What’s important is the knowledge that the “pro life” artist is also undoubtedly a passionate supporter of food stamps for hungry children and moms, high quality day care, top notch public education for all, child wellness for all, and universal ob-gyn for all pregnant women.
Because these pro baby people care so much, right?
I just spent the last three days doing my best to engage in the politest debates possible with pro-lifers. I mentioned the forced abortions in China and emphasized the need for awareness about the cost of introducing new lives to the world.
It did not end well, but your comment is a balm to my soul.
Also I’m sure this person has several adopted kids, or is a foster parent. Because nobody would be irresponsible enough to encourage people to keep children they can’t raise and just “put them up for adoption” without doing their part to make sure there actually were enough safe, stable homes for all these children.
It’s a bit of a Rorschach – someone needs to psychoanalyze us all based on what we see. I saw a pair of lungs tied with rope, and was trying to figure out why that would be a pro-life thing. I mean, my life is better with lungs, and I’m certainly pro-that, but in the context of the usual meaning of “pro-life”?
I saw baby footprints that people sometimes get, surrounded by blood vessels like they were being grown in a uterus. I think this suggests that I only like material baby things, and I wish to grow those things inside of my uterus.
I’m with you… bloody, barbed wired-wrapped flip-flops, because that was the “hobo sign language” symbol used in the 30′s denoting a pro-lifer’s house up ahead.
I kinf of like the labor things, too. But in order to properly commemorate my daughter’s birth, I need the one that’s screaming THE NEXT FUCKING CUNT THAT TELLS ME TO PUSH GETS KICKED IN THE HEAD.
I made my ex scream like Mickey Mouse. And talk like him for a few days. I also gave a death glare to the gyno who chirpily said, “good morning! How are we today?” “Leave, unless you want to sound like HIM”
I think it’s aborted, crucified bear feet/paws with bloody pretzels on them. Cause nothing says Pro Life like bloody pretzels, crucifixion and bear paws.
How could you NOT want that last one? “A large penis is always welcome.”
I really like how the labor sculptures include the phase of labor where the mother’s thighs are consumed by her pendulous belly. Birth is truly a miracle.
Why would you not want that last one in your house?
Because – if you’re a guy – it would immediately invite comparison from your date, possibly setting hopes a tad too high and/or leading to rather judgmental comments later in the evening.
As PJ O’Rourke said about cigars – Never smoke anything bigger than your dick – especially if there is an old girlfriend in the room.
“I really like how the labor sculptures include the phase of labor where the mother’s thighs are consumed by her pendulous belly. Birth is truly a miracle.”
Now wait just a con-sarned minute here! I know for a FACT that, at 44 yrs of age, I am NOT pregnant! But my belly still does that thigh-consumption thing.. Of course, I’m a bit of a fat-ass, so..
The table screams mob wives of New Jersey.
She gets to stay classy classy with the marble and her made man gets to sort of jokingly tell his, um, compatriots “see what happens when you piss me off?” every time they stop by.
This table scares the crap out of me, AND that travertine is not set properly (from what I can tell). I’m disgusted, horrified, and offended by the carpentry job.
I’m Italian and this mob reference sounds extremely funny to me: maybe you’re not aware of the fact that a) travertine used to be a very common decorative material in Rome – you can still see many buildings with travertine decorations – and that b) one of our main police forces, namely the Carabinieris, wear such kind of trousers when dressed in uniform. So this really looks like a Mafia man’s table! Brrrr. Very bad taste.
I love how depressing the women-in-labor sculptures are. One woman needs consoling; one is trying to drown her newborn; and the last one is having the same nauseated reaction I had when I first saw the sculptures.
That’s what I was thinking. My kid is 30 years old and these sculptures took me right back to every broken glass labor pain, migraine vomiting and deals with the devil for morphine. They should have a copy of these in every high school counselor’s office- or better yet in the bathrooms where most of the breeding takes place.
OK, how’s this for a wedding present: a pillow with flaps on the front that seal with velcro, concealing a soft-sculpture vagina. The flaps are lined on the inside with red embroidery of flowers. On the morning after the wedding night, the flaps can be ripped apart and the pillow will remain as a proud reminder of the wedding night and the bride’s joyful surrender…with a loop so that the pillow can be hung on the door to let the world know of a successful consummation.
How about it?????
too much????
Probably a market for that with the Twilight fan-base. More so if you find a clump of faux-fur “wolf-hair” or maybe a spill of glitter inside the flaps.
Whatever happened to the good old days when they just hung the sheets out the window to indicate the wife wasn’t a virgin anymore? Simpler times. I wonder how often ketchup was used to appease the neighbors and Jesus.
