Fool Me Once (NSFW)
I hate it when I go home with a guy and let him tie me up with a rope, and he turns out to be a mythical beast. FML!
I mean, it’s bad enough that you have to undo knots behind your back while you’re naked and then try to get out of his condo before he comes back with the cauldron. But then you have to face your friends, and they’re like, “Oh my God, I knew he was a Manticora of the ancient Tataric origin! How did you not know?” And you’re all, “Dude, it was dark at Skybar! I didn’t even notice the three rows of teeth. I thought they were Tic Tacs.”
Assholes.
July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm
The partially-filled litterbox over in the corner by the TV should have been your first clue.
July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I don’t know about you, but when I’m up for a good phychological reconection I make more of an effort with my hair.
July 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I’m more than a little impressed that “now” and “know” were spelled/placed correctly. That’s a classic stoner stumbling block.
Points off for “reconection”, though.
July 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm
It’s all in the way you reconect. If you’re doing it phychologically, then it’s ok.
July 23, 2012 at 9:04 pm
It’s ALL about the cones.
July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm
This is why I have been studying phychology. It’s the study of the relationship between mythical beasts and the bonds that tie us.
July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Looks more like one of those cuddly Maurice Sendak monsters from Where the Wild Things Are. That could be a fun night!
July 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Don’t go. I’ll eat you up, I love you so.
July 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Mittens? Hey everyone, I think it’s Mittens the Bear down there!
July 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Ah yes, The paws that refreshes.
July 24, 2012 at 11:24 am
Did someone call me?
July 24, 2012 at 11:29 am
Um…NO! Blanked on “Mittens” for a minute.
Is there a way to re-blank myself?
July 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm
“Mittens is that you?” this is one of the downsides to going to a bar that caters to Bears
July 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm
I forgot about that post! I was so confused when google had no obvious answer for Mittens the Bear. Then when thought reread Stretch65 mentioning a bar for them, I thought it was referring to a large, hirsute homosexual man. So then I was thinking, “Two people in a row know him? Maybe he’s well known in the gay community?” Not to imply anything about either of your sexualities (any way is fine IMO, for the record). Then, I did another google search, saw Regretsy pop up, and everything was made abundantly clear.
July 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm
“Then when I reread”
July 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Yeah,I went to look up the origin of “4th level cat” via Google and there it was. Nolledge is power.
July 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Speaking of learning things I just found out that the women who hang out in Bear bars are know as Goldilocks.
(per Kathy Najimy on Chelsea Lately)
July 24, 2012 at 7:59 am
I had to find out who Mittens was too. Sweet Baby Jesus on a pogo stick, I am disturbed.
July 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Jinx Magpie
July 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Does not every woman want to between the legs, a furry, who has strong arms?
July 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm
yes – in Finland
July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Now Petja, when you say “a furry”, it could mean:
a) A guy who has lots of body hair (but we would say “a furry guy”)
or
b) Someone dressed up in an animal suit because that’s how they like to have sex.
I’m asking because I’m pretty sure more women like a than b.
July 24, 2012 at 1:55 am
I have had both (a) and (b) and you are right, (a) is far superior.
July 24, 2012 at 1:57 am
To be clear, (b) never had the full-body suit, I do have some boundaries
Still, (a) was superior.
July 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I’m pretty sure more women like a than bi!
July 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Agreed. Bi men are so … indecisive.
July 24, 2012 at 2:45 pm
I’m not saying I’m bisexual
I’m an opportunist.
July 24, 2012 at 12:57 am
The king of haikus.
July 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm
So am I the only one who sees a man with the animals tearing away the breasts that don’t belong?
I’ve never seen a woman with those hips, though they do remind me of some of my speedo clad waterpolo team-mates
July 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm
It’s Chief from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, post-op.
July 23, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Chief is a sacred cow here? Man, the list is getting longer.
July 23, 2012 at 2:09 pm
No, it’s probably the transgender joke. Transgender people get enough crap as it is; they don’t need us making fun of them too.
July 23, 2012 at 2:14 pm
The observation wasn’t about transgender being funny. The observation was exactly that: an observation that the drawing looks like Chief, post op. It is not a statement that implies anything other than what I said, nor is it judgmental in tone.
July 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm
The joke was that the fucking drawing sucks.
July 23, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Matt, Matt. You’ve now been with us for a while now and its never good when you have to explain or defend a joke. I believe that is Regretsy rule #34
July 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm
To be honest, I’m just tired of the perpetual-outrage bullies. It just makes the fun die. Humor shouldn’t be dissected to this degree. You can’t have it both ways- pick one and stick with it, for fuck’s sake.
July 23, 2012 at 8:49 pm
most of us here are drunk so nothing should be taken too seriously Regretsy rule #8
July 24, 2012 at 7:33 am
That was exactly my point.
