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WHY DID THE HIPSTER BURN HER MOUTH?

This post first appeared on Regretsy on August 8, 2011.

SHE ATE PIZZA BEFORE IT WAS COOL

57 comments on WHY DID THE HIPSTER BURN HER MOUTH?

  1. emilyrocks
    August 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Um, excuse me, I think you have food in your hair.

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

  2. Anamorphosis
    August 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    My version of the joke goes:
    Q: Why did the hipster go to the hospital?
    A: They had a coffee enema before it was cool!

    Mostly people just stare at me when I tell it, though, and edge away slowly.

    Thumb up Thumb down +96

    • Zira
      August 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

      Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      A: Pssht, you haven’t heard that one yet?

      Thumb up Thumb down +62

      • PaganChick
        August 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

        I’m sorry. I was too busy being cool to realize you were alive. What were you saying?

        Thumb up Thumb down +18

      • Zippy
        August 4, 2012 at 7:22 pm

        How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

        Two.

        The real question is, how the fuck did they get in there?

        Thumb up Thumb down +53

    • Azadeth
      August 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm

      Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

      Thumb up Thumb down -122

      • Zira
        August 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm

        I took it to mean that the hipster got a hot coffee enema, burned his/her ass, and then had to go to the hospital.

        Not sure if the joke deserves this level of analysis, but what the hell, it’s Saturday night, let’s go crazy.

        Thumb up Thumb down +58

        • LeeLooDallas
          August 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm

          You beat me to it.
          Actually Azadeth’s avatar looks like they’ve had a coffee enema.
          (Before it was cool, of course. And probably decaf.)

          Thumb up Thumb down +28

          • Zippy
            August 4, 2012 at 7:23 pm

            And also by surprise.

            Thumb up Thumb down +19

        • Anamorphosis
          August 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

          Zira and LeeLooDallas, Yes. That was the joke part of the joke. I figured, though, if they did not get it then it wasn’t going to get any better if I tried to explain it to them. It’s like that time when my sister said; “I don’t get it” after I told her the interrupting cow joke.

          Thumb up Thumb down 0

      • lemon_bombs
        August 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

        Thumb up Thumb down +23

      • SinclairBird
        August 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

        yeah, and so are sociobiology, technomessianism, and whatever that corporate cult “Living Marxism” says

        (that oughtta hit at least ONE of their buttons…)

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • aliceblue
      August 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

      Thank you. I love to get that reaction from people and it is always good to learn a new way!

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  3. manybellsdown
    August 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Pizza hair clip … okay.

    Pizza hair clip titled “Now, Voyager”… wtf random literary references do not make you look intellectual unless they’re actually relevant.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

    • cameragrrl
      August 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

      No no, the pizza represents the conventionality of Boston society, and wearing it in her hair represents Charlotte’s yearning to break free of it, to be less conventional. It makes perfect sense, really.

      If you just smoked a bunch of okra leaves…

      Thumb up Thumb down +47

      • Mapleleaves
        August 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm

        Why ask for the moon, when we have two three-topping medium for $11.99?

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • CrabOfDoom
      August 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

      I just watched Now, Voyager on AMC, and do not recall any scenes of pizza nor hairclips, whatsoever.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  4. Menopausalmaniac
    August 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Wow, she looks good for being over 500 years old!

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  5. SciFiMagpie
    August 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    See, now, I’d be impressed if the ZooKatey DeschanPerryel clone up there was wearing a real slice of pizza on that hair band. Do you think pizza will keep if you lacquer it heavily and add some glitter?

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

    • pearlheartgtr
      August 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

      You’d be surprised how long pizza will keep, especially Domino’s.

      Thumb up Thumb down +38

      • Leorale
        August 4, 2012 at 8:29 pm

        Pizza never gets old. Just crunchy.

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • kyso42
        August 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

        My high school bio teacher stapled a Dunkin Donuts donut to the classroom ceiling. The fact that it didn’t rot, jelly and all, was mildly disturbing. The fact that it always looked pretty fresh was a bit more disturbing. The fact that we never saw a single insect anywhere near it was probably the most disturbing thing of all.

