I’ve always wanted to pay someone $2850 to cover my shoes with duct tape. It’s way up on my bucket list, right between dropping my iPhone in the toilet and letting a bum jerk off on my wedding dress.
You know, I was totally going to order these until I saw I had to supply my own shoes.
Yeah, but have you seen the price of duct tape lately? They’re totally worth it.
Not sure what criteria you’re using to decide on which bum, but I’ll be on the coast in September. We can chat then.
that’s hot… I’ll be in my bunk…
Maybe there could be a live stream of this awkward event?
Um…there’s one in my head now, thanks.
Might there be one on your hand as well?
Hoax post in the true spirit of whimsicle fuckery? Or so I keep telling myself?
that was my first thought. Someone has taken “Etsy or Regretsy” to its logical conclusion.
I’d bet my own magic shoes on it.
I would say that, too, except her entire shop is FULL of the same kind of crap.
Someone’s off her meds, and it ain’t me this time!
I’m a little disturbed– Her craft space is less cluttered than mine…
If Regretsy had a featured seller, it would be this person.
And it’s all insanely expensive.
Delusions of grandeur?
I think the beer on the table there had something to do with this idea and price.
At least there’s free shipping, so that makes the $2850 price tag a bit more reasonable.
But does it come with insurance?
The bum would do it for far cheaper.
This listing needs a theme song:
Pilot – Magic
OMG, I used to have to pay a DIME to hear that…on the jukebox, where the pool table was, and the pinball machines, and my virginity.
I’m having 80s flashbacks. Which is really impossible for me.
ya gotta see her “i dream of yer jeanie pants”, oh my word. This is not whimsicle but it is fuckery
Yikes. (link: http://www.etsy.com/listing/104340107/i-dream-of-yer-jeanie-pants) These look more like I Dream of Jeanie’s Cameltoe pants.
I think She went to the Clown college of Fashion Design
Double major- “unicycle juggling” and “fashion forward trends for the modern circus performer”.
“Here, she designs pants for Chuckles the Clown.”
A little laugh
A little dance
A little seltzer down the pants
Arghhh!! I’m wrong
A little SONG
A little dance
A little seltzer down MY pants
I looked!!! Ahhhhhh
Did someone shrink Hammer’s spare pair of pants in the dryer?
Oh, my good heavens. Why did I click?
Well, she’s a bit older now and needed some jeanie Depends
More I nightmare of Jeannie.
They look an awful lot like skants!
She could have at least used the colorful and pretty prints of DT.
Slap on some red duct tape on the bottom of the soles, and you could mark ‘em up another few hundred bucks.
But you are all missing the point. They are MAGIC shoes.
So … if I drop a house on the seller, can I blow off the $3000 price tag?
Wait, nevermind, I’d rather just skip ahead to the part where this is all just a coma dream.
If she gets that price they ARE magic.
If I can magically get my money back… I might be game.
Orange Things in a Row… for grand… I don’t think it’s a hoax post, unless she has a whole lot of hoaxing in her shop.
Look at the way she’s glaring at the camera. that just screams “I r serious fashunista.” or IBS, maybe.
My vote is for IBS, speaking as someone who suffers frequent bouts of intestinal distress.
It’s always a good sign when not even the seller knows what the fuck they’re selling. “Things”.
Maybe some sort of school art project? Something about satire and stretching the bounds of believability? I’m sure she could get a NEA grant.
God damnit, people, LEARN TO SEW.
(Yeah, I’m feeling ranty tonight.)
That apartment doesn’t look like anyone ever spent $2850 on it. The magic shoe business must be slow these days.
It’s that damn shoemaker keeping his costs low by using elf labor who keeps undercutting all the true artisan magic shoemakers. Stand up for (and in) human-made magic shoes!
Oh goodness, guys, go take a look at the rest of this shop. Every single listing could be featured on regretsy. Verrrrry interesting fashion sense, and danger with a sewing machine.
The “shoes” are simply the pinnacle of an entire Shop O’ Garbage. Verrrry interesting fashion sense, indeed. Interesting, like when one’s doctor is looking through the microscope at the biopsy material and says “IIIINteresting….”
High level age should be respected,
but I do not think I want to be this old …
She doesn’t look older than 25 to me.
I wonder if the homeless know about selling found objects on etsy. I bet they can upcycle like nobody’s business.
Pass. I’m saving my $2850 for a coffee ground encrusted paper towel skirt…
For $2850 I’d hope it was at least bedazzled a few times.
Well, it would save on sewing…
This reminds me of the cage bustle my friend made out of coathangers and packing tape once..
Did you see her version of the bustle?
See. Hammer Pants. She’s making everything from Hammer Pants. Poor MC. She stole all his pants.
Maybe he gave all of his own Hammer Pants up when he found God. Excessive crotch space sounds like something Satan would be into.