Ketchup doesn’t stain that well, turns too yellow. Chicken blood was the usual method, since slaughtering a chicken for dinner happened so often that it wouldn’t be remarked upon.
The dismembered, shit-smeared guys in the crooked tub full of gelled chemical toilet fluid and blood needs a better marketing strategy. I suggest “Rub-a-dub-dub, Pass the Fucking Eye-Bleach!”
Is it bad that I kind of want the men in the bathtub piece for my bathroom? I would totally be in on it for like $15, but definetly not $65, it doesn’t match my sea life bathroom that well.
If you could extend “sea life” to include scurvy-afflicted seamen in a leaking lifeboat cannibalizing each other one limb at a time to stay alive, then this would fit right in! But no, not for $65.
I’m not sure if that last guy is bragging or showing the world what he’d like entering one of his orifices. (Having seen guys who decorate their homes around their obsession with big dicks, it wouldn’t shock me.)
The pregnant lady to the right looks like she’s vomiting on Iceland.
I’d buy that table. I’d keep it behind a curtain in a slightly darkened room with just the ends of the shoes peeping out, and wait for the panicked screams of guests.
I call shenanigans on “Exu Oba’ Wura’”. I don’t think he’s canonical. “Most unique in entire world” = we made him up just for an excuse to make this statue. Maybe you’re allowed to make up new orishas but I wouldn’t want to chance it…you might piss off Ochosi or something.
All Google results for “Oba’ Wura’” are the same statue by the same people. For instance, this Craigslist listing with MULTIPLE INCREDIBLY LARGE AND SHINY CLOSE-UPS. You have been warned.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haitian_mythology I call bullshit based on Wiki! I wish I could remember the name of the one who’s supposed to have an enormous, rodlike erection…where did my voodoo textbook go? *rummages*
I told one nicely but firmly that I was an atheist and that my religious family had been unsuccessfully trying to reconvert me for years, so I didn’t want to waste her time. She agreed that I obviously wasn’t going to change my mind, gave me a pleasant goodbye, and nobody ever came back.
Not true. I once opened my door to a pair of them, with my finger marking my page in a book I was reading called “Modern Magic”. It had a Vitruvian Man in a pentacle on the cover, which they could see as I opened the door.
They started their speil, though one looked concerned at the book, and I said, “Sure! But first, I’ve been wanting to try this on someone all day. Let me know when it starts to sting!” Then I flipped the book open to where I left off, and started reciting the Hebrew Blessing of the Bread prayer. I wasn’t even half way thru and they were down two flights of stairs and running for their lives.
Never saw a single JW at my door again, until I moved out of state.
My best friend and I really freaked out some Mormon missionaries once. We were just leaving the house when we saw them coming on their bicycles. Without missing a beat, my friend grabbed me, dipped me down and kissed me passionately on the mouth. (Yes, we’re both female, no, we were not involved.) One of the Mormons almost ran into my Dad’s car. They never came back.
We had a neighbor when I was a kid who was a member of some obscure Christian sect, and she’d invite them in for cookies and coffee, and debate theology with them. She must have been pretty good at it, because they stopped sending the young folk to talk to her, and she ended up debating the church elders instead.
Me, the only way I got them to go away was to answer the door in my bathrobe and pretend to be sick.
My hubby once answered the door to them while naked. He stands 6’2″, at the time was working out regularly, and had just gotten out of the shower, so you can imagine their reaction when he stood there in front of them, talking as if everything was perfectly normal. And then he got an erection (he was young and terminally horny, then).
I was “raised” as a JW. When I was twelve I had to “go out in service”, which meant selling books in the neighborhoods. So to you who dismiss the JW’s I say, FU! I was out there in my classmates’ subdivisions with my mother and “Sister Connie”, in a long skirt and with a bumper crop of acne. We are strong ass women!
I’d really like to get the last sculpture. My wife can use it in the bathroom as a place to hang her towel while she showers instead of my morning wood towel holder now.
Take the table top off the legs and put them back where they belong – behind the curtains to scare the fuck out of whoever comes home to an empty house late at night. Sticking out from under the bed is also acceptable under these circumstances.
I really can’t believe April wouldn’t want this. So many hilarious possibilities…you could fill a whole YouTube channel just with videos of this thing scaring the shit out of people.
The last one. . . I hate those damn jockey lantern holders old people have in their front yards. I also hate HOAs on principle. This could solve some problems.
Donations for bathtub nightmare/human taxidermy nightstand officially begin NOW. It will be a very merry Christmas in the Killer-Drywall household this year.
I wonder if HK has realized that calling something “5 Things I Don’t Want in My House” is basically a guarantee that some of those items are in the mail right now.
