Even More Noncycling
non·cy·cle [non-sahy-kuhl]
1. To take a piece of garbage and turn it into a different piece of garbage
2. To take an object that still has some useful purpose and turn it into a piece of garbage
“Mary stopped Jim from discarding the expired air-fresheners so she could noncycle them into an instant collection.”
Synonyms: Lateral Recycling, Garbage Shuffling, Etsy Inventory
August 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
I am captivated by that thermometer. How thoughtful of the crafter to label cold, the freezing point of water, hot, “really” hot, and then to smear black shoe polish all over the rim. That is quality, my friends.
August 8, 2012 at 9:34 am
This is nitpicky, but if you look real close at it, you can spot a couple of mistakes.
August 8, 2012 at 9:37 am
For one, hot begins at 80, not 99, but that’s me.
August 8, 2012 at 9:43 am
I give it bonus points for being so well thought out, though…
Seriously though- wouldn’t you “dry run” something like that?
August 8, 2012 at 9:58 am
I think this crafter is on a whole other level than you or I. You have to be pretty smart and talented to automatically assume that other lesser beings wouldn’t be able to know when they need to put on a coat or wear some sunblock. I’m sure they thought the slip-ups wouldn’t be noticed by all the mouth-breathers that would be clambering to buy it. And the embellishments add such a level of je ne sais quoi that I can’t even begin to appreciate them. We must face the fact that this was created by a genius we just can’t comprehend.
August 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Yeah, that thing is a real insult. Geez, invest in some decent lettering. There are some really cool hubcap clocks on Etsy; this ain’t one of them.
August 8, 2012 at 9:58 am
I, for one, find it really hard to get anything done after 85 o’clock.
August 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm
The price of the Bonnie and Clyde inspired “art” fits the whole Bonnie and Clyde theme because charging $500 for painted toilet paper rolls with black and silver glass pebbles is both highway robbery and delusional.
August 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Still, it would make an awesome fourth grade book report project.
August 8, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Not to mention the fact that if you sneeze on that thing or spill water on it, it’s completely spoiled. I would be impressed if a sixth-grader handed this to me, but the fact that a grown adult made it hurts every artistic bone in my body.
August 8, 2012 at 10:52 am
It looks like someone tried to draw pubic hair on it.
August 8, 2012 at 11:07 am
I hear that pubes are the best way to attract “wombyn.”
August 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I think the scribbling is to cover up what they thought was the Celsius scale but was really the bathroom scale. “It’s 249 degrees in here, someone open a window!” Rookie mistake.
August 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Actually, my crappy paint pen dripped and I got pissed, paint got smeared.
August 9, 2012 at 11:43 pm
That hubcap reminds me of when I was a kid. My parents had an 86 Mercury Sable (the Taurus twin.) I remember the hubcaps on that thing most vividly, because one of them didn’t fit right and would pop off every now and then.
I remember one trip where my mom was driving, Dad was in the passenger seat and us kids were in the back. Mom and Dad were at a stop sign in the middle of a conversation, when suddenly Dad spotted the hubcap tearing across someone’s yard. He threw open the door mid-sentence and went bounding after the errant hubcap, even managing to jump a low hedge. My brother and I thought it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen.
August 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm
You’re welcome! Shoe polish? Nope paint, lots and lots of paint.
August 8, 2012 at 9:34 am
Wheelbarrow chair! Perfect for guests who outstay their welcome and parents-in-law.
August 8, 2012 at 9:42 am
It’s the anti-welcome wagon chair!
August 8, 2012 at 9:59 am
The tennis racket headrest just serves to slam the point home. “You’re out!”
August 8, 2012 at 10:08 am
I thought it cries “foul”.
August 8, 2012 at 10:09 am
To me, it really says “Love.”
August 8, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Or at least “advantage non-sitter”.
August 8, 2012 at 10:27 am
Free tetanus AND splinters with every purchase! Order yours today!!
August 8, 2012 at 7:38 pm
I just love that he mentions “Larry”. I would bet money that this chair smells like poor gun control, wifebeater tank tops, and plucked pheasants.
August 8, 2012 at 10:53 am
Put it in the futon bed room.
August 8, 2012 at 10:54 am
Seller made it with his neighbor, Little Larry. I wonder where Darryl and the other brother Larry were.
August 8, 2012 at 11:02 am
I’m sorry, but I don’t see the miles and miles of twine – is it just me?