Thanks a lot, Yellowee. Her “community of artists” is sure a polite way of saying “Ward Seven, State Hospital for the Creatively Insane”.
Ever hear the story about Torgo’s improvised padding in Manos: The Hands Of Fate? Dude wore it backwards (no thanks to the designer), completely fucked up his knees and ended up killing himself thanks to the pain.
Don’t ever let me catch your friend doing that again or it’s TIME FOR GO TO BED for you, and no supper!
Why would I waste my money on tape shoes, when for £650 dollars, I could buy my very own pink zebra ass, fresh from the ‘city of dreamers’.
What’s the pound-dollar to euro-yen conversion rate?
Hah! My bad. British habits die hard! *continues to sip vodka out of dainty teacup*
as anti-pat who has lived in the uk for almost 10 years now, i cannot break the habit of saying dollars when i mean pounds.
Personally, I find these: http://www.etsy.com/listing/104325253/pirate-helper one of her best offerings. Check out the package.
I am puzzled by that crotch.
I don’t have a problem with someone who gets a little wild with their sewing machine. It’s fun to play and make crazy stuff. But if you’re going to charge that much money for your ill-fitting creations, my god, at least take decent pictures of them!
I think the “crazy” is in more than just the stuff!
Duct Tape: there is nothing it can’t do!
But there are so many things that it should NOT do!
I am possibly the least crafty woman on the face of planet, but even I can duct-tape my own shoes.
Also, if I want to look like I have no grasp on reality, trust me, I don’t need any help.
I swear people make shit like this in hopes of being on Regretsy.
Is it a symptom or is it art? 6 sales… clearly symptom.
All her sales are semi-normal clothes though. Nothing that’s left really fits that description. I’m kind of reluctant to make fun of her because they look like a real symptom, especially items like Orange Things In A Row, for $1025.
I feel totally free to make fun of her, because “there but for the grace of Celexa go I.” I’ve made some weeeeird crap, but even at my most manic, I had the good sense to stick it in a drawer rather than try to sell it.
But…but…the more flotsam and Etsam I see, the more I want to clean out those drawers, sell all that old crazy shit, and buy a new DVD player. Just NOT on Etsy.
“Flotsam and Etsam” so perfectly describes this and so much else.
Thank you for enhancing the English language!
Did you at least trim your thread ends…. eeeek that bugs me
Semi-normal? She makes pants sideways and then there’s this gem: A sweater than looks normal at first glance. Then you realize she sewed the right sleeve on inside out deliberately.
Yes, we can make fun of her.
For $2850, there had better be a pair of Manolo Blahniks under the duct tape…not my own old shoes. Also…why is she giving away the secrets of how she “makes” these? Isn’t she afraid people will make their own fairy/mermaid/elfin fuckery shoes at home?
Yeah, specifically mentioning that they’re only old shoes, duct tape and craft wire (and a few beads, if you like) kind of kills any shred of “magic” these might’ve held.
Oh, but the magic enchantment waved over the shoes was too secret to mention…
Apparently she cuts her fabric with tin snips instead of a scissor, which could account for the fact that this shit looks like a Salvation Army collection bin threw up.
The stuff in her shop is not even well made, $650 for ugly romper where the stripes don’t match on the seam? Go back to the crazy house. Or Urban Outfitters.
The kids decided that this was more fun and potentially more profitable than a lemonade stand this summer.
There’s definitely beer on that table. And maybe pills. But they could be buttons. Definitely beer.
With enough beer the buttons go down the hatch very well. They just don’t come out very well.
I love duct tape because it is such a breathable material. There is no way your feet will smell like a swamp after wearing those for a day.
I smell Regretsy-bait.
- bad item
- bad photos
- obscene price
- crackhed [sic] description
Yeah, I agree. If you look at her few sold items, they’re pretty tame by comparison. “Magic Duct Tape Shoes” seem like a desperate attempt at regretsy fame to me.
…or a psychotic break.
When I see a high price tag, I look for impeccable craft. She fucking nailed it so hard.
If by “nailed” you mean “ran over repeatedly with a car until it wasn’t recognizable.”
These beautiful Grey flannel Louboutins are $1075. You could get two pair of these heels, and a fun pair of Louboutin sandals, for less than what these shoes cost.
And, not only do you NOT have to provide your own shoes to the company to make them, you will also not look like a fucknut lunatic wearing them (well, except in front of the people that think you would be crazy for spending that much on shoes–but then again, its a lot less than duck tape magic shoes)!
Ah, Louboutin . . . How I lust after thee.
Excuse me, I’ll be in my bunk.
