YOU GUISE THIS IS SRS
- This post first appeared on Regretsy in September of 2011 –
I admit it. I love the Etsy blog.
Oh, probably not for the same reason that most people love it, but for my money, there is no better resource for clueless wankery. It is a paen to myopia.
These are the people who brought you the yummy charm of the poverty wedding, and recently told you how to make fake Native American sacred objects using old doilies.
Etsy in general is pretty far up its own ass, but the Etsy blog is a celebration of obliviousness. And while I love this blog for these kinds of blissfully unaware features, I am never more entranced than when they try to tackle the serious issues.
So I think you can imagine my delight when I saw this post today:
Where to start? There is so much to love here that I’m drunk with snark.
First of all, I love that the slavery issue is “noted.” That just killed me right out of the gate. I could just see Alison in her ironic Boy George hat, holding a glitter clipboard and jotting little notes about slave labor on a Hello Kitty notepad.
Noted!
And how about that byline? You know it’s going to be hard hitting journalism when the reporter calls herself “Teenangster.” Not many people know this, but Jimmy Breslin often wrote under the name of “Writerboi1930.”
The post is great, but it’s the second part of this exercise that I really enjoy: the instant, fawning approval vomited up by the Etsy glitterdrones.
Is Alison courageous or what? Super Courage Girl, is what I’d call her. In fact, the only thing braver than putting up a blog post is going to a seminar where you do a lot of “roll” playing. Those are the real heroes.
Still, as much as I was enjoying the circle jerk, I couldn’t help but wonder when someone would say it: Etsy is crawling with resellers who sell factory produced garbage made in third world sweat shops. Which means that while Alison here is posting her heart out about the yucky slavery thingy, the Etsy corporation is raking in millions of dollars in fees from the people who keep slave labor profitable.
It’s like the left fingerless glove doesn’t know what the right one is doing!
And then… it happened.
WHOOMP THERE IT IS
You know, when the smackdown happens in an Etsy thread, it’s just about the best thing ever. When someone refuses to buy the upcycled bullshit and talks back, I just sit here and whack my thighs together in delight. Could it get any better?
Yes. Yes it could.
I’ll be in my bunk.
August 5, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Exactly, etsy regularly features known re-sellers that are getting all their items from China. Hey I guess they have to keep an image. Seems like it is sadly fooling a few people at least.
August 5, 2012 at 9:24 pm
The image I get is pretty much flushed in the toilet according to real people I talk to at shows.
from a customer
“It used to be so original.. Then I went to the mall and I realized it was all crap. I’m disappointed with my purchases. I dont really go there any more now except to get ideas” I guess ideas to steal, I didn’t ask.
I’m sure one of these made it to the front page lately
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/NTEwMTg3MXwyNzIzMTIyNjAw/turquoise-trend
August 5, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Someone’s going to regret having released you! Good Job!
August 6, 2012 at 5:20 pm
-_- pft regret would actuality imply someone gives a fuck any more. I haven’t even gotten the usual “shut the hell up while we delete this”
im not against mass production.. but can they just drop the pretense of superiority and morality?
seeing they love the profits of slave labor as well as the butchering of animals for quirky decor amusement equally as they do anything hand made.
August 7, 2012 at 10:16 am
My favorite thing are the jewelry “handcrafters” who assemble their “handcrafted” wares using all the Chinese-made shit they buy at the local Hobby Lobby. IT’S HANDMADE U GUYZ! I know a girl like this who charges outrageous prices for her crappy jewelry and then rants about crap made in China. Uh…sweetie? Where do you think all the stuff you bought at the Hobby Lobby comes from?
August 8, 2012 at 7:04 pm
I actually still buy a lot from Etsy because I know how to look for the actual handmade jewellery, and I am picky. KwantzEssentials, for example, is one of my favourite artisans, and his preference is metal clay. For the average shopper trying to find a simple gift, it’s impossible to tell what the hell you’re buying.