Unless that’s her whole plan and she’s manipulating us fools to buy her that stuff! #tinfoilhat
The pro life lady works along with her mother. Her mother lives in Westboro..Yeah..Westboro..we all know how stable those folks are with their religious beliefs
July 27, 2012 at 9:35 am
The first one is probably the scariest thing I have ever seen! What is that on there? Lungs? Placentas? An ass with a snake?
I actually like the labor things, but I freely admit to being one of “those” women.
July 27, 2012 at 9:36 am
It’s a fetus’s feet, wrapped in a crown of thorns. Because unborn baby Jesus was aborted for our sins.
July 27, 2012 at 9:38 am
Thanks for the interpretation, because I sure as hell didn’t get it.
July 27, 2012 at 9:39 am
Whoa now, I never claimed that I “get it.” If that’s something someone can get, I sure as hell don’t want it!
July 27, 2012 at 9:59 am
No worries, I hear there’s a topical ointment for it now, OTC.
July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm
oh god, it’s contagious?! I think I’m going to go scrub with lysol
July 27, 2012 at 9:40 am
inorite. I thought maybe it was supposed to be my Fallopian tubes wrapped around my shriveling ovaries.
July 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm
What’s important is the knowledge that the “pro life” artist is also undoubtedly a passionate supporter of food stamps for hungry children and moms, high quality day care, top notch public education for all, child wellness for all, and universal ob-gyn for all pregnant women.
Because these pro baby people care so much, right?
July 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm
I just spent the last three days doing my best to engage in the politest debates possible with pro-lifers. I mentioned the forced abortions in China and emphasized the need for awareness about the cost of introducing new lives to the world.
It did not end well, but your comment is a balm to my soul.
July 27, 2012 at 4:01 pm
I applaud for even attempting to debate them (polite or not). I usually see something like that, and leave it. My blood pressure just can’t take it.
July 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Pre-born: you’re ok. Pre-school: you’re fucked.
July 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm
Also I’m sure this person has several adopted kids, or is a foster parent. Because nobody would be irresponsible enough to encourage people to keep children they can’t raise and just “put them up for adoption” without doing their part to make sure there actually were enough safe, stable homes for all these children.
Oh, wait.
July 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Exu Oba’ Wura’ has an enormous schvanstukka
July 27, 2012 at 9:49 am
Wow, you’re good. I thought it was a rogue octopus hugging two artists’ palettes after someone shot a hole in a grave marker.
July 27, 2012 at 10:02 am
I salute your fast typing and good spelling.
July 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm
That sentence reads like a poem. A strange and confusing poem.
July 27, 2012 at 9:58 am
I thought it was stick bugs fucking on two painter’s palletes on a “t” with a gunshot wound because ooooh, look! – Shiny!
July 27, 2012 at 10:16 am
I see bloody feces on feet and/or Eggos. But unless we can get a hold of some Sudafed and drain cleaner, I don’t think we’ll ever know.
July 27, 2012 at 10:43 am
Remember how good “pre-meth ingredient change” Sudafed was? Me neither – it was that good!
July 27, 2012 at 11:26 am
You can still get the “good” kind from the pharmacist. You just have to ask.
July 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm
And sign over your name, address, and privacy rights.
July 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm
and pledge your first-born child
July 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Some days, they could HAVE my first born child. Mostly when he’s being kind of a dick.
July 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm
You can, but I really hate being treated like a criminal because I need a decongestant for my allergies.
July 27, 2012 at 10:43 am
It’s a bit of a Rorschach – someone needs to psychoanalyze us all based on what we see. I saw a pair of lungs tied with rope, and was trying to figure out why that would be a pro-life thing. I mean, my life is better with lungs, and I’m certainly pro-that, but in the context of the usual meaning of “pro-life”?
July 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I also saw organs. Bloody organs?
July 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I saw a flattened pair of gum wads, with carpet fibers stuck to/across them. Perhaps that means I need to vacuum under the couch?
July 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I saw flip-flops and intestines.
July 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm
The Mexicans call it menudo.
July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm
I saw baby footprints that people sometimes get, surrounded by blood vessels like they were being grown in a uterus. I think this suggests that I only like material baby things, and I wish to grow those things inside of my uterus.
July 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I saw lungs as well and started thinking it was a “Smoking Kills” type thing.
July 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm
I also saw the lungs, but they were tied together with the large intestine.
July 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I saw lungs wrapped in Alien (TM).
July 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I see amoebas wrapped in barbed wire. The little dots at the top are their vacuoles.
July 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Yea I see that now. That’s exactly what it looks like.
July 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Paramecia, people, Paramecia! Amoebae look like cartoon splats.
July 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Thank you for explaining that. I thought they were flip flops.
