all in the boobs and hips.)
August 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
My wrist is also 6 1/2 inches and I wear a size 11-12. Super skinny people would have way thinner wrists, I think.
August 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm
I read the copy of the Compost Cookies as “and armpitted it up” and thought she was commenting on their scent.
August 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm
We used to make cookies like that and called them “garbage cookies”, but I wouldn’t try to sell them called that.
August 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Ours are called “junk.”. Because my grandmother would ask my mom “are you making that junk AGAIN?”
August 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm
The compost cookies have P.B in them, yet claim to be nut free? What kind of feedback do you get for killing your customers?
August 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Testimonials:
“These cookies were the best thing to happen to my mother-in-law, ever!”
“I just got a promotion and my former boss’s office and misc. personal possessions, thanks to your cookies.”
“I especially enjoyed the plausible deniability that came with this cookie order.”
August 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
A+++. Would read again.
August 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I laughed so loud I scared the cat. I’ll give you all my neighbors thumbs
August 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Stop staring at Di’s Jugs!
August 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm
About number one and being exact with one’s color hues. In the village I come from people use to call this “a bit too much information”.
August 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I was going to comment on the menstrual nosegay (sorry), but my finger’s still down my throat after reading the seller’s “about” page with its phony third-person magazine article/interview style. (It took me an hour type this with only the one willing finger on the other hand.)
August 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Maybe I’m dense, but I don’t get what’s wrong with the “Autism is the new super power” one. OK, maybe it’s a bit lame as autism pride slogans go, but it’s no “compost cookies” or “period blood red.” Am I missing something?
August 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm
See, I think it’s just as bad, if not worse.
Not to say that people with autism can’t be intelligent, creative and wonderful people, but neurodevelopment disorders are not something most people wish for.
August 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Of course not. This isn’t about wishing a disorder on anyone; it’s about being proud of who you are, even if — especially if — who you are is something other people fear or pity.
As I said, I don’t think the slogan is all that good. I just don’t think it belongs in this “OMG, what were they THINKING?” roundup — because I know exactly what they were thinking.
Disclaimer: I’m on the spectrum myself, but this isn’t a soapbox issue for me. I support the neurodiversity pride movement but don’t march in the streets for it or anything.
August 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm
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August 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I was merely asking why the product was lumped in with these obvious derp cases when it didn’t strike me as all that derpy. Like asking why people think the Three Stooges are funny, Cabbage Patch dolls are ugly or “The English Patient” is a great film, when I don’t.
I’m not saying I share the sentiment, just that I understand where it’s coming from.
Now back to your regularly scheduled snark.
August 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I don’t see how it makes sense to be proud of having a serious physical or mental disorder, or how it constitutes “who you are.”
I have bipolar disorder. My fiance has schizophrenia. These things aren’t WHO we are. They’re challenges we face. Very, very serious challenges.
It’s possible to admire people who survive and even thrive with serious disorders without trivializing their struggles by presenting the disorder itself as a fucking gift. Anyone who thinks so is more than welcome to try mine for a few years and see just how much fun those “powers” are.
August 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Thank you!
Someone on Facebook said they liked the charm because they were autistic, and they have a great memory and attention to detail. I think it’s great that there are sometimes positives from autism, but I don’t see how that makes the disorder itself a plus. It’s like wishing you were blind so you’d have a better sense of smell.
I realize everyone gets a trophy in Etsyville, but people are special because of how they navigate their challenges, not because they have them.
August 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm
This. I’ve got a good friend and a great-nephew who are both autistic, and I know my friend would be offended all to hell by this. He’s on the high-functioning end, but he still has serious problems dealing with other people, and he does not,in any way, consider being autistic as being a super power. He’d just as soon be normal like everyone else, but he knows that’s not going to happen, so he gets by best he can.
August 10, 2012 at 8:53 am
Ok, good point. I thumbed down your earlier comment, because yeah, I *do* think we should all take pride in our differences. I have autism, my dad has autism, and my son has autism, and we have our share of challenges in life, so what’s wrong with celebrating the good things our condition gives us?
BUT… you make a really good argument for it being offensive to autistic people who *didn’t* get the superpowers and instead got stuck only with the challenges. I was all set to buy a set of these charms, but you’re right, it would be totally insensitive to those people I love, people who in many cases are WAY more challenged than I am. You have changed my mind with your logic– DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME EXAMINE MY PRIVILEGE!
August 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm
As the mother of an Aspergers kid, I can tell you: if it’s a superpower, it’s a god-damn lame one.
I love the kid, but being both OCD and super-flaky at the same time isn’t defeating any planet-eating super villains anytime soon.
August 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I remember seeing “Autism is the new super power” or “Autism is a superpower” as the link text linking to “High functioning autism” and “Disability Superpower” on tvtropes. I thought it was an actual trope as well, but I guess not. Also saw it as an article somewhere discussing how autism isn’t portrayed realistically in Hollywood and is generally made to be like some sort of superpower.
I guess it’s snagged from one of those places. With my meme-loving sensibilities, this made that one actually okay, but I can totally see how it’d be offensive or whatever to people that aren’t familiar with where it came from.
August 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm
I was just wondering when Autism replace lactation as the trendy “superpower?”
August 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm
I was wondering the same thing. I fail to see how a charm with a name that matches exactly what’s printed on the charm is worse than insence called “monkey farts,” which is totally available on Etsy.
August 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm
The pee princess? At least they leave no question as to what Di’s commemorative jugs are meant for.
August 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm
Beat me to it.
August 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
No, no, you can have them.
August 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm
So how many Princess Di commemorative jugs are for sale? You would think there would only be two.