Still, a normal ‘recently added’ search usually makes me cry. Even the worst handmade crap is still better than the resold Chinese trinkets.
August 5, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Haha I love the spam counterfeit message at the end! No shame!
August 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I have to admit, I have this growing feeling that I can only describe as love for The Only Sane Person In the World. I know in my head that it’s wrong to be so fixated on someone fictional, but my heart just can’t seem to let go.
Is there some sort of support group for people who are attached to fictional characters?
August 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm
TOSPITW is easily my favourite recurring regretsy character. Wait no, it’s hellepahnt. Hold on no, I have a more serious problem than you in that I may very well ONLY truly love fictional characters.
August 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Religion?
I’ll be in my bunk in hell.
August 5, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Sorry, I should have said BESIDES that.
The big firepit. On the right. I’m the one with the ears.
August 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm
It’s a date! The first words out of my mouth will be “You are so hot!”
August 6, 2012 at 5:37 am
Regretsy.com: The internet’s secret hook-up site.
August 5, 2012 at 5:02 pm
No, but don’t worry, there are so many of us.
PS: I still love you, Lt Commander Data.
August 7, 2012 at 1:59 am
Fully functional and anatomically correct!
August 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Yes. It’s name is Deviant Art.
August 5, 2012 at 6:54 pm
oh god, its. I can use apostrophes, I swear!
August 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm
That’s OK. Once is a typo; twice is derp.
August 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm
I love The Only Sane Person In The World. It’s the pained expression on her face, the slightly dazed but still clear-seeing eyes.
I want to buy her a drink and listen to her tell me about how crazy Etsy is.
August 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm
My favorite is the comment about slavery role-playing at a “seminar.”
August 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Not role-playing, roll playing. They threw small bread items around.
August 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm
You enter a room, containing jelly, mascarpone cheese, and a small chest.
>LOOT CHEST
You find a croissant.
>EAT CROISSANT
The croissant is poisoned. You lose 2 STR and 3 VIT for the duration of play.
>INDUCE VOMIT
//Unable to perform action “induce vomit”.
Well, shit.
August 5, 2012 at 2:07 pm
shitting might work too.
August 6, 2012 at 11:47 am
Perfect example of old BBS roll playing game.
August 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm
When I first read it, I saw “eye roll playing.”
Which is kind of what I did when I realized what was actually said.
August 8, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Role-playing slavery. Role-playing. Slavery. Role. Playing. Slavery. ROLEPLAYING SLAVERY. ROLE PLAAAAAAAYING—
I want to see these assholes on the manufacturing line of one of these unsanitary, health-code-annihilating factories, just for one day. I don’t think they’d be “role playing” it to educate others after that.
August 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm
What if Allison is a dim-witted whistleblower who just happens to have the unfortunate appearance of a “totally glam” ventriloquist dummy? What if she’s slowly working this out for herself, and this is like the fortune cookie that says “Help! I’m trapped in a fortune cookie factory!”? Maybe this is her way of suggesting that Etsy isn’t always doing the right thing in a way that won’t look treasonous on the face of it when her editor skims over it between issues of Cooking With Bark or Pansexual Fancy.
I think she’s our mole. I think this is a her coded request to defect. I think this is fuckery most whimsicle, and you should extend her amnesty that she might sell you secrets in exchange for protection.
Helen, this is your time. Strike while the flat iron is hot.
August 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Or, since this originally was posted in 2011, you could just forget literally everything I just said. Allison is almost certainly dead by now.
August 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm
There was a hobo themed funeral.
August 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Meaning: they threw her body on a train and went to look for a burning barrel and some moonshine.
August 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm
She was actually already dead when they took that picture. You can tell by the rigor mortis and glass eyes out of alignment.
August 5, 2012 at 2:21 pm
. . .you mean that’s *not* how most people have funerals?
August 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I think you just answered the question of how my family can afford my eventual “burial” plan. I need to add this to my will.