July 24, 2012 at 7:39 am
Fact: I retake that same profile pic nightly, should you need more evidence of drunkenness.
July 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I think it’s the large size of the jaw that makes the profile look like a man instead of a woman.
As an girl octagon with a lot of upper body strength the upper arms are not unrealistic but the forearms are way short. But trust me only because you want to trust.
July 23, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I wish my arms looked like its’ arms.
I might be jealous of you.
July 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm
I was thinking it kind of looks like a young Jay Leno. With boobs.
July 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm
I have so many questions:
Why does hat dude have such big titays?
Cat cosplay?
Is that the drummer from KISS?
Is the cat trying to caress the boob or scratch it?
Why does the drawing have the texture of kitty litter?
July 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm
But another one of artist’s works is, conveniently, my own editorial:
July 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm
If you think those are oddly large boobs for a guy, that is an even oddlier large eyeball for a human. Giant squid?
July 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Why is she (presumptive) wearing wax lips?
July 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Lisa Rinna?
July 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Personally, I’m disgusted at the shoddy ropework.
July 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm
You’d never set sail with those crappy knots.
July 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm
July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm
He looks like the love child of Mr. Bean and Joe Pesci. A very, very special kind of love child.
July 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm
…is this the sequel to Mittens?
July 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Here’s what I’m guessing happened:
Started drawing a woman tied up.
Fucked up her crotch/stomach area.
Added a tiger leg and paw, because they’re easy- just copy from all the black light posters in bedroom.
Retroactively came up with bullshit deep story to explain it.
July 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I think the family cat just photobombed this drawing. Cats will find a way to f-up most things if they want to.
July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm
The worst was how those cats sculpturebombed all that stone work in ancient Egypt. Goddamn kitty!
July 24, 2012 at 11:15 am
Aha, so THAT’S why the paw has no shadow! It’s not on her, it’s in the foreground being waved in front of the artist.
I adopt that explanation.
July 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I think the guy may have wanted to draw a naked woman but has no models to draw from, so he looked at himself in the mirror and added boobs, but didn’t have a clear enough sense of what a woman’s crotch looks like, so covered it up with random animal arms.
So, similar to what you’re describing, with anatomy fail on top of it.
July 24, 2012 at 7:50 am
With the exception of the breasts, definitely a male body. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with that build, not even my female clients who are triathletes, body builders, power lifters, etc. (I’m a massage therapist, for those wondering.) Fact is, I’ve seen my share of naked people, and that body is definitely male. The hip bones are too high and narrow to be female, even with a boyish build. I’m agreeing. The guy used himself as a model.
July 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm
It’s a dropbear. This looks like a clumsy one–he dropped to the floor without touching her. Dropbears are dumb.
*Looks up, making sure there are no dropbears hiding, ready to jump on me and
ARGHHHH! DROPBEAR! IT’S A DRO—
July 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Tell us it missed you and you were able to distract it with honey! Or eucalyptus leaves! Or whatever!
Mugsy???
July 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm
*crawls out from under desk*
I’m ok. I threw some Dove Promises (milk chocolate with almonds!) out into the hallway and it scrambled after and I slammed the door.
Now, how I’m going to get out of here tonight, I don’t know…
July 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Invite someone over you don’t like / owe money to.
July 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Woah! When did your avatar change?
July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm
I updated my forum profile by adding a signature and the avatar changed. Can’t get it to change back or change to something else. I’ll see if I can fix it with gravatar.
Now it’s like I’m looking in the mirror and someone else is staring back.
July 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm
“silly ol’ bear”
and please dont Pooh Pooh my post
July 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Am I the only one that cringes at the idea of being eaten out (or sucked off) by a cat like thing with sharp teeth?
July 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm
I have 2 14 year old cats who hardly have any teeth left. This could very well be a geriatric, horny old cat. If anything, that person should be worried about being vomited on.
July 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm
You know, you’re not making this sound MORE sexually appealing.
July 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm
I wasn’t sure I wanted to read anything after the first sentence of your comment. I was scared where that was going.
July 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Scared that it wouldn’t go where you’d hope it would go?
July 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm
I’d be more worried about the cat’s barbed wang.
July 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Your comment made me realize that this may not be the sequel to mittens, but the sequel to this: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/03/06/wesley-crusher-teenage-fuck-machine/
July 23, 2012 at 6:52 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one that though of that.
July 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Thought
July 24, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Not a prequel to Bear Semen?
July 23, 2012 at 2:14 pm
This one is going to take this really, really personally.
*grabs popcorn*
July 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Who are you talking about?
July 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm
The artist.
July 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Yup, butthurt is on the horizon.