        Thumb up Thumb down +47

  6. villagerswithtorches
    August 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    As my little old Italian grandma used to always say, “Better to have pizza on your hair than to have hair in your pizza.” She was very wise.

    Thumb up Thumb down +118

    • Menopausalmaniac
      August 5, 2012 at 5:03 am

      Is that like

      Better to be pissed off, than pissed on?

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

  7. Turtles All the Way Down
    August 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    But it would be an entire pie on her head if she loved it as much as Michelangelo.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • ralphgenderqueer
      August 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

      well he is a party dude!

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • angel drawers
      August 4, 2012 at 10:30 pm

      Maybe it started out as an entire pie and this is all that’s left.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  8. LeeLooDallas
    August 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Huh. I thought hipsters usually wore cowlzones.

    Thumb up Thumb down +69

  9. polarBaroness
    August 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    But but but Donatello wasn’t the super cool one! ):>

    I mean he was cool and all but Mikey was the most rad
    the raddest

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

    • Best With The Smell
      August 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

      That’s why she liked Donatello. Before it was cool.

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

  10. Sunkern
    August 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Is that pizza vegan? Otherwise it won’t go with my organic wool sweater and my thrift store kaftan.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  11. mingamonga
    August 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    “Let’s not ask for the sausage…we already have the pepperoni.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • emilyrocks
      August 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

      Oh, NOW I see the connection!

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  12. chinesereseller
    August 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Donatello liked mushroom pizza. Michelangelo liked pepperoni.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  13. wavewench
    August 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    That’s no hipster pizza. No hipster eats pepperoni. She should be using heirloom tomatoes, burrata and guancinale.

    Maybe a little pork belly.

    Plus, she’s just plain cutting off all those hipster vegans.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  14. OhHowMyBrainHurts
    August 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I think it’s cute. I’ll get me coat.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  15. Brainmurk
    August 4, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    That model’s uneasy smile is screaming, ‘SAVE ME, PLEASE’

    Won’t someone please have mercy?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • LeeLooDallas
      August 4, 2012 at 6:38 pm

      What you can’t see is that she’s wearing a Garden Burger as a bikini bottom.

      Thumb up Thumb down +20

      • Zippy
        August 4, 2012 at 6:55 pm

        Is that still vegan then?

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

  16. Zippy
    August 4, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Domi No’s, Pizza Slut, … the list of why not to do that goes on and on.

    Thumb up Thumb down -2

  17. docleather
    August 4, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    This looks like bait for the teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Trying to Snag Donatello? don’t place it on your head lol

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  18. Trickster
    August 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  19. Phoenix_Falls
    August 4, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    A *real* hipster wouldn’t wear that guys….it’s obviously not vegan.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  20. Ejia
    August 4, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Cute. But not eight quid cute.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  21. wavewench
    August 4, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    “Now, Voyager Pizza Hair Clip”

    if it’s a Voyager Pizza Hair Clip NOW, what was it before? A Deep Space Nine Pizza Hair Clip? STNG Pizza Hair clip?

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

    • wavewench
      August 4, 2012 at 11:59 pm

      Hey! NOW, Star trek the Next Generation Pizza Hair Clip!

      Thumb up Thumb down +33

      • LeeLooDallas
        August 5, 2012 at 8:42 am

        I’d still hit that.

        Thumb up Thumb down +16

        • melagrana
          August 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

          Me, too. That he comes with a snack is only an improvement.

          Thumb up Thumb down +12

          • Ejia
            August 5, 2012 at 7:38 pm

            A fine dish and a snack on the side. Mmm.

            Thumb up Thumb down +5

  22. wavewench
    August 5, 2012 at 12:06 am

    NOW, Voyager Pizza Hair Clip.

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  23. Howard M Beers
    August 5, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Q: Why don’t hipsters eat leftover pizza for breakfast?

    A: Actually, they do. But they tell everyone that it’s “Italian Breakfast Toast”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  24. GranoblasticMan
    August 5, 2012 at 8:51 am

    This will be PERFECT for my “Food Fight” costume party!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  25. AriaDream
    August 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Pizza… my greatest weakness. Curse you! CURSE YOU FOR TEMPTING ME!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  26. All Things Luxury
    August 5, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Come on, who doesn’t love pizza! :)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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