August 8, 2012 at 11:05 am
Folks said Little Larry was a nice boy who kept to himself.
August 8, 2012 at 9:35 am
Finally someone made a UNISEX vintage rope n’ chain necklace! I was always stealing my wife’s.
August 8, 2012 at 7:38 pm
I actually like the idea enough, but the implementation has got to represent some of the laziest crafting I have seen anywhere.
August 8, 2012 at 11:04 pm
I like it in theory, too, but in reality, that rope’s gonna rub your neck raw by the end of the day. It would’ve been cooler if it weren’t quite so long and had used some of those crimp fasteners you squeeze with pliers. It’s already industrial – don’t half-ass a theme!
Plus this is definitely a case of not wanting to pay $35 for something that I can do myself.
August 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
Wow! I can think of at least 6 different places I would wear that t-shirt bracelet to!
Oh…wait…not one. I meant to say, “not one.”
August 8, 2012 at 9:44 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 8, 2012 at 11:02 am
They give you one of those t-shirt bracelets for free when you cut yourself working at the abattoir.
August 8, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Ooh! OOh! What do I get if I hang myself with the rope necklace?
August 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Well, one appropriate place would be in court, for when your wrist is trying to sue over a broken neck.
August 8, 2012 at 9:37 am
1. Does the rope necklace come with the guy?
2. The Charlie Sheen clutch is kind of awesome…I mean craptacular.
August 8, 2012 at 9:44 am
It looks like every Trapper Keeper I saw in 7th grade.
August 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm
I kind of love the clutch, actually. But I must know how much tiger blood it holds!
August 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Siberian or Bengal? Unladen or with coconuts?
August 8, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I can’t process that.
August 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
In regards to point #1, I will fight you for him.
August 8, 2012 at 9:37 am
That toilet paper roll gun looks like a fun craft, ya know, to do with your kids. Or when drunk.
Not seeing the $500…
toilet paper rolls (free after paying for actual toilet paper)
acrylic paint (1.25 per tube)
aluminum foil (5 or less)
hot glue (you probably have tons of it)
glass beads (left over from some other project)
Still not seeing it.
I guess he must have spend 50 hours on it and wants $10 an hour.
August 8, 2012 at 9:39 am
Or 4 hours and $125…
August 8, 2012 at 9:45 am
Or his kid made it for a Halloween costume and he though, what the fuck? Gotta pay child support somehow.
August 8, 2012 at 9:42 am
Working in a day care center suddenly seems much more lucrative, if you can manage to sell TP roll crafts for $500.
August 8, 2012 at 11:30 am
Day care center = new bali ha’i imports
August 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Note to self:
1) Begin saving toilet paper rolls so I can “quit my day job”.
2) Make a video (to sell on etsy) called “how to become a millionaire with no money down!”.
3) Buy question marks to stick on my shirt.
August 8, 2012 at 7:00 pm
You forgot 4)
PROFIT!
August 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Underpants gnomes at work perhaps?
1) Collect underpants.
2) ?
3) Profit!
August 8, 2012 at 9:44 am
Surely this crafter misplaced the decimal and the gun actually sells for $5.00 right?
Right?!
August 8, 2012 at 9:45 am
I think I made that toilet paper roll machine gun in middle school for American History class. Or was it Elias Howe’s sewing machine? Maybe it was Eli Whitney’s cotton gin…
August 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Beat me to pricing the TP gun!
August 8, 2012 at 10:06 am
Maybe it was “vintage” Charmin. That shit’s pricey these days.
August 8, 2012 at 10:08 am
I made an *awesome* spaceship out of toilet paper rolls and cardboard but it disappeared after being left lying around for a few days. I lookeds everywhere for weeks! I wonder how much my parents got for it on Etsy and how they were selling shit on Etsy in 1968.
August 8, 2012 at 11:02 am
Well, if you think that’s too pricey, there’s always this ashtray/glitter jewelry holder on sale from the same seller for a measly $250.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/66607513/on-sale-fab-glitter-jewelry-holder-or
August 8, 2012 at 1:59 pm
That’s not even . . . bowl shaped. WTF? “Entire piece assembled with rubber cement.” CLASSY.
But if you have extra money ($2,500) to spend on a real work of art, there’s always this:
“A one of a kind detailed collage of historical people, musicians and actors that are no longer with us. All these people left a mark in my life and helped shape the person I am today . . . This represents a piece of my childhood. And contains a piece of my spirit.”
