When the little hand is on the 3, and the big hand is on the 12, it’s time to put on a tiny hat and sit in a tree like a fucking idiot.
No gears. Not steam punk.
But the clock is extra large, doesn’t that make up for it?
Flava Flav meets Steampunk!
That makes me think of a mash-up of Flava Flav and Daft Punk.
Flava Flav meets steampunk has been done….much better than this heap of stupid.
And it’s in bronze-copper tones with old timey fonts FTW!!!
Only if the clock takes the form of a monocle-wearing octopus, in a top-hat.
Needs more mustache. ONNA STICK.
Then i suggest you take a look at this Etsy shop i came across while looking for something to wear to a masquerade….
Does it still count as watch parts if it’s the whole damn clock?
I would wear it along with tiny clothes and go around telling people I’d accidentally taken too much human growth hormone.
So, … are you gonna eat that last piece of cake, Alice?
I see there’s a new material made of tofu and it’s called “TOPHAT”!
Nothing says Neo-Victorian like a telephone pole in the background
Well, the first telegraph poles were put up in the US sometime in the 1840s, so it’s sloppy but not seriously anachronistic. Besides, ‘neo-Victorian’ covers all manner of steampunk sins. ;P
In addition, this is a caberet-style hat, and the materials are all wrong. This would fly in the 20s, but not in the Victorian era itself. They’d laugh you out of the haberdasher’s.
Now, Marie Antoinette might be more welcoming, but the cheap materials would get you sneered out of court.
Luckily, it’s four o’clock: traditionally, a time to realize roses don’t grow on trees. Sad day.
This looks less like steam punk neo victorian and more like Grandma is off her meds and is stealing baby Jane’s doll clothes and the neighbors clock again.
IDK how that is neo-victorian or steampunk. Looks more like insane asylum.
Nothing MORE Neo-Victorian or steampunk than a Lunatic Asylum!
Shouldn’t a top hat be taller than it is wide? This is more of a strange sun hat…
Am I the only one disturbed by the abysmal construction and lack of proper pressing?
That was the first thing I noticed.
I don’t know why but I want to see this woman sitting at an event with the British royal family. Anyone up for it?
“I dub thee, Duchess of Yuck. You may ascend your tree.”
Fuckery like this just breeds further fuckery. Gently tap her on the shoulder and whisper whimsically in her ear that if she sits in the tree, the giant mechanical pigeon taxi can’t land and take her back to the Land of Oversized Clocks.
The floral print really makes that image.
As far as fascinators that have been featured here go, this one isn’t SO bad… but that being said, I really don’t understand this “trend.” Unless you’re going to a royal wedding or something, is there really any need for decorative teeny hats?
They appear to be important in trees.
They’re very important in trees, obviously. They provide protection from the squirrals who think you’re coming up the tree after their nuts that you’ll put to use in some sort of cracktastic caketopper for the next hipster wedding, after all.
I prefer to use it to lure the squirrels so that I have supplies for making my beer koozies.
Nobody cries for the dead squirrel.
I would, but I’m out of glitter.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the whole thing is some kind of oak.
I absolutely love teeny hats. I make no excuses, I don’t care if it’s stupid. I love ‘em. We all have to have something stupid.
And as long as i’m confessing, I also like Barry Manilow.
Me too! I do make them though.
I’ve made a couple. And some full-size ones. But the teeny ones are like baby shoes – the smaller they are CUTER they are!
We love making tiny hats. A lot of people seem to like the idea of displaying them. Kind of like collecting those tiny fancy shoes.
But those hats are cute! And carefully made! This one looks like it was pulled from the asshole of a church basement.
I just photograph them. I am also a teeny hat lover for some reason. Probably because they are not useful for anything.
Wickedheart… your hats are so dang cute. I’m getting married next year and we’re starting to get the bridesmaid’s tuxes put together and I want them to have little top hat fascinators to go with their cha cha heels. I’ll have to convo you about special orders, if you make them of course.
So, what about Barry Manilow in a teeny hat?
There’s no real need for fascinators either – especially when they aren’t – but they do seem to come out at the races.
Sorry, I like it. it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, and honestly? I intended on an Alice in Wonderland themed wedding. they’d be cute tilted a bit on updos. The thing that bothers me most is that HK states little hand on the three and the big hand on the 12, when…it’s big hand on the 1, little hand on the 4. :s I am slightly ashamed to admit my lameness today. but only slightly!!!!!
I’m pretty sure the misquote was on purpose.
I’m an asshole. one of the pictures in the listing is at three. Guess I should look closer before opening my mouth!!!!
This would suggest that the model sat in the tree for over an hour.
Phew. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking that.
I’d love it as performance art. If she sat like that for hours and you could climb a ladder and stare into her eyes while the clock ticked away…OK, I couldn’t do that, but I like the thought of her staying like this a long time, maybe while the leaves dropped off the tree.
Does anyone else notice that’s the wrong Roman numeral for four? Definitely mass produced in China.
I once got into a major dispute about the Roman numerals on clocks– with an architect. He said if I could produce three examples of clocks with the IV numeral instead of IIII he’d take me to dinner. I did find three (harder than you’d think) and I did get dinner, but the guy turned out to be a dick anyway.
Should have sold him on Etsy – dicks are popular there.
I seem to remember hearing that IIII is also an acceptable representation of 4, but in just about every case, IV is preferred.
That being said, IIII is hard to read. We don’t process repetitions longer than 3 very well.
I’m not sure about that. IIII is very common on clocks.