July 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I’m with you… bloody, barbed wired-wrapped flip-flops, because that was the “hobo sign language” symbol used in the 30′s denoting a pro-lifer’s house up ahead.
July 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm
SUPER DUPER JOB!
July 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm
July 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm
sweet fetus jesus! is going to be my new exclamation
July 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Are you sure he’s sweet, though? I’d have thought he’d taste like chicken, just like everyone else.
July 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Humans taste like pork, though.
July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm
sweet and sour then
August 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Not if he’s made of shortbread.
July 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Huh, upon second glance I see that that’s right. My first glance left me with the “lungs and arteries” impression.
July 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Damn it, Zippy was right! Abortion humor doesn’t get love until Friday!
September 11, 2012 at 9:47 am
well, now i know what to get for my next tattoo!! and i’m speaking of the quote about unborn baby jesus, not the cross.
July 27, 2012 at 9:40 am
It’s the inside view of the chestburster.
July 27, 2012 at 10:14 am
I kinf of like the labor things, too. But in order to properly commemorate my daughter’s birth, I need the one that’s screaming THE NEXT FUCKING CUNT THAT TELLS ME TO PUSH GETS KICKED IN THE HEAD.
My midwives loved me.
July 27, 2012 at 10:30 am
I made my ex scream like Mickey Mouse. And talk like him for a few days. I also gave a death glare to the gyno who chirpily said, “good morning! How are we today?” “Leave, unless you want to sound like HIM”
July 27, 2012 at 10:40 am
I need one that’s screaming “Where the hell is that damn nurse with my damn stadol?” (After having received two doses of stadol).
July 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I’d like the “water birth” version as an ashtray, if I still smoked. I’d still kind of like it…I could fill it with red jellybeans.
July 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm
You scare me a little bit.
July 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I have no kids but if that water birth one is correct you grow flippers while delivering?
July 27, 2012 at 11:53 am
I think it’s aborted, crucified bear feet/paws with bloody pretzels on them. Cause nothing says Pro Life like bloody pretzels, crucifixion and bear paws.
July 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm
I think the labor sculptures are actually pretty cool too:) The rest of that shit though, just kill it with fire:-p
July 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm
I thought it was diseased kidneys at first. I still like that interpretation better than the “real” one.
July 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm
woymben?!
July 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm
They look like placenta sandals.
July 27, 2012 at 9:35 am
How could you NOT want that last one? “A large penis is always welcome.”
I really like how the labor sculptures include the phase of labor where the mother’s thighs are consumed by her pendulous belly. Birth is truly a miracle.
July 27, 2012 at 9:41 am
Why would you not want that last one in your house?
Because – if you’re a guy – it would immediately invite comparison from your date, possibly setting hopes a tad too high and/or leading to rather judgmental comments later in the evening.
As PJ O’Rourke said about cigars – Never smoke anything bigger than your dick – especially if there is an old girlfriend in the room.
July 27, 2012 at 9:41 am
A big penis is only welcome in my house is a usable form!
July 27, 2012 at 10:28 am
OhHowMyBrainHurts, I was thinking the same thing. I have been in need of some “energy work”!
July 27, 2012 at 11:12 am
July 27, 2012 at 7:34 pm
For the last one, “The penis is mightier than the sword”. Except that the statue is holding a penis like a sword, beside his penis.
July 28, 2012 at 8:23 am
Oh god, now I can’t unsee it.
July 27, 2012 at 9:59 am
…Along with a few barrels of ice, of course.
July 27, 2012 at 10:03 am
“I really like how the labor sculptures include the phase of labor where the mother’s thighs are consumed by her pendulous belly. Birth is truly a miracle.”
Now wait just a con-sarned minute here! I know for a FACT that, at 44 yrs of age, I am NOT pregnant! But my belly still does that thigh-consumption thing.. Of course, I’m a bit of a fat-ass, so..
July 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm
“A large penis is always welcome.”
Not here, it isn’t.
Size isn’t what’s important – fit is. It’s like buying shoes. Not much fun trying to cram a size 10 foot into a size 6 shoe.
July 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm
is that thing supposed to be transgender? i see boobs – am i wrong?
July 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Well it’s supposed to represent human sexuality and I think the boobs are the artist’s half-hearted attempt to do a little something for the ladiez.
July 27, 2012 at 9:35 am
Oh, come on April – that last one would make a great coat/hat rack!
July 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Finally, I can hang up my 7′ tall cousin’s floor length trench coat and not get dust on the hem.
September 11, 2012 at 9:49 am
omg, just started dating a very tall guy. definitely going to point that out to him….
July 27, 2012 at 9:36 am
I find it amusing that the Pro Life thing looks like it’s covered in discarded fetus scraps.
