I went from watching the Martin Short/Harry Shearer mens synchronized swimming comedy video to this and immediately wondered how Helen and Bronc had gotten IN MY HEAD.
They do have that ‘freshly pinched’ appearance. Clearly when using the Bing translator cheeks got mixed with nipples on how to take a fresh-faced photograph. It’s an honest mistake.
“Allocate you from other on a secular event” means “no one will come within fifty feet of you at the party”, or possibly “you will be asked to leave the grocery store”.
I must say, though, after all the mournful looking stoners you usually see on Etsy, it is nice to see someone so genuinely happy to wearing a craptastic boobie necklace. Must be because he’s been allocated already.
I always use my breasts to attract numbers of people to my personality. You could even say I have a huge personality. The kind of personality that causes men to buy me drinks when I go out, and babies to get really fucking hungry out of nowhere. Yay personality.
I LOVE that he looks so happy! I’m not sure why, but just the fact that we see someone genuinely happy looking instead of a brooding hipsters makes me like this listing a little more.
There’s also a poolboy affair thrown in there somewhere, right before he marries someone younger than you, and then empties out your inheritance on sports cars and boob jobs for that ugly bitch, and yeah, she is in NO way your step-mom no matter what a piece of paper says, and when she leaves his ass he better not come CRYIN’ to me.
There’s also a poolboy affair thrown in there somewhere, right before he marries someone younger than you, and then empties out your inheritance on sports cars and boob jobs for that ugly bitch, and yeah, she is in NO way your step-mom no matter what a piece of paper says, and when she leaves his ass he better not come CRYIN’ to me.
I was wondering if anyone (Helen) had bought this yet, then I noticed Etsy was down. So I’m going to assume that one of you guys will soon own this, if it is not sold already.
I think all of the previous comments, plus the post itself, justify the myriad of reasons why this needs to be purchased immediately and shared with the group.
Too much of a sisi to just hire two $20.00 crack whores & buy a happy meal afterwards? Now, THAT would set you apart! (From the general population while spending an enormous amount of tine at the local STD clinic.)
Finally! I’ve been up so many nights wondering just what I should wear to all my upcoming secular events. (I rock my “immaculate heart of mart” http://www.regretsy.com/2011/08/25/derp-roundup-11/ charm of religious occasions).
That smile is chilling. However, it is good to see that “creepy guy on the bus/subway/elevator” has found some form of employment – or at least an Etsy friend.
July 30, 2012 at 11:11 am
I went from looking at pictures of Olympic swimmers to this. I’ll let you guess the amount of disappointment I’m feeling.
July 30, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I went from watching the Martin Short/Harry Shearer mens synchronized swimming comedy video to this and immediately wondered how Helen and Bronc had gotten IN MY HEAD.
July 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm
I clicked expecting tits and got moobs
July 30, 2012 at 11:11 am
Are those his nipples? Or is Voldemort staring out of his chest?
July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm
They do have that ‘freshly pinched’ appearance. Clearly when using the Bing translator cheeks got mixed with nipples on how to take a fresh-faced photograph. It’s an honest mistake.
July 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm
AAaaahhh! It cannot be unseen! the eyebrows hidden in the moob hair!
August 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I just gigled with a sore throat, you horrible person.
Also, the nipples on his necklace are having a ‘pinkness’ contest with the ones on his chest.
August 2, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Giggled. DAMN IT.
July 30, 2012 at 11:11 am
Tommy Lee Jones has really let himself go.
July 30, 2012 at 11:13 am
will allocate you from other on a secular event.
is that a good thing?
July 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I think this necklace would go great with a t-shirt that says, “There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. ‘Twould be a pity to ruin yours.”
To wear to church, of course.
July 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm
The kind of event where people were these? Yes.
July 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm
dammit… WEAR
July 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm
OVA THEIR
July 30, 2012 at 7:24 pm
Ova Heya!
July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am
“Allocate you from other on a secular event” means “no one will come within fifty feet of you at the party”, or possibly “you will be asked to leave the grocery store”.
July 30, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Fnarf!! Hello Stranger-man. Or should I say Slog-man.
What I want to know, though, is will it allocate me *with* another in a religious event?
July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am
Secular? I’d call that a religious artifact. But then, I worship Breasts.
July 30, 2012 at 11:20 am
“00″ The Number Of The Breast.