August 5, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Sounds fun! That’s what we did for Uncle Job. He’d have wanted it that way.
August 8, 2012 at 7:07 pm
I bet they delivered her funeral dress on that muslin-wrapped hanger.
August 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Anyone else so totally scared of Alison? I see evil smiles like that in nightmares. Check out that hair! Talk about lunatic fringe!
August 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm
eehh think she cut her own bangs at a crooked angle.. to be more hipster?
August 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm
[looks at first line]
What’s the “Esty” blog? ;P
August 5, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Shhhhh! It’s so Helen won’t get sued for slander and libel and have her site blocked by Netscape and stuff.
August 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm
oops
August 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm
As long as we’re being pedantic, it’s also usually “paean.”
August 6, 2012 at 6:59 am
Ooh, we’re being pedantic! That’s my favorite!
August 6, 2012 at 8:36 am
Actually, it’s correct either way.
August 6, 2012 at 9:39 am
Depending on which side of the Mason-Dixon Line you pronounce it on.
August 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Alison has a new, grown-up Etsy photo. And she loves a good cat video. Noted.
August 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm
When someone’s roll-playing about slavery issues, who gets to be the overseer? Is it the baguette, the parkerhouse, or perhaps the snobbish Kaiser roll?
Either way, I’m pretty sure the lowly dinner roll is going to have to work 14 hour days for only a tiny amount of dough.
August 5, 2012 at 1:34 pm
And no loafing around. If they don’t rise to the occasion, they may run into some crusty entanglements.
August 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I’m gonna go with Pumpernickel. That guy is a real dill hole.
August 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm
You won’t get a rise out of me, I’ll have naan of it.
August 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Not to be a pain, but like what you brot to this thread.
August 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm
So glad I decided to popover to this thread.
August 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I just hope it didn’t sound like I was trying to pan anyone.
August 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I rye all the bread references, just don’t get caraway’d.
August 8, 2012 at 7:09 pm
At this rate, hipsters are the yeast of our worries.
August 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm
The overseer is the true breadwinner here.
August 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm
I think that’s the yeast surprising statement I’ve bread today.
(oh, and I started a new blog recently.. already got an email about it calling me “vicious”, so I might be doing it right! /shameless_self_promo)
August 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I can’t see your viciousness if you don’t post a link, silly! You really need to work on your shameless self-promotion.
August 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm
LMAO sorry, major lack of sleep lately.
http://www.wordsfellout.com
August 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm
1) You are an awesome writer. 2) Your blog is giving me a good excuse to ignore laundry.
August 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm
1) Thank you. I’ve just been using writing the blog as an outlet, instead of my usual method of yelling in disgust at the TV during the evening news.
2) My pleasure, happy to help in that respect.
August 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm
*utters a sour “d’oh!”*
August 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm
No one knows what it really looks like, but the kaiser has the so-say.
August 6, 2012 at 10:14 am
Brioche up on your puns, or I’m leavening.
August 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm
‘Ironic Boy George hat.’ I’ve got ‘I’ll Tumble 4 Ya’ in my head now.
August 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm
But guys.. Alison is a light in the darkness. She’s basically the new Abe Lincoln. I wonder if she hunts vampires as well…
August 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm
The Great Fascinator, they’ll call her.
August 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm
I wonder if she likes plays….
August 6, 2012 at 10:18 am
Off topic: I went to high school with the guy who plays Abe Lincoln. He was awesome- seriously, one of the best people I met in high school, by a long shot. I’m sad that he’s in such a crummy movie, but at least he’s making a living! (Also, he apparently married Meryl Streep’s daughter? Good job!)
August 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm
When I see a blog post like Alison’s here, I wonder if it speaks to how ignorant she thinks Etsy customers and sellers are. I find it a little insulting that she implies we don’t know about human exploitation, and that we haven’t already taken steps to avoid supporting it wherever we can.
August 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm
It’s like Chappell and her stupid post about music conductors. These idiots just assume because they can’t see the world past their fifty shades of earl grey, that neither can we.
