You Can’t Always Get What You Want (NSFW)
You want to have fun, and I want a painting by someone who can draw hands. IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S NOT A GOOD DAY FOR EITHER OF US
125 comments on You Can’t Always Get What You Want (NSFW)
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July 31, 2012 at 9:25 am
I never buy paintings less than 4″ deep, too bad!
July 31, 2012 at 9:25 am
But, elbow nipple! That’s gotta be worth something, right? Um, right?
August 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm
The nipples on her elbows look better than the chocolate smudges on her breasts.
July 31, 2012 at 9:27 am
Hey – I think she’s related to Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken!
July 31, 2012 at 9:31 am
That’s pretty much what Barbie’s got going on down there: no hair, no cleft. Now I’m concerned about the live model.
July 31, 2012 at 9:34 am
I bet her house is dreamy.
July 31, 2012 at 9:39 am
And her life is fantastic.
July 31, 2012 at 11:17 am
Can we brush her hair???
July 31, 2012 at 4:43 pm
she looks like one of those barbies who “got a hair cut” with my safety scissors as a kid
July 31, 2012 at 8:27 pm
It’s nice to know I’m not the only kid who did that to her Barbie dols. Pissed my mom off something fierce, though.
July 31, 2012 at 9:47 am
Some women are built low. This one may be built no-tacos-off-the-ground.
July 31, 2012 at 9:58 am
Either she moved or the timer went off before the artist could paint in the details.
Or it was a “live” model.
July 31, 2012 at 10:09 am
No, clearly she ripped her external genitalia and pubic area off and grafted it onto her scalp.
Which explains why her hands are buried deep into the luxuriant shag of her forbidden skull grotto.
July 31, 2012 at 10:11 am
When she gives head, she really gives head.
July 31, 2012 at 8:10 pm
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July 31, 2012 at 11:27 am
The hands are not the only parts of a woman’s body that this guy can’t paint.
July 31, 2012 at 9:27 am
Getting naked in the boardroom for a painting?
July 31, 2012 at 9:34 am
A lady in the bedroom, a whore in the boardroom.
July 31, 2012 at 9:36 am
With that crotch, it might be the boredroom, if you know what I mean.
July 31, 2012 at 9:59 am
I think we need a VIIAR
July 31, 2012 at 9:27 am
I especially enjoy the background.
Look at that sweet wood grain detail.
July 31, 2012 at 9:54 am
It looks like water to me…
July 31, 2012 at 10:02 am
It’s a very smudgy glass table top from all the poses they tried over there before deciding on the couch.
August 1, 2012 at 6:41 am
It’s not wood until it’s Barnwood(tm)!!
July 31, 2012 at 9:27 am
Someone should put together a full display of different ways to paint a body without having to paint hands–put them in mittens, behind the head, between legs–it could go on and on for days!
July 31, 2012 at 9:42 am
Just don’t call it “Hands-Free Painting” or the ass, eye socket, nose and dick painters will want in.
July 31, 2012 at 10:10 am
It would be an awesome feeling to be able to write “Dick-Painter” on my 1040 EZ tax form.
July 31, 2012 at 10:13 am
You’ll get “awwwwwdited”.
August 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Hands are hard, but one should master basic drawing/painting methods before selling paintings anywhere. I’ve seen much better work done in high schools.
August 3, 2012 at 9:28 pm
I once knew an artist, who was sometimes quite good, but didn’t like to draw or paint arms and hands. His artwork featuring women made me think he had repressed a fetish for bondage.
July 31, 2012 at 9:28 am
That hairdo’s not a good look for Matthew Broderick.
July 31, 2012 at 9:28 am
This doesn’t look like Cyndi Lauper at all!
July 31, 2012 at 9:29 am
She seems to be missing something in the nether region.
July 31, 2012 at 9:37 am
I think the artiste meant for i” to be nether here nor there.
July 31, 2012 at 9:31 am
At least the model is happy! Really really happy!
“Yay! I get to be naked in the conference room!”
July 31, 2012 at 9:35 am
It was Very Casual Friday.
July 31, 2012 at 9:46 am
Are they accepting applications?
July 31, 2012 at 9:31 am
Who needs hands when you have opposable breasts?
July 31, 2012 at 11:59 am
I never oppose breasts.