August 9, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Also I don’t remember them as being that large.
August 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm
So many things wrong on so many levels!
The hand painted bag that is not hand painted
The free form crochet which is not free form
The medieval bouquet which is not medieval
The fact that autism is not a superpower
and I’m not even going to mention the cookies as that subject has been debated to death.
August 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm
April, you beat me to it with perfect words.
I have Asperger Syndrome. Although as an adult, I am much more at peace with myself and the circumstances I am under, my earlier life was a painful struggle of confusion and not understanding myself.
I have Asperger’s, and it is a facet of who I am, but it does not define who I am. I don’t want sympathy, or in this case, jokes or quips. I am not a superhero, and I don’t want to be viewed as “cute” or “different” no matter in how quirky a way it is.
I had a friend in high school who was a dwarf. People asked her if she ever wondered what it was like to be born “normal.” She said she only ever knew what being a dwarf was like. I only know what having Asperger’s is like. I don’t think about having it any other way, because it is what it is. I stopped viewing my differences as “flaws” or “being cool” a long time ago. I’m a person, just like you, who just needs a little understanding sometimes.
August 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm
My son has AS. When co-workers ask me breathlessly if he has any ‘talents’, I usually snark back “Nothing I can take to Vegas.”
August 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Yep, not every person with Aspergers is Gary from the Alphas or Jake from Touch. Most of them are just people with a disorder. Some of them are talented and smart and creative, and some of them aren’t. Just like everyone else.
I bet there would be an uproar if there was a badge or pin that said – genius: the new superpower.
I get the whole empowerment thing, but c’mon, let’s not make it into something it isn’t. That’s not empowering.
August 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm
And yet, if they recounted that story to others, you’d be cast as the insensitive one.
August 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Just when I think people have hit a low, they surprise me by digging a deeper ditch. I think I’d be tempted to respond, “He’s my son, not a performing dog.”
August 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Okay, it’s technically true that peanuts are not a “nut.” However, most of my kids’ friends with life-threatening nut allergies will cite peanut butter as the culprit.
Also, is it wrong that I think that dress is kinda fabulous, other than its unfortunate name?
August 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Never mind, it’s the stupid bouquet for sale, not the dress. I blame the chardonnay.
August 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm
I didn’t get why the Princess Di was bad, except for the product and then I remembered what ‘jugs’ is slang for in the US.
August 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Really? Is EVERYTHING a super power now?
I mean, I’m all for self-esteem, but disabilities are disabilities. I want people to be aware they exist and not make stupid assumptions. I don’t want idiots to walk up to blind people and ask them to use their super-senses to tell them if it’s going to fucking rain.
August 10, 2012 at 11:22 am
My autistic nephew would love thinking he had a superpower. If he was capable of comprehending what a superpower is.
Maybe one day he will. For now we’re just trying to get him to eat.
August 10, 2012 at 11:26 am
I have autism. It’s not a superpower, and autistic people are not “special” in any way. Our “superpower” is being able to function like a average person socially, not remembering shit like trivia or data well.
I don’t consent to autistic people using their autism as an excuse for being careless, inattentive, or for believing they are a “super race” of some sort.
August 14, 2012 at 10:10 pm
The Chicken Boy one is at least “a super hero WITH autism” and not a hero whose power is autism. That’s OK.
August 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Compost Cookies isn’t such a bad name. It’s certainly no worse than Dump Cake. And if you’re like me, and I know I am, who among us doesn’t enjoy a lovely Dump Cake?
August 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Not being familiar with Dump Cake, lovely or otherwise, I’ll withhold my vote.
August 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm
I’ve seen cat litter cake before, but what’s dump cake?
August 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Everyone knows that the ability to make breast milk is the real superpower.
Sheesh.
August 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I am lactose girl! My superpower is nursing babies in Starbucks!
August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm
That was you?
August 9, 2012 at 8:10 pm
While I don’t personally care, I’d worry about the creepy guy next to you requesting a latte’.
August 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Didn’t Carrie wear that dress to her wedding? Or was that a dream?
August 9, 2012 at 8:53 pm
And this is my opinion and observation, but I don’t know how Autism awareness became Autism Pride, or rather, trying to stick a label of pride on those of the spectrum.
I DO support awareness. Awareness wasn’t as prominent when I was a child, and I can still remember the pain of being rejected by my great grandmother as a “Delinquent, unruly child” simply because I had a habit of swaying back and forth on the couch and could not hold still. I was not “normal” enough for her tastes.
Even to feed positive stereotypes is insensitive. People may see the “Cute, roly-poly, childlike” stereotype of people with Down Syndrome as positive, when it is downright wrong. And they sure love to emphasize those stereotypes in the movies and on TV, as they do with the “positive” aspects of Autism.
Disabilities exist. Yes, it is important to be aware that they exist. But, that doesn’t mean giving each and every disabled individual you see, a pat on the head and a fucking cookie.
August 10, 2012 at 8:47 am
*raises hand* I would like a pat on the head and a fucking cookie.
August 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm
One compost cookie for you.
August 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Fuck that autism superpower bullshit. My son’s autistic and I am so fucking tired of people asking what he can “do.” No, he’s not rain man. He can’t count cards, he can’t decode the mayan calendar, he can’t hack into the motherfucking pentagon. He doesn’t have to do a damn thing, he still has the right to an education and the right to be treated like a human being rather than a freak show.
August 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm
All of my thumbs belong to you.
August 15, 2012 at 3:01 am
Compost cookies are a thing! A faddish New York thing for a couple of years now –>
http://momofukustore.com/cookies.html