August 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Chappell also says:
“Even the false information is so elaborately imagined, it almost doesn’t matter to patrons whether it’s real or not.”
August 5, 2012 at 2:21 pm
She should know. She imagines it and Etsy drones sop it up …. with a dinner roll.
August 5, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Brutal, but needed. I totally read her article in an Elle Woods voice.
I use old recycled buttons, fabric, chains, and handmade elements in my stuff, or at least buy/barter secondhand items from other individuals, mostly because I want to practice what I preach.
To talk about slavery and sweatshops in a “what a bummerrrrr” tone really boils my blood. This was one of the best Regretsy bullshit calls ever done!!
August 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Ahem! I went to an eye-roll opening-playing seminar once. If that was slavery, sign me up!
August 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Do real people ever use words like “parlance” and terms like “bandy about?” Why doesn’t she give any examples of real products or companies that use slave labor? I’m sure she could find several examples on ETSY right now.
August 5, 2012 at 1:43 pm
This sort of thing makes me really twitchy since I design for a company with a factory in China. We may a lot more than most to have one of the best factories, the higher up visit it at least 10x a year, everyone is treated well, plus, their minimum wage just went up. Ideal? Of course not. However, they are employed, we are employed, and at the end of the day, there is a big market for inexpensive clothing.
Also, knowing so many slaves that work for you…does what…exactly? Can we all, in a relatively wealthy society as the US, afford to buy made in America? SHOULD we, when so many nations rely on manufacturing? I’d love it if there was more manufacturing in the US, but at the end of the day, there isn’t? So….what exactly are we supposed to do here? Feel guilty for 5 minutes and congratulate each other on being ‘aware?’
Do they realize ‘buying handmade’ is probably going to involve buying supplies from a sweatshop?
August 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm
*Pay a lot more
Also, too many ?s. I sound like the cheerleader on Daria. Day drinking always seems like a good idea.
August 5, 2012 at 1:55 pm
No matter how good a factory is, it’s still in the business of mass-production. Factory merchandise does not belong on a site that promises to only sell handmade goods.
Factory made supplies are not an issue. Etsy allows supplies, and no one expects that every crafter who sells on Etsy is going to spin their own yarn or cook their own glue.
August 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Oh no, we don’t sell to etsy. We sell to Sears. I totally agree that mass market anything does not belong on a handmade site. The idea that she is assuming all mass made is evil and therefore etsy is the superior marketplace is what I find so grating.
August 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Oh, I misunderstood your earlier comment.
I totally agree with you. The implied moral authority of the handmade movement is pretty obnoxious. Particularly coming from Etsy, which probably moves as much factory merchandise as Sears.
August 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm
If Sears would also feature gratuitous nudity in their catalogs and website the’d soon outstrip Etsy.
August 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm
I’ll be sure to bring that to our next market week meeting.
August 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Oh goody. I can see it now. A penis display in the tool department, bajingo pendants and vulvaroos in the jewelry and intimate apparel departments. Why let J.C. Penny get all the publicity?
August 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Also, I think the rising tide of resentment against China-produced goods is often a thin, green, hand-dyed organic bamboo veil for plain old racism. “Chinese” has become an accepted euphemism for “crap”- how the shit is that OK?
August 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Yes, exactly. Our factory- the one that sells mass market- also does for Lord & Taylor and Saks. They are very skilled! The stuff that looks like crap is usually made in the Brooklyn factory, sadly enough.
August 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm
“It is a paen to myopia.”
Thank you, Dear Helen, for assuming we’d understand that.
(actually, I thought it was a typo of pain.)
August 6, 2012 at 5:15 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 6, 2012 at 5:17 am
*sigh*
I mean misspelling, of course.
August 5, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Just needed to remind you all that you make my heart pitter-pat with your dry, witty awesomeness. For srs.
