Non Capisco
If you read this site regularly, and really, why wouldn’t you, then you already know I have a thing about balaclavas.
It started when this showed up in my mailbox:
I was so entranced by these that actually asked you to make some for me, thinking I’d just recreate the image with a few friends. Which I did.
I’m not sure we were quite as drunk as the models in the original photo, but I bet it was close.
I sort of thought that would be the end of my fascination with balaclavas, but it wasn’t. Not by a long shot. I don’t know what it is about these things, but I find myself constantly looking for them now. I’m only truly happy when I find one that makes me crap my pants with fear and longing.
Fortunately, there are plenty of them.
Here are some pieces by my newest obsession; Italian artist Aldo Lanzini. His balaclavas have the strange effect of making me very cozy and extremely uncomfortable, all at the same time.
Click on the thumbnails for larger images, and to leave a comment
Before you dismiss these as being totally impractical, consider how fun it would be to put one on and go wash your car in the driveway. Or if you live in an apartment, you could just keep one by the door for when that kid comes by to sell you a subscription to People.
- Visit Mr. Lanzini’s web site here
August 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm
bugger the balaclavas, I need knitted hamburger jellyfish.
August 5, 2012 at 11:13 pm
Haha wow love it. You know what some of the ones Lanzini made are quite artistic. I don’t know when you would ever wear them. But none the less they are.
August 8, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Well, perhaps you’ve heard of our Canadian invention, Cirque du Soleil. I think we just figured out how they do outdoor performances in winter!
August 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Balaclavas are an unofficial torture method down here in Texas, since you pop on over the head of a person, lock them out of the house, and he cooks in his own juices in minutes.
August 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Speaking from Corpus Christi, I can confirm this. I want one so bad, but I’d have maybe 2 days during “winter” when I could wear it without dying. Probably.
August 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Mr. Lanzini’s web site — I have no frame of reference. Is this good acid, bad acid or both?
August 5, 2012 at 3:50 pm
all I know is that my seizure almost broke my glass of gin.
August 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm
antacid?
August 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Mr. Lanzini’s website kind of scares me. No wonder I just keep to cardigans.
August 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm
All hail the Lanzini! Lanzini is the True Path to Enlightenment!
Now . . . must . . . go . . . to buy . . . yam.
August 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm
I still want a beholder creature balaclava with a zillion eyes. Maybe one day I can afford one.
August 6, 2012 at 12:37 am
D&D or Big Trouble in Little China version?
August 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm
My former knitting instructor and coworker and a yarn shop has actually touched the originals, as pictured in the top picture. She thought they were amazing. I had to bite my tongue to keep from offending her by telling her we laugh at them here.
August 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Well, they are amazing, at least in terms of the skill involved. That doesn’t mean they’re not hilarious, too.
August 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Just looked at the photo more carefully and saw these were made by Meg Swansen, the extremely talented daughter of the amazing, feisty, opinionated knitter; the late Elizabeth Zimmerman. No wonder they are quirky, yet expertly made.
August 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Predator would be terrific to have handy next time the Jehovah’s Witnesses come by.
August 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I actually kind of like his “stuffed animal” textile creatures. But then again I collect bizarre stuffed animals so there is that…
August 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Have you seen:
http://www.care2.com/causes/summer-of-the-balaclava-wearing-women.html
the balaclava is back in fashion, folks!
August 6, 2012 at 9:06 am
Just waiting to see it on the Etsy merch reports…
August 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Hey, where are the thumbnails?
August 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm
NNOOO!!!
I was playing with the inks to other posts and happened across this:
http://www.melaniegriffith.com/
Where is the net going toarrrrgghh?!
(Click on it, it’s not what you expect.)
August 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I never expected a stalker.
August 6, 2012 at 11:07 am
pearlheartgtr, a stalker is impressive, but the fact that the most awesome site in internet history is down is mind boggling.
August 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Visit Mr. Lanzini’s web site for your free epilepsy screening!
August 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm
From the Brutal Knitting tumblr: Headhunter closely resembles what I look/feel like upon waking most mornings and Krampus definitely the knitted version of what my uterus feels like at certain times of the month.
August 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm
WOW! I’d line them up in my entry hall. Fantastic!