Hmmm, I wonder how many pieces of her spirit she’s already sold.
August 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm
I’ve got it! This seller glues shit to other shit for days in some kind of frenzy. After taken medication, they sit back and say; “Now what is it and how much money do I need for my next batch of shit-gathering and medication?” And the cycle continues.
August 8, 2012 at 7:42 pm
I took an art course last year on modern works. I expected to hate it. It was touching, inspiring, and really taught me a lot about how much work goes into a beautiful and well-made sculpture.
Dear Etsy cupcakes: stop raising prices on things because they contain parts of your soul. First of all, that shit is contagious. Secondly, ‘parts of your soul’ are illegal to trade across borders. Thirdly, go study some real artists and learn the techniques it takes to create a sculpture that will last. Then we can talk about how much soul you put into something.
August 9, 2012 at 9:05 am
**For those of you understand, no explanation is necessary. For those of you who don’t, no explanation will suffice…**
No shit…
August 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm
They probably didn’t even have to pay for acrylic paint.
Since the finish is “flat black,” they probably had little bit of black primer left over from a weekend of drinking beer and doing bodywork on their “classic” ’70s-era muscle car. You know, the “project car” that they’ll get around to restoring one day, but in the meantime you can hear them coming from all the way across the Wal-Mart parking lot because the holes in the muffler are almost as big as the ones rusted through the floorboards? Yeah, that one.
August 8, 2012 at 11:07 pm
I would heartily recommend actually looking at a Tommy gun before attempting your own recreation, though. The seller certainly skipped that step.
August 8, 2012 at 11:56 pm
But you missed where the description says its “awesome.” Doesn’t that make it perfect?
I’m wondering what the thing uses as ammo. Or maybe not.
The mind wobbles.
I always wanted to say that!
August 8, 2012 at 9:38 am
The naughty people on my list are getting those socks this christmas. Now I have to go count the people who posted pics of themselves eating CFA last week.
August 8, 2012 at 9:39 am
“Chenille Candy Cane” = 2 pipe cleaners twisted around each other. Be reasonable, how naughty could they really have been?
August 8, 2012 at 7:43 pm
The naughty people on my list are getting those socks, filled with soap and resold Chinese trinkets for Xmas. Etsy Santa takes no prisoners.
August 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Smelly old socks are one thing, but adding the rusty bells AND safety pin PLUS hemp string ensures that it will be the perfect decoration for the hobo wedding couple’s first Christmas.
August 8, 2012 at 9:39 am
Those “Grungy Sock Ornaments” would look awesome adorning a garbage-pile “tree”, right next to the barrel fire under a highway overpass. A true hobo delight. What fun.
August 8, 2012 at 9:42 am
Thumbs up for use of “what fun”.
August 8, 2012 at 9:46 am
My neighbors used to like adorning their bushes with crushed and dented PBR cans every Christmas, this would absolutely rock their decor:-D
August 8, 2012 at 10:23 am
Be sure to click over to the sock-seller’s other items, where you’ll find a never-washed onesie and a wooden hat!
August 8, 2012 at 10:26 am
Well, now I know what I’M wearing to the Policeman’s Ball!
August 8, 2012 at 10:56 am
I’m trying to find out where they’re holding the Secret Policeman’s Other Ball
August 8, 2012 at 10:58 am
I thought someone said it was in the Charlie Sheen purse.
August 8, 2012 at 11:08 am
That thing is turning into quite the nutsack.
August 8, 2012 at 11:09 am
In the left hand, obviously.
August 9, 2012 at 4:53 am
Just looking at the photos in that shop makes my nose itch with imagined dusty mold.
August 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm
And here I was thinking suddenly I’d found myself in an episode of Esty or Regretsy. Because I woulda’ fallen for that one.
August 8, 2012 at 9:40 am
Has to be Regretsy bait. Has to. Please.
August 8, 2012 at 9:41 am
How much for the dude wearing #1? Mama like. And Mama can think of a few more useful things to do with that rope and chain….
August 8, 2012 at 9:45 am
Careful, though- “vintage” rope is prone to dry rot, and might not have the bondage capabilities you’re looking for.
August 8, 2012 at 9:51 am
The rope will be gently tied to something that won’t be seeing *too* much tugging…just a bit…
August 8, 2012 at 9:56 am
You still have to look out for “rope weevils”, though.