August 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Pedantic moment: Alison! The SKIN of the pear is NOT juicy. If the pear is juicy the skin is holding the juice in. You’re (or in Etsy-speak “Your”) an editor, write like one.
August 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm
It’s not slavery when it’s called a “Collective”.
August 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Well, you know the old saying: “If this is slavery, sign me up!”
August 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Somewhere out there is a group of people who needed a role-playing exercise to grasp that ‘slavery is bad, m’kay?’ And they found a group who catered to them, and provided that exercise. And lo, they played with the rolls and now finally, they understand.
Usually I have to actually be at the lame-ass seminar full of morons before I want to beat my head against something hard until I reach sweet oblivion, but these guys managed to transcend time and space.
August 5, 2012 at 5:32 pm
“Guided by a survey composed of clever animated prompts about location, family size and lifestyle habits, the site attempts to show that forced laborers are connected to every type of product, from designer jeans, to your new smartphone, to the coffee you’re sipping as you read this.”
1. “Clever animated prompts”????
2. Are these three products the defining features of Etsy-blog’s readership?
3. I don’t wear designer jeans – ever. I’m too poor.
4. I don’t on a smartphone: they aren’t hearing-aid compatible.
5. I don’t drink coffee.
6. Does that mean I am free from the taint of slavery??
August 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Sigh, I must confess, I keep my taint enslaved. Going commando when wearing summer cotton skirts just makes me too nervous. Guess I’m not as courageous as Alison, the Harriet Tubman of the hipsters.
August 5, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I’ve got terrible news about chocolate…
Also, anything with a transistor in it is probably dripping with blood. The trace amounts of rare metals used in many electronics now come mostly from the most f’d parts of Africa. I think the actual wars over the resources may have calmed down, but given Africa’s luck with having resources that the rest of us want, I wouldn’t consider the case closed.
Guys, I think this problem may be bigger than even Allison realizes.
August 5, 2012 at 11:52 pm
This is one of the big traps people fall into when trying to talk to people about the causes they’ve, OMG, discovered, that like no one else knows about.
The assumption that everyone else has a very affluent lifestyle.
I’m a middle-class American. I’ve got a big footprint of oppression and environmental destruction. I’m clear on that.
But like yourself, I don’t wear ‘designer jeans’, or have a ‘smartphone’. And talk like that just notifies me that I’m not the audience for this discussion.
I took one of those ‘how big is your environmental footprint’ online tests once, and couldn’t get accurate results, because they simply had no setting for “I don’t own a car”. The closest I could get was “I only drive for necessary errands”. But I don’t. I DON’T DRIVE ANYWHERE. My vehicle died five years ago, and I can’t get a new one, or get the old one fixed.
The test simply was not designed to cope with this idea.
August 6, 2012 at 6:17 am
That, and whatever you do manage to do is never good enough. Either people are down on you because your ethical shopping priority list differs from theirs, or what you want to do is impossible for you in one way or another. Not to mention it gets harder to shop ethically as it gets more popular to do so. Turns out people get unscrupulous when there’s money on the line. I’ve had companies straight up lie to me about where their materials come from. Then there are the hidden traps, like I get my jeans made by a company that,as far as I know, are pretty clean on labor issues. But, they’re in a country that hasn’t stopped importing cotton from Uzbekistan, where it turns out there are some crazy major human rights abuses going on. It’s hard enough to do your bit and do it well without some condescending jackass letting you know that Apple had a Chinese subcontractor scandal, which is why they’re a better person for using a droid.
August 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm
I very recently bought my husband two pairs of new work jeans for his birthday. I was determined NOT to buy any made in China, which took some lengthy research to find, and then a bit of searching to locate a seller. They cost about 50% more than Chinese jeans, but they’re sturdy and fit well, and they’re made in Honduras. I know almost nothing about Honduras, so it’s OK.
August 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm
The worst thing about it is half the droid phones get components from the exact same factory; it’s just easy to pick on Apple.
Just like Peta keeps going after McDonald’s, even on things McDonald’s has already changed.