July 27, 2012 at 9:37 am
They use every part of the fetus, so nothing goes to waste.
July 27, 2012 at 10:21 am
That’s how you can tell they’re a Pro.
July 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Discarded Fetus Scraps LLC is the name of my new film production company. Weird.
July 27, 2012 at 9:36 am
Red Male Exu seeking a Woman, must have giant vagina. Text me!
July 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm
I thought it looked like HellBoy, Jack Skellington and Ron Jeremy came together in some kind of unholy threesome and this was their love child.
July 27, 2012 at 9:37 am
Goddamit. There aren’t any comments up here yet, and I am rendered speechless mostly by the “wishful thinking” statue in the last image.
July 27, 2012 at 9:40 am
I’ve seen Howie Mandel standing next to some big dicks before but this one takes the cake.
July 27, 2012 at 9:40 am
I want the last one more than anything.
July 27, 2012 at 9:41 am
Damnit, I was wondering where my travetine sweats walked off to! It’s impossible to keep a good side table from going walkabout.
July 27, 2012 at 9:45 am
The table screams mob wives of New Jersey.
She gets to stay classy classy with the marble and her made man gets to sort of jokingly tell his, um, compatriots “see what happens when you piss me off?” every time they stop by.
July 27, 2012 at 10:09 am
not only will you be turned into a table that is ugly as sin, but I will ensure your colours clash
July 27, 2012 at 10:12 am
Now, that’s going TOO far! It’s bad enough getting your legs re-purposed, but the color clash?
You. Sick. Bastard.
July 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm
This table scares the crap out of me, AND that travertine is not set properly (from what I can tell). I’m disgusted, horrified, and offended by the carpentry job.
July 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm
The best part is that it only says what the TOP is made of, as if no one is curious about the bottom.
July 28, 2012 at 7:33 am
I’m Italian and this mob reference sounds extremely funny to me: maybe you’re not aware of the fact that a) travertine used to be a very common decorative material in Rome – you can still see many buildings with travertine decorations – and that b) one of our main police forces, namely the Carabinieris, wear such kind of trousers when dressed in uniform. So this really looks like a Mafia man’s table! Brrrr. Very bad taste.
July 27, 2012 at 9:44 am
I love how depressing the women-in-labor sculptures are. One woman needs consoling; one is trying to drown her newborn; and the last one is having the same nauseated reaction I had when I first saw the sculptures.
July 27, 2012 at 10:05 am
It’s all in the interpretation, isn’t it?
July 27, 2012 at 10:28 am
They forget to sculpt a laboring woman who is crying out in wild agony and desperation for an epidural.
July 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm
…and one depicting her facial expression when the nurse says, “Sorry, I can’t give you a cervical — there’s no cervix left!”
July 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Also the one where birth complications ensue. RIIIIIP.
Too dark? I’m all for midwives and home births and such, but make sure a damn EMS is on standby!
July 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Midwives work in hospital births as well as home births, in which case you get a midwife with an OBGYN on standby.
July 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm
The birth ball” one looks like she has just done to much housework or too many shots and is trying to throw up.
July 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Yeah, the one with the “ball” looks like a goddess vomiting on the earth. (Could explain Newark though).
July 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm
That’s what I was thinking. My kid is 30 years old and these sculptures took me right back to every broken glass labor pain, migraine vomiting and deals with the devil for morphine. They should have a copy of these in every high school counselor’s office- or better yet in the bathrooms where most of the breeding takes place.
July 27, 2012 at 9:45 am
OK, how’s this for a wedding present: a pillow with flaps on the front that seal with velcro, concealing a soft-sculpture vagina. The flaps are lined on the inside with red embroidery of flowers. On the morning after the wedding night, the flaps can be ripped apart and the pillow will remain as a proud reminder of the wedding night and the bride’s joyful surrender…with a loop so that the pillow can be hung on the door to let the world know of a successful consummation.
How about it?????
too much????
July 27, 2012 at 10:07 am
Probably a market for that with the Twilight fan-base. More so if you find a clump of faux-fur “wolf-hair” or maybe a spill of glitter inside the flaps.
July 27, 2012 at 10:08 am
Whatever happened to the good old days when they just hung the sheets out the window to indicate the wife wasn’t a virgin anymore? Simpler times. I wonder how often ketchup was used to appease the neighbors and Jesus.
July 27, 2012 at 10:14 am
Ketchup doesn’t stain that well, turns too yellow. Chicken blood was the usual method, since slaughtering a chicken for dinner happened so often that it wouldn’t be remarked upon.
July 27, 2012 at 10:24 am
And nobody squawked?
July 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I’m pretty sure the chicken did. Briefly.
July 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm
Oh that joke if fowl.