August 8, 2012 at 10:00 am
That’s what using protection is for.
August 8, 2012 at 10:10 am
Keep weevil repellent away from the eyes and orifices, though.
August 8, 2012 at 10:16 am
They sprayed weevil repellant at my sister’s orifice building a month ago, and it still stinks.
August 8, 2012 at 10:25 am
Build it and they will come.
August 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Torchwood! Help! The weevils have my – oh, hi there, Jack. Now that you’ve rescued me, what shall we do with the rest of the night?
August 8, 2012 at 9:42 am
I know I shouldn’t be drinking in the middle of the day, but I keep looking at the TP Guns like a MagicEye looking for the gun stand! It looks like they are laying on the ground. WTF is this like the Emperor’s New Gun Stand???
August 8, 2012 at 9:48 am
Thumbs up just for drinking in the middle of the day.
August 8, 2012 at 9:51 am
That shit ain’t gonna drink itself, you know?
August 8, 2012 at 9:52 am
But ya know, you have to click the pictures to go to the Etsy posts and see all the goodness. Don’t miss out on chrome-painted tp rolls, man!
August 8, 2012 at 10:49 am
Click over to the seller’s page. “Chrome look” is achieved with aluminum foil, sloppily wrapped around some cardboard.
August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I just had my car trim done in the exact same chrome look. You’re just jealous.
August 8, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Also, it looks like their hard wood floor is made of a hellafancy barnwood!
August 8, 2012 at 9:43 am
I wouldn’t mind seeing that guy’s chest replace barnwood as a staging area for stuff. I do give him mad props for putting that thing around his neck and letting it touch his skin.
28 dollars for a failed design class project is still too much. Although it wins a bronze medal for “Sloppiest Use of A Sharpie in a Found Object Assignment”
I feel really stupid for simply throwing my old socks away now, and I can’t wait for Xmas so I can festoon my tree with the socks that will soon be garbage.
August 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
I endorse this idea of his body replacing barnwood. Maybe a new version of “See It In A Room”?
“See It On A Hot Guy Suckered Into Posing For His Art School Drop-Out Girlfriend In Her Attempts At Relevance”.
Or something like that.
August 8, 2012 at 10:11 am
If the picture was bigger you’d be able to see his “barn wood”, or at least evidence of it.
August 8, 2012 at 10:17 am
You certainly wouldn’t see his balls. She keeps those in her Charlie Sheen clutch.
August 8, 2012 at 10:26 am
Winning at falsetto.
August 8, 2012 at 10:19 am
The seller is Australian, so the model probably is too. That just amped things up a bit. Yes, I find Aussie accents sexy….
August 8, 2012 at 11:45 am
As you should! Hear are 17 other uses for your old socks, if christmas decorations don’t really do it for you: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/clever-uses-for-old-socks.html?cid=Facebook_hl_clever-uses-for-old-socks
This came in today, and it just seemed so… appropriate.
August 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Oooh! Ooh! Princess! If we get all of our socks together and tie them to a Christmas tree–then festoon it with ‘coloured’ toilet paper and an evil balaclava angel, we can make that shit into a seriously pricey auction item! We’ll sell it for charity–either for something Regretsy related or to buy stem cells for the cupcakes, so they can grow replacement frontal lobes.
August 8, 2012 at 11:11 pm
You had me at “evil balaclava angel”.
August 8, 2012 at 9:45 am
The “T-Shirt bracelet” can also be used as a tourniquet or a bandage for your wrist, ankle or other joint.
Now I want a joint.
August 8, 2012 at 9:52 am
And now I wanna cut myself. Oh look! A t-shirt bracelet to stop the bleeding and hide the scars!
August 8, 2012 at 9:54 am
I didn’t have you pegged as a Cutter, MockingbirdDont. Your avatar looks so happy.
August 8, 2012 at 9:58 am
The world of Etsy is so dark, man. Sometimes tragic crafting, hairy armpits, and overpriced toilet paper rolls just get to me, man.
August 8, 2012 at 10:04 am
There, there…Breathe deep and let the sarcasm draw close to your bosom. Only in harsh criticism and douchy behavior can we ever truly be free and at peace. You’re among friends here.
August 8, 2012 at 10:19 am
*repeats mantra* I’m better than these people. It’s okay to mock them. I’m better than these people. It’s okay to mock them.
August 8, 2012 at 10:29 am
And, dammit! – people like you!!