August 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I second that motion.
July 31, 2012 at 9:31 am
Big eye on the small breast side, little eye on the larger breast side . . . I wonder if there is a hidden message in that? No wait, maybe I need to go check myself in the mirror – be right back!
July 31, 2012 at 9:38 am
O.o
July 31, 2012 at 9:45 am
Model: Bill the Rack-ack-ptht
July 31, 2012 at 10:04 am
Does having a lazy eye and a lazy tit both on the same side mean you’ve had a stroke? Speaking of which, I’ll be in my bunk.
July 31, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I don’t know, but I’ve been told I have a lazy ass.
Oh wait, I am a lazy ass. Never mind.
July 31, 2012 at 9:33 am
Is that the beginning of the classic “Y” incision on her midsection?
July 31, 2012 at 9:36 am
I Love the way the nipples follow you around the room…
July 31, 2012 at 12:35 pm
They remind me of those smashed souvenir pennies you get at tourist attractions.
July 31, 2012 at 9:36 am
I’d put money on it, I bet they tried painting the hands and ended saying, “Fuck it, hands are too hard!”, and painted that crazy hair do over them.
I’m digging the nipples though!
July 31, 2012 at 10:00 am
That’ s what I did before I had a teacher who would make me do everything over until it looked right.
July 31, 2012 at 10:06 am
How many nipples did you end up having to dig before it looked right?
July 31, 2012 at 12:58 pm
56
July 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I saw this movie! “28 Dates Later”?
July 31, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I <3 you, Zippy.
July 31, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Our love must remain unconsummated lest our avatars join to form the Diamond of Panthios and unleash Mecha Streisand. The tiny princesses foretold it.
August 1, 2012 at 9:17 am
Once in an art class we were working with oil pastels and we would use popsicle sticks to scratch off the oil pastel if we made a mistake or wanted to redo something. Well, I made the mistake of choosing to do a person in my painting and after spending the whole class working on the face the teacher walks over, says the face isn’t right and scratches it off with the popsicle stick! I was still in my shy, quite stage so I didn’t stab her with the popsicle stick, lucky her!
July 31, 2012 at 9:38 am
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July 31, 2012 at 10:26 am
Discretion: does not mean what you think it means.
July 31, 2012 at 11:26 am
Fair enough. I will cop to inability to see the forest for the elbow nipple.
But I maintain that ’tis better to know not to paint hands than to unintentionally paint tentacle porn.
Like that hairdo.
July 31, 2012 at 12:07 pm
You took too long to get to the punchline up there. You should know that we have a very short atten—SQUIRREL!
July 31, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I see your squirrel and raise you – TENTACLE PORN???!
July 31, 2012 at 5:46 pm
It’s not just a squirrel. It’s an Attention Squirrel. And he’s not short, he’s vertically challenged.
July 31, 2012 at 9:41 am
That massive deltoid on the left and pouch above the…. hey, I know what this is! Pin the pubic hair on the Happy Girl! They use it at bachelor parties!
July 31, 2012 at 9:42 am
I thought she was on a boat. The table looks like water. Then I thought the chair backs were airplane windows. I guess I was just trying to avoid the portrait of the artist’s blow up doll.
July 31, 2012 at 5:47 pm
That’s not his blow-up doll. That’s the autopilot.
July 31, 2012 at 9:44 am
She was simultaneously modelling and singing “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair”.
July 31, 2012 at 9:45 am
Okay, I get that the hands were too hard, but for $600 I’d expect the breasts and other parts to be right. I’d give the artist $10 to keep trying.
July 31, 2012 at 8:41 pm
You really want to encourage them to keep selling their learner pieces on Etsy?
July 31, 2012 at 9:51 am
“This is awkward but, you didn’t let me finish. Due to hard times you’re getting laid…off!”
July 31, 2012 at 9:57 am
Mary-Louise Parker is having a bad day…. also put out an APB on that VAGINA… STAT!
July 31, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I read that as …TWAT! Which works, actually.
July 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Run Vulva Run!
July 31, 2012 at 2:04 pm
They are very reliable cars
July 31, 2012 at 10:22 am
Not so bad for a jr. high piece. I’d have been pretty proud of myself if I could do that at, say, 13 or 14. I might even consider selling it for, like, $30 to cover the cost of materials…
July 31, 2012 at 10:25 am
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun…But Girls Also Just Have Stumps.