August 5, 2012 at 7:39 pm
“I come to you to speak about violations of people’s basic human rights BUT IT MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE OH GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME I SWEAR I’M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHITE PRIVILEGE EXISTS WHEN IT’S STILL JUST A THEORY GAWD I’M SO SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP I’M SORRY IF IT MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE SORRY SORRY SORRY.”
I don’t think I can handle all of this courageousness.
August 5, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I adore the assumption that everyone reading the Etsy blog has the luxury of choosing not to buy mass-produced goods. Like the only reason we’re wearing Fruit of the Loom and eating non-organic rice that OMG MIGHT BE GMO is because we don’t understand that it’s, like, totally killing the planet and enslaving children, you guys!
I mean, clearly, the answer to all problems is to SPREAD AWARENESS. If your audience is big enough, it’s not passing the buck- it’s a “call to action.”
August 10, 2012 at 10:36 am
It’s HARDER to make such choices when you are poor, but it is certainly possible.
Actually, no, it’s a lot easier to grow organic food in your back yard or window sill than it is to BUY food of any type when you are poor, unless you are living in a place where food won’t grow.
August 5, 2012 at 8:47 pm
PS re: Doily dreamcatchers
Steelers dreamcatcher: tragicrafting for Ben Roethlisberger’s ankle?
August 6, 2012 at 1:24 am
Further down in that article, “Alison” makes a comment that’s either naively introspective or an asinine attempt to make light of the issue:
“But all of this questing for truth — well, it leaves us with some uncomfortable realities. (According to the survey, I have 39 slaves working on my behalf.)”
WTF does that mean?? Is she admitting she sells products that are mass produced in sweatshops? Or is she trying to be cute by saying that she has people at Etsy working for her that don’t get paid? Either way, it makes me want to shove Alison’s kicky fedora up her ass for saying it.
August 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm
She was writing about this survey, which is linked in her essay:
http://slaveryfootprint.org/
August 7, 2012 at 10:51 am
Well, I can’t take the damn survey, because it was designed to run in a 1024×768 screen resolution. So as I just retinal reattachment surgery, I will never know how many slaves worked to create the gauz soaking up my eye juice.
August 6, 2012 at 3:27 am
I don’t think teenage angst is something most adults (hell, even older teens) want their usernames to be associated with, Alison.
And is the Etsy post directed towards Americans only? I’m genuinely curious, since in my country, China-made stuff is the mainstay. (I live in Southeast Asia, btw).
August 6, 2012 at 9:21 am
This weekend, I was at a Ren Faire, and was deeply amused by the amount of sextopus and owl jewelry available for purchase.
My companions kept oohing and aahing over things, and I kept reminding them that they were cheaper on Etsy from the resellers.
And, breaking news… Steampunk is the new Edwardian! Vendors have taken to heart the “glue some gears and watch parts on it” aesthetic. As well as sew some chain and keys on it.
August 6, 2012 at 11:06 am
Helen, seriously, my new favorite phrase is “whack my thighs together in delight.” I can not stop laughing at that. Holy crap.
August 6, 2012 at 11:52 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm
I have to preface what I’m about to admit to.
Alison, I know you’re very young, and you probably mean well. You’re probably actually a pretty okay person who just works for a shitty company that likes marketing you in a stereotypical way. Many of us have been there.
Also, I also abhor violence against women. (Well, against anyone, but it seems to happen to women in unconscionable ways pretty fucking often.)
However. I must admit, though I feel guilty as sin: you have an extremely punchable face in that “shit-eating grin whilst looking way off-camera” userpic.
So, while I’d never dream of laying a hand on you in real life, nor would I ever encourage anyone else to do… The satisfying “whfthumplp” of my fist striking plump, self-assured cheek is a quiet (if shameful) internal thrill for me. This, if only for the startled, wide-mouthed visage which would inevitably follow.
August 7, 2012 at 10:54 am
New and varied meaning to “I’d hit that.”