The clock faces on Independence Hall in Philadelphia are original to its construction in the 1753 and they have “IIII.”
(The engraving on the back of the $100 bill has “IV.”)
LOL I didn’t see that. Good eye!
No, they usually make them like that everywhere. There are many theories as to why, but the most logical one is that the clock maker only needs one mold (used 4 times) to make the face if it uses iiii instead of iv.
…I had to shop around for giant clocks last month and I’m shocked that what I learned has finally been almost useful…
Wouldn’t the clock maker need a v for the five anyway? So that really wouldn’t save him work.
A quick Google search says that it is most likely a result of artistic balance. IIII on one side and directly opposite is VIII
I love Regretsy informational discourse.
I’m sorry, but I see nothing in this listing that represents “artistic balance”. She looks as though someone’s put her in an uncomfortable time out.
Smile in your listings! It doesn’t have to be an Evangelist-sized grin. The look definitely reminds me of a three-year-old’s time-out face.
No pun intended. Ugh.
That was the second thing I noticed, after first noticing the big hand was, in fact, on the 1 and the little hand was on the 4.
I could use an IV about now.
With some of that D medicine?
Watchmakers and clockmakers often use IIII instead of IV because it balances better with the VIII across the dial.
Gahh!! Luna was faster than me!
My online job requires fast Google skills.
That makes me INSANE. I have never seen that before (maybe I’m just lucky). I would have to smash that clock IRL. (And if I didn’t, I just know I’d have nightmares.)
She looks like the victim of a really depressing practical joke. Like a couple of guys told her that if she dresses up and sits in the tree, they’ll come and pick her up for the Clockwork Festival or something and she’s been waiting there for 43 hours, thinking “Five more minutes… They’ll be here. They said they’d be here…”
Sad steampunk is sad.
Her next clock will be in a tower…
To make it even worse it all happened on her Unbirthday.
I guess it was inevitable that at some point the people responsible for making things which are not steampunk would start sticking clock parts on people instead of just stinking them on octopus pendants.
You never know when you’ll need to spontaneously reenact Alice in Wonderland. Or maybe a Bangles music video.
Anyway, call it what you will, it’s still better than that last fucking Alice remake. I say that even though I’m wet for crazy-Depp.
Oh, almost forgot: FLAVA FLAV
I love that white rabbit–he’s so stern! lol Seriously guys, do you SEE the TIME?!
Oh, Angel Bunny is seriously a dick. I love that guy.
I loved Depp’s costume. But I only got through it because I pretended it wasn’t based on Alice in Wonderland. It’s not bad if you don’t view it as a retelling of a fairy tale.
I think the photographer was hoping to start a sister site to Goths Up Trees?
There really, truly IS something for everybody, isn’t there?
That’s a fascinating site. I would never have imagined that goths climbed trees.
Looking only at the picture I had no CLUE what the fuck was actually for sale. I was kind of disappointed to find out it was only the fascinator.
I swear I can’t look at a “fascinator” without thinking of these guys:
Two snaps up!
In Z formation!
Holy crap I completely forgot about them!
Oh no you d’n't!
I absolutely despise these stupid little hats no matter how they’re decorated. They make me want to burn doilies.
So I’m assuming a fascinator made from doilies is out of the question?
They are enormous fun: to make, and then sell for outrageous prices to people who should know better. And thanks for the burnt doily idea… charred lace, spiky things, black & purple happy happy.
Maybe the size of the hat corresponds to the size of her brain.
Psh. I like it. Not too fond of the veil, though.
From the thumbnail of this on Facebook, I thought this post was gonna be about chickens and that the picture was a chicken.
Seriously. GIS “Barred Rock Rooster”
For some reason, to me this looks like a little cake covered in delicious buttercream, made to look like a hat.
If I’m going to wear a cake on my head, I want it to be a full-size one so there will be leftovers the next day.
You say that, but we all know there’s never leftovers.
So take your hat off, when you’re talking to me
And be there when I feed the tree
(with your fascinated steampunk hipster corpse.)
Flava Flav’s biological mother goes to the Kentucky Derby; the $100 gate fee deters admittance. Determined still, she cheers for longshot “Fishnet Milf” whilst seeking solstice from the unrelenting heat.
1. If you are selling a hat why hold a giant clock to distract people?
2. The roses are crocheted so why do you want me to smell them?
3. When was the last time you took your medication.
1. It seemed timely
2. Who nose?
3. I’m overdue for my IV.
This reminds me of the time me and my cousin spent half a day trolling tourists on the earthquake trail at the Point Reyes visitor center.
Were you under a bridge or is there more to this story?
Her hats … there’s better felting in the boot liners at the Redwing work boot store. In addition to the featured cupcake with roses, there’s a pancake sandwich with moldy pinwheels and an inverted blue toadstool.
That little hat covers her Parasitic Twin nicely.
I guess it’s time to drag this out again. I did this when I was learning Illustrator. Read the fine print…
THERE it is!
Print too small, eyes too old.
I’m pretty sure it says
Grysboorer & Fluxise
I’m completely fascinated by this woman’s choice of clothing and strangely turned on like a lost member of an anachronistic society. The dinky hat with veil lends an air of insane mystery, the see-through chain mail blouse and the large, pointless clock pretending to lend an air of odd demureness whilst hiding the obvious peekaboo nipple holes in the chain mail blouse. I’m just wondering what’s up the pants leg of those linen breeches she’s wearing. Do her bloomers match the blouse?
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