- Submitted by Bradical
He would be a white bear. What a coincidence.
I think if you wash him, he’s a brown bear. I think the kind of people that would buy him won’t wash him.
I’m thinking jizzly bear
Holy shit that’s gross.
Say it out loud. So gross.
Grizzlies actually were known for a while as white bears. That’s even how the journals of Lewis and Clark often refer to them. So this works quite well.
yeah I mean, what’s wrong with a black bear huh..always gotta be bout white bear semen
I think this would work better as a Panda Bear – Eats, shoots and leaves…
They also need to make a pirate and a parrot because “Arrgh every salty seamen needs a parrot”
17cm, only $65 and includes tissue? Not a bad deal at all in some circles.
It would be a GREAT deal if it also included a Turkey Baster.
If you go down to the woods today, you’re in for a BIG surprise…
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They’ll **** and **** as long as they please…
Yes! One of the bears in the Charmin commercials has entered into puberty and is using the Charmin to wipe off something more than his ass
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
(psst he is wiping off bear semen)
That is a step up from using the nearest rabbit.
Usually you can tell what word the seller meant to use…
Maybe Simon, as is the name? Or something… *meh* I give up.
You read my mind.
Best. URL. Ever.
Attention Petja! “Semen” is something they name babies in Finland? Really?
The seller has to make 6 million of these at a time.
Or maybe each Semen bear is made of 6 million pieces. Either way – that’s alot of work.
The picture was taken through a powerful microscope and out of all 6 million, this was the only cute (marketable)one.
This is what happens when people don’t use Google Translate responsibly.
It would appear that “Semen” is one way that the Russian proper name “Semyon” can be rendered in English.
Perhaps not the best way.
I too suspect it is a poor transliteration of Семён, Russian for Simon.
You can find it in this list:
Rendering both Russian ё and е as English “e” leads to all kinds of problems, though most of them are not this hilarious.
Which begs the question: can one change the size of its smell?
Turns out it’s also a Ukrainian boy’s name.
Someday… I may very well be the worst parent ever.
I wanted to name my daughter Svetlana but I was blocked by unanimous vetos by everyone else in the family. Not just because none of them could pronounce it properly, either.
Poor thing. Her teddy bears are actually pretty cute.
If someone in the UK, etc. buys it, the bear can change his name by deed poll.
& “Minishtoff” is whatever this material is:
I flunked right the hell out of Russian in college, but I still remember the letters! Sort of!
Looks like ultrasuede.
On the paws,I thinks. Then you can tell everyone you clean your glasses with Семён.
With a mini What?
Minishtoff. It’s a kind of stuffing, apparently, in Russia. Now if it were minishtaff…
Russian for “boat wood”
You don’t want to get even a minishtaff infection.
Of course you use the picture of the source of the semen, not the actual semen. That’s how you know what traits your teddy bear babies might have passed down to them.
Hmm that bear’s a little crusty.. I’m surprised the limbs move
I can honestly say I’ve never seen 17 centimeters of teddy bear semen before. I didn’t even know semen was measured in centimeters.
If only Jimmy Carter had been successful in introducing the metric system into school curricula.
Then you would have known how almost all the rest of the world measures it.
Well, use centimeters when the semen peters out. When that happens, try abstinence for about 3- to 5- days (chastity devices help).
Afterwards, you’ll toss the centimeter aside and use a REAL METER to gauge the explosive results!!!
[small print: best wear eye goggles, keep away from furniture, walls, and anything that will stain, wipe all spills immediately upon contact, and allow 10-minutes before repeating the performance followed by 6+ hours of sleep.]
Cubic centimeters, perhaps?
“I need 17 CC’s of Teddy Bear Semen, stat!”
semen is measured in pubic centimeters
I think they mean Simon. I hope.
17cm. That’s about a Lovin’ Spoonful.
This will go perfect with my tickle me elmo semen..
He’s so cute…let’s call him Spooge!
or Squirt.. So tiny and cute
Poor thing looks like he’s being choked to death by his bow.
Autoerotic Asphyxiation Bear was always the least popular Care Bear.
Gaspy Bear sees spots!
This is one of the best comments EVER.
He barely edged out Voyeur Bear, who just makes that whole “care bear stare” bit seem very creepy and uncomfortable…
Nice one Triscuits!
No thats just part of it’s autoerotic asphyxiation feature
Upfist for dirty minds thinking alike, Dragon8Lady
yeah somehow your reply beat me by 30 seconds…Kind of sick how closely we thought of this comment >:)
Up fist little Semen bear? Easy there, I haven’t had my coffee yet…
Maybe they should rename it the David Caradine Semen Bear
the two balls..er..bells..really complete the look
I think it’s a ripoff. It looks more like a doggy semen.
Dare I ask how you would know…No.. best not
I looked at the picture.
Okay someone needs to actually put a sailor hat or blouse on this thing so that when the seller gets butt-hurt and comes here to complain they will actually understand the problem and either go away and fix the spelling or say “No, I really meant Jizz” to clarify.
This is a plushies wet dream come true
For every furry that ever there was
Will gather onto Etsy because
Today’s the day the teddy bears have their oooooorgy!
He looks embarrassed! We should leave the little guy alone! Clearly he didn’t mean to do it in public!
Could you imagine selling them in stores..? ‘Clean up on aisle 5′
Is no one else even a little curious what else Helen found after typing “semen” into Etsy’s search field? Or what possessed her to search for that tag in the first place?
In Soviet Russia, Teddy Bear Semen finds YOU.
YES! It’s been forever since I’ve heard a reference to Yakov Smirnoff!
It’s probably been a while for him, too.
Someone else submitted it.
In Russia, Teddy Bear Seamen’s you:
Also, in Provincetown bears …
DAMN, YANKEE. You have to be fast around here.
It’s like those farmers selling goat semen and stuff, except it is with teddy bears
I didn’t know there were teddy bear breeders. So that is where teddy bears come from. I mean, I never thought of that. So you mean I can buy this semen to artificially inseminate my female teddy bear from my childhood to make me some little teddy bears which I will in turn sell on Etsy for twenty bucks per bear?
If that is the case, that is worth buying!
Just what did you think happens at a Teddy Bear Picnic?
No matter what clever thing I’m planning to post in a thread SOMEONE ELSE BEATS ME TO IT EVERY TIME.
Well, every time I’m away from the internet for more than 4 hours.
I guess I’ll have to never be away from the Internet again.
i think the tissue is provided to wipe your tears when you notice it crunches every time you touch it.
$65.00 for some semen? I can get it for free
Pedobear’s great, great grandfather from the old country?
I was waiting for someone to make a Pedobear joke…
Oooh!! It has little brass bells. It’s steam punk!!
Teddy looks spent
World’s first teddy bear stud service?
In all seriousness, though, her bears are really cute! I like Pavlik.
No wonder she only has 7 in stock at the moment. Yet, I can see some cupcake buying one for their child and forbidding the kid to even touch it.
Goldilocks says, “This bear’s too soft, this bear’s too hard, but THIS bear is juuuust right!”
That Goldilocks was a slut.
I’ve sometimes heard of what we commonly call “dust bunnies” being referred to as “ghost turds.” I wonder if those bits of fluff left behind by a cheaply made, possibly toxic teddy bear from a country without product safety guidelines could be considered “teddy bear semen.” Hm.
Ah! Finally, the perfect gift to accompany this franchise:
Besides, it’s clearly not semen. Semen doesn’t turn plushies white. (I’d reference FoxWolfie Galen for that one, but it’s probably best I quit while I’m behind…)
It’s now been fixed. I hope she gets a sale out of it at least, because her stuff is cute.
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