August 8, 2012 at 9:46 am
I thought the gun was kind of clever…until I saw the price. Really? $500 for maybe $20 of toilet paper and $15 worth of paint/glue/embellishments?
Seller also has a collage of magazine clippings for $2500 and a $65 one dollar bill.
August 8, 2012 at 9:52 am
You thought a toilet-paper-roll gun was clever? Man, do I have some stuff to show you!
August 8, 2012 at 10:01 am
I’ve got a clamshell with googly eyes glued to it that’s truly amazing to behold.
I’ve got a steampunk napkin holder made out of an empty Clorox container that’s nothing short of phenomenal.
August 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I am such a nerd. I got excited at the thought of one of those metal diner napkin holders re-done steampunk style, and was rather disappointed when I realized that was plastic.
(Actually – that’s even more a measure of my sad nerd life: I’m being disappointed by something that doesn’t even exist.)
August 8, 2012 at 9:53 am
He aims high.
August 8, 2012 at 9:54 am
My 4 year old thinks it’s clever too. She also loved the robot I made out of boxes and foil. Shit. I’M SITTING ON A GOLD MINE OVER HERE!
August 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm
Of course! Why let children have fun or grow skills by embellishing their own costumes? PRE-ROBOTED BOXES!
August 8, 2012 at 10:09 am
“A light spunking of glitter” is what I read in the grungey socks blurb. Funnily enough, that didn’t even strike me as being the wrong word in any way whatsoever.
August 8, 2012 at 10:48 am
I have a feeling that it has all sorts of spunking on it.
August 8, 2012 at 11:20 am
And indeed in it.
August 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm
I want to meet the man/unicorn who can spunk glitter.
August 8, 2012 at 12:16 pm
Oh I can do it, just watch. Now here, eat this postage stamp…
August 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm
This how the GranoblasticPusherMan gets ya.
August 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm
First stamp is free…
August 8, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Ask and ye shall receive.
August 8, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Shining Armor is fairly certain that’s not a real unicorn.
August 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I am in love!! I only meant man OR unicorn, but you have exceeded my wildest dreams by providing a half-man, half-unicorn! So pink, so horny, so glittery, so dreamy!
YOU ARE MY HERO
August 8, 2012 at 10:11 am
…a light sprinkling of glitter makes this a great ornament.
Next time I do laundry, I’ll toss a little bit of glitter into the dryer. I’m gonna make a fortune on these blood-stained christmas panties. The blood stains represent the baby Jesus, of course.
August 8, 2012 at 11:22 am
I read that at first as “the blood stains repel the baby Jesus,” and thought you were saying Jesus was some kind of reverse vampire. Which somehow made sense to me.
This is what happens when I don’t drink during the day. Stupid HR policies.
August 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Now now, drinking is for the evening. Xanax is for the daytime.
August 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Weirdly, I could actually see Jesus as a vampire. He’s dead, but alive, and immortal, and his followers eat his flesh and drink his blood.
It would also explain why vampires dislike the cross so much.
I have no opinion on whether he’d be the sparkly sort, though.
August 8, 2012 at 11:45 pm
Excellent observation!
August 8, 2012 at 10:12 am
All this Upcycling makes me Upchuckle.
August 8, 2012 at 10:17 am
All this Uncycling makes me Uncomfortable.
August 8, 2012 at 10:32 am
All this Noncycling makes me Nonplussed.
August 8, 2012 at 10:39 am
All this Recycling is making me Regurgitate.
August 8, 2012 at 10:47 am
All this unicycling is making me unicorn. Did I do that right?
August 8, 2012 at 10:50 am
Perfect.
August 8, 2012 at 10:58 am
Kudos on not using “unitard”.
August 8, 2012 at 11:04 am
I would’ve actually given kudos for using “unitard”.
August 8, 2012 at 11:06 am
Actually, I did think about it afterwards. All well. I have one more:
This bicycling is making me bicurious.
August 8, 2012 at 11:10 am
All this cycling is making me .
August 8, 2012 at 10:31 am
Oh damnit, I was going to list my toilet paper roll sculpture this afternoon. Now I just look like a copycat.
August 8, 2012 at 10:40 am
Just glue some more crap to it and it’ll be a whole new art piece. More is always better on etsy.
August 8, 2012 at 10:44 am
I know how you feel! Just last night I peeled a pair of socks off a hobo’s corpse and thought “Christmas!”