Mmmmmm, I’ll be in my bunk…for a while
I think this is my favorite of her sold items (six since 2010). It looks for all the world like a standard jacket worn upside-down, though I could be wrong. I’m not nearly hipster enough to translate such whimsy. http://www.etsy.com/transaction/23461745
Can’t you see it took effort and a mastery of fashion design to cut the collar and zipper out of that and give it the ragged edge of hipster chic?
What the hell is going on with the pants the model is wearing??? They look like she’s wearing them sideways somehow. I have never seen anything quite as unflattering in my life.
I believe they are on backwards.
And she’s wearing a diaper, apparently.
No, you’re not wrong. It’s pretty much just an upside down jacket with the collar cut out.
… Those are the most unfortunately-fitting pants I have ever seen.
And somebody bought the damn thing!
Maybe because it’s one of the few things that’s not been photographed in her closet mirror?
What goes on for the other 7 weeks and 5 days after she receives your shoes and finishes the order the next day? Fermentation? Steeping? Magic stuff?
Wow union fees for shoe making elves must have really gotten high.
If you click the heels together and say, “There’s no place more full of bullshit than Etsy” three times, you will be transported back home.
GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS
Why are we talking about shoes when we could have a SPACESHIP APPLIANCE!!!
I’m also impressed to see she’s had six sales since she opened – there are some people with serious cash and serious taste out there.
I didn’t know that the people in tinfoil hats had so much money.
No, no, no, read the description — it’s a bag for holding a spaceship appliance. Apparently, as with the shoes, you need to supply your own spaceship appliance.
Oh my dear Lord. I just looked at the rest of her shop.
Are you flipping kidding me?!
I can’t think of anything safer or more durable than craft wire in the shoes. That nice long point wil make sure that anyone stupid enough to put their ankles in your way will know just who they’re dealing with.
I have used a stapler to hold up a skirt’s unraveling hem, and used a Sharpie to mask a hole in black tights, but these were office supply stop-gap measures, not billable work.
Your limited imagination is what’s kept you from Etsy success, then. You’re just a few office supplies short of a totally ridiculous line of hipster togs, and you never even knew it.
It’s official. I have lived too long.
Shop owner sights here favorite materials as follows: love, inspiration, spandex, lycra, music, poetry, ducttape, craftwire, elastic, buttons, spraypaint, sequins.
I find my inspiration is followed by spandex too…
I went to college for costume design. I think those “genie” pants were in one of our shows.
I have drawings dating back five years before this thing was birthed, am very VERY glad that I scanned most of my past drawings, because they will tell an interesting story about the length of time it sometimes takes me to go from ideas to materialization! A cake takes a while to mix and bake sometimes….
What in the world…?
Sigh. You don’t realize what she, an artiste is saying: The lyrics to “MacArthur Park” are not fiction, but fact. Her facts. Her life.
Someone should leave her cake out in the rain.
The good news is, she’ll never have that recipe again.
… only sometimes? That would explain why, once every ten years or so, I go to take a box out of the pantry and *POUF*, instant cake.
A pleather and taffeta fanny pack? Forget the narrative, that’s all you had to say. I’ll take all you’ve got, plus any accelerants you have lying around.
If you actually know WTF you are doing and are GOOD at it, a cake doesn’t take that long at all (hint, hint seller).
Oh thank you HK, this is it. This is the shop I will bookmark for the day I win the lottery. ALL OF IT WILL BE MINE.
I’ve never seen so much WTF? in one shop! Looking through it, I’ve become more and more convinced that room in the mirror is in one of those discrete institutions for the very rich but seriously deranged. Or Never-Never land. Whichever is crazier…
I THOUGHT IT WAS A HOAX. Then I looked at the rest of the crap she shat out. Now I hope she ensnares a few of douchebags stupid enough to spend that much money on crap. It serves them right.
When I looked, three douchebags have been hooked and even gave positive feedback. I don’t want to read it, because it can’t be the “exactly as crazy as it looked in the pictures, so my friend lost the bet. A+++” that I want it to be.
When I was a little girl, I would take aluminum foil from my mom’s kitchen drawer and form pieces around my feet into sparkly silver fairy shoes. Then I would run around the yard gingerly until the soles wore through, which usually took about three minutes.
I was unaware I could charge more than two months’ rent for these things.
I kinda get wearing ugly, weird crap that is badly sewn but not at these staggering prices. What planet does this chick live on/come from??? Jesus jumping Christmas!
She’s in Sacramento, California. Dammit, that annual dope card is expensive! And it ain’t like the stuff grows on — It’s expensive, too! And “the staggering prices” are like, BIRDSEED in California, dude, and the pigeons and seagulls here are BITCHEEEEEE.
And, you know…light rail. [nods sagely]
It’s fetish-wear, that’s why her stuff costs so much. Think about it. Is there be a segment of society which might get off on excessively dreadful garments handcrafted from upcycled materials and previously worn by a nutty skank?