July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am
If you stare at his chest hair long enough, it begins to look like Van Gogh’s “Starry Night.”
July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am
I think I see stars in my head after looking at that.
July 30, 2012 at 11:17 am
Is this person emptying the store faster than greased lightening?
July 30, 2012 at 11:18 am
If you rearrange the tiles you can make the Cookie Monster!
July 30, 2012 at 11:23 am
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Teet
July 30, 2012 at 11:19 am
I’d do him.
July 30, 2012 at 11:33 am
I’ll allocate his brains out.
July 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Allocate me, baby! Allocate me until my quotas run out!
July 30, 2012 at 11:19 am
I must say, though, after all the mournful looking stoners you usually see on Etsy, it is nice to see someone so genuinely happy to wearing a craptastic boobie necklace. Must be because he’s been allocated already.
July 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm
And by ‘allocated’ we really mean ‘stoned out of his gourd’.
July 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm
He does have a friendly guy next door/stoned Ed Asner quality to him. It is refreshing.
July 30, 2012 at 11:19 am
Really should have been done in bra relief.
July 30, 2012 at 11:20 am
I always use my breasts to attract numbers of people to my personality. You could even say I have a huge personality. The kind of personality that causes men to buy me drinks when I go out, and babies to get really fucking hungry out of nowhere. Yay personality.
July 30, 2012 at 11:23 am
I’m quite a personality man, myself. I really appreciate unbound ones.
July 30, 2012 at 11:26 am
I love a good set of personalities.
July 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Well, you’re both in luck, because my personality is well rounded, and I’ve been called perky from time to time.
July 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm
So your personality is not pointy like Betty Page?
July 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I meant Betty Page’s personality. It’s pointy.
July 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Is your personality “nurturing”? I’m asking for a guy on Craig’s List from Middlebury Vermont in a post from yesterday.
July 30, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Oh, yes. The nurturingest of all personalities.
July 30, 2012 at 11:34 am
Maybe he’s thinking a great set of tits will get him some love from the opposite sex, too.
July 30, 2012 at 11:39 am
I have no personality so I thought my breasts had secret powers since they do exactly the same thing! Maybe I do have a great personality after all.
July 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I bet your personality is tit-tastic.
July 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm
I bet your personality can fill a room and make it a more fun environment! If not a room, at the very least a sweater.
July 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm
I haven’t had a chance to enjoy a good personality in a long time.
July 30, 2012 at 11:21 am
I can’t show this to my husband. He’s probably at least 10 years younger than this guy, but has more grey chestal hairs.
July 30, 2012 at 11:22 am
“Allocate you from other on a secular event” was this google translation of “pick you up at a party”?
July 30, 2012 at 11:28 am
“Improve your standing at a meeting of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic?”
July 30, 2012 at 11:23 am
HE LOOKS SO HAPPY.
I don’t get it.
July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am
He’s got the “fuck it” look of a man whose wealth has allowed him to do whatever the hell he wants.
July 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Or he has a giant dick. That’ll make ya smiley.
July 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Is that why you’re so smiley?
July 30, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Big breasts and a big dick, that’s quite a combination.
July 30, 2012 at 2:59 pm
You already know the answer to that, Matt. (What happens in the Regretsy Rooms by the hour…)
July 30, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Well, I just figured out why I’m so depressed all the time.
Thanks.
July 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm
I LOVE that he looks so happy! I’m not sure why, but just the fact that we see someone genuinely happy looking instead of a brooding hipsters makes me like this listing a little more.
July 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I want to know where his hands were when that photo was snapped.
Therein may lie the answer to the mystery.
July 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Oh jeez, just saw that the name of the shop is “BiO PoT”
There’s your answer right there.
July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am
He looks alarmingly like my ex. And there goes my resolution to not drink today …
July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am
I wonder why it is named “Sisi”.
July 30, 2012 at 11:56 am
It is Russian (and Ukrainian?) for “boobies.”
July 30, 2012 at 11:27 am
So THAT’S why I haven’t been getting allocated from other secular events. I was beginning to wonder about that.
July 30, 2012 at 11:27 am
“Okay Father, if I win, you have to allocate shirtless picture to numbers of customer and happy look to attract buyer.”
July 30, 2012 at 11:28 am
Wouldn’t this “allocate you from other” at sacred events, also?