August 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm
We won’t ask whether he was already a corpse when you happened by…
August 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm
If it’s out of toilet paper rolls, I think you’d be more of a crappycat.
August 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I could also see this going “copycrap” Judges?
August 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Dammit. I like yours better.
August 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Add watch parts and it’ll be steampunk.
August 8, 2012 at 10:43 am
From the “Bonnie and Clyde gun stand”:
“This piece is sure to be a conversation starter.”
Visitor: So, um…what’s that thing?
Crazy person: Oh! You like it? It’s a Bonnie and Clyde gun stand!
V: Oh. Okay. Um…did you make it yourself?
CP: No! Don’t be silly! I’m not that talented!
V: ……
CP: I got it from etsy!
V: …..
CP: It was $500.00.
V: ……………………….
CP: It’s made out of old toilet paper rolls, so I’m helping the environment by owning it.
V: …..I have to go now. Why are you blocking the door?
CP: Tell me you like it.
V: You’re scaring me….
August 8, 2012 at 10:59 am
If a wheelbarrow has no wheels, can you still wrap it in miles of twine? Yes. Yes, you can. But it’s now just a barrow. With a tennis racket headrest and a genuine Indonesian gunny sack for your bum. I may need that chair for more cogitating. It’s making me quite philosophical.
August 8, 2012 at 11:02 am
Why does “country” have to be dirty? Maybe because it’s not my style, I don’t understand this patina of dirt on “country” style drafts.
August 8, 2012 at 11:06 am
Because the Maytag man doesn’t deliver to RFD addresses?
Because people are ignorant douchebags?
take your pick.
August 8, 2012 at 11:54 am
My grandparents, great-grandparents (and countless ancestors before them) were “country” people, until my grandparents left the farm during WWII.
Hard as it was to keep a house, its furnishings, and everyone’s clothes clean on the farm before electricity and running hot water, they did it to the best of their ability.
A grungy patina on things meant 1) they were old and worn out, and about to be discarded or re-used elsewhere on the farm; 2) you were too poor to replace them, but could no longer scrub out the stains; or 3) you were trashy/lazy/drunk/crazy, lived like a pig (and your neighbors judged you hard for it).
So grungy-looking country crafts always strike me as this weird nostalgia for the filth of rural poverty and decay. It’s dressed up as cute and quaint, and totally divorced from the realities of the rural life it’s supposed to signify. My rural ancestors would have been bewildered by–and probably contemptuous of–it, and the suburbanites who buy it.
August 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Yeah, no kidding. Remember the oh so sensitive hobo wedding featured a while back? Makes me wonder what horrible human tragedies will be minimalized by hipsters. I’m just waiting until they start making Judah armbands after the Holocaust becomes “vogue” or whatever it is these stupid kids are saying these days.
August 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm
That’s interesting, Magical. I’m from poor rural OK a couple of generations back, and those relatives would shun anything shabby or dirty also. It’s too reminiscent of the hardships of no plumbing or electricity and subsistence farming, I’m sure.
August 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Yeah, you have to live a pretty comfortable life if grungy and worn things seem like charming novelties, right?
August 8, 2012 at 11:47 pm
No, I think you just have to be feeble minded. Or very drunk.
August 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Appropriate username is appropriate. Behold the magic of reality where grunge isn’t something to strive for.
August 8, 2012 at 11:40 pm
Because real country stuff is parked in the lower pasture for years, anchored to the ground with blackberry vines while the wasps build nests in it and starlings poop on it and rust and algae battle for supremacy and … then somebody decides to sell it on Etsy. Patina does not = clean.
August 9, 2012 at 5:13 am
It’s not “country,” it’s “kountry.” With a “K,” as in “Klan.”
August 9, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Klan cuntry?
August 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Naw. Those Klan people use a lot of bleach. They gotta make sure their sheets stay white. Wouldn’t want anything to turn brown.
August 8, 2012 at 11:20 am
Running short on crafting supplies – it’s kale and Activia yogurt for dinner. That takes care of tp rolls. Now what about “miles of twine”? Oh, I see I have at least 1/2 mile of it wrapped around this pencil. Scrounge through trash -> … -> list on Etsy -> PROFIT!
August 8, 2012 at 11:30 am
Yeah- I was curious about the “miles of twine”, too… am I missing it in the picture? The whole thing doesn’t look wrapped in anything.