July 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Just make it a vagina pillow, preferably plush, and I’m sold!
July 27, 2012 at 9:46 am
And, if you take that seriously, God help you!!! Just trying to get into the spirit of the stuff on this page……
July 27, 2012 at 9:49 am
The bathtub must be from Kohler’s new “Ed Gein Collection.”
July 27, 2012 at 10:15 am
No, no–it’s the “Jeffrey Dahmer Collection. You’re confusing it with J. Crew’s “Ed Gein” Ladies Suits.
July 28, 2012 at 1:20 am
the only thing 2 men in a bathtub evokes for me is Loriot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmKJCnjml7Q
English subtitles, but you might need to understand German humour
July 27, 2012 at 9:49 am
July 27, 2012 at 10:11 am
You’re kiln me, Lemon Bombs. Someone should get fired over this.
July 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Come on now, don’t sling mud.
July 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I am enameled by your wit.
July 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm
It was just a little slip up
July 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Just what you need when you’re pottering around the house.
July 27, 2012 at 9:49 am
Oh my lord, that last one…
Under the circumstances, this seems oddly appropriate
July 27, 2012 at 10:14 am
I can add him to the things I don’t want in my house list. That photo is just plain creepy
July 27, 2012 at 9:50 am
The dismembered, shit-smeared guys in the crooked tub full of gelled chemical toilet fluid and blood needs a better marketing strategy. I suggest “Rub-a-dub-dub, Pass the Fucking Eye-Bleach!”
July 27, 2012 at 9:55 am
Or, “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, ARMLESS MEN WILL EAT YOUR SOUL.”
July 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm
H P Lovecraft called, he wants his inspirational sculpture back.
July 27, 2012 at 10:00 am
Armless but anatomically correct.
July 27, 2012 at 10:34 am
What the everliving FUCK is an armless doll man? The seller seems quite familiar with the term.
July 27, 2012 at 11:46 am
I’m betting they are missing their kidneys as well.
July 27, 2012 at 11:59 am
Their kidneys might be the things on the cross in the first one.
July 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Upcycling!
July 27, 2012 at 9:52 am
Is it bad that I kind of want the men in the bathtub piece for my bathroom? I would totally be in on it for like $15, but definetly not $65, it doesn’t match my sea life bathroom that well.
July 27, 2012 at 10:17 am
If you could extend “sea life” to include scurvy-afflicted seamen in a leaking lifeboat cannibalizing each other one limb at a time to stay alive, then this would fit right in! But no, not for $65.
July 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Damn, you almost had me sold, but maybe at $25 now. Still not $65.
July 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm
how dumb do you have to be to pick the arms first? I mean, seriously, they just made their cannibalism that much harder.
July 27, 2012 at 9:54 am
I cannot stop LOLing at the leg table. That would be a fabulous thing to have for your bowl of candy by the door at halloween.
July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm
I want the bathtub to fill with candy for halloween
July 27, 2012 at 9:54 am
Is that supposed to be Jesus’ Lungs? Is this an Anti-Smoking pendant?
July 27, 2012 at 9:56 am
the last picture of a Wing Man, and a Guy Who Doesn’t Need a Wing Man, right?
Now to figure out which is which….
July 27, 2012 at 9:57 am
I’m not sure if that last guy is bragging or showing the world what he’d like entering one of his orifices. (Having seen guys who decorate their homes around their obsession with big dicks, it wouldn’t shock me.)
The pregnant lady to the right looks like she’s vomiting on Iceland.
July 27, 2012 at 10:29 am
Assuming that planet is Earth. I’d hate to think her face was shoved in Ur- never mind.
July 27, 2012 at 9:59 am
Wait… so the giant red demon with boobs has a giant red penis, and is also HOLDING a penis? what a penis hog.
I haven’t said “penis” quite enough yet. Penis. Penis penis penis.
Okay, I feel better.
July 27, 2012 at 10:10 am
You forgot one. PENIS.
See? Mine’s bigger than yours!
July 27, 2012 at 10:39 am
I remember when Lorena Bobbitt made the news, and I joked that this was a chance for the newspapers to shout, “HEY, AMERICA! PEEEEEEEEEEENIS! PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!!!!!”
At least, that’s what I thought. Never saw so many mentions of the schlong in the “legit press” before.
July 27, 2012 at 10:48 am
It’s a shame penii never caught on. *winces*
July 27, 2012 at 10:57 am
On the contrary, they’re more popular than ever.
July 27, 2012 at 11:49 am
Never caught on what? (rimshot)
July 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm
One in the pink, and one in the stink?
July 27, 2012 at 10:01 am
I’d buy that table. I’d keep it behind a curtain in a slightly darkened room with just the ends of the shoes peeping out, and wait for the panicked screams of guests.