August 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm
I totally like the one on the bottom right corner.. reminds me of a Bill Plimpton cartoon.
August 5, 2012 at 11:08 pm
MARS, BITCHES! (just a few minutes ago)
August 6, 2012 at 12:33 am
Before you dismiss these as being totally impractical, consider how fun it would be to put one on and go wash your car in the driveway.
Mmmmm, sorry Helen. I believe I’ll be saving mine for what I call the Full Nude Phencyclidine Experience.
Those of you in the greater Salt Lake City area are warned.
August 6, 2012 at 2:31 am
When I was young and the internet was younger, I remember there being a website that was NOTHING except a graphic of flashing, roiling colorful circles and a looping audio clip of a guy with a deep voice saying the name of the website over and over. I think it was zombondo.com or something like that.
This guy’s website reminds me of that site: pure, brain-melting awesomeshit.
Wish he had a shop (that I could find), though. I’d buy one of these and wear it to work every day. And I work at my family’s business.
August 6, 2012 at 2:37 am
My boyfriend just remembered the name of the site that I was trying to remember – Zombo.com. Oh man, that brings back memories.
August 6, 2012 at 5:34 am
You can do anything at Zombocom.
August 6, 2012 at 4:08 am
August 6, 2012 at 5:35 am
I know it’s been said before, but to this day, every time I see “balaclava” I read it as “baklava.”
August 6, 2012 at 10:04 am
Yes! I start salivating for the tasty pastry and then scroll down to find freaky yarn heads that I don’t understand. I think I understand how Danny Bonaduce felt.
August 6, 2012 at 8:48 am
“you could just keep one by the door for when that kid comes by to sell you a subscription to People.”
I am so going to go knit the freakiest one I can come up with for this purpose.
August 6, 2012 at 9:37 am
If it wasn’t so dang hot here in Texas in October, I’d make a few for answering the door on Halloween. Worf, or something with lots of eyes and tentacles would be fun.
Maybe I could make a really creepy one for when the pesky door-to-door meat salesmen knock. Yes, we really have door-to-door meat salesmen in DFW-TX, and we had them in Everett, WA too. Meat is about the LAST thing I would buy from a wandering vendor.
You could only wear one for walking the dog about 5-7 days a year here, and then the HOA would probably make a rule against it.
August 6, 2012 at 9:39 am
All I can say is, Aldo Lanzini, where have you been all my life?
And we’ll name our first child Helen Killer Lanzini!
August 6, 2012 at 10:10 am
And pray that it’s a boy!
August 6, 2012 at 9:40 am
That white pointy one is a little too KKK for my comfort. File that one under “Bad Ideas” in the South.
August 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm
If you wear the white one in the South, at any time of year, I believe you’d bake to death anyway. Tying the infamous ‘slavery’ tablecloth around one’s neck as a cape is the only way it could possibly be a worse idea.
August 6, 2012 at 10:26 am
After winning the one I proudly own from the auction 2 winters ago? (who the hell can remember that far back), it was only almost cold enough to wear on one day last winter. And then I sweated and had difficulty breathing.
However, it was better than my sad clown costume for scaring the kids at halloween last fall.
August 6, 2012 at 11:38 am
There is obviously something seriously wrong with me, but I sooo want #11!
Freaky, scary, and cute all wrapped up into one disturbing package. Bravo Mr. Latanzi!
August 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Impractical, my ass. I’m going to do my damnedest to get one and wear it on the fucking BART.
August 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Then you can tap any sleeping derelict seat hogger on the shoulder and ask “Pardon me, is this seat taken?” Then you STARE at them until they break for the door. You will have to figure out how to turn down the size of the residual smell, though.
August 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm
What was up with the person who designed the first batch from the original photo? Did she not realize the white one on the left looks like a KKK hood? Who in their right mind would ever wear that EVER?
August 7, 2012 at 2:55 pm
If you like balaclavas you’ll *love* Pussy Riot!!! http://www.c-o-p-magazine.com/2012/07/god-condemns-pussy-riot/
August 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm
August 8, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Am I the only one who thought the pie in the original photo was a cat without bones? I’m pretty sure looks like my orange kitty would look without bones, anyway, though I’ve never noticed his resemblence to a pie before.