July 31, 2012 at 10:30 am
The 3″ depth is due to the one (right tit) that is humongous compared to the left. And, as for her neither region: I think there’s a penis hiding down there.
July 31, 2012 at 10:46 am
That’s what I thought at first, but there’s NOTHING there.
July 31, 2012 at 10:31 am
Someone get that live model to a hospital. She clearly needs reconstructive surgery.
July 31, 2012 at 10:37 am
I need advice from you Fat Jealous Losers.
My friend and I are starting a business — freelance litigation and other business support services. I found a great little office suite atop a nearby restaurant that’s within our miniscule budget.
The problem: one of the other tenants (I think) is an “artist” of questionable taste and very little talent, who has plastered his/her masterpieces throughout the hallways — include a canvas of what are supposed to be erotic figures right by the door of our suite.
We’ve asked the landlord to intervene and have the “works” removed — and the other tenants are not supposed to be using the areas outside of their neighbor’s offices for their own use. However, two days later the “art” remains.
So, what should we do? We’re not even sure who hung the damned things there (they aren’t signed).
My business partner says let it ride for a few more days; I’m thinking bonfire.
July 31, 2012 at 10:44 am
I’d take the paintings down and either keep them or return them to the artist. If you destroy them, chances are you’ll end up paying for them.
July 31, 2012 at 11:28 am
Bonfire is very tempting; more likely,though, is simply taking them down and leaning them against the wall — face inward, of course.
July 31, 2012 at 10:45 am
If you’re going to be doing freelance litigation, you might as well check the legality of removing this stuff first, and then replace it with something more appropriate from Etsy. There’s also a certain appeal to going out there at 1:00 a.m. and adding moustaches, glasses, bunny ears …
July 31, 2012 at 11:31 am
Litigation _support_! All the magic that happens after the lawyer writes 10,000 words to make it suitable to submit to a court.
Defacement has it’s charms, though…. Couldn’t make the things worse.
July 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Just put a small placard under each one offering it for sale for $12.
July 31, 2012 at 11:01 am
Are they hung on a wire? If so is it loose enough so that you can rehang the “art” with the paint side facing the wall? If so, no storage or defacement issues. Otherwise how about using large post-its to create some fig leaves?
Third option – use it for marketing. “If you’ve been in an accident and now look like this, call Frank & Noid today to learn about your possible legal remedies.”
July 31, 2012 at 11:33 am
They’re hung on wire; in a public hallway in a secure building.
I figure if someone just hung them out there with no protection, and without the permission of the landlord, we are within our rights to take them down and prop them against a wall. However, we’re also not wanting to make enemies of a new neighbor.
July 31, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Have you asked the artist in question to remove them from YOUR public area? Perhaps asking them nicely, in letter form, using official letterhead from your company (in the manner of a Cease & Desist), might work.
July 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm
The thought occurred, but we’re not sure who they belong to. We think, but we’re not sure, the next-door person. But that person never seems to be in.
July 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm
“Frank & Noid”! Lol!!
(Sorry, but all of my rofl’s for today were given to the french teacher, who read one of my answers in a syntax exercise and said that I remind him of Yoda.)
July 31, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Whoa whoa whoa…first things first: TAKE PICTURES. You may have a treasure trove of lulz on your hands.
July 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Camera goes in with me tomorrow….
August 1, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Please, share these pictures with us fat, jealous losers! And i would try one last time with the landlord. If all else fails, turn them to the wall. They’re overstepping the boundary of their own space.
July 31, 2012 at 10:40 am
1)Super glue is not a safe substitute for stiff stuff hair gel.
2)Anti-merkin.
3) Live model, species unspecified.
3.1) no … wait …
4) Horrified at the cost of cadavers for her forensic pathology classes, Tamara turned to painting. Sadly, her color sense and anatomical awareness had been permanently damaged by her second-hand textbook of Post-Mortem Anatomy.
July 31, 2012 at 10:59 am
oil on canv-ASS indeed.
July 31, 2012 at 11:03 am
From the navel up it looks like every straight teen boy’s dream – his own pair of boobs to enjoy. However, the lack of any genitalia probably negates the positive.