Sit back and enjoy the show.
July 23, 2012 at 3:04 pm
The wahmbulance is standing by…
July 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Is that Chyna being attacked by a tantric manticore?
July 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm
She is doing porn now.
July 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Toonces the Misguiding Cat
July 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Seeing Eye Cats are just never going to work. You want to be up a tree in 2 seconds – get a Seeing Eye Cat.
July 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm
NO OPPOSABLE THUMBS, NO KNOT TYING! I’m sorry, it’s just a rule.
July 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm
You’re assuming he can’t do anything with his tongue…
July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm
But can a slime-covered rope make a tight knot on slime-covered hands?
July 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm
The boobs look like an afterthought. The rest of the body looks very masculine. I’d say it could be a boy with fake boobs, but they look too natural.
July 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm
They’re called moobs.
July 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Wow! Look at the boobs on Glen Danzig!
July 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm
When he finds out those are fake boobs, he’s gonna be pissed.
July 24, 2012 at 10:58 am
He’ll find out soon enough when those claws puncture them.
July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Dude can draw at a rudimentary etsy level but I can’t make out fuck one of what he’s trying to say with all the philosophising and shit. Pretentious turd.
July 23, 2012 at 5:27 pm
…the kind that drinks a PBR with his PB&J
July 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm
I’m pretty sure this is a scrapped early storyboard from Alan Ball’s True Blood. But thankfully the screenings’ focus group drew the line at yiff.
(Although disturbing vampire sex with heads on backwards was ok.)
July 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Doggy-style gets intimate.
July 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm
ah yes, interspecies sex the final frontier.
July 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm
boldly going where some men have gone before (ewwwwww)
July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm
July 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm
Felinatrix?!
July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Let’s give the poor artist some credit. He knows how to draw boobies. Good job on the boobies, dude.
But am I the only one who notices the cat/unknown furry clawed appendage is drawn wrong? For one thing, all the claws should point forward. The thumb claw is all wrong. Secondly, it’s not a front leg– it’s obviously the right hind leg. I’m not sure a creature is capable of posing like this…
July 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Cats all of a sudden have thumbs?
July 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm
It’s a dew claw. Very uncommon on hind legs. Which makes this cat a freak or something.
July 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Still foggy on cats having thumbs. Sure, they have dewclaws, but that’s as close to a thumb as my appendix is to anything useful.
I’m still amused at the “obviously a rear hind leg” concept. If it has a Dewclaw, wouldn’t that make it obviously a front leg?
Also, if the rear leg dewclaw is the only thing in THAT image making the cat a freak, I’m looking at it wrong. Because, you know, perfectly normal cats (if such a thing could ever exist) tie up naked transgender men on hormones and grope them.
Cats are yoga masters and the artist is not really awesome with anatomy to begin with. What if it’s just a really badly drawn front leg.
Could be worse, it could be a koala. They have four thumbs. And I hear they’re into teabagging.
July 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Or a drop bear.
July 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm
omg thank you Her Etsyness – that damn claw IS facing the wrong way.
July 24, 2012 at 1:00 am
No, he doesn’t even know how to draw boobs. The outline of the far one is visible both above and below the near one, which means it would have to be a lot bigger, since it’s further away. That’s the thing that bugs me the most about this drawing.
July 24, 2012 at 1:00 am
Something that bugs me even more is when tags don’t get closed.
July 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Someone at Gawker was wondering when you’ll be putting up an Aurora, CO tragicrafting entry.
Or did Etsy turn out to have standards after all?
July 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Maybe there’s a shortage of glue guns. There are a few things over there made just for the event and proceeds will go to a charity, but that’s just not the same as TragiCrafting (TM).
July 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm
In Aurora, they are semi-automatic glue guns (too soon?)
July 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm
Lurch has boobs?
July 24, 2012 at 10:59 am
Not at all.
July 24, 2012 at 10:59 am
I was replying to Stretch65, BTW.
July 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm
I’ve been waiting for that, too.
July 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Huh. I see this as a panther comforting a slave with a tender pat to the breast. I’m too much of a fucking furfag to get the art this time.
It’s like the cat is saying, “There, there. I know humans can suck because they pull that shit on us, too. But you’ll feel better when the horrendous swelling goes down in your chin, jaw, and nose, and then maybe one day we’ll escape the salt mines together and have grand adventures.”
July 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm
The husband glanced over at me, and asked why I was holding my head.
So I scrolled up and showed him.
His response was ‘what the fuck…??’
He is now holding his head as well.
July 23, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Looks like a goth dude I dated briefly. Just with tits. Sort of scary really…
July 24, 2012 at 8:02 pm
50 shades of…Furry?
July 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm
Noel Fielding. Noel Fielding with breasts.