July 27, 2012 at 10:13 am
Isn’t the first one a pair of kidneys?
July 27, 2012 at 10:16 am
I just want to know what kind of “energy work” Exu is good for.
July 27, 2012 at 10:17 am
Also, is it realistic to think Exu would be circumcised? I need verisimilitude in my hyperbolic male/female energy demongods.
July 27, 2012 at 10:35 am
ExXON does energy work and is good for fucking over the environment and all of us. So there’s that.
July 27, 2012 at 10:19 am
I call shenanigans on “Exu Oba’ Wura’”. I don’t think he’s canonical. “Most unique in entire world” = we made him up just for an excuse to make this statue. Maybe you’re allowed to make up new orishas but I wouldn’t want to chance it…you might piss off Ochosi or something.
All Google results for “Oba’ Wura’” are the same statue by the same people. For instance, this Craigslist listing with MULTIPLE INCREDIBLY LARGE AND SHINY CLOSE-UPS. You have been warned.
http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/art/3081451825.html
July 27, 2012 at 10:25 am
Ah, yes. Florida. That explains everything.
July 27, 2012 at 10:50 am
Oba Wurang K-nobbie
July 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm
From these pictures, I see not only does it have a vagina underneath the giant wang, but that the tail on the reverse is also a wang.
So, triple wang, one vagina, and boobs that are very high up on the torso… not sure where to go from there.
July 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Orgy?
July 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haitian_mythology I call bullshit based on Wiki! I wish I could remember the name of the one who’s supposed to have an enormous, rodlike erection…where did my voodoo textbook go? *rummages*
July 27, 2012 at 10:24 am
No, I wouldn’t want the Demon-Penis sculpture in my house either. But, on the front lawn, it would certainly keep the Jehovahs away.
July 27, 2012 at 10:44 am
Eeeeeexu-lent.
July 27, 2012 at 11:20 am
Oh no it wouldn’t. They’d take it as a thrown gauntlet, and they’d be drawn to your house from all over the region.
It *might* keep the Baptists away. Maybe it’d be good repellant for the more timid Mormons. But the JWs love a good challenge.
July 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Hell yeah! I got one that writes me personal letters when I don’t open the door during her Tuesday proselytizing. Nothing stops them!
July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I told one nicely but firmly that I was an atheist and that my religious family had been unsuccessfully trying to reconvert me for years, so I didn’t want to waste her time. She agreed that I obviously wasn’t going to change my mind, gave me a pleasant goodbye, and nobody ever came back.
So maybe some of them are reasonable.
July 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Not true. I once opened my door to a pair of them, with my finger marking my page in a book I was reading called “Modern Magic”. It had a Vitruvian Man in a pentacle on the cover, which they could see as I opened the door.
They started their speil, though one looked concerned at the book, and I said, “Sure! But first, I’ve been wanting to try this on someone all day. Let me know when it starts to sting!” Then I flipped the book open to where I left off, and started reciting the Hebrew Blessing of the Bread prayer. I wasn’t even half way thru and they were down two flights of stairs and running for their lives.
Never saw a single JW at my door again, until I moved out of state.
July 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm
You deserve a cookie. Hey, why not two!
yummy coookie!!!
fresh baked cookie!
July 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Oooo, cookies!
Damn you. Now I have an urge to bake Oatmeal Cranberry Citrus cookies, but I’m out of butter.
July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I had a dog who knew Hamotzi, whenever it was said she would sit up because she knew a piece of bread was heading her way (she loved bread)…
July 27, 2012 at 3:39 pm
And I want bread, too. But not the store-bought crap.
July 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm
My best friend and I really freaked out some Mormon missionaries once. We were just leaving the house when we saw them coming on their bicycles. Without missing a beat, my friend grabbed me, dipped me down and kissed me passionately on the mouth. (Yes, we’re both female, no, we were not involved.) One of the Mormons almost ran into my Dad’s car. They never came back.
July 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm
But I bet they had some innnnteresting dreams for a while!
July 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm
We had a neighbor when I was a kid who was a member of some obscure Christian sect, and she’d invite them in for cookies and coffee, and debate theology with them. She must have been pretty good at it, because they stopped sending the young folk to talk to her, and she ended up debating the church elders instead.
Me, the only way I got them to go away was to answer the door in my bathrobe and pretend to be sick.
July 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm
My hubby once answered the door to them while naked. He stands 6’2″, at the time was working out regularly, and had just gotten out of the shower, so you can imagine their reaction when he stood there in front of them, talking as if everything was perfectly normal. And then he got an erection (he was young and terminally horny, then).
July 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Had JW’s so eager to convert me the other day they attempted to run me over.