August 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I think I see the miles of twine in the other view, holding the frame together. That is, if the wheelbarrow were 500 feet long, it might be miles of twine.
August 8, 2012 at 1:27 pm
It was a typo. The seller meant “Miles the Twine.” The twine’s name is Miles.
August 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Sadly, Miles’ life was cut short one Sunday morning by his nemesis, Mack the Knife.
August 8, 2012 at 11:25 am
The fact that the post didn’t stop with the socks could only be a bad omen.
August 8, 2012 at 11:26 am
Somewhere around here, I still have a copy of White Trash Cooking. That hubcap thermometer makes me want to compile a book called White Trash Crafting.
August 8, 2012 at 11:53 am
Wouldn’t that be “White Trash Trash Crafting”?
August 11, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Contact me, I can introduce you to lots of fun people in west GA.
August 8, 2012 at 11:33 am
Btw, oh look, chicken on waffles!
http://www.foodandwine.com/slideshows/worlds-best-cities-for-street-food/8
August 8, 2012 at 11:49 am
THAT was the best street food to be found in Austin? Just because you stick bone-in fried chicken on top of a waffle doesn’t make it a taco. Or does it? Perhaps I could market a bone-in ham and broiled pineapple atop a cheese pizza and call it a Hawaiian pizza taco…
August 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm
I swear, if one more jackass puts one more bird on one more thing it is fucking go-time! *starts training cat army*
August 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Hey guys, I got this AWESOME idea for a canary tape measure. See, I glue this taxidermy canary on top of this tape measure and it’s totes adorable!
August 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I’d actually buy that.
August 8, 2012 at 1:02 pm
RELEASE THE KITTEN!
August 8, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Funny how I missed that, all I saw was cholesterol with cholesterol. I don’t know if it’s you or me that proves to be an etsy addict.
August 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Boston has that too… I always wondered…
http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-hen-house-wings-n-waffles-boston
August 8, 2012 at 11:58 am
I’ll gladly upcycle those abs for you . . .
August 8, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Notes to sellers:
1) Wow, didn’t know chain and rope were unisex. Thanks for telling me.
2) I am sorry you sprained your wrist.
3) Can I get this as lot? Delivery instructions: put it all in the wheel barrow and push it over a cliff.
August 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm
The socks seller is losing out on a niche fetish. There’s a whole subculture on eBay that would snatch those up for $100.
August 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm
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August 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I may be the odd one, but whenever I see a pair of grungy socks, my first instinct is *not* to smell them.
August 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I see the toilet roll gun thing is “sure to be a conversation starter”. Can’t argue with that, though personally I prefer to have at least some conversations that don’t begin with “so… when exactly did you stop taking your medication?”
August 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Or, alternately “What the fuck is THAT!?”
August 8, 2012 at 8:57 pm
…I”m sorry, were there any other items? I was too busy imagining the proper applications of ropes and chains. Mmm.
August 8, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Ohhhhh yeahhhh. Securing massive objects to counterbalance the forces of gravity and/or inertial momentum in situation where movement in the wrong direction would be hazardous or undesirable.
SO HAWT
August 9, 2012 at 4:50 am
You two should get together – someone needs to buy that bondage ‘puppy cage’ from a few days ago and they’ll want someone equally enthusiastic about OSHA compliance to suspend it.
August 8, 2012 at 9:17 pm
For those of you who loved the “unisex” rusty chain on a rotted string, now there’s:
UNISEX GLASSES
UNISEX BRACELETS
NONDENOMINATIONAL RINGS
JEWELRY WHICH IN NO WAY COMMENTS ON YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION
USE IT MULTIPURPOSE
August 8, 2012 at 10:06 pm
Every time I think I finally understand what the fuck is going on over at Etsy, I see something like that cardboard tube gun. And then I’m back at square one.
August 8, 2012 at 11:51 pm
Trying real, real hard to grow more thumbs!
August 8, 2012 at 10:30 pm
August 8, 2012 at 11:43 pm
The Etsy Craft Goblin?
August 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm
I call bullshit on the Bonnie and Clyde gun. There’s a paper towel roll in there. Ha! Toilet paper rolls, my ass.
August 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm
on·cy·cle [non-sahy-kuhl]
1. To take a piece of garbage and turn it into a different piece of garbage
2. To take an object that still has some useful purpose and turn it into a piece of garbage
Definition #2 sounds more like an appropriate definition for a seperate Etsy concept… “downcycling.”