Look, not everyone is as normal as you all.
Your fetish is not my fetish, after all…
Lady Gaga would get moist if she saw these jewels!
A pox on you for using the word moist!
Sorry to say this, but there are many for whom dropping one’s cell phone in the john or fishtank would rank considerably higher. I would personally place paying two grand for duct-taped shoes somewhere between getting the proverbial tooth extraction and listening to Justin Bieber. But that’s just me. YMMV.
If this “artiste’s” work is being featured at the #LAUNCH2012 show in Sacramento, I know exactly where I’m NOT going to be this week!
According to her facebook page…items that will be at #launch2012 are available for purchase NOW. So apparently you’ll be in Stockton?
Bitch wants $185 for a pair of panties. Fuck that.
To expound: her photos are horrible and it’s hard to get an overall idea of the item because she seems to photograph small segments of each garment with no context. It seems like she just throws some fabric and junk on a pile and takes pictures of it. But also…WHERE THE HELL WOULD YOU WEAR THIS SHIT? I dress eccentrically enough, but I would be embarrassed to wear this stuff, if only I knew what it was.
You’d wear it to … to …. to WalMart, of course
One layer of Gorilla brand duct tape: at most $1
One layer of “decorative duct tape”: at most $1
“Beads if you like”: at most $3
Some dumbfuck orders your cheap shoe-ruining project with expenses well under $5 even though you gave them the explicit motherfucking recipe in the description: PRICELESS
There are some sellers out there who don’t charge a 570,000% markup on a five-minute project. For everyone else…
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING
Red Green sells stuff on Etsy?
Oh, my good gracious. Why pay that (when I can (A) invite the same bum April will be entertaining, and (B) when I could get, a cheap used car for the cost of that monstrosity. On the other hand, it might work well for an act where, wearing only duct tape, I’m stripped by cheap electricians while doing a dramatic reading of the conception of Moab?!
Crack is whack, kids…
Linds- Maybe spend a little less time on butt shots and a little more time picking up the shit on the floor.
I dunno, I keep thinking there’s no way this is real. Half the sold stuff is just items worn upside down.
And then there’s a Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lindsayrickmanartist
That girl is sooo fuckin’ high.
I also really “like” the “hand-striped vest” with the DOZENS OF STRAIGHT PINS in it. Does that garment come with a certification that the maker is free of blood-borne disease?
Needle sharing: don’t do it!
She really doesn’t give a f*ck whether people buy her stuff or not, does she?
“Here. Have an out-of-focus phone-mirror photo of something ugly that’s not even done yet. Don’t you want to give me money now?”
Ok, I know somebody who uses duct tape and charges HALF that, and you don’t even have to send a pair of your own shoes:
Seriously. They wrap your feet in duct tape (over a sock, which they provide) to make a pattern for your foot and leg, and then they CUT THE LEATHER TO FIT YOU EXACTLY. You could spend $2,850 there if you got special EVERYTHING to go on your boots, but you would have to be really trying. My boots, which are 5 buttons, are beautiful and I spent under a grand. (And if you work long days at Ren Faires in costume, they are well worth having for the comfort factor. They do do layaways so you can make payments.)
I’m inspired. This Sept. I’m going to visit a Jr. High & make my own gum covered shoes. Convo me for cost.
HK, I’ve dropped my phone in the toilet before (and no, it hadn’t been flushed)and this is way, WAY worse.
Will you be in my movie?
No, but you’ll be in all our nightmares.
The duct tape makes the shoes so aerodynamic, though. If I wore those and drove a Prius at the same time, my gas mileage would be EPIC.
good god almighty! i’ve been going about my shop all wrong! first i need to get higher than bat kitty and get the ugliest shit out of the salvation army i can find. then throw some glitter and beads on it with some duct tape, take shitty pictures and charge more than i owe on my credit cards and car payment combined, and voila! its freaking ART!!! endless hours of making jewelry, taking pictures and creating listings all for a reasonable price while sober is soooo lame! thank you for making me smell the roses! i finally see the light!
Now, THIS is a pair of shoes!
Those SERIOUSLY need to be mine. Not even joking that if these were in a US 5, I would already own these!
I had to see what kinds of items she’s sold and can only conclude that something significant happened between 2009/10 and 2012.
The next time I need to feel better about my shitty sewing skills, I am going to visit Ms. Rickman’s Etsy shop of horrors. Her stuff makes even my worst efforts seem expert. Thanks for cheering me up.
Why do houses only fall on the good ones?
Motherfuckery! The whole shop is whimsical motherfuckery left over from the toilet stalls at Burning Man.
Do they also come with a pubic hair lining and toe nail embellishments? Also can you hot glue some bottles caps to the bottom so I can tap dance? How much would that be? $1000 more?
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