I was wearing my whore of Babylon outfit but even so…
July 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm
I was “raised” as a JW. When I was twelve I had to “go out in service”, which meant selling books in the neighborhoods. So to you who dismiss the JW’s I say, FU! I was out there in my classmates’ subdivisions with my mother and “Sister Connie”, in a long skirt and with a bumper crop of acne. We are strong ass women!
July 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm
In my neighborhood it would draw a crowd. A crowd of expectant, increasingly impatient suitors.
July 27, 2012 at 8:47 pm
In my experience, nothing keeps away evangelicals like the pretense of Catholicism.
July 27, 2012 at 10:24 am
That giant red penis would make a great hat rack. Think about how fetching it would look wearing a fedora.
July 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm
And my husband’s drover coat.
July 27, 2012 at 10:31 am
Why is there a lady bug under red dudes penis?
July 27, 2012 at 10:37 am
I don’t know, but the additional penis head on the tip of his tail seals the deal for me.
July 27, 2012 at 11:01 am
What about the additional extra bonus penis head sticking out of the V-neck shirt?
July 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm
how many penises is that now? I lost track.
Someone obviously has penis envy.
July 27, 2012 at 11:32 am
I *think* it’s meant to be a tiny vagina?
Or actually, I think below the ginormous wang there’s a scrotum covered in black mold, and beneath the *scrotum* there’s a teeny tiny vagina.
Gross. Should never have looked at it before lunch.
July 27, 2012 at 10:45 am
I refuse to own a table with better walking shoes than mine.
July 27, 2012 at 10:53 am
I’d really like to get the last sculpture. My wife can use it in the bathroom as a place to hang her towel while she showers instead of my morning wood towel holder now.
July 27, 2012 at 10:55 am
Take the table top off the legs and put them back where they belong – behind the curtains to scare the fuck out of whoever comes home to an empty house late at night. Sticking out from under the bed is also acceptable under these circumstances.
July 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Or hanging out from the closed trunk of your car.
July 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I really can’t believe April wouldn’t want this. So many hilarious possibilities…you could fill a whole YouTube channel just with videos of this thing scaring the shit out of people.
July 27, 2012 at 11:03 am
The last one. . . I hate those damn jockey lantern holders old people have in their front yards. I also hate HOAs on principle. This could solve some problems.
July 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm
! I know! those jockey lanterns make me want to kick them. but they are hard and would hurt my poor foot
July 27, 2012 at 11:05 am
Poor travertine tile.
July 27, 2012 at 11:13 am
First pic, I thought it was a pair of lungs with bloody phlegm hocked all over them. Never smoke, kids!
Second one, too creepy for words. Third, so tacky it’s gone full circle and become fab!
Fourth, no thank you please.
Fifth, why did the guy shave off his eyebrows? I need to know!
July 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I think April is fibbing and secretly wants all that shit in her house.
July 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Donations for bathtub nightmare/human taxidermy nightstand officially begin NOW. It will be a very merry Christmas in the Killer-Drywall household this year.
July 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I want that fucking table
July 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm
I wonder if HK has realized that calling something “5 Things I Don’t Want in My House” is basically a guarantee that some of those items are in the mail right now.
Unless that’s her whole plan and she’s manipulating us fools to buy her that stuff! #tinfoilhat
July 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Pro Lifer’s shop looks like “Crafting with Liver”.
July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Hey, I just realized the Exu has four nipples! 3 wangs, four nips, and one vag. Lots of value for the money.
July 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The pro life lady works along with her mother. Her mother lives in Westboro..Yeah..Westboro..we all know how stable those folks are with their religious beliefs
July 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm
I want that shoe table. It would make a terrific gift at the end of year anonymous “white elephant” party.
I would of course modify the pant legs to feature our corporate logo.
July 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm
The Mrs: “Honey, I know we just moved in, but I feel like the place is missing something.”
The Mr: “Do you mean a sculpture of the Devil with a big red dick?”
Mrs: “Oh my God you read my mind! Should he be holding a dildo?”
Mr: “Yes. Definitely a dildo.”
Mrs: “But can we afford 8500.00 dollars?!!”
Mr: “I’ll put the care up for sale on Craig’s List. I think we can both agree that taking the bus is worth it.”
July 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm
For the Dugger family if the kids ever get into playing with hula-hoops; storage for all of them!
July 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Am I the only one upon seeing the last one immediately thought of HIM:
July 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm
If I had all the disposable income in the world, I would buy shit like this and videotape myself smashing it. Then send the video to the seller.
July 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Guys, I know I’m late to the party but the artist who makes the birth sculptures has a sense of humor!
When Etsy users choose to get happy not butthurt it is so nice!