July 31, 2012 at 11:36 am
I would have said something snarky, but giving that she painted this by squeezing the paint out of her vagina, I am nothing but impressed with her muscle control and aim.
July 31, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Live model? Only if it’s titled”Self-Portrait in front of a Fairground Mirror”! Or does anyone else have elliptical areolae? She’s really five foot one and spherical!
July 31, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I’m seriously questioning the “live model” part. Looks more like the work of a 12-year-old boy who got his female anatomy lesson from walking in on Gramma putting her nightie on (waist up) and his older sister’s Barbie collection (waist down). Never mind … I just dated myself as a pre-internet-porn dinosaur.
July 31, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Parental Control Feature on STUN! Annnd … back to Barbie, queen of the Cretaceous.
July 31, 2012 at 12:37 pm
The artist has another painting best described as ‘Mrs Cthulu Models New Fascinator’.
July 31, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Didn’t I see this model at the Olympics competing in the Uneven Bras?
July 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I can’t help but worry at what her eyes might be looking at, to cause that sort of concerned, slightly horrified expression to start creeping over her face.
July 31, 2012 at 1:13 pm
It’s just the Human Resources team walking in. They had the conference room booked for 3:00 and it’s 2:59. Could you wrap it up in here?
July 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Someone’s trying to escape the long arm of the law of verisimilitude
July 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Oh totally. I know exactly what you mean! *Googles verisimilitude* >_>
Huh. Well I learned a new word today!
July 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm
This chica is into weird nipples – and pregnant women having sex with elephant trunks…http://www.etsy.com/listing/91280619/little-heart That is what I’m seeing – right?
July 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Whatcha gonna do with all that trunk, all that trunk inside your junk?
July 31, 2012 at 1:59 pm
The baby elephant walk?
July 31, 2012 at 6:14 pm
What trunk inside your junk might look like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h5ZLo-GO9E
July 31, 2012 at 9:58 pm
He was in there so far I think he was stealing food the other elephant was still chewing on! Also, ewww.
August 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm
Did you see her list of Favorite Materials?
http://www.etsy.com/people/TBonestudios
July 31, 2012 at 2:08 pm
My art professors would have been less bothered by the hands than the background. Odalisque, this is not. I then would have been assigned 3 life size or larger images of hands in a medium of my choice.
July 31, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Regretsy math
Jon Cryer + Carrot Top = that painting.
July 31, 2012 at 6:24 pm
I have more than a few pairs of goggles like that. I usually get them at the flea market for $5, and they are actually vintage, not new stuff. My kitteh doesn’t like them much, though.
July 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm
You posted from the future! Too many kittehwatts!
August 1, 2012 at 1:18 am
Probably posted at the wrong thread but hey, i like this. Kitties. Goggles. Lab coats. What could go wrong?
August 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Yeah, this was meant for the Regretsy Math post. It wouldn’t let me repost it.
July 31, 2012 at 6:37 pm
That’s hot! An amputee boardroom prostetute with the face and hair of Josh Radnor. Now that’s a special kind of turned on!
http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&biw=1108&bih=475&tbm=isch&tbnid=yeR1wgutw3J1-M:&imgrefurl=http://www.fanpop.com/spots/josh-radnor/images/2719367/title/ted-mosby-wallpaper&docid=cnAS-sDP9d5UmM&imgurl=http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/2700000/Ted-Mosby-josh-radnor-2719367-1024-768.jpg&w=1024&h=768&ei=RIcYUN_hPI2e6gHEiIDoCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=810&vpy=149&dur=3456&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=216&ty=125&sig=111490620498997822308&page=3&tbnh=132&tbnw=179&start=38&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:38,i:279
July 31, 2012 at 7:02 pm
why is her right breat trying to escape from her body?
July 31, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Her expression is that of someone who tried to change the size of the smell.
July 31, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Who the model actually is:
July 31, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Let’s try this again.
July 31, 2012 at 9:16 pm
I finally understand what my husband means by “walleye titties.”
July 31, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Yeah, just put that one chair by the window over there, maybe people won’t notice we have a boardroom with four normal sized chairs and one chair FOR ANTS.
August 1, 2012 at 6:09 am
Nipples look like Sugar Babies….’member those???