July 30, 2012 at 11:29 am
You definitely wouldn’t be welcome among the Catholic priests, I would imagine.
July 30, 2012 at 11:30 am
Maybe not some of the Hindu ones but yeah, I bet it would.
July 30, 2012 at 11:41 am
Looks like phase two of Dad’s midlife crisis, after he divorces Mom, and right before he leaves for Burning Man.
July 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm
There’s also a poolboy affair thrown in there somewhere, right before he marries someone younger than you, and then empties out your inheritance on sports cars and boob jobs for that ugly bitch, and yeah, she is in NO way your step-mom no matter what a piece of paper says, and when she leaves his ass he better not come CRYIN’ to me.
But I’m not bitter.
July 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm
There’s also a poolboy affair thrown in there somewhere, right before he marries someone younger than you, and then empties out your inheritance on sports cars and boob jobs for that ugly bitch, and yeah, she is in NO way your step-mom no matter what a piece of paper says, and when she leaves his ass he better not come CRYIN’ to me.
But I’m not bitter.
July 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm
The fuck, double posting??? Stupid asshole technology and its sorcery.
July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Hmm. Maybe you’re stretching the limits of your asshole technology.
July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm
Goatseption!
July 30, 2012 at 11:43 am
Is that Manuel from Fawlty Towers?
July 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Si, si!
July 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Too tall to be Manuel. Though given what I’ve seen of the Hispanic guys around town, the chest hair looks about right.
July 30, 2012 at 11:52 am
Attracts people to your personality… suuuurrre.
July 30, 2012 at 11:58 am
Well, aren’t we feeling perky today!
July 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Breast stroke.
July 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
The 200 meter lunatic
July 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm
It’s just a nervous tit.
July 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
And don’t even get me started on all the great things it does for you at non-secular events like tent revivals.
July 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Sorry, it’s not reviving my tent.
July 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Is Esty; you must pay for revival first, handling is extra.
July 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I was wondering if anyone (Helen) had bought this yet, then I noticed Etsy was down. So I’m going to assume that one of you guys will soon own this, if it is not sold already.
I think all of the previous comments, plus the post itself, justify the myriad of reasons why this needs to be purchased immediately and shared with the group.
July 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Plus, if you could purchase the dude along with it, so much the better!
July 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm
The Egyptian goddess Isis wore a throne on her head. Sisi was her counterpart, who had to wear breasts on her breasts.
July 30, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Damn! This is all over cuter than Mr. HipBootJockstrap.
Thanks for finding the grey hairy chests.
Yay, this is the best Monday ever!
July 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
oh oh.
I showed this to my husband, and he saw himself there. uhhh…I’m afraid he’s right. It *does* look like him.
Now I wonder what he’s so damn happy about, and where the hell he put that pendant!!
July 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm
The guy reminds me of Nicholas Woodeson, who played Posca on HBO’s Rome.
July 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm
July 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm
I have a hairless chest, and that scene made even me wince.
July 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I seriously thought this was Jean Luc Picard, immediately after shooting paint out his eyes.
Now I need a nap.
July 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Come back, Towel Mike! Please!! If Helen posts any more pics of weird hairy nipples or naval trails, I will officially form a Regretsy intervention.
July 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I see what you did there, in the pie chart, with the white-people nipple-color rainbow.
(This game of Clue just got awkward.)
July 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm
I’m fairly certain he’s only using those to make his boobs look bigger by comparison.
…and this is hardly an excuse, but with Ponibooru about to go kaput for good, I’d better squeeze in some horrible before all the links go bad.
July 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm
What the…I scrolled all the way down to the end and NO ONE ‘shopped that image?? Get to work, you lazy bastards!
July 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm
He’s cute! But that expression on his face makes me wonder if he’s wearing pants.
July 31, 2012 at 12:09 am
I think its pretty safe to assume he’s not.
July 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm
nobody said anything about his incorrect use of the word mural
July 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm
Finally! I’ve been up so many nights wondering just what I should wear to all my upcoming secular events. (I rock my “immaculate heart of mart” http://www.regretsy.com/2011/08/25/derp-roundup-11/ charm of religious occasions).
July 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm
That smile is chilling. However, it is good to see that “creepy guy on the bus/subway/elevator” has found some form of employment – or at least an Etsy friend.
July 31, 2012 at 4:38 am
Green olives with pimentos.